Gerard's POV
Nothing. A feeling that doesn't even feel itself. A space of emptiness, drifting around the atmosphere quietly but surely. My bones don't ache or strain, my skull doesn't hurt or crack, no, I don't feel anything anymore. I can't even hear outside of my body, a cracked shell, an empty carcus that is so empty, yet so full. I crave oxygen, I crave thinking, coz right now, I can't breathe nor think. Thoughts are lifted from my brain, floating around the air. No one came to visit me, I don't blame them.
I don't regret pulling the trigger. I don't regret it, coz it proves I'm a weakling. It proves that I'm not the boy people think I am. But right now, I wish that somebody, anybody, would talk to me. I won't talk back, I can't talk back. But I'll know I haven't gone yet.
I feel quite selfish come to think about it. I'm just another selfish bloke. I don't even know if Frank knows me for me. I think he does, though; as he stuck by me throughout my flaws. I know I don't deserve to live, but if fait will just let me say goodbye to him and apologise for everything one more time, I'll take it as a given.
I know exactly what I'd say too. It'd be like a vow someone speaks to their loved ones in a wedding, but right now it's for a funeral. Light gone dark. Pure gone rotten.
Foul bahaviour, yet I have commited no sin. Or maybe I have, I don't remember. Shooting myself didn't give me any extra points mind you.
That's why I'm begging someone; God maybe, I dunno. I've never been really religous. But if you are out there God, somewhere, either let me live for another fifteen minutes to tell Frank, Ray and Mikey I'm sorry, then I owe you as I drift to Hell. I know the devil will accept me for who I am, I'd rather be that then going to Heaven and pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm sick of playing games.
So yeah; nothing. I guess that's where I stand right about now. So if there is one chance I can take to be back with Frank, to be with him in his time of need, I will take it. I'll do anything. But I won't play.
Never play games with the Devil, always play intruments with God instead.
Author's Note: I love this chapter! It's short I know, but I wnated to capture of how Gerard is feeling, laying still and unconscous. Don't worry the next chapter is how Ray reacts with Mikey knowing he loves him. I will write a whole story for anyone who can decipher Gerard's last thoughts in the chapter. I wanted a good metaphor in the end of this chapter, and I came up with "Never play games with the Devil, always play instruments with God instead". I'll write about whatever whenever for the person who can tell me the meaning of the statement in the comments. Good luck with the challenge, it's harder than it looks. :-) Love ya all!