Veronica stares at me, her eyes taking me in. I don't know what to say to her. I don't even know what to do. I step closer. She backs away. I know I can't just act like the past four years never happened. I know I can't just act like we're okay. Because what if we aren't?
"What are you doing here?" She says. I shrug.
"I came back to see the town." I look down. "Found JD on my first day."
"Oh."
"Yeah." I don't know what I could say. "Just like before, huh?" I try for a laugh. She doesn't do the same. I clear my throat.
"How..."
"Are you mad at me?" I blurt out. She doesn't respond for a few seconds.
"I don't know," she murmurs. I carefully look at her. Her eyes are unreadable.
"Veronica, I..."
"Yes?" I swallow, examining my old friend. My old crush. The girl who brought me out of my shell and gave me a new life. Who encouraged me to be more than just an outcast.
"I am so, so sorry," I say quietly. She looks away. "I know, I don't deserve your forgiveness, and if you're mad, it's warranted. It really is."
"... Is it?"
"Yes." I sigh. "Yes, of course it is. I left without a trace and without an explanation and now I'm back and- God, I can't even begin to understand the impact of this." She looks down.
"Right." She sits on the bed, looking out the window. I feel my body tense.
"Right?"
"What?"
"That's all you have to say?" She looks at me. I suddenly feel angry. Angry that she has nothing more to say to the person who walked out of her life. I want her to be mad at me. She has every right to be. Why isn't she mad at me?
"What else do I say? What do you-"
"I left your life and all you say is 'right.'" She scowls.
"And?"
"Are you not mad?" She raises an eyebrow. "Don't you... Don't you want to tell me that I'm stupid or tell me I'm an asshole and make it known that I don't deserve to be here?" She blinks.
"No."
"... No?" She shakes her head.
"I don't think I want to do that, y/n." She looks out the window again.
"But..."
"Can you be quiet for a sec?" She smiles a bit, her eyes focused on the sky. "I don't wanna hear how much you want me to be mad at you. I'm not." I look at my hands.
"You deserve to be." She laughs lightly.
"Well, you don't deserve for me to yell at you for something that happened four years ago."
"Veronica..."
"Hm?"
"Why?" She shrugs.
"I dunno. You're too nice for that." I clench my fists.
"I left without saying goodbye and-"
"I don't wanna hear it." I close my mouth. "Stop telling me reasons why I should be angry." I look at the wall.
"Fine." We fall into a sort of uncomfortable silence. I wait for her to tell me something. Anything. How much she misses me, or what happened after I left. Instead, I get silence. "Veronica-"
"I missed you," she says. I stop, my gaze snapping to her. She looks down.
"I missed you, too." I'm unsure whether I should sit beside her, or move closer, or maybe just show myself out. "A lot." She smiles a bit.
"Good to know." She stands up.
"... Uh huh." She sighs. I scratch my neck. The elephant in the room is impossible to bring up, it feels like.
"You know..." She finally meets my eyes. "I figured it out. Like... Myself." I nod in understanding.
"So I've heard." I cough. "Two girls and a guy, Ram said."
"Mhm." She turns away. "They weren't good for me." I lean on the desk, nodding in understanding. "You know what, though?"
"What?" She smiles a bit.
"They all reminded me of you. In some way." I feel a prickle of heat on my cheeks
"Really?" She nods.
"I, um...," she starts quietly. I wait expectantly. She slowly meets my eyes, her face dusted with red. I swallow hard. "I just..."
"What?" She rubs her neck.
"I don't think I ever really got over you," she mumbles finally. I feel my breath catch. I feel a pull towards her. She looks into my eyes. "It's stupid, huh?"
"... Wait, what?" She looks away.
"It is." She laughs lightly. "Pretend I didn't say that. We need to catch up. Is everyone else here?" She hurries to the door. I grab her hand.
"Veronica, wait." She pauses.
"Yes?" She asks hesitantly. I feel my eyes start to blur with tears. This is exactly what happened before I had left. When I didn't have the courage to tell her I was leaving. I take a shaky breath. She frowns. "What's wrong?"
"I... I just..." The door suddenly bursts open. I release her hand, and Chandler stares at us. She raises an eyebrow.
"Hey, guys." I look down.
"Heather," I say.
"Chandler, hey!" Veronica says excitedly. Chandler gives her a smile.
"Good to see you, Sawyer." She looks at me. "Mac said to get you. We're heading out for the day. Sawyer, I guess she included you in this." Veronica nods.
"Alright, let's go." She doesn't look back at me. I get the feeling that she doesn't want to talk to me after the bomb she just dropped. I look away.
"Y/n?" I glance at Chandler. Her eyebrows crease in concern. "You coming?"
"... Yeah. Let's go." We leave the room, heading back to the stairs. JD's eyes immediately meet mine as Chandler, Veronica, and I reach the bottom of the stairs.
"Veronica!" Kurt says in surprise. She grins.
"Hey, Kurt." She gives each of her friends a hug, greeting them with smiles and soft words to each of them. She won't meet my eyes. I sigh quietly.
"Let's go somewhere," Mac says. I nod.
"Yeah. Let's do that." Veronica and I are standing right beside each other, but we might as well be two worlds apart. I can't just tell her my feelings now, now that we aren't alone. But now I feel like she doesn't want to be alone with me.
We leave the house, walking along the sidewalk. Somehow, I find myself beside her once more. It reminds me of before.
"And then she told me I was the one being crazy."
I hear her laughter. How she grins at me after telling her about this manic ex I had. I can picture the way she pushes her hair back, looking at me in disbelief.
"When she was the one telling you about all your supposed affairs? All the ones you never even had? What a psycho."
I giggled and hit her arm. Our gazes had lingered a beat too long. I had noticed that happening more and more.
"Y/n, don't walk into the road!" I hear Chandler say. She grabs my arm, yanking me back onto the sidewalk.
"Ah-!" I stumble. The others give me weird looks.
"Keep daydreaming like that and you're gonna get run over," JD quips. I roll my eyes.
"Whatever," I say. Veronica laughs softly. My eyes dart towards her. She blinks, then looks away. I sigh quietly. "Let's keep going."
"I bet there are better people out here."
She looked at me weirdly when I had said that. She nudged me gently, disbelief in her voice when she spoke again.
"In Sherwood? No way. Who the hell is good here?"
I didn't know what else to tell her besides the truth.
"You."
She just stared at me for a while. That's when I noticed the blush on her cheeks. I was smiling before I could even stop myself. She looked away.
"Don't just say that so casually, you weirdo."
I laughed hard, but I guess she never knew I was being honest.
"Veronica?" I say without thinking. She stops beside me, eyes slowly meeting mine. I nearly clamp a hand over my mouth. Why did I say that aloud?
"Um... Yeah?" I clear my throat.
"It's good to see you." The others are clearly listening, but they don't show it. "I don't think I said that yet, but it is." She doesn't reply for a moment as we continue walking.
"It's good to see you, too," she says finally. I smile to myself. My heart leaps as her hand bushes mine. I curse myself quietly for being so cliche.
"Yeah," I say softly. JD glances back at me, smirking teasingly. I roll my eyes.
"Come on, we have to hurry before the mall closes."