TW: mentions of a gun
Pov y/n
When I wake up, it's bright around me and I am confused where I am. The last thing I remember is being in the Red Room. My body deflates a little, I'm probably still there and just in another medical room.
I let my head fall back into the pillows and stare at the ceiling. But it's a different one than the other times and I look around my room, noticing that it actually looks quite comfortable. There's a TV and a little table with a chair and an armchair is in one corner. This is not the Red Room, I'm somewhere else. Am I back at the compound?
My heart starts to pound a little faster in hope.
But I'm not hooked up to any machines, so I must be fine but why am I here? How did I got here?
My mind is still a little dazed from my sleep but I slowly start to recap what happened.
The last three or four days I got separated from my mom. It was horrible, especially since I kinda got used to her being there after a long day of training. It was at least one face that didn't look at me like I'm nothing. So being apart from her was hard. I honestly am not quite sure what they did to me there. They put me in a medical room, where I spent more time than usual, just laying there and staring at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. That's why I noticed the difference so quickly.
Each morning and evening they took me to some room where they kind of hypnotized me, or at least tried and injected something in me. I had no clue what it was but after the second day, something inside me felt weird. It felt like there were foreign thoughts in my head that told me to do something. It got stronger with each day and it was hard to fight against it. When I had training, my trainer would tell me to do something and the thoughts in my head got louder and told me to follow the order.
At one point it felt like my body did it without me telling it to do so. I had no control over my body, it just did what I got told. That was really scary and I am more than sure that it had something to do with the stuff they injected in me. It was like I was just watching what my body did, without being able to do anything against it. It was like losing control over myself and I really didn't like it.
One morning an alarm went off and everyone was a little confused and it got a bit chaotic. Dreykov ordered me into his office and I was so scared he would do something really bad to me but he just looked at me and explained that someone broke into the facility and that he wanted me to be on a defense group. I was confused who would break in here but at the same time there was a glimpse of hope that they maybe would free everyone. Dreykov then took a little spinning wheel out of a drawer, it looked like the one they tried to hypnotize me with, just in small.
He let it spin and without wanting to, my eyes locked onto it and I only partly listened to him, my eyes fixed on the wheel. After that it felt like I was in some kind of trance. Something that had only happened once before during training. One single thought ran through my head: take the witch hostage and kill the other guy.
I couldn't think myself, my thoughts were blocked and my body moved on its own. I went outside to meet a group of widows and one handed me a gun which I took without hesitation. They started marching in a direction, apparently knowing where to go and I followed them, in the last line.
We went through a lot of hallways and suddenly stopped. When they parted, I stepped forward and faced another person. It took me a few seconds to recognize the face and it looked like Wanda but I wasn't sure. My own thoughts silently came up, telling me it's Wanda and that she is not going to hurt me but the commands I got were louder. I tried to fight them when I watched Wanda stepping closer to me but she stopped and for a few moments it was like I never saw her before in my life.
She spoke softly to me and my inner thoughts recognized her voice and she became more clear again. With each sentence she spoke, my own thoughts got stronger, pushing the others away.
But suddenly a wave of foreign thoughts hit me and I lost control over my body again. Not realizing what I was doing, I pulled the gun out of my thigh holder and pointed it at her.
I see her face before me again, how scared she was that I would shoot her and if I'm being honest, I don't know if I would have.
But then my eyes focused on the gun in my hand and panic washed over me, the same as always when I held a gun and I let it fall to the ground. Wanda spoke again and this time I fully saw her. Our eyes locked and as if my body was trained for it, it relaxed when I looked into her green eyes. They gave me a feeling of safety. After that I only remember falling asleep. And now I'm here, so I guess I'm back?
Now remembering everything, the same pictures play in my head over and over again: me pointing a gun at Wanda, almost ready to shoot her. Her eyes filled with slight fear and my heart clenches as I remember her expression. I scared her, I pointed a gun at her, I'm a monster.
My breath starts to quicken and my body starts to shake. I am so caught up in my head that I almost don't notice that I pressed the emergency button on my bed.
Seconds later the door opens and I see mom running inside and coming to my bed. She notices my state and carefully cups my cheeks, worry in her eyes.
"Y/n, can you hear me?" She asks and I nod, still shaking as my thoughts begin to spiral.
"Good, can you breathe with me?" She inhales slowly, holds her breath and lets it slowly out. The next time I join her and we breathe together for a few minutes until I calm down and my body stops to shake.
Mom brushes some hair out of my face and kisses my forehead before pulling me into a hug. It feels incredibly good to hug her and my body relaxes even more. When she pulls away, she sits next to me on the bed and takes my hand.
"Are you okay?" She asks, still a bit concerned.
"Yeah, I just...I need to talk to Wanda." I say while my fingers start to fiddle with each other. Mom seems a little unpleased with my answer and I remember that she doesn't actually like Wanda but right now I don't care, I need to talk to her.
Surprisingly, mom gets up, squeezes my hand and heads out of the room. Only seconds later Wanda enters and smiles shyly at me. It feels a little surreal to see her again, fully conscious now but it's also good. She pulls the chair up to my bed to sit next to me. I watch her, nervous about what to say, fingers fiddling even more.
"I'm sorry, I...didn't mean to point a gun at you. It wasn't me who did it, well it was but not really. They did something with my head and I lost control over the actions of my body and I didn't want to threaten you and I didn't want to shoot. When I realized, I got scared and dropped the gun...I am so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you and point a gun at you." I ramble, feeling my throat closing a little and tears forming in my eyes.
"It's okay, I'm alright and nothing happened." Wanda assures me, searching for my eyes.
"No, it's not. I really like you and after the great times we spent together, I should have recognized you, but I couldn't. My brain was kind of clouded and I couldn't fight whatever was controlling my actions. But still, I never should have pointed a gun at you. I'm a terrible person, a monster." I sob, tears now streaming down my face as I try to explain my position but it feels like a weak and dumb explanation.
Who would believe that? My eyes focused on the fingers in my lap that fiddle quickly, scared of Wanda's reaction.
"It is and I know you didn't mean to." Wanda softly says, taking my hands in hers to stop my fidgeting and rubbing the back of my hands with her thumbs. My eyes still on my hands.
"Can you look at me, please?" She asks and I shyly look up into her eyes. They are soft and not hostile in any way, which gives me a little bit of hope that she won't hate me.
"Do you remember how you told me that one bad action doesn't define you?" She asks again and I nod, remembering that night.
"See, and even if you did something bad, it doesn't make you a monster or a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes, it's normal. And you weren't even fully aware of what you did so I don't think that it's really something you did. In some way you were forced to and didn't have a chance to do anything against it. And you also didn't really do anything bad. Yes, you pointed a gun at me but as soon as you realized, you dropped the gun and I know you wouldn't have shot me." She states and squeezes my hands slightly in anticipation. I swallow thickly.
"I honestly don't know if I would have shot you." I confess in a whisper and feel new tears running down my face. "And I still was a monster, who pointed a gun at their friend...I would understand if you didn't trust me anymore." I bite the inside of my cheek and look back down on our intertwined hands, ignoring the tears.
"First of all, you're not a monster, please don't say or think that about you and second, you wouldn't have shot me. I know that and I still trust you with everything I have. Let me proof it to you." She assures me and lets my hand go to lift hers up to my face.
With a gentle gesture, she lifts my chin up so I look at her and she searches my eyes for a second before she closes the gap between us. I feel her soft, warm lips on mine and taste my own tears in the kiss. It's a soft kiss and our lips move together slowly, in an already known rhythm and she doesn't pull away when I lift my hand to place it on her cheek to pull her a little closer.
When we pull away for air, she leans her forehead against mine and locks her gaze with mine.
"See, nothing to worry about." She whispers into the small space between us.
A/n: Back to our pov. Just out of curiousity: which pov do you like the most?
Thanks for reading and love to you all <3