I died.
How or why I didn't know; there wasn't a specific memory for me to call upon. All I had was a nebulous and vestigial knowledge that I was no longer tethered to the earth by any means. I couldn't feel my body anymore. There were no legs to tread with, fingers to flex, lungs to expand, not even a heart to beat; I was gone.
No, but that wasn't completely right, because my thoughts were still present. I could think, but only in a present sense; no memories. It was as if all my previous history had been erased. I was just here. Regretfully so, I couldn't remember how I'd passed away. I mourned to find that even my name seemed to evade me.
All around me everything was pitch black, and I felt like I'd been tossed into a completely dark room that didn't have any doors for me to escape through. I was confined; trapped in my own personal hell. Loneliness and sorrow began to leech into my being. Panic rising, I felt myself grow frantic until I sensed it; it wasn't a physical touch, or even a spoken work, but something deeper that resonated in my soul.
Warm and comforting like a mother's hug, I suddenly felt myself enveloped in an invisible sort of miasma. Then, right before me, I saw a bright pinprick of light suddenly cut through the gloom. It promised peace, calm, and so many other wonderful things. It promised the end, and I wanted it; to move on.
Like a moth drawn to light, I headed towards it single-mindedly. The closer I got, the more my spirit seemed to hum and buzz with peaceful electricity. Once I reached it, I'd be everything and nothing all at once. Yet, beyond the promise of an eternal sleep, I felt the nagging suspicion that I should be fighting this ultimate end.
As that thought occurred to me, I felt myself slow, then eventually come to a complete stop. The light, it wasn't bad, but I knew it wasn't where I should be. Not yet.
I was in the midst of wondering where exactly I ought to be heading, when an ache appeared out of nowhere. As seconds ticked by, it only continued to grow; soon what had begun as a dull throbbing had steadily developed into something excruciating. If I'd been able to cry out, I would have.
The pain was disconcerting, because along with it, I also sensed a different sort of pull. While the white light had beckoned a soft come hither, coaxing and gentle in its nature, the foreign presence that had suddenly appeared demanded I obey; its emblematic claws grasping and clawing. The more I struggled against it, the more wicked its lashes grew.
The agony, which had originally felt all-enveloping, suddenly became acute; it was radiating from the center of my chest, coming in artificial waves of electric currents. It was then that a memory came; I remembered how I'd died. Who had killed me. I'd been stabbed, and not by anyone, but by Ally. All at once, my thoughts were pulled together into a completely focused ball of intention.
I remembered.
Rather than feel anger, betrayal, or even sorrow, I found myself brimming with determination. I knew Ally hadn't attacked me of her own free will. Even if I hadn't seen her eyes, which had been glazed and hazy, I'd have known Banks was behind it all; he'd subjected her to the RAGE serum.
A strangely hollow thud echoed all around me, but then fell silent again. I had a sneaking suspicion I knew what it was, but couldn't be completely certain. It wasn't until another current of singeing energy flowed through me, followed by that same strange thump, that I knew I'd just heard the coughing sputter of my heart trying to start back up. Like a machine, someone was trying to jump start it back into action.
In that instant, I thought of all the people I'd leave behind if I didn't fight to survive; those I loved would be left, not only wrecked emotionally, but also with their lives in danger. Who'd protect them from my silent enemy? I couldn't go, refused to.
My mother, Mara, Dan, and my father's face flashed before me in quick succession. Memory upon memory of a time when everything had been easy. My friends, old and new, they were all there. As each recollection stacked up, a powerful sense of love -almost vicious in nature- grew until it was all I could do not to howl in defiance; death had a hold of me, but not for long.
Another shock of electricity ran through my body, my limbs, my very core.
"Again, damn you, try again!" I heard a muffled voice snarl somewhere beside me; Dan, it was undoubtedly him.
The flood of memories didn't stop; some were sweet in nature while others were horrifying. I remembered Randi, our first exchange of words, and I remembered Banks, his uttered threats and foul misdoings.
Then... I remembered Ally.
Not the way I had before -with a knife in her hand, her eyes demanding blood, and her face twisted into a snarl- but the way I had when she'd first dropped down into the net. She'd jumped into an abyss of uncertainly, not with fear, but with utter confidence and bravery; no screams or nervous laughter, but the faintest smile of accomplishment.
I'd thought her beautiful, breathtaking even, but beyond that I'd sensed an aura of kindness and honesty that called to me on a deeper level. I'd understood her in a way I'd never understood anything before. Unbeknownst to her, or even myself at the time; she'd utterly bound herself to my heart in a way that not even death could pry apart.
In the subsequent chaos that had followed Ally's attack, I'd finally grasped the truth I'd been subconsciously trying to ignore. Lying in a warm pool of my own blood, feeling it cool beneath my fingertips with each passing second, I had known that if I was to die, I couldn't go without voicing it.
"It's okay... I know all of this -it wasn't you." I'd choked out through a gurgled of blood. "It's okay."
"No, stay, stay with me!" Ally had cried, though already I could see the second wave of the RAGE serum beginning to take effect. "Don't go!"
"Ally," I'd mumbled as her face began to waiver. "I love you."
I'd never heard her response. The black spots that had previously clouded my vision had merged until I'd seen and known nothing. But now I was back with a second wind, ready to fight. I wanted to go back. Wanted to live. Had to put things right.
All at once, I turned away from the light. I stopped fighting the foreign pull, instead using its unbreakable hold to slingshot back into my body faster. I could feel myself growing heavier; no longer an ectoplasmic entity that existed in a state of being and not-being.
Another shot of artificial energy sang throughout my body, and again I heard the muted beat of my heart as it tried to restart, but would then ultimately fail. The zaps began to come in waves, faster, one after the other, each more agonizing than the last. Until finally-
Like a cannon going off right beside my ear, I suddenly heard the thunderous crack of life. It reverberated all around me. Unlike the others, this one rang true; I was once again secured into existence. It was my heart, my pulse, my life energy surging back into my veins and body. This wasn't over, I wasn't through kicking. Like a gentle lull, I let myself finally relax when the tempo of my heart began to even out.
"It's done," I heard a somewhat fatigued voice say.
Banks? I was utterly bewildered. Why try to murder me if he only intended to bring me back?
"You did it, I can't believe it. You actually brought him back," Dan's voice was both awed, and filled with obvious relief. "He's alive." After a long pause, he added. "That favor you asked for, what was it that you wanted me to do?"
Favor? My mind instantly reeled as I pieced together what had probably occurred while I'd been out. In exchange for my life, Banks had coerced my best friend, my brother; he'd done it, he'd managed to sink his claws into someone incorruptible. I seethed silently, struggling to ignore the pain I felt, while simultaneously trying to get my limbs to work. No, I'd never let Banks harm Dan.
"You'll know soon enough," Banks replied impassively. Then without another word, I heard his footfall fade as he left the room, leaving us in suspenseful silence.
"I'm going to keep you safe," I faintly heard Dan vow, his voice somewhere near my head.
Then as if on cue, I heard someone quietly approaching. Apparently, Dan heard it too, because seconds later I sensed that he'd crossed the room and swung the door open. I strained to catch more, but all I caught were the sounds of muffled conversation.
With Dan gone, and nothing else to keep me focused, the pain I'd been ignoring took over my entire awareness again; it was even worse than before, redoubled in its strength. Though I tried to think of other things, it felt impossible.
Before long it became too much, and I was pulled again and again into a blackness that cut out entire chunks of my consciousness; minutes were lost, perhaps even hours. I couldn't be sure. It was hard to keep up with what was real and what was a nightmare.
There were times when the agony would dissipate enough for me to hear the mutterings that surrounded me, but never enough for me to actually understand or absorb what was said. It was all garbled and nonsensical.
"-not coming in here! I'll kill her, I'll fucking kill her!"
"Accident, you know that. Da-"
"-if you touch me Biff, I swear you'll lose a hand!"
"-protecting my bro, you'd do the same."
"Finn, talk some reason into them!"
"Dan, maybe she's right. Maybe-"
"-know what I saw! I'm not blind!"
Damn it, no, they shouldn't be arguing. Now, more than ever, we needed to be united. Like a blind man tripping and stumbling through unknown territory, I tried again to find the connections that would allow me to use my arms, legs, my voice, anything. Try as I might though, I failed to locate those nerve endings.
"Guys, I've been going through initiation with Ally, I know her-"
"-obviously lied to you. All of you."
"The amity are good liars-"
"Excuse me? I came from amity, and-"
"-don't care what faction she came from. All I know is that she-"
"We should listen. That's all I'm saying."
"-I'd consider that a direct betrayal."
I was pulled under before I heard the conclusion to the dispute. When I did manage to cling to consciousness, I was thankfully surrounded by only the sound of whirring and beeping of hospital machinery. My chest, or more specifically my heart, burned with every beat; as if acid had replaced the blood in my body. Though I hadn't seen it myself, I was positive Banks had injected something into me. Otherwise, how had I survived such a fatal wound?
"Banks, what are you doing back here?" Dan's voice suddenly broke through the quiet. Though it was a whisper, I heard it clearly. "You already gave him the shot, what else do you want?"
"That's not for you to know," came Banks' reply. "Get out."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Already, I could tell this would end badly. Within a second, the sounds of fighting ensued. Fury overpowered the pain in my chest, and I wanted nothing more than to leap out of bed and strangle Banks; it was obvious Dan was losing. Thankfully, the beating didn't last long.
"This is the last time I'll tell you to follow my orders boy," Banks warned. "Just as easily as I gave him back his life, I can take it away."
Though I was blind to the whole ordeal, I could practically picture both of their faces; Banks, cold and calculating, Dan, irate and defiant. To my great relief, Dan seemed to cave. I heard the stomping of his feet, followed soon by the squeak of the door.
Moments later, I heard the sound of fabric rustling. What was Banks doing? Why had he sent Dan out? I concentrated all my efforts, but I couldn't wrap my head around what he might be doing. Then, to my utter confusion, I felt a hand grasp along my jaw; opening my mouth.
What the hell? I tried to command my body again, to snap my teeth together, but it was of no use. I was worse off than a child. Think Sage, think!
A creak sounded, and I felt Banks' hand freeze. Was it Dan? Had he returned?
"Jade," Banks suddenly said; his voice edged with malice.
My mind was on a rollercoaster of uncertainty.
Jade had been the last person I'd expected to show up here. I'm not sure what I anticipated, but it certainly wasn't the nonchalant behavior she easily seemed to emit moments later. When she answered Banks, she didn't sound alarmed even in the slightest. Strange.
Not only was her complete lack of fear abnormal, but also the fact that if she truly was lying, she was doing a superb job at it. It was only once that I thought I heard her voice waiver, but otherwise she acted completely at ease. Jade, a girl who'd been raised in candor, was a master of deception; what an anomaly.
I listened to their little exchange attentively, hoping to gather clues. I knew Banks was suspicious, but Jade's nonchalant behavior never faltered. Did she know she was in danger? Could she sense what a murderous person he was?
When she proposed an alliance between them, I tried to muster up some kind of anger or sense of betrayal, but couldn't. Somehow, all I felt was the same protectiveness I always did; I couldn't hate her, not for wanting to survive.
"I might have a proposition for you," Banks said after a long pause. Jeez, he really was cutting deals with just about everyone he could sink his claws into.
Again, I felt his fingers grasp my jaw, and I knew that this time there'd be nothing to stop him. No interruptions, no last-minute savior, no miracle.
"What is that?" I heard Jade ask, sounding bored rather than curious; as if she'd merely asked to be polite.
"I have much in store for him," Banks said.
Something wet dripped onto my tongue. It had no scent, no taste, and for an instant I wondered if he hadn't simply-
Numb.
Once, when I'd been little, I'd had to go to the dentist to have a tooth removed. It'd grown in wrong, and had made eating painful to the point that I'd actually turned food away. I distinctly remembered how the doctor had injected some kind of numbing agent into my gums and cheek, and how it had eventually spread to my tongue. At the time, I'd thought it was hilarious; to not be able to feel anything. That wasn't the case now, as I suddenly began to lose all sense of feeling in my face, then my neck.
Spreading everywhere.
The serum he'd given me, it was like Lidocaine in the sense that it seemed to kill off any and all feeling I had, but unlike that drug, this one was also taking something along with it; stealing. It was robbing me of-
Taking... taking... What is it taking?
I heard a voice, one I suddenly couldn't seem to recognize, say something.I didn't catch the first part, but I did hear the last.
"-I need a clean slate to work with."
My head, my head was swimming. I felt a sort of tugging sensation -not on the outside- but rather the inside of my mind. It was as if someone had opened up my cranium and were poking around with clumsy fingers, taking valuable pieces that contained history I needed, that made me... me.
Scared, I was scared, though as each second ticked by, I grew less sure as to why. What reason was there for panic? I felt discomfort, sure, could hear an artificial buzzing, which was odd, but no pain.
You should be, hmm, angry? No, that's silly. Confused? Maybe. You should be...
I didn't understand; why was I in the dark? Where was everyone? My scalp, it felt all prickly and tingly. Memories tweaked and glimmered. Faces shone brightly, then faded until I wasn't sure what it was that I'd just seen.
A girl, with a kind face and beautiful smile, the most honest eyes I'd ever seen. She'd saved me from myself, pulled me out of an abyss of hopelessness. I'd wanted to be with her forever, had told her I loved her... No. No, no I didn't. I'd never say that unless I meant it. Candor didn't lie, and I'd never truly been in love. Besides, I didn't even know her name, didn't know-
I felt another gentle nudge along the inside of my head.
A girl with auburn hair and bright blue eyes, we were standing together in some kind of cave. There was a roar of water, and she was staring disapprovingly at my hand, which held a beer... Huh? I didn't drink. Never had, well, except for the one time I'd embarrassed myself. She was talking, saying-
My grey matter was being altered. Somehow I knew this, but I had no power to stop it. More faces, more strange thoughts that didn't fit together, that eventually faded into nothingness.
Initiates, some good, some not so much. Two boys who reminded me of Dan and myself, so mischievous. When I looked over them, I'd find myself filled with a sense of fierce protectiveness and... That's stupid, and not true, I'd only ever felt that way for my mom, Mara, and Danny. Those other kids were strangers, were-
For an instant, I felt nauseous. Then my heart ached, like I should be mourning the loss of something. Then, I wondered what exactly it was that I'd misplaced. My thoughts, all shredded and dispersed.
Three boys; one with black hair who exuded firm leadership, but also daring bravery, one with shaggy blonde hair, who was massive and acted like a child, another with dark skin and serious-looking eyes. Then a willowy-looking girl, with flowing skirts and a bubbly laugh. I'd met them when... No, but I didn't know them. Had never seen them actually. Why would I-
Another prod to my mind, this one more resonant; it felt permanent, this sense of detachment. I could practically envision someone spooning soft pink bits of my brain out. The loss, it was happening faster, I understood less and less.
A boy, he had closely cropped blonde hair. His eyes -icy blue- they filled me with suspicion, anxiety, with distrust. He'd taken something from me. Not just something, but someone... A girl? Who'd climbed, no, who'd fallen...
I-I didn't feel so good. I couldn't remember. What was I trying to remember? It had been important, surely it had been-
I'm Sage... and I'm still here. Still here. Still me. Still...
A hard yank. Numbness all over.
Me?