''This is Davin, m-my son'', Pilit na pinapalakas ang boses kong sabi sa kaniya pagkaraan ng ilang minuto. He looked at me and then he looked at Davin with a soft expression. I can't stop myself from tearing up, pasimple kong pinunasan iyon. And for a minute I just sit there watching him look at my..our son, hindi ko maiwasang makonsensya,he deserves to know everything but this is not the right time, I'll just hope that someday if he will know everything he would understand that I was just avoiding complications.
''Pwede ko ba siyang kargahin Babe?'', natigilan ako dahil dun, nakita ko ding nanlaki ang mga mata niya mukhang nagulat din.
''I m-mean.. Bea'', ulit niya at tumikham.
I blinked before answering
"okay'', wala pa din sa sarili kong sabi at inabot sa kaniya si Davin.
I gulped, shit what wwas that, huminga ako ng malalim.. that didn't happened, okay Bea?
''Sayo muna siya Thirdy ha, may kukunin lang ako'', Agad akong tumayo at naglakad, hindi ko din alam kung saan ako pupunta ayaw tumigla sa pagtibok ang puso ko.
''Bea are you out of your mind, pa takot-takot ka pang may masabi ako tas ikaw lang pala maglalapit sa kanila''. natigilan ako at napatitig kay mom , wala pa rin ako sa katinuan.
''He didn't know, pinakilala ko lang ang anak ko mom'', I reasoned out.
Mom let out a sarcastic laugh.
''I hope you know what you're doing Beadel, sana alam mo kung ano talaga ang gusto mo dahilkung hindi mo napapansin ang gulo-gulo mo'', I blinked multiple times when mom said that before walking away.
Ano ba talaga ang gusto ko?... alam ko lang gusto kong protektahan ang anak ko and revealing who he is will just complicate everything.
Huminga ako ng malalim, now this is the consequences of going back. Back in california everything I do is just for Davin, now kahit hindi ko aminin lahat ng gawi ko kasama si Thirdy sa iniisip ko bago ko iyon gawin hindi puro anak ko nalang. Taking Thirdy out of the picture is the only thing that could bring my system back to normal. I sighed.. dapat ba akong umiwas? I look back and saw Thirdy still holding Davin and making him laugh.
Bumalik ako sa kinaroroonan nila habang gulong-gulo pa ang isip ko.
''Pwede na Thirdy'', natiglan ako sa paghakbang ng marinig kong sabihin ng daddy ni Ate Ly iyon kay Thirdy.
''HAHA ikaw talaga tito''. sagot naman ni Thirdy at umiling.
''Ha? bakit wala ka bang girlfriend?''. Tanong naman ulit ni Tito
Kinabahan ako sa tanong na iyon at mas kinakabahan ako sa sagot ni Thirdy, kaya naman binilisan ko ang paglalakad at agad na umupo sa medyo malayong umupuan kay thirdy dahil hindi ata kayang nakatayo pa ako kapag sumagot siya feeling ko matutumba ako.. oo nga pala nagpropose na siya kay Julia. Hindi ko maiwasang masaktan kahit piangbabawalan ko ag sarili ko. Damn this feeling
Nagpanggap akong tinitingnan ang pagkain sa harap.
''Wala pa tito eh..'', napunta sa kaniya ang tingin ko ng sabihin niya iyon..'' naghihintay pa kasi ako ng tamang panahon'', napalunok ako ng sabihin niya iyon habang inaabot sakin ang plato may laman na kinuha niya para sakin kanina.
Tumikham ako at agad na kinuha yun sa kaniya at nag-iwas ng tingin. Damn!
Alam ko namang hindi ako ang tinutukoy niya pero nagwawala pa rin ang systema ko, damn Thirdy and his gestures! His giving me false hope.
Hindi na ako nakinig sa usapan nila, iniiwas ko rin ang paningin ko sa gawi nila.
''Mi!'', lumunok ako bago lingunin si Davin na nasa lap pa rin ni Thirdy.
''Yes?''.
He opened his mouth, gesturing me to feed him.
Nakita kong bumaba ang tingin ni Thirdy sa kaniya.
''You're hungry now buddy?'' I gulped when I heard that, I don't know what to feel.
''hmm'', davin answered while looking up at Thirdy, he has big smile.
I cleared my throat.
''Okay then come to mommy dahil hindi kita abot jan'', I am like 2 seats away from Thirdy so basically i can't reach for him.
But he just shake his head and hugged Thirdy's neck while looking back at me. Pinanlakihan ko naman siya ng mga mata he just pouted and didn't follow what I say,aba talagang batang to.
''Okay if mommy can't reach the baby then kami nalang ang lalapit'', ani thirdy at umusog palapit sakin. Davin smiled at him then turned to my side and open his mouth.
Hindi naman ako nakagalaw, tinapik ni Davin ang braso kaya ako nabalik sa ulirat at agad siyang sinubuan. I continue feeding Davin kahit sobrang naiilang ako titig ni Thirdy, nakasunod ang mga mata niya sa lahat ng gawin ko.
''Ako na magpapakain Bea, kumain ka nalang hindi ka pa kumakain diba?''. agad akong umiling.
''It's fine mamaya nalang ako'', sagot ko naman
''No I insist''.
''hindi nga ok--".
''Please Bea i can--''
''Thirdy when I say okay lang, okay lang!'', galit kong sigaw nakakapikon kasi ang kulit niya.
Napakurap-kurap naman siya halatang nagulat.
''Okay..'' parang tuta niyang saagot.
'' Wow hindi pa nga nagkabalikan nag-aaway na agad?'', pang-aasar ni Keifer ng makaupo ang mga ito sa mesa. I have no idea kong saan sila pumunta pero ngayon ay unti-unti ng bumalik ang lahat even mom, wala naman siyang sinasabi she's just looking at us then she'll look away.
Hindi na kami sumagot sa pang-aasar na iyon ni Keifer,I just shut my mouth. Nakokonsenya din ako dahil sa pagsigaw ko kay Thirdy kanina,I should've overreact.
Tiningnan ko siya,tamihik lang siyang kumakain habang nakakandong parin si Davin. Mukhang nag-eenjoy naman siya dahil tumatawa pa at nakikipaglaro kay Dani. I can say his comfortable with Thirdy's family,I smiled with that. Nawala lamg iyon ng maalalang meron nga pala akong kasalanan. Paano na kung malaman nila ang totoo?
"So ilang taon na si Davin?". Tanong ni Tita Mozzy,I saw my mom stilled for a bit and also dad's expression turned into a serious one.
"He's 3 years old tita". Ako ang sumagot,nakita kong natigilan siya,kinabahan naman ako dahil doon.. ano ang iniisip ni Tita?
"Oh Ang laki na,alam mo ba Bea akala ko Kapatid mo lang to, I thought si Det ang nagbubuntis kaya kayo nagtransfer but then things were cleared now". Aniya at tumawa,kumunot naman ang noo ko.
"Oh silly me,well nakita kasi namin ang IG story ng mga friends mo and na clear din ni Det samin kanina na anak mo". Tita cleared, tumingin naman ako kay Mom,I shut my mouth" pala ha.
"Hmm yeah I had him that's why I had to go to California". Sagot ko nalang.
"Hmm hindi naman sa pagiging chismosa ate Bei ha,kayo pa ba ng daddy ni Davin?". Tanong ni Dani at tumawa.
I don't know what to say.. on the other hand Hindi naman kami naghiwalay ni Thirdy diba? .. I mean yeah physically pero siguro dahil na din sa mga nangyari Hindi na namin napag-usapan at tapusin ang kung ano ang meron kami. So that means kami pa? Not physically.. we just separate ways after I reveal that I'm pregnant it's,I was thinking of Thirdy's career more than anything that time so wala na akong,kaming oras para doon.
I just smiled and nodded kasi nalilito ako kung ano ba talaga,I dont want to say Wala na,pero ayaw ko naman sabihing kami pa, because that's not the whole truth and dahil alam kung may susunod na namang tanong yan kapag iba ang sinagot ko.
"Yieee may love life pala si Ate Bea eh,sanaol". Kinikilig na sabi ni Dani,I just smile shyly.
"Nga pala ate Ly,tapos na ang training mo sa Japan diba? How's that?". Pag-iiba ni Dani kaya naman nakahinga na ako ng maluwag pero naputol din yun ng makita ang mukha ni Thirdy,kahit napangiti alam kong masama Ang timpla niya.
Ano naman kaya ang nangyari sa kaniya? Ayaw ko naman siyang tanungin dahil as much as possible ayoko muna siyang makausap.
Nag-usap-usap pa sila about sa Training ni Ate Ly sa Japan for 2 years,nakikisali naman ako sa kanila paminsan-minsan pero kapag si Thirdy na ang nagsasalita nakikinig nalang ako. I wipe Davin's face every minute dahil kumakain siya ng kung ano-ano.Matapos ng ilang minuto tumayo na si Thirdy akala ko ibibigay na niya sakin si Davin pero dinala niya iyon at naghugas silang pareho ng kamay.
"Oops don't play with the water bud". Saway niya at tumawa lang ang magaling niyang anak.. niyang anak.
"Thirdy looks good with Davin in his arms",I wasn't expecting for my dad to say that. Gulat akong tumingin sa kaniya,he just tap my head and walk away.
Yeah Thirdy indeed looks good with Davin. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nararamdam ko sa daming emosyon akong maramdaman ngayong araw,halo-halo na ata. Maya-maya pa ay bumalik na sina Thirdy tamang-tama dahil napagdesisyonan na din naming umuwi,we can sleep in here but we can't dahil may mga appointment sila bukas.
"I brought my car with me dad so kayo na ang bahala Kay Davin. Sa van nalang siya". Sabi ko kina Mom.
" Hmm Thirdy,uuwi na kasi kukunin ko na si Davin". Imporma ko sa kaniya at kinuha si Davin.
Agad namang yumakap sakin si Davin ng kuhanin ko,I smiled and kiss his head. Ng tingnan ko si Thirdy,he's looking at us and he's also smiling.
"Salamat nga pala sa pagkarga Thirdy sorry ayaw niya kasing umalis once his comfortable with a person you know a baby trait". Sabi ko nalang,she just shrugged and laugh.
"Ayos lang noh you know I love babies.. I don't mind having this little bud with me the whole day". Sabi niya.
We just bid our good-byes and we went to our cars but when I was just about to give Davin to mommy he cried.
"Mom-my! Mom-my!" Iyak niya at pilit akong inaabot.
"But mommy will drive alone,anak I can't hold you". Mahina kong kausap sa kaniya.
"Noo mom-my". Mas malakas na ang Ang iyak niya, bumuntong-hininga Ako at kinuha siya.. now how can I drive.
"May problema ba Bea?". Napatingin Ako kay Thirdy ng lumapit siya.
"He doesn't want to go with mom kailangan ko kasing e drive ang kotse ko". Sabi ko at napakamot ng ulo.
Nag-isip din siya saglit,he was about to say something pero humarap si Davin sa kaniya,he spread his arms.
Agad naman niya itong kinuha at agad hinile.
"What if you drive and we'll go with you". Suggestion niya,nagliwanag Ang mukha ko pero the thought of being with him until we went back to Manila faded it.
"Pero..."
"Opss,stop wag ka ng kumontra it's really fine Bei,annddd wag mo akong sisigawan". Tinikom ko ang mga labi ko and just nodded.
The whole ride was so quite, but not awkward at all,it's so peaceful that somehow I enjoyed.
When we arrive at our house,I went down and Thirdy went down also with Davin in his arms who is fully awake.
"Thanks for your help Thirds,you can take my car from here so you can go home,I'll just have someone to pick it up tomorrow". I said and look away. I don't know why but when the car stopped the air turned into something uncomfortable.
"Hm no I'll bring it back here tomorrow". Kontra niya
"S-sigee ikaw na ang bahala". Sagot ko
"Okay,bye Bea,bye little Bud".
" Bye dy". Davin replied with a sleepy tone.
"Tito Thirdy Davin". I corrected.
"Dy". He replied
"Tito Thir--".
"Bea it's okay obviously he can only say the last syllables". Ani Thirdy at tumawa.
He tapped Davin's head.
"Good night bud,good night Bea". He said then kissed Davin's head ,he stared at my face before going.
I blinked and tried to absorb what just happe before I went in,agad din namang nakatulog si Davin after I tucked him to bed.
..................
Obviously,were not back to being friends,casual lang . The way she treat me,she goes cold then okay na ulit,kinakausap niya lang ako kapag pagkailangan. But that was okay for me as long as kinakausap niya ako. Plus,I got to meet her baby,Davin.. Ang ganda ng name niya.. Bea's really creative on that part. And he's really a beautiful baby. He really looks like Bea and carrying him earlier feels like kinda kilig,it sends akmeoto my spine and warms my heart,so my day is still great even though nalaman kong Bea is still with Davin's father. I don't want to know if she's already married to that guy,kung sino man siya,damn him! Pasalamat lang ang gagong yun dahil ang gwapo ni Davin and he's a wonderful kid. Buti nalang din si Bea ang kamukha. I smiled when I accidentally called her babe maniwala man siya o hindi,di ko sinasadya yun. That was my first time talking to her in almost three years yung nakausap ko talaga siya ng matino.
When I arrived at home, I saw mom and Dani I was about to greet them but..
"Alam mo napapaisip talaga ako anak eh.. 3 years na si Davin diba? Eh 3 years ng nagbreak ang Kuya mo at si Bea diba? Gets mo ba Dani?". Si Mama
"Hmm impossible yang sinasabi ko ma ha". Si Dani at umiling.
"Ang ibig Kong sabihin parehas na 3 years na ang nakalipas 3 Dani,means I LOVE YOU yieee". Natawa nalang ako sa sinabi niya,kahit kailan sira talaga Ang humor niya.
"Talaga ma?". Sarkastikong sagot ni Dani
Nagtawanan silang dalawa,Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ba ang pumupigil sakin na pumasok.. siguro may gusto akong marinig?
"Kasi alam kong pareho tayo ng iniisip Dani,pero impossible din,hindi naman ganun klaseng babae si Bea,she won't lie to us and your Kuya will be responsible if ever,you saw how he held Davin kanina diba?". Ani Mama
I sighed as satisfaction creep through me,so it's not just me, they're also thinking that.
Davin's mine? Pero impossible yun Bea told me that his not mine,he slapped me with that truth 3 years ago..but I can't help it I have a feeling.. especially when I held him in my arms.. but she won't lie to me right? She won't. Dahil hindi ko na alam kung ang mangyayari sakin kapag nalaman kong nagsisinunggaling siya.