Your author is here to make you all cry again. Sorry in advance.
------------------------------------------------------
"Is there anything you need? Anything you want me to get you?" Jennie asked as she brushed her thumb across your knuckles.
Your eyes felt heavy, heavier than they've ever felt before.
"No. I'm okay."
Jennie sent you a sad smile as she nodded her head, her brown eyes traveling to where your hand was intertwined with hers.
She bit her lip, trying her hardest to keep herself together and get that thought out of her head that keeps coming back, the one that keeps reminding her that she won't be able to do this much longer.
According to your doctor, you don't have much time left. It's been a hard pillow to swallow for not just you but everyone in your life that love you so much.
These last few months have been hell. But you've fought harder than you've ever fought before. You, quite literally, were fighting for your life as you refused to let the cancer get the best of you.
At least, that was your mindset until recently. But now, you're getting weaker and more exhausted than you've ever been before, and fighting to make it through each and every day takes so much out of you.
"Jennie?"
Your voice pulled her out of her thoughts.
She looked at you, her eyes staring into yours with a loving gaze.
"Yeah, baby?"
"There are a few things I want to talk to you about."
She didn't like where this is headed.
This conversation was going to be inevitable.
Before you pass, there are, of course, bound to be things you want to say to the people you love.
Loving Jennie more than anything, there's a lot on your mind that you want to say.
It's not easy to do but you can feel it in your heart that you're running out of time. You don't want to miss your chance and leave this world without saying all the things you need to say.
"Are you okay?" You asked upon noticing her biting her lip, as though she was trying everything she had to keep it together.
To not completely fall apart in front of you.
"Yeah." She lied. "What is it you want to say, my love?"
"A lot."
She exhaled shakily.
"I thought about writing you a letter because I knew this was going to be hard but I felt like saying them to you was better."
She nodded for you to continue, fighting back her tears.
"You made my life so much better. You know that?"
She smiled a little.
"We spent three beautiful years together. They're easily the best of my life. You made me feel so loved and so happy. I never knew falling in love could be so wonderful and I never knew I could love someone so much but I was wrong. Because you're the love of my life."
She closed her eyes, trying so hard to keep the tears from falling.
"Jen?" You softly spoke when you noticed she was hanging her head and squeezing her eyes shut.
"I'm going to miss you so much." She spoke. "I don't even know what I'm going to do without you."
"Oh, Jennie," you whispered in sadness.
"Before this diagnosis, before it all happened, losing you was my greatest fear. Because of my life and how I travel so much and how busy I am. But, at the time, things were okay. You were okay. So it was just something that lingered in the back of my brain. But now... I'm actually going to lose you and it hurts so much."
She sniffled, no longer able to hold back her tears.
"It's so unfair how you didn't get as much time in this world. You deserved so much more."
"I know." You sighed. "I thought about that. At first, I was angry."
"At first?" She sniffled. "What about now?"
You shrugged.
"I've made peace with it all. Because, it is a little unfair, but I look back at every minute that I spent on this earth and I realize how wonderful it was. I'm very lucky. I have an amazing family, great friends, you. What else could I have ever wanted?"
She smiled through her tears.
"I made so many great memories with so many wonderful people. I made three amazing friends because of you."
The girls.
You get along with them so well. The three of them are like your sisters. They've been by your side through a lot, ever since you and Jennie got together, and that never changed even once during these long and grueling few months.
"It's not like I can change anything. So, I've tried to look back and see every moment in my head. When I think about it, even though I had my fair share of bad moments, it was amazing. I had a great life. That's what I want to think about when that day comes. That I loved every moment that I had here. My favorites were with you."
She chuckled tearfully and kissed your forehead.
"Can you promise me one thing?"
"Anything, baby." She said.
"Promise me that you won't ever close yourself off to loving someone else."
"That's kinda inevitable, darling."
"No, it isn't. You can fall in love. I want that for you."
"But I don't!" She said as she tangled her fingers in her hair. "Because I only wanted that with you."
"Jennie, I don't want you to spend forever feeling sad and missing me. Do I want you to remember me? Yes, of course. I don't ever want you to forget me-"
"I never will."
"I know." You said. "But you're beautiful and you're amazing and you deserve love. I want you to be happy, even if that's not with me. You deserve that. All of those things we talked about doing in the future, you can still have that with someone else. I want you to."
She started to cry again.
"I don't want you to go." She cried. "I love you so much. I don't want you to leave me."
"I know." You said as tears began to sting your eyes. "I don't want to either but I have to sooner or later. It's hard to keep fighting when it's taking so much out of me."
She stared at you, her teary eyes locked with yours as you wiped away your tears.
"You have to hang on a little longer. Everyone's coming to see you tomorrow."
"I'm not letting go yet."
She kissed your forehead, her lips lingering on your skin.
"Can you sing to me?"
She closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath before she squeezed your hand a little.
"How long will I love you? As long as stars are above you and longer if I can. How long will I need you? As long as the seasons need to follow that plan. How long will I be with you? As long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand." She sang as you smiled a little, finding comfort in her voice and her soft touch.