"I knew it was wrong, from the moment she picked up the file. I knew things would go wrong. She's Hazel White, she's talented. I thought- I thought I could stop her from finding out, I took evidence, files. I hid them while the others framed whoever they thought was fitting and helped where I could. I wasn't trying to get her hurt, I didn't try to hurt anyone. The threats were meant to deter her. I just... I don't know. I was desperate."
"Why did you do it in the first place? How did you get involved in the murder of Jason Barber?"
"I was selling information to gangs, destroying evidence to hide crimes. It started out that I was just working for Arthur Matson, then Daniel Thompson got in contact once Arthur was arrested and Daniel was released. They were starting their own gang, they had some big names in it too, most have left the country by now. But they paid well. Jason Barber was involved, he sold drugs to school kids at parties whenever he could, then Ricky got involved too. I guess he wasn't too keen on Jason, jealousy or something, but he ended up ratting him out to Daniel. He told him he was stealing shares of the money he was supposed to give.
"Jason Barber died, beaten to death the moment he walked into the hideout. I found out after when they asked me to help them hide the evidence."
"And where is the hideout? Where is Jason Barbers body?"
"Southblock Hotel. He was buried in the basement... I just want it to be known that I regret all of this."
She stood, unblinking in the growing night.
Once again, she found herself stood watching an interrogation. One she couldn't bare to get involved in herself. She was lost, hopelessly blank in her expression, but she couldn't stop crying, she couldn't stop the tears from pooling on her cheeks or her nose from running. Her mind was as blank as her expression, she didn't take in anything but the conversation ahead of her.
It was ridiculous. She felt ridiculous.
"...Robin, what are you doing in here? You shouldn't force yourself to listen to this."
"Roderick," she turned, unshifting from the mans sudden appearance behind her, she was more stone than girl. "Roderick, please. Tell me this is just a sick joke. Please. I- I don't want this. This can't be real."
He said nothing, knowing the truth would hurt but a lie would hurt more.
"C'mon," he shook his head, feeling the hurt himself. He could barely imagine how Robin was feeling if he felt so terrible about it. "You can stay at my house, I think you need to go home and rest. You haven't rested in days."
"No," she refused, "I want to know everything."
"It's not going to do you any good."
She fell quiet, lowering her head again to look at her feet. What a pathetic life she led.
"Can you-" she stopped, rethinking her decision. Yet, she continued. "Can you take me somewhere else?"
"It's not dangerous, is it?"
"No."
He hesitated, glancing over her. Yet, he doubted that in the state she was in, she would want to do anything even remotely reckless. She was upset, but she wasn't stupid. So, he nodded, agreeing without knowing where she wanted to go and he led her out of the room, fingers on her back and eyes ahead.
The central police station, just like always, was busy with working life. Yet, as she passed, people fell silent, they stopped their conversations and they turned to her, sympathy drenching each of them. They didn't know who she was, not really, but they knew how close she was to Archie and they saw how pained she was.
Jason's parents would never know who found the killer of their kid, nor would they know who left the trail of wet footprints in their house. The world wouldn't know who Hazel White was, not until somebody involved threw her to the media to drown, but the likelihood of someone doing that anytime soon was slim. Ricky was a murderer, whether he meant to be or not. In truth, Robin didn't know if she even felt a pang of guilt for him anymore. Maybe she did, but with everything else, it was a needle prick of an emotion, she hardly felt it in comparison to everything else.
She solved the crime. But, for what? Was any of this ever worth it? If she had known it would end like this, would she have refused to investigate?
"Well done, Robin," Roderick patted her back on their way out. "It's been tough, but you did it."
She wished more than ever that she could bask in the glory that she couldn't reach. The success of what she did would never touch her skin and she knew that it was no use to reach out and grab it. The success tasted foul. There was no point taking it because she didn't want the glory if it took taking grief to get it. She was mourning something undead, wishing to take back what she couldn't get.
"Give things time," Roderick said to her, opening the passenger's side car door she didn't realise they approached, "You're tough, you'll come out on top."
She knew better.
You can't put someone under a meat grinder and expect them not to be tender after.
"You wanted me to drive you here?" Roderick pulled up at the side of the road, glancing over the house neither of them recognised. Yet, the familiarity of the feeling it gave was enough for Robin to trust this was the right place. The glow of lights that shone through the windows felt welcoming and friendly, the silhouette's that ran by reminded her of the energy and the smiles. This was the place.
"Are you sure this is the place?"
"Yeah," she smiled weakly, rubbing the injuries hidden under her sleeves on the top of her arms. "Thank you, Roderick."
"Give me a call when you want to come home, you can stay with me and we'll sort things out, alright? I'll see you later."
She pushed herself out of the car, her steps ungraceful and wobbly from all she had been through. And she approached the house, glancing around at the garden but acknowledging none of it as she knocked on the door and Roderick waited silently, ensuring she got to where she needed to be safely.
The door opened, drenching her in the warm light and a shadow of a tall figure.
"Tweetie," Fox breathed out, shocked to have seen her there at all.
"Is the pizza here!?"
"Dude, the pizza arrived an hour ago!"
"I know, I ordered another!"
"With who's money? You don't have any!"
She stood, unexpectedly smiling weakly at the yelling behind Fox as she sniffed away the tears and looked up at the boy who, for once, wasn't wearing his hat.
He wasted no time at all in widening the door for her, letting her pass him and enter the house while behind her, Roderick drove away.
"Tweetie," he said again, "what happened?"
She answered with one long breath that translated into 'Hell happened'. And while he didn't speak the language of sighing breaths, he understood well enough to see that whatever it was that happened, it wasn't good. And so, taking her trembling hand, he led her through the house she couldn't bare to acknowledge because she knew she would never have a home as sweet as this.
"-Tweetie!?" A chorus yelled out at the sight of her tired eyes and she immediately collapsed onto the cream coloured couch where Joel sat.
"I have news," she spoke muffled words. "Good news that feels god awful."
Joel patted her head that laid beside him, feeling it lift as she finally glanced around the room.
The living room was warm with glowing lights on a dark night, decorated with pictures and paintings and tiny statuettes which reminded her of old people. Books laid around, scattered on the low oak coffee table, trophies sat on the mantle, reminding them of Fox's successes. It was warm, a place that would never feel like anything other than a home.
"Before the news," Leo spoke up from the couch across from her, sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees to see her just that little bit closer. "Are you alright?"
"No," she shook her head but forced a smile anyway. She parted her lips again, ready to say something, but no words left her lips as arms wrapped around her the moment she sat up and she was engulfed by purple hair.
"See, dude," Ryan turned to Fox from the side of the room, "I knew she'd turn up eventually."
"I didn't say she wouldn't," Fox returned.
"You implied it."
"I definitely didn't. I just told you not to get your hopes up."
"Tweetie," Joel turned to her, shutting the pair up with his own voice as Oscar dropped down beside her, opposite Joel. "The news?"
She nodded, feeling their eyes fall back to her. But, these eyes weren't scary, not like all the others that had watched her struggle through the case, the feeling of being watched didn't make her flinch anymore, it didn't make her think of what she should have been doing or how long it was taking to solve the case. These eyes made her feel like she could take as long as she needed, they gave her the patience she frantically grasped for until it wasn't needed anymore.
"I have all the time in the world to hang out now."
And, with those words, she finally completely broke down, shattering into a mess of a girl who once had the life she dreamed of. She couldn't bare to think of how it turned against her, how cruel the world became. Perhaps she was a bigger monster in another life, perhaps she caused so much suffering, it passed onto her in another life and she became this two-headed beast.
She sank into her knees, sobbing and sniffing endlessly while hands came to her, patting her back and shoulders, some engulfing her in warmth that she desperately needed. And when she finally let out all she needed to to be able to attempt to speak again, she was toppled over with a new weight she had felt so many times but needed more than ever.
Ryan practically sat on her, knocking her down in warmth in the hopes that she would feel better, thankful that she had come to them when she really needed somebody, anybody, to just listen to her cry for a while.
"This is so ridiculous," she shook her head, latching to him as she felt herself calm little by little and wet his shoulder in the salt of her tears, "you'd think I'd be happy."
"What happened?" Ryan asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper in the fear of harming her ears which were so close to him.
"I-" she pulled away, lowering her sight to her hands, "I solved the case. It's over. But, it's really not what I want at all. I feel so horrible, he- he sent me death threats, he destroyed my apartment- I thought he was my friend, he was like my brother-"
"Who?"
"Archie," she finally said his name, tasting the bitterness of the coffee he used to make her on the back of her tongue, the taste stuck. She never wanted to drink the toxic liquid again. "It was him. He was hiding evidence, pointing me in the wrong direction... I hate him."
"Archie?" Joel repeated, widening his eyes, "Archie, as in your assistant? Your friend?"
She nodded, wiping her eyes.
"We were friends for years, best friends, I don't understand..." she shook her head again, "I don't think I want to."
"What happens now?" Leo asked, realising that it was over. What was she going to do now the case was over? Pick up a new one and leave? Stay? Where would she even go?
"I have no idea," she admitted. "I'm not a detective anymore, but, I don't really have anything else. I don't know."
"For now," Fox spoke up, "maybe the best idea would be to distract yourself for a bit? I don't think now is a good time to try and figure things like that out."
"Yeah, you can have pizza when it arrives and we can watch movies and have fun."
"Seriously, Oscar, who's money did you take?" Leo breathed out, eyeing the purple-haired boy who smirked deviously.
They fell silent, turning to Oscar in the hopes that he would tell them. But no words left him and they realised he was going to try and take this secret to his grave.
"Ryan's, obviously." Robin smiled, forcing the silver-haired boy who sat beside her, wedged between her and Oscar yet still resting against her to turn quickly, furrow his eyebrows and part his lips. Then, he turned to Oscar who's smile had grown even wider.
"The hell? How'd you know?"
"He always takes your money, you're the only one who lets him." She shrugged, realising that if Oscar tried taking Leo's or Fox's money, he'd be scolded. And if he took Joel's, he would receive sad puppy eyes that would make him feel guilty for even considering stealing his money. But Ryan? All he did was bicker. "Maybe-"
She stopped, her eyes catching movement from the side of the room that forced her to sit up, the sorrow washing away instantly as she caught sight of exactly what she thought she had.
"You have a cat!?"
"Two," Fox corrected her, smiling as he saw her face light up so suddenly from just the sight of the fluffy animal. "She's Mitty, the other is David."
"Mitty and David," she laughed at the difference between the names before sinking back into the couch, lost of energy far too fast. "They're the sweetest babies and I love them already."
There was a pause as she watched Mitty move across the room, brushing her head against legs before getting to Fox who, of course, got all of her attention. She wanted to push her face into the cat and give her so many kisses, despite the fact that she was mildly allergic.
"Hey, Tweetie," Ryan turned to her, being the first to acknowledge that she fell far too quickly, losing every bit of her energy as fast as it came, "come with me to get blankets and stuff, we're putting a movie on."
She nodded, deciding not to question why he would ask her to help when she didn't know the house at all. But, she would go anyway and he tugged her to her feet, grasping her shaking hands in his until she was stood up and he was leading her out of the room silently and up the stairs.
They moved quietly, her mind blank while he moved nonstop, searching the rooms for different sheets but doing it quickly in the hopes that he didn't waste all of their time away from the others by taking too long searching, pretending that he wasn't trying to think his words through over an over.
"You're-" he stopped, rethinking his words and deciding against that particular start. "You know earlier when I said that we weren't angry because you already faced the consequences?"
"Mhmm?"
"This is too much consequence and now I'm angry at the world for your sake." He shook his head, opening a cupboard but doing nothing to grab the piles of blankets. "Like, this is too much, isn't it? You just go through hell over and over again and it never ends. Is this acceptable anger? Actually, don't answer that, I don't care. I'm angry and I'm angry for you."
"Yeah..." she nodded, rubbing her arms as she felt herself grow tired, "I must have killed a puppy in another life. I'm trying to be positive, but it's not working out so great if you haven't noticed."
"I really hope you punched him in the nose. He fuc- he deserves it."
"I wish I did," she sighed, "It just... it really hurt. All of it."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I should, I'm getting to a point where my mind is trying to convince me it never happened."
"What happened exactly?" He dropped, crossing his legs and sitting on the ground outside of different bedrooms and at the top of the stairs. She followed after.
"I- I told him that you guys knew who I was, then that I was quitting and he took that badly... Eventually, I asked if it was him who was hiding things, if he was keeping Jason's murder hidden..." She let a long puff of air escape, remembering every moment of what had happened as she realised that her memory was a curse if she was going to have to remember this day for the rest of her life. "He laughed. He just, he laughed and it hurt because I felt like such a joke and- God..."
She brought her hands to her face, dropping into her palms.
"I- I just really wanted him to tell me I was wrong, that it was a joke or something. But instead he pinned the blame on Ricky and said he threatened me for my sake, then, before he was arrested, he thanked me and I don't want that. I don't want his thanks or his stupid voice in my head or anything about him anywhere near me. He- he's so horrible, I-"
"Hey," Ryan shuffled towards her, seeing her grow more and more distraught over it, her body shaking as she tried not to cry again. She didn't want to cry for Archie. "He was a prick, feel angry, it's alright."
"I just-" she took a breath, trying not to become overwhelmed. "He did so much. Jason didn't deserve that, even if he was doing something wrong, he didn't deserve to die and his parents deserved some closure. But he kept that from them. I thought I was going to die, I thought somebody was watching my every move and I was going crazy. He said he was trying to keep me safe. But, if that was true, he wouldn't have done so much. He wouldn't have forced me to keep working so he could scare me more and more, he wouldn't have pushed me to a point of utter exhaustion, he had my home broken into for the sake of hiding evidence from me- he-"
"He doesn't deserve your anguish."
Ryan spoke softly, reaching to grasp her arms and remind her that he was there. But as his hands made contact with her injury and she flinched sharply, he pulled back, his eyes widening.
"Are you hurt?"
The immediate panic washed over him like tidal waves took rocks and engulfed them.
He took her arm and rolled her sleeves up. She didn't fight it and soon enough, the puncture marks of where her nails broke flesh came to his sight and he fell silent.
"Did that prick fucking hurt you?"
"No," she shook her head, "I was upset and that just sort of happened."
"You did it?"
"On accident."
"Does it hurt?"
"A bit, my nails are a little long."
"Tweetie..." He sank, his face falling to something indecipherable and then, she was being hugged again.
"I didn't mean to do it," she continued, rambling into his shoulder, "I just, I was angry but I wasn't putting my anger anywhere but myself and I needed to know that it was really happening and-" she took a deep breath, almost forgetting to breathe, "I won't do it again. I promise."
"Good. I really don't think I can take seeing you get hurt any more than you have."
"You and me both," she agreed before pulling away.
"You still smell of chlorine."
"Are you kidding me?" Robin scoffed, "I haven't changed since the game, I've been sleeping in an office and went home once for what? Ten minutes?"
"D'you wanna borrow some clothes? I mean, you might be a bit uncomfortable but..." His voice trailed, unsure of his suggestion. But Robin couldn't be more relieved to have the offer. I mean, have you tried sleeping in clothes soaked in chlorine for days? It's awful.
"Would you mind?" She asked, being sure that he wasn't just making the offer to be polite. But from the way he immediately pushed himself to his feet, he was sure.
"Take these downstairs," he pulled the blankets from the cupboard beside them, "I'll bring some clothes for ya. They might not fit well, but, y'know."
"Thanks Ryan," she smiled, letting her lips curve in the joy of the relief she wished she could have felt earlier when she had finally found the criminals. Instead, she felt it now, knowing that she had a place to belong even if nothing else worked out.
And with that thought in mind, she trailed away, taking a stack of blankets with her as Ryan sent her his own smile with the same relief she had felt.
"-Where the hell is my pizza!?"
"How long has it been since you ordered it?"
"Like, a whole ten minutes!"
"They probably haven't even finished making it yet."
"I can make pizza in two minutes! How can they not?"
"...Please tell me you're kidding. How are you alive?"
Robin walked in, glancing over them all from behind the stack of blankets as Oscar and Fox went back and forth, concern oozing from Fox's eyes while Oscar just laughed.
"Did Ryan seriously just ditch you and make you bring these yourself?"
Leo caught her by surprise, taking the blankets from her as she stopped just by the doorway, shaking her head to help the boy get out of trouble from his friends.
"He's getting me clothes," she said, trying not to let herself drift into her mind again. And to do that, she decided that her top priority for the night would be Mitty, and if he turned up, David.
Mitty walked around, basking in the glory of having so many eyes on her. A confident cat, covered in patches of browns and whites. Her stomach was a little rounded, a flumpy cat. A beautiful cat.
"Oh my God," Robin gasped, her face falling before she fell to the couch beside Joel again, heartbroken. "Oh no."
"What? What's wrong?" Joel turned to her immediately.
"...All my cat pictures..."
"Oh, they were on your phone, weren't they."
"My entire life is ruined."
It didn't take long for Ryan to turn up, clothes in hand and a cat endlessly following him. David. A cat far different from Mitty, he was black, and he was tall, bigger than any cat Robin had seen before and his eyes were a piercing shade of green. A baby, in Robin's eyes.
And to make up for the missing pictures, she gave the two cats all of the love she could muster.
"Honestly, dude, if that was me, I'd be telling literally everyone about it."
The group of six sat bundled, two couches pushed together to make one giant and strange bed/couch hybrid. Blankets were piled on them as they lazed, watching a movie too early for the Christmas season, but, they didn't care. They were cramped, warm, and bickering just like normal.
Robin laid, pushed onto Ryan from Oscar who rested back against her, using her as a pillow. But she was wrapped in Ryan and the blanket he pulled around them both, comforted by the warmth and the vibration of his voice each time he made a comment about the movie.
"Yeah, well, Kevin is different. Kevin would never." Joel argued from between Fox and Leo, all three of them sat back with their feet on Oscar who decided to take up the most space, sprawled out and careless.
"I'm not Kevin." Ryan said, "Like, shouldn't you at least tell your mum that you, y'know, fought off some robbers from your house? They should know that their home security needs improvement."
"Valid point." Leo nodded.
"He doesn't want the fame," Joel said.
"He deserves the fame. I'm gonna start a petition to get Kevin the fame he deserves."
"Are we really arguing about Home Alone?" Fox sighed, glancing to the mess of his friends who were less human, more blanket at this point. Though, a smile lingered on his lips as he acknowledged how comfortable they were, how themselves they became.
"Yes, and I think he deserves recognition." Ryan wasn't going to let the argument go, and while Robin was tired, she was quite happy to listen along and feel his voice on her back. "He'd probably be paid loads for what he did, man. He even helped his neighbour, why isn't he saying anything?"
"Ryan," Robin spoke up, her voice drowsy and uncaring in a language she hadn't used in years, "Qui dedit beneficium taceat; narrat qui accepit."
There was a pause, one that lasted just long enough for them to recognise that they weren't hearing things and that yes, she did just speak another language that they didn't realise she knew.
"Dude, you could have told me that I smell of rotten cheese and goats, and I would not care because that sounded pretty as hell. What'd you say? What language was that?" Ryan leaned over her, his face close to hers as he rested against her shoulder and smiled at her, secretly hoping that she didn't actually say he smelled of rotten cheese and goats.
"Let him who has given a favour be silent; let he who has received it tell it. Latin."
"You know Latin?"
"I told you I went to a private school. They're stuck up and they have a weird love for dead languages. Honestly, I'm pretty sure there were some secret society things going on over there... That might explain that one time I woke up in the woods."
"Say something else."
"Uh," she paused, scrunched her nose and thought for a moment.
"Si vis amari, ama."
"What does that mean?" He asked, placing his chin on her shoulder again.
"You tell me."
"You're really gonna do this to me?"
"Yup."
And that was it, she was sinking back with heavy eyes again.
Her life, as grateful as she was for it, was now an utter mess. Things felt uncertain and she wasn't such a knowing girl anymore. Sure, she knew plenty, she could remember facts that were useless at times. But she didn't know what she was doing, she wasn't sure if she ever did actually know.
But where she was didn't feel quite so bad. Messy, sure, but not bad. Not terrible. She was going to deal with the leftover pieces of the whole situation, a fear of certain trust, a constant worry for those close to her, an endless uncertainty. But it was something she was going to prepare for, something she would deal with. She wasn't alone, the world had proved at least that much to her. And all she was left to do was put things together again, figure out the reasons and the next steps. Where would she go now she wasn't a detective?
She wasn't sure, but, she was going to find out whether she wanted to or not, so why not do it with people she knew she could trust?