TRIGGER WARNING:
This chapter will include mentions of:
- domestic violence
- mental abuse
- violence
- sexual harassment
If any of the previous topics might trigger you in any way, please skip this chapter and the next one as well.
*
*
December 31st - 4:03 pm
The door gently closes behind me and I turn my back towards it slowly, already expecting to see a well known face. He laughs again. I could recognize that devilish laugh anywhere.
"Hello beautiful, long time no see."
"Brennan," I say through gritted teeth, "it felt like everything but a long time. Weren't you outside my door just a couple of weeks ago?"
He drops his head, his dark smile vanishing. "Oh yes, that," he looks me in the eyes again, I freeze, my feet unable to move, my hands shaking, my brain malfunctioning, "I've had fun doing that," he says, bobbing his head non stop.
Bile comes up my throat, tears are threatening to come out, "why? Why did you do that?"
"Because," the word exploding through his teeth, "I want him to suffer as I suffered."
"You suffered?" I gasp, incredulity coating my voice.
"Hell yeah I did. You made me feel like shit Jayjay. You took me to court? What for? A slap on the face?"
"You did much more than that and you know it. Don't pretend like any of it was my fault."
"You were just a tiny scared girl... a normal one wouldn't have done anything like what you did to me."
"Keep telling yourself that, Brennan."
I'm trying to think, I'm trying to clear my mind of anything unrelated to this situation, I'm trying to remember whether I brought my phone down here, I'm desperately trying to remember anything that could help me. But I can't.
"You! You don't get to tell me what to do, alright?!" he yells and I can't help, but close my eyes and turn my head away. Bad idea.
"So you're still a scared little girl, aren't you," he slowly enunciates, as he starts walking closer, "You're still so gorgeous... Makes me wanna ruin your face so that I'll be the last one to enjoy the sight of it."
He's just one breath away, he raises his hand, putting it on the side of my face tracing the shape of my head until he reaches the tip of my chin, he then puts the few loose strands of my hair behind my ears.
"But I wanna wait a little bit... Let me see it for a little while longer, okay?"
It almost seems like he's talking to himself, almost as if he's trying to convince himself to stop before ruining a toy. It's terrifying.
"You know... I've been hiding down here for some days now... I was waiting for the right moment, I thought it'd never happen and then today you left the house with... Him... And the super huge accident happened and I told myself 'hey today is my lucky day!'," he exclaims, then finishes his sentence with a low growling voice, "and I cut the power off."
"And here I am," I manage to say, then with a hidden courage I didn't know I had I tell him, "clever. Very clever. This might be your best work so far."
"This is going to be the ultimate work baby. Today I'm finishing what I started. Today," he says, his eyes wild, "I'm getting things done."
"What do you mean 'finish what you started'?" I ask genuinely surprised.
"Right. I've got quite the story to tell you... I'm sorry I've brought no chair here, otherwise I would have told you to sit down, but oh well," he sighs and finally puts two arms length of distance between our bodies and I feel like I can breath again. He leans toward the door with his whole back and runs his hands through his hair.
"Everything was going alright until I saw you something like... six or seven months ago. I thought I could handle being away from you, mostly because... you know, the fucking police were always behind my back and stuff. But then I saw you coming out of that center where all the women go... and something inside my brain snapped," he hisses, "I started keeping an eye on you from that day, always keeping my distance, so that the police wouldn't get involved... and then I noticed something."
His arms collapse along his frame and he looks up at me. I don't think I've ever seen his eyes go so dark, but they do, "Your stomach was growing."
Brennan detaches from the door and starts pacing around the basement, circling me.
"At first I thought you were getting fatter, you were never the top model kinda girl, you've always been overweight so it wouldn't have been a surprise if you were actually putting on more kilos, but then... your belly took this sharp oval shape and there was no mistaken that you were pregnant."
I'm still silent, I don't dare move a muscle. It's not even because I'm afraid for myself, I'm afraid for my child. I can't risk him getting violent. Then I noticed he stopped behind me, only a couple of step away, "I started wondering who the father was, no one was going to those appointments with you so I thought you must have had a one night stand and got yourself a little package, but guess I was wrong, I just needed to wait to find out that you were fucking that damn doctor!" he yells and then shakes his head, as if to reorganize the things he wants to say.
"But anyway... I found out you were pregnant and the thought of it made my blood boil. Like for real! I think I was going crazy Jade, so I had to do something, you know? I was locked up in my apartment consumed by the thoughts of you and there you were: happy with that Kelsey slut, and that nonsense shop of yours and a fucking baby inside your body and probably fucking every men that came your way."
I wonder if he knows.
I wonder if he knows what I was really going through.
I wonder if he knows my mom has passed. And I start hoping that he doesn't know. And I start thinking about what he would have done, had he known about that.
Would things have ended up just the same? Or would he have stepped back?
He doesn't give me a chance to ask any of that, because a second later I'm frozen again as he speaks his truth, "That day on the streets... it was me on the bike, Jayjay."
"You ran me over?"
"I did. I wanted to take something away from you, I just didn't know how and then I saw my opportunity right there. You were lost in your thoughts and... you didn't even see me coming! Then the car right after... that was luck. That definitely wasn't intentional, but the timing was perfect. Back then I admit I felt bad for a little while, but then it all changed."
I can feel him getting closer from behind and suddenly his arms are around me, his hands on my belly, the rest of him brushing against me and for a second I think I'm gonna throw up. I need to walk away. I need to scrape off his hands from me. I need to erase the thought of him with me for good.
So I take a step away.
And he laughs.
"What? You're not enjoying my story? That was the best part! But let me finish, you owe me that much," he pauses and then continues, "when you came home you were looking pretty horrible, then I started seeing you with that pig. And you were so comfortable around him and always smiling, and I thought that he must have been the father and that you two where only now getting closer to one another because of what had happened and that's when I cursed myself."
He starts panting and walking rapidly, "I told myself, 'Brennan, you fool. You gave her an opportunity to be even happier! You didn't take shit away, you gave her more than what she already had!' I felt like a damn idiot. You made me feel that way!" his hands are back in his hair and I can clearly see that some of it are being pulled out of his scalp.
It's the first time I completely and truly acknowledge Brennan's behaviour: he's gone. He's turned into a psycopath and he probably needs help. Serious help. And the moment I recognize that, it's the moment I get even paler and more anxious, because you can't predict how a mentally unstable person will act next.
"So I started leaving you flowers, I know you love those, right?" he says giggling. He perfectly knows what he's doing, he knows the meaning those flowers hold.
"I gave you a couple of phone calls. Rang your door bell. Followed you closely around town... I can't believe you never actually spotted me! I must have gotten better at that. I started noticing patterns and that's what helped me getting in here. With you."
"You're completely out of your mind Brennan, you need help. Please, let me go and I swear I won't make a big deal of this, but you need to get help and soon, before you do anything you might regret."
"Regret? I won't regret a thing. Taking you out of the picture will give me the relief I need! And seeing his reaction will be even sweeter."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't figured that out yet?" he stands still, mouth open, words hanging in the air between us, "I'm gonna end your life tonight. I told you, I'm gonna do what I couldn't all those months ago," from those words on it's all a crescendo, I don't see the knife until he pulls it out from behind his back, and then I realize something else: my thighs are wet.
My water broke.
December 31st - 6.17pm at St. Jose St. Bonaventure hospital
"Okay, we're done here," says Dr. Melendez wrapping up another successful surgery. He steps away from the patient, exits the OR and starts peeling off all the layers of surgical equipment. Dr. Lim comes out of another OR and says while letting out a tired sigh, "You can go Neil, we're done with the most urgent ones, we can take care of the rest. Thank you for coming in with such short notice."
"No problem, Audrey. I'll head home then. Bye."
"Home, eh? Bye Neil."
A shy smile appears on his face, home. Words, what a weird and ever changing thing they are.
They hold a certain meaning for so long and then they transform just like that, adapting to a new situation, to new feelings, to new people.
He's still thinking about words and hidden meanings, old meanings and new meanings as he approaches his car, opens the door and gets in. He starts the engine and drives home.