"You're crushing my legs."
"Shut up, you're gonna wake Tweetie up."
"I want my legs back."
"Make a Kickstarter or something if you're that desperate."
"But-"
"Ha, kick-starter... Get it? 'Cause legs."
"Osc, you were the one who decided you wanted to lay across the entire space."
"Yeah, but I need to pee. I didn't need to pee when I went to sleep."
"Seriously, you guys are gonna wake Tweetie, let her rest."
Robin wasn't entirely willing to mention that she was already awake and had been for the past five minutes. Though, defining 'awake' wasn't on the day's agenda, and she didn't know if trying to go back to sleep after waking counted as being awake.
She could feel the movements, the shuffles from Oscar who used her legs as pillows, the soft breathing from Ryan who's chest became more pillow than body part, and his lingering fingers wide awake and grazing gently over her palms as he inspected the scars from glass and trailed his fingertips over them.
"I'm awake," she finally muttered out.
"Don't tell them that," Ryan shushed her, and she immediately felt a sense of deja vu. Though, slightly twisted from how it originally happened.
"Please let me pee."
"Fine," Joel gave in, lifting his own legs from Oscar's to allow him up from the couches pushed together. Nobody else moved, but, it was enough for Oscar to shove them away so he could dart to the bathroom on numb feet.
The day was brighter, the house glowed and it was, honestly, a mess. Blankets were thrown about, some hung over their heads in a bad attempt at a blanket fort made while she slept, pizza boxes were scattered and the smell of both food and sweat lingered. None of them cared.
She knew she couldn't stay, as much as she had wanted to. She needed to go, to search herself for what she didn't want to see.
"What's wrong?"
She glanced up, noticing that Fox had spoken, looking at her as she felt as though she made no shifts or movements to indicate any sort of sadness. But he knew, and she realised that he often knew a lot.
"I need to go back to my apartment," she said, sinking down Ryan who let her hand go and instead, tangled his fingers in her mess of unclean hair. He, like the others, didn't care. She had more important things to think about than her hair. "And his apartment. Then, I don't know what I'll do. Oh God, what am I doing with my life."
"You don't need to panic," Leo reminded her, "you're eighteen, not seventy. You have time."
"Tweetie," Joel's sweetened voice caught her, forcing her to glance towards him with eyes still tired but for once, a little livelier from actually getting some sleep. "You know how we all know who you are now, and how you have your own apartment-?"
"Are you asking to see my apartment?"
"Maybe."
"It's... kinda..." her words faded from her mind. she didn't even know how to begin to describe her apartment. Messy? Terrible? A place that felt and meant absolutely nothing to her? She could understand the interest, it had been her life for years, it was the home of a detective. But, it was a place that never felt quite right to her. "Alright, if you want."
"Hell yeah!"
"Is this a group invitation? Because I'm honestly kinda curious too." Leo asked, his smile soft and wonky.
"Sure, but, we'll have to go pretty soon. I don't think I'll be allowed to go there to do what I'm planning to do quite yet, so, we need to go before anybody thinks to find out where I am."
They raised their eyebrows but said nothing. While they wanted to keep her out of too much trouble, they were too curious not to want to go. So they figured, if trouble was going to be found, they would be there for it and hopefully help her out of it.
"So, what are you going for, exactly?"
"To ransack Archie's apartment... And get my own clothes. As much as I appreciate your clothes, they aren't the most fitting. Comfortable, but big." She tugged at the black shirt which was more like a dress on her. She was short, but Ryan was reasonably tall.
The group of six walked down the street of the North, glancing around every so often to take in the sights that they didn't often get the chance to see. Well, Robin did, obviously. But, they didn't. The place was too expensive, too far and beyond boring compared to the South.
The sky was blue, slightly cloudy, but still a vibrant shade. It was sunny for once. But it didn't make it any less cold. Their breaths escaped them, rising into the air and floating above them as they stayed wrapped and warm in big coats and scarves.
She hadn't expected to be going on a group outing. Really, she expected to be working. Though, technically, she was. That was why she was going to the apartments.
"Is that it?"
"That's it."
They glanced across the road, noticing a building that looked just a little bit out of place. Though, not enough to be totally noticeable. It was lonely, sat between what looked to be a simple office building and an unmarked place that was lifeless. Neither were interesting and neither had much life. But the apartment had a strangeness to it. The upper windows to the top three floors were dark, dusty, like they had been abandoned. The bottom two were cleaner, not perfectly clean, but noticeably in comparison to the others.
They crossed the street, finding no people at all passing. There never were. Nobody ever needed to come to this part of the city, there was nothing to see, nothing to do. And they approached the door at the top of the steps, five boys hesitantly trailing behind a girl dressed more like a three year old who had gotten the chance to dress herself. She didn't care, and neither did they.
"Again, I'm sorry for the mess."
"You told us three times already on the bus here," Fox smiled down at her as she unlocked the door that led into the stairway. "Can't be much worse than Ryan's room."
Sitting on a bus with them was strange. She was used to spending the time on it in her head, every morning she worked. But for once, she was too focused on having fun playing 'I spy' to think about work. The bus driver didn't appreciate that or their yelling voices as they argued over the fact that Oscar said he saw a dog when nobody else did... Most of the arguments were over the fact that he didn't point it out so everybody could see the dog.
"Trust me, it really can be."
"Doubt it," Ryan noted, "you seem like a neat person."
"That's what I thought," Leo agreed.
She laughed.
That was not the case. At least, it wasn't here. She didn't care much about this apartment. And so, nervously making her way up the first set of stairs, she fought the urge to change her mind and force them to wait outside of the door for her. She wouldn't, obviously. That would be cruel.
"Does anyone else live here?" Oscar asked, looking up the next set of stairs that led to a darkened floor, probably coated in dust. Meanwhile, she stood between her own apartment and Archie's which was only five or six steps away.
"Nope, they never finished construction," Robin said, unlocking her apartment door while with her other hand, she lazily gestured to Archie's door. "That's where Archie lived."
"So he was always really close."
"Yeah..."
She opened her door and led them inside.
It was a strange experience. The only people who ever saw her home were Roderick and Archie. They felt more like family than they felt like friends... Well, they did. One didn't anymore. But at the time they did. So having people come in and see the place for what it was, unprepared, unorganised and as dusty as she had left it, felt strange. Hell, she expected the teardrops to still be soaked into the greying red carpet, turning it a strange shade of brown under their feet.
There was silence. As she had expected. She knew it was a lot to take in, the wall full of boxes containing case files and paper evidence, the stacks of books, some French, others languages that even she didn't fully understand. Paperwork, coffee mugs, dust. Work. That's all it ever was.
"Okay," Fox gawked, turning around to look at everything, "this wasn't what I expected."
"Feel free to poke around," she shrugged, "it's all just work. But, stay out of my room for two seconds while I get changed, okay?"
They nodded, all wordless as she trailed away and left them to glance over the boxes and the desk filled with paper. Every sheet was fascinating to look at, reports on murders, handwritten theories on escape routes. It was seemingly endless.
And finally, after so long, Joel had the opportunity to read through her notebook.
Now he understood why he couldn't ever read it.
"What's this writing on the wall?" She heard Oscar ask through her door only moments before she returned, dressed in one of her usual large jumpers, far more comfortable knowing that the shorts she wore weren't going to fall. "That's not blood, right?"
"It's paint. A threat," she shrugged, "Archie did it and tipped the place. I used to have two couches and a coffee table..."
They turned, seeing one couch and only the dents in the rug from where the coffee tables legs lived.
"How many threats did you get, exactly?" Fox frowned.
"Uhm..." She stopped, lifting her hand to count. "There was the first break in, the note in my locker, 'stop now or you will end the same,' a text message, then two of these 'no turning back' ones... so five... I think. But at least nothing came of 'em."
"Ricky tried to kill you."
"Valid." She shrugged it away, knowing there was no point being upset over what she couldn't reverse. There was a lot in her life she could never take back, so why start worrying over it now? "Anyway, feel free to trash the place more if you want. I need to go do something, so... stay here until I come back, okay? Don't go upstairs, it's dangerous."
They agreed, too distracted by the work she once did to really think about wording their agreements. And she left, hearing them trail around and shuffle through things.
She went to Archie's apartment, knowing that her own key unlocked his door too. It was safer that way, they were always at risk of danger. The people they got arrested weren't always arrested forever and there were times when they were hunted down by gangs. They were never found, thankfully. But if they were, they needed options open to them and sometimes the other's apartment was the only option of escape.
The apartment itself wasn't much different from her own... well, minus the wall of work and the paper everywhere. His own place was far cleaner, organised, precise. But the room layouts were similar. Neither had new furniture, only second hand meaning they couldn't get full sets of things and ended up with two different couches and a chair with individual patterns and colours.
There weren't many signs of his life in the apartment, probably because most of his time was spent with her in her own place. But there were hints. A photograph here, an unopened letter there. She rarely went to his place because there wasn't reason to and she hated invading his privacy. But this was different. Obviously, she didn't care anymore. So she searched.
She looked through the bookshelves, the desk drawers, the kitchen drawers and cupboards, every closet, even the bathroom. He wasn't stupid enough to leave evidence laying out for anyone to find.
But his bedroom was another story.
The very second she walked in, she found that she hated him just that little bit more.
Her laptop sat on his white desk, perfectly fine, not a scratch on it and untouched. Which shouldn't be the case for a laptop stolen weeks ago. But there it was, plugged in and turned on. But it being there was enough proof that he tricked her. He knew her so well that he used the fact that she never invaded his space against her, had she done that, she would have figured it out far sooner.
Then there was her phone, tucked under his bed with the recording she got of Ryan talking about Jason. She figured he heard it and noticed the mention of Ricky which, originally, she hadn't. That must have been why he stole it in an attempt to keep Ricky out of her sights for even longer.
By the time she was satisfied with her search, his drawers and closet were tipped, his grey bed was covered in clothes.
And it was at the very bottom of his sock drawer that she found the next piece that made her stomach twist.
Files she hadn't even noticed were taken, his second phone used to call his more dangerous contacts, evidence after evidence stored behind the drawers. It made her sick. But not as sick as the final thing she found. Hell, if she could pretend she never saw it, she would have. But her memory was too good and it was too cruel to her. She would never forget finding the slip of paper at the back of his closet, hidden within a cardboard box full of old unworn clothes.
God, she wished she hadn't even searched his apartment.
"...Oh fuck."
She heard a dramatic gasp behind her immediately after she spoke, though, too far to be in the actual apartment with her.
"Did I just hear Tweetie swear?"
The building itself was quiet enough for any word to be heard through all of the open doors. Including the slip of her curse as she looked at the contents of the paper and found what seemed more like a treasure map, the Southblock Hotel looking right back at her with writing in the corner and a circle encasing the basement level. 'Jason's location.'
His fail safe. If he was ratted out, much like Jason was, he at least knew that he had their secrets hidden and likely to be found. He wasn't an idiot.
"What's wrong, Tweetie?" Ryan called out, having heard from Oscar that she let a curse fall from her tongue. "Are you hurt? You're not hurt, are you?"
"No," she called back, taking the paper with shaking hands as she rushed to Ryan who waited by the front door. "Is my phone around? Where did I put my bag?"
"Why? What's going on?"
She shook her head.
There was no way she could deny it now. There was no way she could pretend he hadn't done all of this.
"I just found where Jason Barber is buried."
Truthfully, Robin never expected to find herself at the cafe. Not on this day when everything felt unsure. Not when she had already spent hours with Roderick discussing what to do with the location of Jason and how to deal with the situation. Neither wanted to let the public know that it was Archie, but there wasn't any way they could hide it. Not really. Jason Barber was no longer missing.
And so, only an hour before she arrived at the cafe with Ryan, she ended up handing her badge in, deciding that this was when everything ended.
Hazel White no longer existed.
It was finally official and Roderick was left to make a public statement, informing people that she had stepped down after solving the case.
People weren't going to take it well, she knew that much.
But, it didn't affect her because she wasn't Hazel.
"Jesus, I haven't seen any of you all day. Where've you been?"
The sky was darkening, but it wasn't late. It was just nearing Winter and the days were shorter. Short enough for the sky to begin getting dark at only four in the evening.
"Aw, were you worried, Stewart?" Ryan smiled, stepping towards the counter while Robin dropped at their usual table.
It was only them, the others, as much as they wanted to stay, needed to leave. Of course, both Ryan and Robin had a reason for being at the cafe, they had things to do there. But, the others needed to be elsewhere. Fox needed to be home to tidy the mess before his grandparents got back and he decided to drag Joel with him. Both Leo and Oscar had to go home to see their families so they knew the boys weren't dead.
"I was, actually. Always am."
"Can't really blame you," Robin shrugged.
"Where have you been then?" He got to work making them their drinks as the cafe sat still and silent. "It's been pretty lonely without you guys."
"We were at my apartment," Robin twisted in her chair to face them both. "The boys wanted to see my place and I had things to do."
"Things to do," Ryan scoffed. "You make it sound so casual."
"Why? What did you do?"
"Oh, y'know, she only went and found Jason."
"You what!?"
She smiled, still tired and still wary of the fact that it was Archie and it always had been. She didn't know what he planned to do with the information if he was never found, she didn't know if she wanted to know. Maybe he would have claimed to have figured it out one day and taken the glory as if a dead teen was a prize to win. Who knows? But it hurt, knowing the answer had been so close the entire time.
"It's a little ridiculous," she sighed as Ryan stepped towards the table, taking the seat beside her as he put his legs on her lap and leaned back to see Stewart. She didn't argue. "I never expected to find it. I went to Archie's apartment to try and find the missing evidence. But it was there, he had it written down just in case the others in the gang turned on him, he probably held it over their heads too."
"It wasn't...!" He gasped, sounding like a gossiping mother. She knew he already heard about Archie's arrest from Roderick. The pair of them were a couple of mums. "So he's been found? They finally have a body?"
"He's buried under concrete, so it'll take some time to dig up. They want to be sure he's there before they tell his parents, but he'll at least get a grave now. Roderick's going to make some statements soon."
Her gaze shifted to her legs, still slightly fearful for what would happen once the night was over. She knew she wasn't Hazel anymore, but she knew that she was her and she would still probably get upset over what the public would say.
"Statement?" Stewart asked, walking towards them with a mug of tea for her and coffee for Ryan. She wasn't the biggest fan of tea, admittedly, but, it was better than having nothing but water. "What about?"
"I officially quit my job. No more Hazel White."
"Jesus, you have been busy today." He seemed relieved, but, only for a moment. And then all of the realisations set in. There was a lot that she got because of her job, one thing was her home.
She knew for a long time that her life was always unfair, it was always controlled by the city. She worked for it, she worked to keep it safe, but only because she ended up without a choice. She got privileges she would lose... Like her home, and like the money she got. Without her job, she would just be another homeless kid. She would be Robin Merez again, the missing child her parents never bothered to find.
"What's going to happen now?" Stewart frowned, glancing towards Ryan who shuffled his chair closer to hers, "where will you live?"
"Do you not get to keep the apartment?" Ryan asked, unknowing of how her life worked.
She shook her head.
"Wha-?" He bolted up, dropping his feet from her legs to stare at her with wide eyes and parting lips. "What? What happens now then? Please tell me you're not forced to go back to your parents-"
"No," she shook her head gently. She was calm, she already had a plan, she already knew what she was doing... mostly. "I'll be living with Roderick."
"Oh thank God," Stewart breathed out, "that man is a blessing."
"But, I can't keep going to the school... obviously. I can't even sit exams because I haven't been to school since I was fourteen, there's too much that I just don't know."
"The cafe is always open to you."
"I was kinda hoping you'd say that."
She wanted to pay him back. She knew that while she worked there, she caused a lot of trouble, mostly in ways of getting herself in trouble but having nowhere else to go but the cafe. Hell, she knocked herself out on his floor once and the bloodstain still lingered. She hated that she had no real way of paying him back. But, she wanted to help, and she knew that if she kept helping, she would be able to do it without causing trouble because the source was gone. No Hazel, no trouble... mostly. She was still a bit of an idiot. But, she wasn't recklessly confronting killers and breaking into houses, so, there was that too.
"You want to keep working here?" He perked up, his face lighting up with a smile as she nodded shyly. "Of course, Robin!"
She let her lips curve, glancing from him then towards Ryan, who, for a moment, lowered his gaze to the table, glancing down at it in thought.
There was a reason they were there, and this was it.
"Hey, uh, Stewart?"
"Yeah, Ryan?"
"D'you think I could get... a... job..." his voice left him, growing more anxious as he spoke. He was getting nervous, but, he took a breath, glanced around and realised it was just the three of them and only the three of them. "I mean, here? On weekends, maybe?"
"Oh finally!"
Ryan turned, caught off guard from his words that sounded like a breath of fresh air.
"I've been waiting for one of you boys to ask for years. I heard you discuss it a few times, so I always kept the job open for you."
"You have?"
"Yup."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
Ryan sank, not because he was upset. It was quite the opposite, actually. He felt the relief, knowing that he would be able to pay Fox's grandparents back, not a lot, but enough, for the fact they let him stay with them. He didn't feel so utterly useless when he considered his future.
"And now," Stewart straightened his posture, glancing around for just a moment, "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to leave the cafe in your hands for just ten minutes. Think of it as a test run."
"What? Why?"
"Need some milk. The deliveries came in this morning, but they didn't bring my milk. This is the third time now, I have to go get some."
"Oh, alright then." They agreed, though, realised they could have gone to get him the milk just a moment too late. He was already leaving as they parted their lips to give him their offer.
And then he was gone.
The cafe was entirely silent, just the two of them. Which was... wrong. Obviously, it wasn't horrible, but it felt too strange. The boys were always present, Stewart was always present, fawning students were always present. But not today. Not when they both felt floods of relief from knowing that they weren't totally helpless.
"That's not how I expected that to go," Ryan finally broke the silence between them. And slowly, he inched his way closer to Robin until his head was on her shoulder.
"How're you feeling, Ryan?" She asked, liking to be sure that he was always okay, always sure that he wasn't falling into a habit of overthinking his feelings. It was a difficult time for him, they both knew it, and she wanted to support him as best as she could.
"So... so relieved." He sank into her. "You really made me panic. I thought you were gonna have to leave us forever to live with shitty parents. I thought I was gonna get into a habit of never looking for a job or moving forward with my life. I just- seriously...."
He let a long breath escape his lungs, one which said more than he could have said in words. It was long, but softened, smoothed to a breath of air without any anguish, no anger, no pent up frustration.
"Ryan, I don't know if I ever told you, but, a while back, in hospital... you told me that you wished you could be like your mum. You know, soft but strong, warm. And I've thought for a while that you are exactly that." She paused, feeling the weight on her shoulder lift, just enough for him to look at her as she looked down at the table, knowing eye contact would cut her words short and she would lose her voice. "I mean, I know your life has been horrible, but, you haven't let it ruin you. You're still you, and..."
She lost her voice. Ryan sat up and she turned to him, worried she had upset him with just her words.
But, he didn't seem sad, he didn't seem even a little upset.
"Here I thought you were that warmth. Obviously, nothing will replace her, nothing will be the same as the life I had then. You told me that. But I like this one too... I'm trying not to sound too cheesy but it's really difficult."
"Please, I'm a cheese connoisseur."
"Just- I don't know romance or relationships or that sort of stuff. I've read it in books, but I've never known it. My parent split up when I was three and didn't have a clue and that's the limit of my experience- well, besides Ricky."
"Ricky?"
"Have I not mentioned this?"
"Uh... nope."
"Ugh," his face twisted. "I don't know. We were friends but he was always looking for more, he tried to hide it through Amelia, convincing himself he liked her... But, he was always obvious. I was into him, y'know? I mean, maybe, if he wasn't an ass, I'd think he was pretty. But, he is an ass... You're not an ass, you're pretty. You're very pretty..." he trailed for a moment, his eyes oozing before he caught himself. "-He's not. Pretty on the outside, sure, but never the inside. He's violent. He thinks that a relationship heals the damage when it only covers it up like dirt on a body hides a crime- ouch, that was relevant- He did too much, he beat me too many times, I can't forgive that."
"And you shouldn't." She reminded him. "Move on, but you don't need to forgive."
He nodded, agreeing with her words. He was a killer after all.
"But, you know..." He continued, "my point is, I don't want to do anything wrong. I don't know how it works, hell, I'm still terrified of touching you because I don't want to hurt you. But, I don't want to be scared of the whole thing."
"It's okay Ryan," she smiled, hoping to bring comfort as best as she could, "I don't know a thing about it either..."
He smiled, thankful they were at least in the same boat.
"I hate to make assumptions like this, but you've mentioned something a few times. And I just want to be clear about it, flick my ear if I'm being rude, but... you're asexual, aren't you? Like, you don't like the whole, y'know, sex thing. Right?"
"Ah, uh, yeah," she nodded. "That's right. I mean, don't get me wrong, romance is totally fine, just... not that. I'm not comfortable with it, never have been. It's not ever anything that comes to mind. Not that I've, y'know- but, you get what I mean, right?"
"Right," he smiled, nodding. "That's fine then. That's okay."
"Oh thank God. I've never actually had to say it out loud before."
"I just wanted to make sure. You've never said it outright but I assumed."
She nodded. She understood. They never talked about the subject much, there wasn't room to, really. Not unless she wanted to turn conversations weird.
"I-" he sank down in his seat. "I really like you, Robin. More than anyone. Ever. But, I don't want to hurt you."
"Ryan," she said his name in a long airy breath. "I get it. But, I also trust you. You're not going to hurt me. Have you ever hurt me before? Have you ever hurt the others?"
"No..."
"Then what's different?"
"...I just... I want to be careful. We don't know what could happen, I don't always have control of my anger no matter how hard I try-" he faltered. "Hell, I'm just avoiding things." He shook his head, disregarding his own thoughts.
He knew he couldn't always trust his own head. It betrayed him, it made him think an unsafe home was where he was supposed to be. That was far from trustworthy.
"Then... if I ever hurt you, please, promise you won't be forgiving. Please? I need to know you won't just brush it off, I don't want that."
"I promise I won't."
"Good, good..." he nodded, his smile not quite on his lips.
Then they realised what they were talking about. Neither really intended on going into this conversation here or now, neither had planned to discuss these things so seriously. But they did.
"I..." His voice left him, as hers did. But there were words in his mind, words she told him in a way he didn't know. But he loved her enough to find out, to want to know exactly what she said to him, every single word, no matter what language.
"If you want to be loved, love. Si vis amari, ama."
This wasn't how she expected anything to happen. She thought she would abandon them, leave them to forget her existence while she went on as Hazel White, pretending to know what she was doing. She could have. even if Archie was caught. She could have replaced him and gone on as some sort of emotionless robot. But she wanted to live. For once, she wanted to survive
This wasn't the life she ever thought she would live. She had so many chances of another life, so many different directions that she never took.
A rich life, living miserably as a musician beside her parents. Homeless, lost, without any family that she was willing to turn to. A robot, living for work and nothing but work. There were so many different ways her life could have gone, but she came here, and she wondered if it was worth it to endure so much because this seemed like the best outcome. To move on, go on as who she wants to be, trusted and trusting. He was once a seemingly venomous boy, poison to the touch. But that was never him, only the shell he created. She felt that if he could become this, she wanted to become something just as good.
His hand reached her cheek, gentle, like a boy holding a flower, too careful of the petals that could fall. They once thought themselves cruel things. Villains and two headed beasts. If they were, if they still were, it wouldn't change the moment. They would only see double the purity a villain rarely sees.
"Can I maybe..." he was getting closer, inching until their noses barely touched, inching until she could smell the coffee and heat on his breath. "Can I kiss you?"
She answered only by closing the distance, a hint of a smile on her lips as his grew.
It was clumsy, new, and exactly as they imagined. Neither knew what they were doing, but it felt tender enough, soft enough to be enough. They could feel the smiles the other wore, the curve of their lips, the fumbling hands that moved without much thought over the others skin, one hand still pressed to her cheek, the other around his neck. And then they were beaming, pulled apart enough to see the red of the others skin, the eyes like stars so bright they thought they would never need the sun again.
They were enough.