December 12th 11:53 a.m.
Gotham
Dick's Apartment
Dick hit the space bar on his computer and Downton Abbey paused as Violet poured tea into her porcelain cup.
"Alfred does sound like them."
"I tried to tell you. Mannerisms and all."
Dick laughed and planted a kiss to my ear. I sank back into him with my head on his shoulder. The hot water lapped against the tub with our movement. It wasn't meant for two, but he insisted. Which surprised me considering he didn't even like watching T.V.
"You smell like the air after it rains," his arms wrapped around my waist and his erection dug into the small of my back. I bent my head to give him more room and his tongue swiped below my ear.
"I hate the rain," I whispered as I swallowed the sadness. I figured he knew how my parents died, just not the specifics of what happened. Another thing to take to my grave.
He ran his hand over my stomach. "Every time I'm near you it's like it's all I can smell."
His hands roamed down till my thighs spread for him. My butt pushed down and the small groan that left his lips just added to the blaze in my stomach.
His finger grazed my clit and my hearing and sight disappeared all at once. The loss of my senses only made me focus on his touch more. Like it was the only thing in the world left to think about. The only thing worth my attention.
"Where do you want it? Here, or on the bed?" He asked as his fingers pushed inside of me.
"Now," I sat up and his hands moved to guide me down until I felt the tip of his cock.
"Don't move until I tell you to," he said, and my hands went to hold the sides of the tub.
"Do you always have to turn sex into a game?" I let out a heavy breath.
"I like when I make you frustrated. That's how it's always been. I push and you give me a reaction. Every single time." He pushed his hips up and goosebumps gathered on my skin.
My legs shook with the pressure of my own neediness. He kissed my back and that didn't help.
Accidentally, my hips lowered half an inch.
"Claire," he warned.
"Stop being such a prick," I choked out and he pushed my hips down so I was pulsing around him.
"You're a brat," he whispered to my back, and I leaned against him.
His hands held my waist as he throbbed inside of me. The friction of his body rubbing against mine was enough to let me come undone, but I was holding on to the porcelain with white knuckles trying my best to push it off.
"You're too big."
"We already know it fits. I'll go slow."
The water hadn't been hot for the past half hour but now it was freezing against my burning skin.
I pushed up and rolled my hips until my insides started to burn. I stopped after an onslaught of moans.
"Fuck," I pushed up just to get more stability and he grabbed my wrist. He pulled me back down and wrapped his arms around me. My back was to his chest and his hips were raising to meet mine. He let out a curse and my legs started to squirm.
The sudden thrusts tore me in half.
"Jesus fucking Christ," I said to the ceiling, and he pushed my legs up so my knees were touching my chest.
I threw my head back on his shoulder as I held onto his arms. His mouth found the crook of my neck and his teeth grazed my skin. When his tongue outlined my carotid, I clenched around him and he cursed into my skin.
I came, feverishly and full-bodied. I closed my eyes as he poured into me. He squeezed my thighs with his calloused fingers as my hips shook. I looked back at his face as he moaned my name.
I had him right where I wanted him.
I shakily attempted to stand with him halfheartedly helping. My hands were on the wall as I straightened up and his cock fell out of me.
I stepped out of the tub and watched the droplets run down his stomach as he stood up. I stood in-front of the mirror and leaned against the counter. He came behind me and pulled the elastic from my hair. The strands fell to my wet shoulders and he gathered it in his hands. I watched with hooded eyes as his hands roamed my body.
Watching was so much better than just doing it. It made me acknowledge the feelings and actions that otherwise I would have just tried to forget.
"Don't leave any hickies," I warned.
"Don't order me around. I know what you're really like," he whispered into my ear. His hand cupped my throat and he nudged my thighs apart with his knee. His hand immediately went between my thighs, and I reached behind me to wrap my hand around his wrist.
He pushed me over the counter and rubbed my cunt with the tip of his cock. "Everything about you is," he picked up his pace, "undeniably," my hand went back touch his stomach, "fucking complex." He teased and barely moved in and out of me. Only a few inches and he'd pull out. We were edging for a minute or two before he actually slammed into me. I watched him in the mirror as he thrusted harder and harder.
His hands were on either side of my hips and he was squeezing so hard. His body was rigid with tense muscles, but his face was warm. Inviting almost.
The sound of his skin hitting mine was rhythmic and the quick pain of it was making my stomach twirl.
"Hit me," my lips almost didn't let me get it all out before I practically shouted it. His eyes leveled with mine as he breathed out.
His hand landed on my ass and he kneaded my skin for a second before he slapped it. It stung, but he did it again, then again until my skin was raw. His handprint was burned onto me.
"Look at me."
I gave a glance at our reflection and my stomach grew hot.
Everything went white. He pushed in and I shook beneath him. He came inside and my body lost its strength.
I was trying to gain my composure for another round, but he bent forward to kiss my shoulder and he pulled out of me. "Get ready to head out. I'm taking you for pancakes."
"Pancakes?" I asked, still face down on the counter.
"I woke you up for a reason. Not just to watch a show." He picked his shirt off the ground and wiped his cum off me.
"Not just to fuck me in the bathroom either?"
"This was going to happen regardless. Something about you on a counter. It does something to me," he joked as he threw the shirt in the basket. I stood up to watch him walk out the door.
Suddenly my dreams were all I could think about. The crash. Lenny. Dick.
I looked at myself in the mirror and wiped under my eyes. The burning feeling in my stomach made its way up to my chest.
***
"Wait. You went to the warehouse last night and you didn't tell me?" My arms immediately crossed over my chest at his nonchalant mention of what happened last night.
"When did I have the chance too? We were preoccupied." His eyes dropped to my lips, and I crossed my legs.
"What did you find" I asked as he turned left.
"Gizelle had an operating room in the basement. She had a computer hidden in the wall. When she saw that it was gone, she freaked out and called Rayford. Said everything was on there."
"Wait, Gizelle was there? You saw her there?"
"Yeah. She was alone."
"Dick, what the fuck? "
"Nothing happened. She didn't see me, but she called Rayford. She said that the Maroni's stopped business. It's the 12th and the van still hasn't been seen. They're taking a break, it's time to deal with them before they start again. What can the Maroni's do without Gizelle?"
"You just found the computer and that was it?"
"I found a case of bullets. The ones with the anesthetic. Dom had a stash of them upstairs."
I didn't like the fact that he was torturing himself with going back there. Not after everything I learned last night. I didn't like that he was in my nightmares either. Bleeding, half dead and an arm's length away but never within reach. Whenever I closed my eyes that's what I saw now. I was sick to my stomach every time he walked away from me.
If it wasn't Lenny in my nightmares, it was him, if not him, my parents.
"I didn't mean to shut you out," he said as we pulled into a parking space. "That's not what I was trying to do."
"Then what were you trying to do?"
"My job," he closed his eyes then looked at me. "I didn't withhold it. I just didn't get a chance."
"Have you even looked through the computer yet?"
"Yeah, a few files."
"Anything about Genisis. Or Lenny?"
He shook his head. "No, but to look through everything it'll take a few hours. What do you want to drink?"
"A coke. Please don't forget the strawberry's."
He climbed out and locked me in the Porsche. I leaned back and closed my eyes. I only got 3 hours of sleep before Dick woke me up to 'talk'. About anything really. First about Sasha and Genisis then my favorite books and shows. We were doing things backwards but I loved his stories of when he was little. As Robin and a Flying Grayson.
But I was feeling woozy from the hot bath and the lack of food and sleep.
My eyes flew open when I heard the sirens. They echoed all the way down the street. Just a fire truck but still scary.
I kept my head low as I scanned the road. Then I saw him. A man standing across the street with a blue backpack hanging off his shoulder staring dead at me. Like he could see through the tinted windows. His sunglasses were on-top of his head, flowers were held tight between his hands. Roses.
It was Lenny. My Lenny. But his face was screwed up in pain, and he was covered in mud. A monstrous red firetruck drove past, blasting its horn, and Lenny disappeared behind it. Like he hadn't been there at all.
It took me a second of confusion before I pulled against the handle to get to him, but the car alarm went off. And I slammed it shut but it still rang.
Dick was suddenly at the door with a white bag and a coke. He clicked the alarm off and opened the door with knit brows. "What are you doing? Are you okay?"
"Lenny," I whispered as I looked back at the street. Dick hurriedly slammed the door behind him and faced me with worried eyes.
"I-," he started but my mind was zoning everything out.
"I saw him, Dick. I saw him," I was shaking my head as the river came back into my head. Did I imagine that? Was it just a trick of the light and a man who looked similar, or was he really so close?
Were my nightmares coming to life?
"Claire," his leveled eyes made me feel like a child.
"I didn't mean to make a scene. For the alarm or-," I looked away and he grabbed my hand.
"Don't worry about that. Don't ever worry about that with me," he stopped, and his eyes flitted across my face. "It's okay to miss him."
No.
I saw him.
I hadn't hallucinated in years.
It had started and ended with that day at the river. It was a one-time thing. A simple mistake and a lesson to be learned.
I was lonely and I needed a way out. I knew that's what it was, but this didn't feel fake or made up.
But I knew better than to trust it.
"I just got confused," I managed to say after a second of silence. His brown irises seared into me, and he opened his mouth to press but he didn't let out a single word. "Forget I said anything. Please."
"Are you sure? We can-."
"I'm okay. I just miss him. Take me somewhere pretty." He looked around, searching for something that wasn't there. I turned towards the window to gather the pieces of my childhood threatening to break through.
A love song played as Dick whipped out of the parking lot and I was forcing a smile on my face every time I felt his eyes land on me. It took 10 minutes to get to the top of Mount Gotham and by time we were overlooking the city, silence had filled the car, and I knew it was my fault.
"From here you'd never be able to tell how shitty it is." I said.
"It's a dump but not everything is bad."
I gave him a skeptical brow. "What part are you thinking of?"
"I've met most of my friends here. I've grown up here. My whole life is in Gotham. Even when I left for the Titans. I guess that's why I came back."
"Who are the Titans?"
"In 2014, I needed a break. So, Donna and I went to San Fransico to form a team with people like us."
"Like the Justice League?"
"Sort of," Dick laughed. "Not really. We were a lot more dysfunctional."
"They were your friends?"
Dick turned his head from the city to me. "Yeah."
"Two years ago, you were in San Fransico and now your back here. Why?"
"Something bad happened. So, we disbanded. Donna went back to Central city. Dawn and Hank went to Washington, and I came back here. Ever since I've been hyper-focused on saving Gotham when I should've been dealing with the team. I was supposed to be their leader and make sure everyone got out alive. But I fucked up and now I'm in the place I ran away from."
I had ten-thousand questions now, but I refused to ask them.
"Me and Bruce didn't get along before I left, and when I came back it was just as bad. Probably worse. We tended not to agree on anything, but I had to come back to be Robin. I needed a place that needed me too."
"You can be Robin anywhere else. You don't need Bruce, or Gotham for that."
"Where would you have me go then?"
"Maybe Detroit. Or Chicago. They're definitely in need of some superhero help."
He nodded his head and laughed. "I'll look into it."
"What's your plan then? Stay in Gotham for the rest of your life?"
"I don't know where else I could go. I'd need a reason to leave. Something that wouldn't let me look back." Our eyes met and I don't know why I even entertained the thought of us running from Gotham together. But I did. And it was perfect.
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
"I'm never free," Dick said as he brought his phone out. His eyes went back and forth across the screen and he hurriedly put the car in reverse.
"What happened?"
"It's Gizelle."
"What happened? Did she go to the cops?"
"No." He began to shake his head and he curse. "She's dead. They just called it in to the precinct. I have to go out there," Dick's voice began to shake.
"Oh my God. How?"
"She was shot. Right outside of her house."
Dick went 110 down the highways and in the next 5 minutes we were back at the apartment. Dick drifted to a stop and unlocked the doors.
"Be safe. Alright?" I said as I got out.
"I will. I'm sorry this came up. I'll be home in an hour."
"It's fine. Just find out what happened. Call if you need me."
Dick tore out of the parking lot, and I was left standing in the cold. I looked around. Dick's bike was still here. And I knew where his keys and helmet were inside.
I'd never been on a motorcycle. So, I knew I shouldn't have even attempted to drive into the city. I'd just get myself killed. There was that and I was still on the FBI's wanted list. So, I genuinely should've known better than to hit the kickstand and pull the handle back. But I did.
And I almost crashed 7 times, but I made it to Gotham cemetery nonetheless.
It wasn't busy except for an old woman, but she was faced away from me, kneeling down at a grey gravestone. Soon I made it to my parent's grave and bent down.
"I came to say goodbye. I just wanted to tell you I miss you. I don't think I've missed you more than I do right now. And I'm trying my best to remember that this is what we've always wanted. For me to get out of the city and to live somewhere sunny. But I really wish you guys were here to do it with me. I wish you were here to tell me I did the right thing. For me. For Dick. Maybe even lie to me and say for Lenny too." I bit the inside of my cheek and brushed my hand along the etching of their names.
'Angela and Stephen Nightengale. Loving husband, wife, and parents.
January 8th, 1969 and December 29th, 1967 — November 20th 2013'
"Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul. – Democritus"
My dad's favorite quote. He had a book full of them. I lost it, or it got stolen. Maybe it was turned to ash or sitting in the bottom of the Gotham Landfill. I had no clue.
"If I'm ever able to come back, I'll bring you flowers. Nice ones, I promise."
I figured I could say my goodbyes to everyone here.
"Alex, when I look back on the best moments of my life your in almost every one. You were a brother to me when I needed a family. I'll never let your name die, not while I'm walking this Earth. I swear."
I sucked in a breath because I pushed the grief out of my mind with the rush of life. In a way I was still in denial.
"Genisis, I'll tell Dez. I'll find a way to tell him about what happened. For him and your mama. I'm so sorry I didn't help you. That we found you too late. I'm sorry."
Lastly, "I don't fucking get the dreams or the mud. I don't know why out of everything I've done in the past month your the one thing in my nightmares. You're my friend. You were like a father to me. More than Dom. And I know I failed you. I know that, but I don't know what I'm missing caus-." I stopped when lightning flashed in the sky. A few seconds later thunder shook the ground. I tore myself away from my parents headstone for the last time.
While I was going back to the bike, my eyes caught a glimpse of something red and silver. A headstone a couple yards away with a bouquet of red roses tied together with silver paper. The exact ones left at my parents' grave a week ago. It took all my diminished courage to look at the name. And when I did, my heart skipped a few beats, then the world fell silent.
"Bianca L. Johnson. Loving daughter and friend. August 17, 1989-April 18, 2012"
My vans splashed in the puddles as I ran.
It was a clue, I just didn't know for what.
I stopped when I saw a black Prius parked next to the bike.
"You're lucky it's just me."
I whipped around and Barbara Gordon was behind me.
"Fuck," I cursed.
"Should I ask what you're doing?"
"It's a cemetery. I feel like that's pretty obvious. How did you find me?"
"The bike has a tracker. I called Dick, so I knew he was either lying about being at work or it was you."
"I came to say goodbye. I'll go back. Don't worry."
"We're all on the line if you get caught. This wasn't smart."
"They're my parents. Wouldn't you want to say goodbye?"
She narrowed her eyes, "Do you realize how much Bruce and Dick are putting into this? How much time and effort? Bruce is only doing this because he doesn't know how else to help. This is wrong. Your a criminal, you weren't framed. You did what they're accusing you of."
Even more righteous than Dick. "I do. I figured I'd at least be allowed to say goodbye to my family. And aren't you considered a criminal too? According to the Mayor, and even some of yours dad's officers."
She dropped her arms to her side and scoffed, "Why were running away."
"Because I needed to get out of here. Are you going to tell on me?" I asked sarcastically.
She shook her head, "I came to talk to you."
"About what?"
"I looked at the files on the computer Dick stole. Genisis has a video and her receipt from her buyers," Barbara looked away from me and let it hang in the air. I was clenching my fists and willing myself not to scream at the sky. Not to break down and hit the ground. "Gizelle had a meticulous system. 62 people were on there. But not Lenny."
"What?"
"Lenny didn't have a file. Or a video. There was nothing on him. No trace. As far as we know he wasn't with them at all."
"Why are you telling me this?" The feeling was suffocating me. What if he was still out there?
"I didn't look into it for Dick. I looked into it for you. Regardless of how I feel about your relationship with the Maroni's, you deserve the truth about your friends. Those people deserve justice."
"Does Dick know?"
"Not yet. I'm telling you first."
"Why would you tell me when you want me to leave? Aren't you worried I'll do something stupid?"
"Alfred said you're smart. I know you're not dumb enough to go back on everything now. I checked everywhere. Hospitals, Morgues, Arkham."
Arkham?
Lenny told me he went to Arkham for a little while a few years back.
He said it was a safe spot for him, whatever that meant.
"You're really looking for him?"
"I'm looking for him. Dick and I will put away every single one of these pieces of shit."
I knew she meant it to be reassuring but the first thought that popped into my head was them at prom. Being together, as superhero's or a normal couple. Having everything we never could.
"I should go before Dick gets home. I appreciate you telling me. Really." I grabbed the helmet and threw my leg over.
"I'll follow you out," Barbara said.
"Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That's what part of it means to be alive." - Haruki Murakami