hisano
it's been days since i last saw laundry boy.
i wonder what he's doing.
for us, there's always a next time. so i try my best to not worry.
but i'm feeling lonely all over again.
i've felt this way before, i felt this way for about my whole life before i met laundry boy.
so why was i acting as if i've never felt like this before?
maybe i got too used to hanging out with him everyday, used to spending every minute of the day with another person.
but the week before that, he also ignored me.
i feel really attached to him.
it's not good for me...
maybe we should take breaks every now and then.
these thoughts were running through my head as i was walking down the hallways. i wasn't going anywhere, my legs were just moving on their own.
actually, i probably decided to look for him during school.
i heard chatter from around the corner. the only reason i eavesdropped was because they mentioned a familiar name.
"jungwon is suicidal, you know." one said
i slowed down my steps and leaned against the wall quietly in hopes of them not noticing me.
"i know, but i didn't think the day would come when he'd actually do it." the other girl replied, whispering the last part.
my eyes widened, there's no way...
he wouldn't do that.
he wouldn't do that to me.
he wouldn't do that to us.
i felt myself reaching my limit, but i still tried my best to keep quiet.
but the last time i heard 'rumours', they ended up being true.
when aeri brought up jungwon's mother dying, i didn't believe her, but it was true.
if i try believing the rumours, then maybe they'll end up being false?
no, stop being stupid. it doesn't magically work that way...
they continued talking really poorly about him, calling him emotionless and a robot as well.
these gossips went on, and i listened until i couldn't take it anymore,
"he's been absent for so long. honestly, i won't be surprised if there's a death ceremony for him at schoo-"
"don't say that!" i yelled, stepping out of my hiding spot and facing the two.
they were both girls, they looked startled.
"w-who are you?" one of them asked.
"that's none of your business. how can you say that with such a straight face? do you guys have any feelings?" my voice got louder the angrier i got. it hurt me knowing people talked about him like that.
"we're just wondering why he hasn't come. do you think you're a good person too? sticking up for someone who probably doesn't even care?"
i balled my hands into fists. are you kidding me? why couldn't they just apologize?
"w..what are you talking about? is it that hard to keep someone's name out of your mouth?" i scoffed, taking a step closer to them, "are your lives that boring that you have to talk so cruelly about someone else? how pathetic."
my eyes were getting teary but even so, i was satisfied when i noticed their faces. they looked embarrassed.
"we don't even know who you are." they both said, trying to still look tough.
"and you think you know jungwon? do you actually know him? have you ever even spoken to him? you don't know if he's suicidal or not!" tears were almost falling, i hated the thought of crying in a situation like this.
they gritted their teeth in annoyance before looking around. they noticed the stares that we were receiving.
they turned around quickly and walked away, having enough of what i had to say.
i scoffed once more before looking at the rest, they turned their heads away and continued doing what they were doing.
i brushed my hair back with my hand before walking back to my classroom.
after these few days of hoping to coincidentally bump into him again, i still haven't seen him.
everyday after school, i went to all the places we've went to together, hoping i'd see him.
i even took a bus to downtown to see if he would suddenly appear, but there was no sight of him.
although, there was one place i haven't passed by. it was his apartment.
when i got to class, aeri eyed me suspiciously as i took my bag and notebooks.
"what are you doing..?" she asked curiously, walking towards me.
"skipping."
"don't tell me it's because of jungwon..." she said, crossing her arms.
i looked down, not answering.
she let out a disappointed sigh, "you're not allowed to see him, but he's fine."
i was taken aback, "what?" i asked in disbelief.
"hisa. you know there's a reason why he doesn't give you his contact, right? some people want to be left alone sometimes, just wait for him, okay?" she began reaching for my hand.
i pulled back, shaking my head, "no, it's not like that.."
turning around like those girls who walked away from me was all i could do, i didn't want this conversation.
"hisa." she said one more time as i was was about to reach the door.
i didn't turn around, but i still stopped.
"being too clingy will hurt more when you lose something. attachment is not always a beautiful thing." she muttered.
again. my eyes felt watery.
why now? why were there suddenly so many signs that he might've left me?
we were just fine a few days ago.
i shook my head, not believing anything that was said to me. i quickly ran down all the stairs and left the school, hoping no one would see me.
when i reached the apartment complex, i looked up cluelessly.
i didn't know his unit number, but i still had to try and look for him. i couldn't give up yet.
i had a feeling his place would be in the second floor, so i climbed the outdoor stairs until i got to the second floor. there was a spot with a stone bench in front of the mail compartments.
the place wasn't too shabby. it still looked old, but in good condition.
there was an old lady on the bench. she had an old fashion cane on one hand and a newspaper on the other.
i slowly approached her with a kind smile on my face.
"hello!" i said enthusiastically, giving a small wave before putting my hands on my lap so that we could be on the same level.
"hello, are you wanting to sit?" the old lady asked.
i shook my hands, appreciating her offer, "no, no. i'm just wondering if you know a tenant named, yang jungwon? he lives here."
the lady's eyes widened, making me tense up.
"yes, he's living with lee heeseung. what is he to you?" she asked curiously.
"he's my..." i paused.
"he's my bestfriend."
the lady smiled and pointed at the door number, a bit farther ahead of us. "212, that's their apartment. i'm sure heeseung will open the door for you unless he's working."
i nodded then bowed, "thank you so much."
i held out two hands for her to shake, she gladly accepted it and i bowed one more time before going towards the door with '212' on it.
4 times, i knocked four times.
i think people usually knock 3 times but i've always knocked four times.
it doesn't really matter.
i was tapping the floor with both shoes, one at a time as i waited. what i noticed was that one shoe didn't make the same sound as the other.
i looked down and noticed that i was stepping on an envelope.
"yikes." i muttered under my breath.
it didn't seem like anyone was home, so i picked up the dirty envelope.
this wasn't a good idea, but the front of it said,
'to yang jungwon'
a recent letter... to jungwon?
♡