We're walking back when I stop. The sun is blazing bright in front of us, washing us in red-gold light.
"Guys?" I say softly. They all glance back at me, stopping one by one.
"What's up, y/n?" Ram asks. I swallow.
"Thanks for coming back." Chandler scoffs.
"We didn't come back for you." She pauses. "... You're welcome." I smile a bit.
"But seriously? I'm really glad you're here." I smile down at the ground. "I'm glad I was able to see you again."
"We are too, y/n." Mac grabs my arm. "Really. I didn't expect it but I'm happy either way." I grin, nodding. Everyone agrees in some way.
Except for Veronica.
I sigh quietly. I don't know how to get through to her. I just wish I could give her a proper apology. Just talk to her in some way. I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I nearly don't notice where we are. It's only when I run into a completely frozen Veronica when I realize.
"Oh," I sigh. It's the playground. A little run down in comparison to the last time I saw it, but I'd recognize it from a mile away.
"Yeah," Veronica says in agreement. The others have no idea the significance of this place. Only us two. This is where we became friends. Where she let me into her life. Where I realized my feelings for her. Where we spent our last few minutes together. I feel a pull in my chest.
I wonder what she's thinking.
We're a few steps behind the others before one of them even notices.
"You coming?" Duke calls out. I glance at the group. The Heathers all look confused. Ram and Kurt looked weirded out. JD seems to have a moment of understanding. Before I can even speak, Veronica does.
"We'll catch up, go ahead." I blink, glancing over at her. She doesn't even look at me. Chandler is the first to make a move.
"Sounds good, guys," she says. She nudges the others. "Come on, let's move." With a frown at me, she turns on her heel, leading the others away. I watch them go. As I turn back to Veronica, I realize she's walking to the playground. She looks over her shoulder at me.
"Well?" I look down. After a second, I follow her. The sand crunches under my shoes as I walk along. The sound is all too familiar. I look up to find her sitting on a swing. I claim the one beside her, and we both look out into the sunset. I take it all in, closing my eyes.
"I missed this," I say. When she doesn't reply, I look at her. She smiles a bit, examining my face.
"You've changed a bit." I tilt my head.
"... I have?"
"Yeah." She looks out at the sky. The light illuminates her, turning her dark locks and brown eyes golden. I admire her. "You're a lot less negative." I tilt my head.
"Am I?" She nods.
"And you're super sentimental." She sighs softly, hands gripping the swing chains. "And obviously you're older."
"Well, time tends to do that to people." She laughs softly, looking back at me. We share a smile. "You've changed, too, Veronica."
"Really?" She raises an eyebrow. "I always thought I stayed about the same."
"Pft. I mean, come on." I let out a breath. "Of course you have. But you're still you. And that won't ever change, I don't think."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you're still who you were when we met. When I..." I trail off. "When I left you guys." She stays silent. "You're still stubborn and sarcastic and smart. Thoughtful and just... Really snappy. But that's okay! I liked that Veronica a lot." She gives me a small smile.
"Don't wanna be that person, but it was a little obvious." I give her a surprised expression.
"Was it?" She pushes herself towards me on her swing, giving my arm a punch.
"Oh, don't say that." I laugh, rubbing my arm. I meet her eyes. "It was definitely obvious. I could tell just by the way you looked at me. Whenever we talked. And whenever we were alone."
"Could you tell when I kissed you?" I blurt out. She blinks a few times. Her eyes flit away. I look down. Why did I say that? We sit in silence for a moment longer.
"Yeah," she murmurs. My head snaps up as I look at her. "I could."
"Okay." I can feel my face burning up. I scratch my neck.
"I hope you could tell how much I liked you, too." I look at her. Her eyes are focused on the ground. When I don't reply, she sighs. "And here I am asking about stuff that happened four years ago."
"What-? No! Veronica, you have to stop doing that."
"... What?"
"Whenever I want to talk to you about it, you just change the subject and then I don't know when to tell you." She looks up at me.
"Then tell me." My mouth goes dry. She gives me an inquiring stare. I don't even know where to start. She looks away. I have the feeling I'm letting her down.
"Veronica, I just..." She glances at me. "I don't even know what to tell you. It's been years since I've actually faced my emotions. I haven't even told anyone about my time here."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't face it, alright?" We go quiet. "Hell, I was scared to come back here. I didn't think I was ready but I did it on an impulse and here I am. And now you're here. And now I don't know what to do with myself. I feel lost but I also feel like I've found what I needed to find here."
"What do you mean by that?" I meet her eyes.
"I think I still..." I look away. "I think I still have feelings for you, Veronica." She doesn't reply. "And I don't know what to do with them."
"Well..." I almost don't want to look at her. After what I just said, I don't know how to. "Well, that's a start, is it not? Telling me that." I slowly meet her gaze. She stands, facing away from me.
"I guess."
"Now you have to decide what you want from me," she says simply. She starts to walk away. I blink a few times, then scramble to my feet.
"Well, what the hell does that mean?" I demand. She gives me a shrug and nothing else, continuing to walk away. "Veronica!"
"It's your choice, y/n. I won't choose for you." I catch up to her.
"What am I supposed to-"
"I dunno. You tell me." She gives me a mischievous smile. "I'm not you." I clench my fists.
"Jesus." She laughs behind her hand.
"Am I frustrating you?"
"Very much so, yes." She smiles at me, biting her lip. Her eyes dart down to my side. I follow her gaze. She wants to hold my hand. I sigh, offering it to her. She takes it, fingers interlocking with mine.
"You know what I missed the most? Out of everything I could have missed here?" I tilt my head.
"What?" I ask. The corner of her lip turns up in amusement at my apparent confusion.
"You." Her grip on my hand tightens. "I missed you a lot. After you left I just... It felt like someone just took you away from me. And it hurt more because I didn't even get to say goodbye to you." I look down.
"And I'm sorry for that."
"What? No. It wasn't your fault." She pauses. "I knew you. I knew that when you left you'd be set on just moving on. It just didn't prepare me for how much it hurt."
"... I know," I say quietly. We walk in silence, hand in hand. She seems like she's expecting me to say something already. But I don't know what she wants now. We reach Mac's house, where JD, Ram, and Kurt wait by the car. JD waves as he notices us, and I immediately drop Veronica's hand to wave back.
"We gotta drive back to our hotels and figured you needed a ride, too," Ram says. I shrug.
"Yeah, I could use one. Let me say bye to the Heathers." I head up to the house, Veronica trailing behind me. After what happened at the playground, I don't really get what she meant. It's my decision, so why can't I just make it? The door opens to reveal Duke, and she raises an eyebrow at me.
"Well?" She says. I frown. She rolls her eyes. "Why do I bother? Bye, y/n."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nevermind." Chandler and Mac look at me over Duke's shoulder. I sigh. Now I get it. They're wondering what I said to Veronica, or what she said to me. Veronica motions the Heathers away.
"Go inside and stop being weirdos, I'll come in. Just give me a sec." The three of them exchange glances, then close the door. Veronica turns to me. "So, what are you thinking?" I blink.
"Huh?" She lets out a breath.
"My God." She glances towards the car, pushing me towards the wall so we're out of view. "Do it."
"Do... What?"
"Tell me what you want from me." Suddenly it's as if I can't talk. As if my voice has been lost. I stare at her for a few seconds, until she shakes her head and steps closer. She kisses my cheek and turns away, seemingly exasperated with me. "See you tomorrow, y/n."
"Wait!" I blurt out. She stops. She turns to me. I purse my lips.
"So? What'll it be?" I feel my cheeks cascade with heat. She tilts her head, a small smirk gracing her face. She steps closer, hand reaching out. Before she can even do anything, I grab the front of her shirt, yanking her closer to me.
"I want a kiss," I murmur before closing the gap. She hums in surprise against my mouth, but doesn't pull away. Her hands cup my cheeks, a smile on her lips. After four years I never expected to be kissing Veronica Sawyer again, here I am. My heart is pounding hard at the feeling. I feel like a teenager again. Here we are, after so long. Nothing is going to stop us now. We don't have any interruptions. All we have now is each other. I pull away slightly, eyes darting all over her face. She bites her lip.
"There we go." She gently rubs my lip with her thumb, eyes lit up with a smile.
"I missed that," I whisper. She laughs softly, running a hand through my hair.
"Well, if you don't run off again, I can guarantee you a couple more." She pulls herself from my grasp, but I stop her. She cocks her head. "What? What's wrong?" I pull her into a hug, holding her closer. She wraps her arms around me. My eyes well up with tears.
"God, Veronica..."
"... Yes?" I feel myself quiver. It hurts. But part of me knows I'll be healed as well. She gently rubs my back. I bury my face in her shoulder.
Here she is. My crush. My could-have-been-girlfriend. My hero. My dream girl. My beautiful, stunning Veronica.
My best friend.
I think I love her.
"I love you," I murmur. She doesn't reply for a few seconds. I'm suddenly worried that I've messed it all up. "I love you because you were my best friend. Because you're funny and smart and amazing in every way. I love you because you're the person who was closest to me. I love you because you're my friend. I love you so much, Veronica." She sighs softly, holding me closer.
"I love you, too." She pauses. "I was never this close to anyone before you."
"Me neither."
Something tells me our love isn't quite romantic yet. We have feelings for each other, yes, and maybe we'll try out a relationship, but our love is something deeper than that. Our connection is whatever we want it to be. We're friends, lovers, whatever we need from each other. It's not just one thing. It's everything. And I love it.
"Please don't leave me again," she pleads softly after a moment of holding each other. I tighten my grasp on her.
"I won't. I promise I will never leave you again." She shivers in my arms. "Are you crying?"
"Mhm," she hums into my shoulder. I swallow, then feel a giggle bubble up.
"God, I missed you," I murmur through laughter. I feel tears in my eyes and wipe them away on my hand.
"... Can you stay for tonight at least?" I hear softly. I smile, burying my face in her hair. I have her back. We're together again and I hope we can stay that way.
"I'll stay for as long as you want me to." She nods a few times, hands gripping at the back of my shirt. I have the feeling that she won't let me go anytime soon.
"Thank you."