I woke up and automatically started thinking about the day ahead. It was summer now, with no school to worry about, but somehow my schedule still ended up packed full. Somehow a 1-v-1 game of basketball with Hugo had turned into a weekly fixture, and it sounded like Jaycen and Meghan would be joining us again. She was only eight, and I would have thought she was too small to play with a group of older kids, but she had been playing for six months already and in our first two matches she'd shown that practice mattered more that size. It was the same as Harper being the perpetual MVP in the three counties quads league despite her small stature; in a strict non-contact sport physique always took second place to talent.
In between all the other things I had committed to, like spending regular quality time with my sister, playing in one of the region's top inline hockey teams, and volunteering whenever the quads girls needed an extra body, it meant I was often rushed off my feet. Today, I thought, was probably basketball. I wondered if Jaycen would be there this time, or if I would meet their enigmatic friend Chains this time.
"Do you know Chains?" I asked Mr Muggins, who stared at me with a quizzical expression. Maybe he didn't. "Hugo says he's a good player and a good friend. He sounds cool. I wonder what he looks like. Does it sound like a tall name?" Then I giggled a little, and wondered what had got me feeling so small this morning. It had been more than a week since Mum even mentioned treating me like a baby, and the most childish thing I'd done in that time was snuggle Lincoln and Mr Muggins and Rocky in bed. Maybe sucking on a pacifier once or twice, but I didn't do it every night. There was a damp spot on my pillow this morning; right next to my head, under the hand that was cradling Lincoln. That had happened a couple of times now, but it was still hard to believe that I was drooling in my sleep. And there was no reason to suspect any other kind of damp patch; I hadn't listened to that meditation thing again, not in the last two weeks.
Well, maybe once, but that hadn't even been the full thing. I'd looked online again about how it was supposed to work, and found out that my analysis was just right. It was supposed to condition you to react to the special wind chimes in the file in the same way that I'd accidentally conditioned Lindy to react to the sound of a waterfall when she was asleep. I'd been curious about that, and had downloaded another file that was just a minute of background noise, like walking by a river, with ten seconds of wind chimes in the middle. No words at all, nothing to say what it was for, just gentle noises. If I could condition somebody with that, it would be a great tool for pranking; if something like that could even work. It didn't sound likely, and I wondered if it was going to serenade me with the vocal skills of Rick Astley or something. I'd put it on once, and found the soothing river noises quite relaxing. Remembering the dream of walking in the woods, I'd found myself yawning as I tried to keep my eyes open; then the chimes started and I'd soaked my diaper and fallen fast asleep before I even knew what was happening.
It worked. I didn't need to test it again, and I wasn't going to. My sole motivation had been curiosity, wanting to know if conditioning like that was even possible, and now I knew. But that had been a week ago now, but I woke up feeling littler and cuter now than I had then. I couldn't explain it. I wondered why I was feeling so giggly, and tried to think about anything that could have prompted it.
There had been a dream, I thought. Sailing down the river on a floating crib again, laughing as the scenery went past. I'd imagined being babied by my family, just like in the first dream that had kicked off all this curiosity. Mum had been pushing the crib, telling me that if I kept on going she was going to keep me as a baby, and then I'd noticed the feeling of warm water around my hand. The reminder that this was a dream, and that I was a baby who didn't need to have a choice. I could just relax and let the stream carry me along, and let myself enjoy wherever they wanted to take me, or however little they wanted me to be.
That must be it; a dream on its own could have left me feeling childish, even if it didn't have the special effects associated with the ones that certain mp3s could induce.
Curiosity satisfied, I thanked Mr Muggins for being so helpful and lifted my head up to look at the clock. I could have looked at my watch, but somehow that habit had never changed, and it wasn't the first thing I thought of on waking. The clock said it was pretty early, but still a good time to wake up. Especially if I wanted to try preparing a lunchbox today; to prove to Hugo that he wasn't the only person in school who could cook by himself. I'd actually taken inspiration from one of the anime shows that Nadine had pressed me into watching over Easter; there had been a segment where the main character tried to make a packed lunch for her boyfriend, and did everything wrong; but when I'd seen the images of what it was supposed to look like, I couldn't help wondering if I could make something so artistically presented. And I was curious about the unfamiliar names, wondering what all those things would look like.
One day, I would make a proper lunch for Hugo and myself, like the girls in those anime shows always seemed to. One day, when I woke up in time. And perhaps today would be that day. I threw off my blanket, sat up, and stretched. And after a few seconds froze with my arms stretched up in the air, wondering what was wrong with me. How had it taken me so long to notice? Embarrassment rolled over me like a wave, and I clutched Lincoln close to my chest, hiding my face behind his as if some hypothetical observer wanted to witness my blushes. I shouldn't be feeling so childish. I shouldn't be confused like this, I shouldn't be reacting in ways that were no help at all.
And at my age, when I hadn't done anything to encourage feeling young in the last few days, I definitely shouldn't be waking up in a wet diaper.
I froze, and pulled the blanket over me again, attempting to cover my shame. There was nobody going to see me, not in my own room. But for the first time I understood the humiliation factor of not wearing PJs or shorts over the iconic cutesy SleepSafe designs. This was what Lindy had wanted to make me feel when she made those demands a few weeks before. I'd kept on sleeping with my diaper exposed, and found that the knowledge that I looked like a little kid was somehow comforting. It was only now, when I looked down and saw the diaper bulging out a little, a slight stain visible through the outer layer, that I was actually ashamed to be seen like that.
I tried to think it was just my imagination; that I was mistaken about the padding between my legs feeling different, and looking different. But there was no way I could ignore it. Even if it didn't feel wet, it was obviously swollen up with all the pee it had absorbed. I could feel it every time I moved, the inner layers squishy and bulky now. I told myself that it was disgusting and unhygienic, but I couldn't pin down those feelings. If I didn't know what that mass was, I don't think I would have minded the sensation pressing against me. I rocked back and forth, trying to understand what I was feeling; but it was only when I thought about what I was feeling that it bothered me.
It was too much. I needed to get out of this situation right now. I grabbed some clean clothes suitable for a day of playing multiple sports, and draped them over my arm. My first instinct was to put on loose pyjamas or a robe first, but I knew that was dumb. The chance that Lindy would be awake yet to see me on the way to the bathroom was vanishingly small. And if she did, breaking her rule about my overnight attire was sure to get her attention; perhaps even more that a wet diaper, which probably wasn't too obvious unless you were looking at it from the front. And after so long with no kind of accidents she wouldn't be expecting anything to happen. She had no reason to pay attention to it.
Unless... I thought back hard. Last night she'd brought me a drink again. Bottles of lemonade; she'd brought up a few, and offered me one. I'd not accepted the opened bottle that she offered me, but taken a still-sealed one from her stash instead. There was no way she could have drugged me again, even if those potions actually worked. But I knew it was a possibility; I'd told her a while ago that she was justified in trying something like that as revenge for the way I'd treated her when she last had trouble staying dry. I'd said that I wouldn't get mad or complain to Mum if she tried stuff like that again, so long as she double-checked with Harper or her parents to make sure it was safe. But I'd been very clear that I would still do everything I could to stop her; and I was sure that choosing a bottle other than the one she offered should have made me safe. Unless, I thought now, she had added something to the empty glass instead. That was the only explanation.
If this was the new prank, then she'd beaten me. She'd won in a vaguely-defined contest without strict rules. I couldn't let her know that; but I still wasn't about to cheat. She was my sister, and deserved her chance of winning if she was smart enough to grab it.
I put the clean clothes over my arm, so they would be hanging in front of the diaper if she looked towards me. Once I was in the bathroom I could change; and there was only a tiny area where I would be visible from my sister's room as I stepped through the curtain. Keeping it hidden from view for a moment would be long enough, and then I could think about the important questions. Like how I could make sure nobody ever found out about this, and what could possibly have caused it.