I puffed a sigh when my feet finally touches the floor of our house, finally I'm home. My day was a torture given na nasapol ako ng bola. At ang worst sa lahat ay kailangan kong tiisin ang mga titig ni Thirdy, though nag-enjoy ako dahil sa mga kaibigan ko,mas lamang pa rin ang ilag ko at kaba. At talagang kailanga niya akong titigan. Hindi ko man kasi tingnan nararamdaman ko naman ang titig niya. And it's making me conscious dahil alam kong nakatingin siya sa bawat galaw ko. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko ng bumilis na naman ang tibok ng puso ko ng maalala ang mukha ni Thirdy kanina habang kausap ko si Davin sa phone. I saw him stilled when he heard Davin's voice.
Does he feel it? I shook my head, it's impossible.
I had to end the call agad dahil sobra na ang kaba ko.Nanginginig ang kalamnan ko. I can saw confusion on his eyes. Ayokong makasira, it may not make sense for others but ayoko ng gulo, ayokong maipit sa gitna si Davin even if it means hiding my son..our son from him. Dahil alam kong may mahal na siyang iba.
Kitang-kita ko kung paano niyang alagaan si Julia, I saw it kanina sa restaurant, I shrugged it off, I shouldn't be affected by that matagal ng walang kami.. you shouldn't be Bea.
Pinilit ko ang sarili kong tumuloy sa kusina dahil naririnig ko na ang boses ni Davin, he's laughing at naririnig ko din ang boses ni kuya. But before I could even make a step, my phone rang. It's Jho anyway.
"Hel.."
" BEAAA hindi pa rin ako makaget-over sa revelation mo kanina!! Nakakainis ka! Lutang pa rin ako hanggang ngayon kaya Hindi ko namalayan na nandito na ako sa harap ng bahay niyo. Makikitulog Ako at bawal kang tumanggi". Tsk!
Napangiwi ako at di na sumagot,binaba ko na ang tawag at agad na lumabas. Nakita ko siyang nakatayo na sa labas ng gate namin at nakangiti.
As soon as I opened the gate ay parang siya lang ang may-ari dahil talagang tinabig niya Ako para makadaan siya.
Tsk!
Singhal ko sa utak ko dahil alam kong naiinis pa rin siya dahil sa hindi ko pagsabi sa kaniya ng totoo about Davin.
Ng lumingon ako sa kaniya,her arms was folded in across her chest and her brows were furrowed,matalim din ang tingin niya sakin.
I raised both of my hands.
"Okay,okay I'm sorry na hindi ko nasabi sayo". I apologize.
"Oo nga eh noh? Hindi mo sinabi.. sakin.. pero sina Maddie parang alam na alam". Maldita niyang sumbat.
Tumingin ako sa kaniya bago bumuntong-hininga.
"I didn't told them,nalaman lang nila when I arrived here because they prepared a welcome party for me".
Natahimik siya bago ulit magsalita.
"So..parang wala kang balak sabihin samin? Wala ka lang choice kaya namin nalaman? Alam mo Bea.. ito tanong ha,ano ba halaga ng pagkakaibigan sayo?".
Natigilan ako at agad na nagbaba ng tingin,this is embrassing.
" Importante kayo sakin". Tanging naisagot ko
"Hmm importante na hindi mo masabihan ng mga importanteng bagay? Kasi para sakin Bea that's not how friendship work. Andito nga kami para damayan ka,para tulungan ka pero alam mo sa ginawa mo nagmukha kaming mga walang kwentang kaibigan". Aniya at wala akong magawa,Wala akong masabi dahil yan ang nararamdam niya eh,Hindi Ako pwedeng kumontra. And I feel bad about it.
"Jho.. I'm really sorry pero kasi.. ". Hindi ko ata kayang ituloy.
"Natatakot ka". Siya ang nagtuloy ng sasabihin ko.
Kunot-noo ko siyang nilingon,how did she know.
"I'm your best friend Bea,kilalang-kilala kita and believe me kahit sobrang kang nakakainis naiintindihan kita,well.. I'm trying". Napangiti Ako dahil dun.
"That's.. good enough for me.. thanks Jho". Sagot ko at maluha-luhang lumapit sa kaniya para yumakap.
And as soon as I felt her arms around me,it feel so good. I feel like I'm safe and my reasons were valuable enough dahil alam kong I have a friend who understands me,well.. she said she's trying .
"Sige na Tama na to,hindi ito ang pinunta ko dito eh". Aniya at nakita Kong pasimple niyang pinunasan ang luha sa mga mata niya.
I smiled and held her hand as I guide her inside our house.
"Mi!!!". Naramdaman kong natigilan si Jho dahil hawal ko ang kamay niya.
And when I looked at her,nanlalaki Ang mga mata niya at halos di na siya humihinga.
"Huy! Wag kang oa huminga baka mamatay ka jan madamay pa kami". Biro ko sa kaniya.
Inis niya inagaw ang kamay niya sakin at agad na lumapit kay Davin. Davin's face was filled with confusion while looking at Jho whose walking towards him.
"Oh my gosh,Beadel boy version!", Sigaw niya kaya Naman nagulat si Davin at pumalahaw ng iyak.
"Jho! You didn't have to shout nagulat mo Ang anak ko". Inis Kong Sabi sa kaniya at agad na kinalong si Davin.
Nanlaki Naman ang mga mata ni Jho.
"You're really admitting it?". Aniya
"What's the point of lying?". I answered back ,she just shrugged.
"Sa bagay".
And true to Jho's words she really stayed and will be having an overnight here, after ng sigaw niya kanina na talaga namang ikinagulat ng anak ko,we eat snacks dahil hapon pa lang naman after nun operation "kuha ng loob ni Davin" Naman ang ginawa niya. Which is effective,kaya naman sa kaniya na nakabuntot ito.
Hindi pa siya nagtatanong ng tungkol kay Davin which is pinagpasalamat ko. Pero alam ko naman anytime soon magtatanong na din siya. So I have to be prepared.
"Uy Ang ganda ng name niya ha, creative ka sa part na yun". Aniya habang nilalaro Ang mga kamay ni Davin,nakaupo ito sa lap niya.
"Tsk! Syempre". Sabi ko nalang,hinihintay ko na talaga na e open up niya Ang tungkol sa daddy ni Davin at kung sino yun.
"At saka kuhang-kuha niya ang mukha mo Bei ha,not his color though". I know she's just starting.
So I cut her off .
" Why don't you just ask me about his dad". Diretso kong sabi dahil alam ko namang doon din ang punta nun.
Hindi siya sumagot at kunot-noo lang niya akong tiningnan,na conscious naman ako, did I overreact?
"What". I said and look away.
She chuckled.
"Why would I do that?eh alam ko naman ang sagot,like hindi mo na kailangan e elaborate sakin kung paano ka niya..".
"Shh shut up Jho!". Napapahiya kong Sabi.
"HAHAHA duh girl halata namang si Mr. Ravena tatay nito noh, the color palang ng Balat Saka duh hindi dahil Sabi ko nakuha niya mukha mo doesn't mean hindi na niya nagiging kamukha si Thirdy,have you seen the way he creases his forehead,third na Third Bei". Paliwanag niya.
Hindi Naman agad ako nakasagot,kung si Jho nga napansin,paano pa ang iba? I'm sure mahahalata nila yun. My heart thumping so fast just because of that thought.
Natahimik kaning dalawa,nakikipaglaro na siya Kay Davin habang Ako naman ay malulunod na ata sa kaiisip.
"Hmm Jho,now that you know,pwede bang satin-satin nalang muna to?". Pakiusap ko sa kaniya ng magpagdesisyonan naming maglakad-lakad nalang muna sa pool side.
Kunot-noo Naman niya akong nilingon,giving me the " bakit? " look.
Umiling lang ako, maya-maya pa realization drown all over her face. This is what I like about my relationship with Jho, without saying a word nagkakaintindihan pa rin kami.
'' So Bea, ano na nga pala ang plano mo niyan''. aniya habang naglalakad na kami papunta sa gate namin, halos pumipikit pa ang mga mata ko dahil halos hindi naman ako nakatulog kagabi. Dinaldal niya lang ako, mga bandang alas dos napatulog na sana kami ay bigla namang nagtantraums si Davin kaya I had to stay up. Mga 4 am na kami natulog then I have to wake up 5 for Davin's milk and now it's just 6 and I have to get up para ihatid si Jho. I'm just so sleepy to construct a valid answer kaya nagkibit-balikat nalang ako.
''Just gonna go with the flow'', sagot ko at humikab.
''Hayst naku ano ba yang pinasok mo Bea, pero worth it naman kasi may cute kang baby. Sige ha gotta go may gagawin pa kasi ako''. I nodded and wave at her when she finally stepped out, there's a taxi waiting for her already.
And just like that I went back to bed, kinuha naman ni Mom si Davin dahil alam nilang sleepy pa talaga ako. Nagising ako mga bandang 1:00 pm, napabalikwas ako ng bangon ng maalala si Davin,pero agad din akong nakahinga ng maluwag ng marealize he's with mom and dad. I streched for a bit then went out, gutom na ako.
'' Ate Mel nasaan sina Davin?'', I asked one of our helpers, siya minsan ang nagbabantay kay Davin.
'' Ay umalis po ma'am Bea. Sa farm daw po ang punta''. she answered.
kumunot naman ang noo ko, sa farm? what is my mom and dad up to now? I mean they usually tell us if pupunta sila sa farm para makasama ako, pero I was sleepy and I didn't eat breakfast with them kaya siguro di ko alam. I shrugged and got something to eat. I also get my laptop to check emails. I saw the notif about our classes being resumed now.
So I need to manange my time now, malaki ang time difference ng California to the Philippines. California is 15 hours behind the time here in the Philippines, and sa Monday na daw agad magsisimula ang class ko, it means I'm gonna be having it on tuesday since I'm here in the Philippines.
Not bad at all, pero I'm also thinking of tranferring to Ateneo after this school year. Since I don't think I'll be back at California.. well that's what I have in mind now, to stay.
I responded to my school's email, I'm already in my third year of BS Biology now, konti nalang talaga.
I check some of my schoolworks at nakita kong wala na akong pending, good for me. I got my phone then to text mom and to check on Davin, and when hit the send button. I went on my instagram. I saw a notification, sobrang dami nun but one caught my attention, it's Dani and she's mentioning me on her story.Maybe it was a photo of us yesterday. But I opened it anyway, nanlamig naman ang mga kamay ko na halos mabitiwan ko ang phone ko.
On Dani's Ig story she's holding Davin while my son is laughing. Oh no!
''Say hi to them baby'', dani said
''ai'', cute namang sabi ni davin.
Napa face palm ako, please tell me this isn't happening! kung nananagnip pa rin ako pakigising nalang ako but unfortunately I am fully awake and it's really happening. Napasabunot ako sa aking ulo ng makita pa ang caption, it says '' say hi to ate -beadel's baby '', I mean I know people already know about Davin, my friends posted him on social media many times already but dani's caption is so blunt that it would definitely ends people's curiosity. Hindi rin ako nagpost or nagclarify pero kailangan ko pa ba?
I puffed a sigh before gathering all my stuffs and went back to my room, I need to be there before my mom say anything, hindi ko na din pinatapos ang story ni Dani though may isa pa sana.
Agad akong nagbihis at sandaling nagpaalam kina ate Mela.
I drive at the farm fast though medyo may kalayuan yun sa bahay namin. Hindi ako mapakali habang nagdadrive sobrang daming mga bagay ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Bukod kay dani sino-sino pa ang nandon? what if hindi mapigilan ni Mom ang bibig niya at maspill niya lahat ng hindi dapat. Natatakot pa rin ako dahil hindi pa naman ako handa para doon. It can't be.
Sa lalim ng iniisip ko ay hindi ko namalayang nasa farm na ako, nabalik lang ako realidad ng makita ang malaking arc na nagsisimbolo ng farm namin. Agad akong nagpark, mas tumindi ang kaba ko ng makitang maraming sasakyan ang nakapark sa paligid.
Halos takbuhin ko ang loob ng farm, nakita ako ng mga caretaker at sinabing nasa front daw sina mom kaya doon agad ako pumunta. I stopped when I saw mom and dad sa di kalayuan their talking and laughing with... nanlaki ang mga mata ko, my parents were talking to tito Bong and Tita Mozzy, Thirdy's Parents. I looked around and saw Dani,Keifer and... Thirdy! Omygosh
''Oh Bea?'', nilingon ko ang tumawag sakin, natigilan ako when I saw ate Alyssa, she waved her hand at me gesturing for me to come closer. She's standing beside the manggo tree while the Ravena Siblings were sitting under. May wooden table and chairs na under the manggo tree at doon sila nakapuwesto. Hindi ko alam kung tatakbo nalang ba ako o pupunta sa kanila dahil adoon si Thirdy.But do I have a choice?
I breathe and started walking towards them.
''Hi'', bati ko
''HI ate Bei, upo ka''. si dani so I sit beside her.
Nilingon ko si Keifer his also looking at me then offered me a drink. I smiled back at him at inabot ang bigay niyang baso. Agad kong ininom ang laman nun dahil feeling natutuyo na buong katawan ko. I can't really stand to be with same place with Thirdy feeling ko any minute ay mahihimatay ako.
''Hala manong bat mo binigay yun kay ate Bea kay kuya Thirdy yung basong yun eh nagamit na niya''. ani Dani kaya halos maibuga ko ang juice na ininom ko. What the hell!
''HAHA to naman yaan mo na, anong lasa Bea''. pang-aasar ni Keifer sakin.
I felt my face heated, nakakahiya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na lingunin si Thirdy, when I looked at him, he's looking at me with a smirk, nagtataka ko siyang tinitigan pero ngumisi lang siya at bumaba ang tingin niya sa mga labi ko. I gulped and look away, okay.. what was that?
When I look back at Ate ly she's talking to Keifer and I can't help but to notice the way they look at each other.
''Okay wait ha, is there something going on between them dani?'', I asked Dani while she's busy texting.
''Who? Ate Ly and Manong?''. Tumango naman ako, I saw her stop texting and turn her phone off.
'' Alam mo ate Bei halatang wala kang update noh? manong and ate ly is already dating'', bulong niya at nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko
''Totoo ba?'', hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.
''Oo nga'',okay now that surprised me.
I look at them again and shrugged, they're bagay though. Nagkwentuhan pa kami, when I said 'kami', kaming lahat talaga, even Thirdy he's telling us about his whole experience sa Europe when he joined the league.I can't help but be proud.
'' oh nandito kana pala Bea'', I rolled my eyes at mom.
''Yeah and you didn't even bother waking me up pupunta pala kayo dito'', inis kong sabi, she just laugh.
'' I thought yo u still want to sleep so I didn't bother'', she replied and I just roll my eyes.
''Mom nasaa nga pala si Davin?'', bulong ko maya-maya.
''Oh he's with your dad, nandito kasi ang parents ni Alyssa they wanted to see the farm and maybe magpahangin na rin, when Alyssa told us about their plan today I said yes, I had bring Davin kasi walang magbabantay and hindi ko lang inexpect na andito din sina Mozzy. And believe me when I say, I keep my mouth shut anak'', bulong din niya, I get it at nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag. She didn't spill any so I'm still alive.
''Thanks mom''.
''Of course, I will wait till you're ready. Though magaan ang loob ng anak mo sa kanila''. aniya kaya kinabahan naman ako.
''You think nakakahalata na sila mom?''.
'' I don't think so, cause I know Mozzy if she really is suspecting hindi siya magdadalawang-isip na e confrot ako''.
Though may konting kaba, kahit papaano ay nakahinga pa rin ako.
'' Ano ba kasing pinagbubulongan niyo jan'', agad akong napatayo ng marinig ko ang boses na yun ni Tita Mozzy.
''Tita'', I called her
'' Nagtatanong lang ng pagkain alam mo na patay gutom kasi tong anak ko'', pinilit ko nalang ngumiti kahit sobrang nakakahiya ang sinabi ni mommy.
Tita laughed and hugged me.
''Hay I missed you Bea'', sabi niya at bahagyang ginulo ag buhok ko.
''I missed you Tita'', she smiled and continue talking with mom hindi naman ako makarelate kaya umupo nalang ulit ako.
''Bea here'', napalingon ako kay Thirdy ng magsalita siya sa tabi ko at inabot sakin ang plate na may kanin at crabs, naglaway naman agad ang bagang ko,pero I have to stop myself.
''N-no I'm okay''. sabi ko without looking at him, I can't bear.
'' I insist, sabi ni Tita Det naghahanap ka ng food kaya ito na''. aniya at wala akong choice kung hindi ang kuhanin iyon sa kaniya.
''T-thank y-you'', I keep on stuttering at nakakainis yun.
When I looked at him he just smiled,I felt my stomach flutter.
''Mom-my!'', natigilan ako ng tawagin ako ni Davin, wow my baby called me mommy! Lumapit siya sakin, I placed the plate at the table first before getting him to sit on my lap.
''say it again baby'', i told him and cupped his little face.
'' Mom-my'', he said again and laugh. OMG hindi ko maiwasang maiyak, napansin siguro yung Thirdy na nasa tabi ko pa rin kaya lumapit siya ng konti.
''Hoy bakit ka ba naiiyak'', tanong niya.
I looked at him with tears in my eyes.
''He can say mommy now, he just called me'', sabi ko at suminghot.
Nanlaki naman ang mga mata niya.
''Really?Wow ang galing naman ng baby na yan'', he said and pinch Davin's nose, Davin laughed, and all I could do is to watch them while tearing up, god! how I wish I could watch them like this everyday.