Song of the chapter
Ghost by Justin Bieber
Chaeyoung
A month ago.
I was in dad's office 'cause he requested me again to meet him but he's not here. I canceled all my plans today to meet him but he's nowhere to be found. Seriously, dad?!
" Where the hell is dad, Ms. Park? " I annoyingly asked his assistant.
" Ms. Chaeyoung?! What are you doing here? I thought your dad called you. He's not here. " Ms. Park answered me as she stood up and looked surprised to see me walk out of my dad's office.
What the hell? Did she not notice me earlier? And what? Where the hell is my dad?
" What? Where the hell is he?! I even canceled my plans for him, and now he's not here? For god sake! Psh! " I said again in front of her desk.
" H-he's in the hospital. "
As I heard her say that, my phone rang, and saw my dad's name on the screen. Hospital? What is he doing out there?! I answered it quickly.
" Hello? Dad? Where are you? Ms. Park said that you're in the hospital? What hap--- " I stop speaking when I heard his sobbing. Is that crying? What the fuck is happening?!
" Chaeyoung... Your mom... She's in the hospital right now. "
As I heard my dad says that, my legs became weak. I put my hand on the table to stop myself from falling. What did he say? My mom?
" W-what? H-how? How is she? W-where are you? "
I didn't finish what dad is saying 'cause I already cut him to say that I'm just gonna there 'cause Ms. Park told me where they are. They're in the hospital of Chou's. I rush to the elevator to go to the parking lot which is in the basement. It took time before I got in the basement 'cause I came from the 13th floor. I run to my car and hit the gas and drive as fast as I can. It's a good thing that the hospital is not far from my dad's office and our house. After a 30-minute of drive, I arrived at the hospital and run fast to the room that Chaeryoung texted me.
I'm still panting as I open the door and saw my mom laying in the bed with dad sitting beside her holding her hand.
" Chaeyoung... " they both said in unison.
I saw Chaeryoung on the couch walk towards me and hugged me and cried. I hugged her back and hold my tears. I don't want them to see me crying. Dad's tears are about to fall and he immediately wiped them.
" W-what happened? Dad? " I asked her and dad too.
Chaeryoung is still crying on my chest. Dad sighed before answering me. I hold my mom's hand and my heart is now aching. It's tearing me apart seeing her like that unconscious.
" She and Chaeryoung are in the house baking some cakes, then she said can't breathe and then collapsed. The doctor said that she got a mild heart attack, and they gonna run some tests to check if she needs surgery. " Dad said.
A mild heart attack? What? How? I mean, I thought mom is in a good shape, 'cause we always exercise and drink vitamins and her meds. But I'm wrong. Sigh. I held mom's hand tightly so that she could feel that we were just here for her, while my dad is holding her hand too on the other side.
" And now what? Why is she still unconscious? Where are the doctors? Why isn't anyone checking her? What the fuck, dad?! " I cursed in front of dad.
" Son Chaeyoung! Watch your word! " dad scold me.
" What? Where is Mr. Chou?! Why isn't anyone here!? What if mom got a heart attack again?! " I shout at him. Chaeryoung is now stopping me from what I'm doing and whispering at me.
" Unnie, calm down. That is dad in front of you. " Chaeryoung said.
I don't care if that is dad. He can hurt me here if he wants. I don't care, but that is my mom laying in that fucking bed and I think that she's in a critical condition right now.
" Son Chaeyoung! That is enough! " he scolded me again.
I was about to curse again, but I heard someone excuse himself. It's uncle Chou. The owner of this hospital and my father's best friend. And also a doctor and dad of my best friend too.
" It's fine, Son. I know what she feels right now. And to inform you again, Mrs. Son needs surgery as soon as possible. But... " Uncle Chou stops while he's explaining.
He's with the other doctors, and I don't want to think bad, but there's a but in his explanation. He looked at my dad, and I know that look. They don't want us to hear it. But I'm her child! NO. I want to hear it!
" Just. Tell. Us. Doctor Chou. " I said.
Chaeyoung understand what is happening so she hugged me even tighter. Dad and uncle Chou look at each other and nod as they agreed to talk about it with us. I don't want to hear it too. But, I need to hear it. Even though it might break me.
" Uhmm. By having surgery, there's always a risk. As for her, she can do surgery, but there's a 50% chance rate for her to survive. Her heart is weak because of the mild heart attack. I'm sorry. " uncle Chou said to us.
I clenched my fist as I heard him say that, I know it's true and we need to accept that 'cause they're doctors, they know everything. But they are not God. But I don't know what to do either. I'm not in the right mind right now. But why are they operating if the success rate is low? They just make the patient die faster. I don't understand that. Just, why? Why do the patient and the family risk it, knowing that they might gonna die? Why? If they have time to spend it with your family and make more memories.
" Dr. Chou, we can talk to your office. The two of you wait here. And, Chaeyoung, please calm down. We can work this out, okay? " dad said before they leave in the room.
Chaeryoung who is still crying pulled her hug from me. Her phone rang and I saw Ms. Lee calling her. Her mom. She excused herself and got out of the room. Chaeryoung and I are half-siblings. We have a different mother. Dad cheated on my mom for her mom and got her pregnant. I got mad at dad and Ms. Lee who's he's assistant at that time. But mom said that it was okay, that sometimes we make mistakes that we didn't think of the consequences. And we all make mistakes, it's just that the important thing is we can learn from that and never do it again. And because of that, I don't have any grudge against them. But Ms. Lee is still awkward to me and mom, 'cause she said that she wrecked our family. Even though my dad did not choose her and she resigned from her work to avoid more conflict. But we're on good terms, I think?
I sat beside mom and hold her hand.
" Mom, it's me. Can you please wake up? You make me worry. " I got teary-eyed, but still I don't want them to see me crying. " It's Saturday tomorrow, we're gonna have camped in our garden, remember? With Chaeryoung and if dad's not busy, he's gonna join us. " I said with my soft tone.
Mom still not responding. I think it's been an hour since she's unconscious.
" Mom, I'm sorry if I am not there with you. I'm sorry if I'm busy with my life these days and going home to my apartment instead of our house. I promise I'll make more time for you, so please wake up? Please, mom. "
My hand is shaking while holding her hand. I got surprised when Chaeryoung hold it too and sit on the bed.
" Mom will be fine, Unnie. Don't worry too much, okay? " she said.
I gave her a peck smile just to assure her and not to worry her.
" We are just baking cakes for tomorrow, then suddenly I noticed her hard breathing. I was gonna gave her water but she already passed out. Thank goodness that I was quick to hold her head. I'm so sorry Unnie. I didn't know what to do, so I called dad first and my driver drove us here and mom got into the Emergency Room." Chaeryoung explained to me what happened.
" No. Don't say sorry. No one wants this to happen. It's fine. Mom's gonna be okay. " I assure her.
Time passed and dad was still not here. It's already 8 in the evening. Mom and Chaeryoung got here at 5 PM. And I got here at 6, and mom still not waking up and I got anxious because of that. Chaeryoung just waiting for dad so that she can go home and get me some dress in my apartment where their house is near. She fell asleep on the couch and did not bother her so that she can rest. My phone keeps on ringing but I put it on silent mode so that no one will disturb me for now. The door opened and I thought it was dad but I saw my two friends walking in. Tzuyu and Dahyun.
" Bro! What happened? Dad called me. " Tzuyu said,
" What happened? " Dahyun asked.
I sighed before I answer them " Mom got mil heart attack earlier. Your dad said that if she gets into surgery she might not gonna make it 'cause her heart is weak because of the attack. " I said while holding my tears. I don't wanna cry.
" What? Did dad say that? My god! How come he's a doctor if they can't save a patient? " Tzuyu rants. Yeah, I know.
" What did Uncle Son say? " Dahyun asked me.
" They're still talking. Mom is still unconscious for almost 3 hours now. " I said.
" Tsk. Here, I bought you a coffee. I know you don't have an appetite right now, so just drink this. " Tzuyu said while handling the coffee that she was holding.
" So what's the plan? We can join you here. And this little cutie in the can have a rest in her home. " Dahyun said.
" I don't have my things here can you guys go to my apartment and get me some clothes? " I asked them.
" Not a problem, give me the key. And I can drive her home too? " Tzuyu said. " Okay, you go there, I'll stay here with Chaeyoung. " Dahyun said while leaning on the wall.
" Okay. I'm just gonna wake her up. "
I woke Chaeryoung up and told her what to do. She did not agree with what I said 'cause she wants to stay here too but I refused and just said that she can stay tomorrow. She did not have a choice but to agree with me 'cause I used the Unnie card.
" I'm just gonna tell dad. I'll update you, okay? Just go home and rest. " I said while kissing her forehead.
" Okay. Just take it easy too, okay? Mom's gonna visit too by tomorrow. Wait for me here. " she said while hugging me.
After the two went out, I sighed, and just sit beside mom. It's been hours and she is still unconscious. And dad is not here too. Tsk.
" Bro, are you okay? Well, I know you're not, but I just want you to know that we're here. Okay? " Dahyun said to me while sitting on the couch. I just smiled at her as the door opened and I saw dad.
" How's she? Did she wake up already? " dad asked me while coming straight to mom.
" Not yet. " I said.
" Oh Dahyun, you're here? Where's Tzuyu? And Chaeryoung? " Dad asks as he noticed that Chaeryoung is not around.
" I sent her home with Tzuyu. We'll stay here tonight. You can go home too. But first, we need to talk about what Uncle Chou and You talked about. " I said.
He sighed. While Dahyun excused herself.
" Uhm. I'm just gonna go out so you two can talk. Excuse me. "
Dahyun got out of the room and dad starts to speak.
" We don't have a choice Chaeyoung. I know your mom, she can handle the surgery even if they said that there's a low chance of her surviving it. "
My blood boiled as I heard him say that. How can he risk mom's life?!
" No!!! Are you hearing yourself now, dad?! How could you risk mom's life?! " I shouted at him.
" Don't you have faith in her, Chaeyoung? "
I do have. But I can't risk her life. I'm okay with spending it with her until her last breath. Not this!
" I understand that you're scared of what might happen. We are all scared, Chaeyoung. But don't you think about it? Your mom can live long if she can survive it. We can live happily. "
" And what if it's not? What about us? What about me, dad? How can I live without mom? "
My eyes got blurred and I can feel tears running down my cheeks.
" I-I'm fine. S-stop arguing. " mom said.
" Mom!! "
Mom woke up and I hugged her. Dad called a nurse to check mom's vitals. After the nurse checking mom, I hugged her again while dad is talking to the nurse.
" Mom. How are you? Is there anything hurting you? Tell me, okay? " I said with my gentle voice.
" I'm fine. Just having a hard time breathing. How about you? " mom checks me instead.
" Honey, how are you? Do you want anything? " dad asked mom.
The nurse leaves and now there's only the three of us here in this big room.
" I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about. So can you please stop arguing, the two of you." mom said to us.
" Okay, honey. We're not gonna argue, okay? Just be fine. So we can go home. "
FAST FORWARD
Days passed and I'm taking care of my mom here in the hospital. After her mild heart attack, she seems to easily get tired, so whenever she walks and goes to the comfort room I helped her. Her chest always ached so I'm always awake to monitor her and inform the nurse. Now we all agreed that mom gonna have surgery. At first, I'm against that, but mom decided to do it. So now It's been 3 days, and by tomorrow is her surgery. So we're just enjoying our time before we got stressed.
"Chaeyoung, when can I meet your girlfriend? " mom asked me while we were playing Jenga.
" Mom!!! You're cheating. You make me out of focus. How could you? Aish! "
" Hahaha. I'm just curious. Your friends always said that you're dating, but I never meet her. "
" Mom!! Stop it. " I pout 'cause I lose again.
My family is open to what I am, ever since when I was a kid. At first, dad was against me being attracted to girls. But he has no other choice but to accept me 'cause I am his child. And my mom's relative is just like me. And one of my cousins too. So yeah, it runs in our genes. Tzuyu and Dahyun are also like me who are my friends here in the city and the daughters of dad's friend, so he has no other choice but to accept it.
" What? Hahaha. I want to know her. So bring her here. " mom said.
I don't have a girlfriend. It's just a fling. Nothing serious. I'm not a fan of commitments.
" I don't have a girlfriend mom. But if I do, of course, I'll introduce you to her. " I said while smiling at her.
In the past few days, mom and I are just enjoying our time together. Sometimes Chaeryoung sleeps here after her school and dad too. I didn't even go home, I stayed here with my mom. I even showered here too 'cause this room is for VIPs.
" Okay. I'll wait for that day to come. How about your work? Is your dad still bugging you with that business thingy? Just tell me, okay? I can talk to him. "
" No. Everything's fine, mom. Don't think too much. " I smiled at her. I noticed that her breathing is not normal. " Mom, what's wrong? Is your chest hurt? " I asked her.
' Chae-young. My. Chest. " she just said.
I became nervous as I saw her eyes wanting to say many words to me, but she can't. Because she suddenly has trouble speaking. I can't understand it. And I know what this is. Damn it! I gently place my body on her back so she can lay her head on my chest while still holding her hand.
" HELPPPPPP!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELLLLLPPPPP MEEEE!!!!! "
As I scream, the bodyguard on the door heard us and called a nurse and the doctor.
" Mom. I'm right here. Okay? You can do this. You're strong. " I said to mom.
She still talking but I don't understand any of her words. The nurses and the doctor arrived in our room. Together with Uncle Chou. They gently place mom on her bed and they're checking her.
" What happened? " Uncle Chou asked me.
My body stop moving as I saw mom in the bed. My hands keep on shaking.
" Chaeyoung!!!! Tell me what happened?!! " Uncle Chou snapped to me.
" I... Ahh... S-she.. "
I don't know what to say. I'm lost for words.
" Dr. Chou, the patient is having a seizure," the other doctor said while checking my mom.
" Chaeyoung. Call your dad now! "
I took my phone off the table and called dad. He quickly answered it.
" Chaeyoung? Why? What's wrong? "
" D-dad. C-come here now. M-mom. " I just said.
He quickly end the call, and I know that he knew what is happening. Now, back from reality. It happened so fast. And I didn't get to move where I am standing. They are now reviving mom with their machine. No. This can't be happening. Mom. No.
" No. Mom. "
Uncle Chou ordered them again to revive mom. I can't believe what I am seeing, they tried it thrice but my mom's pulse did not come back.
" I'm sorry. " the doctor said.
" NOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO. NOOOO. MOM!!!! " I screamed as much as I can.
I know he's about to say the time of death of my mom. No. I don't want to hear it! Stop. Nooo. I fell out of balance and now sitting on the floor. My tears can't hold it anymore.
" Time of death--- "
" I said no!! I don't want to hear it!!! "
" It's fine. I'll handle things here. I'm just gonna wait for her father. " Uncle Chou said to his co-doctors.
They're talking, but I can't seem to hear anything. I'm just crying here on the floor. I don't dare to go to my mother. She's gone. She left me. While we're just hanging out earlier. Is this happening? No. This can't be happening. This is just a dream. No. This is a nightmare, can someone wake me up? Please. This is not real.
" Uncle, tell me this is just a nightmare. Please. Wake me up. " I said to him while crying.
He hugged me, and I can feel that he was crying too.
" I'm so sorry, Chaeyoung. "
It took me some time to stop my tears from falling and Uncle Chou pulled his hug from me. He talked to me but I can't still hear him. I'm just staring at my mom, got nothing in my head. After a minute, dad came. I saw him crying over my mom's dead body. He still waking her up, but mom is already gone. After a minute, Chaeryoung came too and cried with dad. I'm still here watching them with now tears falling in my eyes. Chaeryoung saw me and came to me to hug me. I feel so numb right now. Dad came to me too to hug me but I didn't hug them back. Dad was saying something but still can't hear him. They both stood up and go to my mom's body again and held her hand and kissed her forehead.
" Chaeyoung, It's time. "
" No. I can't. " I just said.
Their voice now is just murmuring in my ear. But I know what is happening. They're taking my mom's body.
FAST FORWARD
Dad never showed up at my mom's funeral. He said he's busy in our fucking company. How can he do this to me? Leaving me alone in this situation? What the fuck, dad?! I am with Chaeryoung the whole time. But I need him, like my father. I'm tired of facing people saying they were sorry for my loss. I don't want their sympathy. And because dad never showed up, I decided to put mom's ash where her parent's ash was also placed. It's in my mom's province. Still, dad never showed up. I am very mad at him that I don't want to ever see his face. I stayed in our old house and my friends were with me the whole time. I decided to go back with them to the city and stayed in my apartment. I'm still not in my mood, but I decided to be with my fling and forget everything, but I can't.
So I decided to leave all behind and stay in my mom's province and live there in the meanwhile. I want to forget everything. I want to find my reason to live again, 'cause right now I don't think I can. I might do something bad again. Mom, please help me get through this. :( After mom died, I never cried again, not at the funeral or when I'm alone. The last time I cried is in the hospital, her last moment. After that, I can't. I have trouble sleeping too, 'cause every time I closed my eyes, I saw my mom last moment. I have nightmares too. I tried to divert it with some other things, but I failed. But I still keep trying so I decided to be a tour guide in my auntie's newly opened company for her daughter Seulgi. The place where the tourist is staying is now Seulgi's property. And because I am their tour guide, I am staying in one of their room. But I go home to our old house when it's the weekend or whenever I want. It's my safe place, especially the treehouse. I miss you, mom. :(