i am so so so so sorry about leaving this book empty i promise i'm working on a chapter, one of the longer ones i've written. i took a break to focus on school and a little for my mental health.
but that is not why i wrote this note. i need a place to get my feelings out/vent and get this weight off my shoulders and off my conscience. i would turn to my parents or family but they are unaware and it would be awkward with my siblings/other family
a few days ago, for the first time, i was invalidated (idk how to describe it) as a member of the LGBTQ+. as some of u may know, i identify as a lesbian panromantic, essentially saying i develop romantic feelings for girls and guys among others, but i only like women in the lesbian aspect. anyways, um i was casually talking w some acquaintances on discord and one of them brought up my description on my profile saying i was a lesbian panromantic. they asked how i am able to be lesbian but also panromantic at the same time, but nicely asked out of curiosity. i explained how i felt and a few of my other "friends" claimed that i am not a lesbian then if i like guys, therefore invalidating (again don't know how to word it) my feelings. my anxiety spiked at that moment as i felt as though my world shattered and i had lied to myself and i was in the wrong. for a little context as to why this happened, it took me a couple years to figure out how i felt, at one point i did like just guys, but i thought about how i felt consistently changing my sexuality. um anyways continuing, one of the "friends" that said i wasn't lesbian is also LGBTQ and said that saying i'm panromantic is invalidating the lesbian community so idk what to believe or how to feel. i walked to my room and literally researched if lesbians that were not homoromantic exist, specifically panromantic and i got quite a few results that showed how i felt so idk who to believe. i basically had a mental breakdown in the corner sitting on the floor giving up on life. i started drawing a thing that is kinda depressing that allowed me to take my frustration out on it. i talked to my close friend to get their opinion but idk cause me being me, it will definitely be on my mind for weeks maybe months. sorry if i sound stupid or ur siding with the acquaintances that im not lesbian and invalidating the community but i need some an opinion , it's making me have a guilty conscience with a heavy heart. there are other things that are going on in my life that will probably make or break me so once i post this new chapter, i might stay on a longer break.
again, im sorry to those of the lgbtq that i offended with this and i will most likely take this down later but hey thanks for listening to my ted talk.