Well, you guys asked for it, so here goes nothing! (See how I just turned me being a big baby seeking affirmation into this all thing being your fault? ...You're welcome :P)
A bit under 5k words for an update late by a bit under 5 years. It's almost poetic!
It might not be exactly what you hoped for, but honestly, it's the first scenario in five years that actually led to a full chapter, so I'm not too mad about it. Hopefully you won't be either!
Thank you so much for your comments and your enthusiasm. I must admit that I posted the message and immediately went to take a bath and watch The Office because I didn't want to obsessively wait around and refresh my notification page. And you guys really delivered, I came back to nearly 30 notifications and it kept coming. So thank you for all the love, and I really hope you'll enjoy this.
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Lauren readjusted herself for what felt like the hundredth time. Her eyes shut tight in reaction to the pain the slight movement caused. God, this was bad.
She felt Normani's hand nudge her thigh and laugh at what had been said. She had no idea what had been said. She wasn't even exactly sure who they were even talking to, honestly.
She took a deep breath and tried to focus back on what was happening. Interview, right. Radio interview! Actually a good news, at least no cameras involved.
"...We're so proud of what we've managed to accomplish together, and how much we've all grown on the way. This tour feels really special, you know. We're more experienced, so it's a bit less nerve wracking, but this time we also get to sing in those amazing places that we never thought we'd get to play in. It's hard work, but it's an amazing experience."
Normani kept a smile on her face as she turned toward Lauren and quickly widened her eyes to signal that she needed to say something.
"Yes, I totally agree. And our audience has been amazing. We thought it was amazing the first time, but this tour has been unbelievable. Nothing keeps you going quite like the kind of crowds we've had waiting for us each night."
Thankfully that was the last question of the interview, and it was finally time to leave and go back to their hotel for the night. Seated in the back of the car, Lauren closed her eyes once again and took measured breaths to try and power through the pain. Ten minutes ride. She could do this. As long as she could maintain the seatbelt away from her chest, it should be manageable.
"Lauren, this cannot go on like this."
"It's fine, don't worry."
"It's not fine. I can see that it's hurting really bad, and there's no way you can go on for another day like this."
"It's not a day. We'll be back to the buses by midday tomorrow."
Lauren was clenching her teeth at this point. She just wanted some quiet, she couldn't do this right now. She just had to hold it together, and tomorrow everything would be fine. This all nightmare would be over, and everything would be back to normal.
"Lauren..."
"Please, Normani... Just... Not now, ok?"
Normani sighed and just held out her hand for Lauren to squeeze as each bump on the road made the pain flare up.
She was worried... and also annoyed, but mostly because she was worried. Management had had the brilliant idea to spring some promo on them. Which wasn't inherently bad or surprising at this point, but of course they had felt the need to split the girls, and of course Camila and Lauren couldn't go together. Because certainly the world would just collapse on itself, right? Fucking idiots...
To make matters worse, Normani had learned on their flight that Lauren had no plans to deal with the new "function" of her boobs. Well, she had one (even though Normani refused to call it a plan): wait until she was back with Camila. And two days later, here they were, and all of Normani's predictions were right. She probably would have gloated if Lauren wasn't squeezing the hell out of her hand and trying to breathe through the pain with her eyes squeezed shut.
No. This was stopping right now. As the car stopped in front of the hotel, Normani turned toward Lauren.
"Please, Normani, just let it go...I'll take a shower, express some of it to relieve the pressure and I'll be fine."
"No, Lauren. This is bullshit, and if you keep going you'll get sick. So what you'll do, is ask for some ice, put it in a towel, and put that over your chest. You can take a shower, but for the love of god, do it quick and without burning hot water, or we might have a real problem on our hands."
"What do you even know about all this?"
"INTERNET, Lauren! Because while you've been trying to avoid the subject at all cost, I've been worried sick and trying to figure out what to do before I just have us driven to the E.R! No! Not a word from you, go to your room, I'll be back in a bit."
Under normal circumstances, Lauren probably would have had some scathing response to this. But those were not normal circumstances, and she was so exhausted from the pain. And the E.R? Seriously? There was no way she could end up there just because she was a bit too full! ...Right?
"Lauren?"
"Fine! But I'm sure you're worried for nothing."
Normani let out a long breath and rubbed her temples.
"Just get out the car."
---
Normani's little detour thankfully didn't take too long, and she was back within 30 minutes of Lauren's arrival. She could have been faster, but she only knew as much as what google had been able to tell her, and she was not risking asking a sale assistant and being recognized.
Bag in hand, she made her way up to Lauren's room and started knocking. When there were no answer, she knocked a bit harder.
"Lauren, you better open this door, and quick, or I swear to God-"
The door opened so quick, that Normani had to take a step back. A very annoyed Lauren was standing at the threshold, looking slightly ridiculous with a towel stuck under her shirt. At least she had listened.
"Could you please refrain from yelling in the corridor?"
"Oh, I wonder why I ever would have to do that."
They both glared at each other, before Lauren finally abdicated and moved away from the door for Normani to get in.
"Does the ice help?"
"Yes, Normani. You were right, it feels much better, so you can go back to your room."
"Why did I ever do to end up with such stubborn people? No Lauren, it's not better, you're not actually better, you're probably a couple hours away from developing an infection!"
"I'm fine."
"No! And you want to know why? Because you're not feeling a bit too full, this is engorgement, that's what happens when you don't breastfeed for long periods of time. Do you know what happens when it goes on too long? You may block one of your milk ducts. And you know what happens when that goes on for too long too? Mastitis! We're talking bad infection here, with fever, pain, fatigue, the whole package. Do you know how I know all this? A 5 minutes google search, Lauren! So can we stop pretending that nothing is happening now?
Normani was breathing hard, staring at Lauren. It was breaking her heart to see tears accumulating in her friend's eyes, but if brutal facts were the only way to go, she was going to do it.
"Mani...I..."
"I know. We're going to deal with this together, ok? You're gonna grab this bag and go in the bathroom, and I'm gonna stay right here and help you, alright?"
With a sniffle, Lauren finally surrendered. With trembling hands, she reached for the bag before making her way to the bathroom. At the threshold, she glanced back at Normani.
"I'm staying right here, we're going to fix this, and tomorrow you'll have you baby back in your arms and everything will be fine."
Lauren closed her eyes, the longing for Camila piercing through her. With a final deep breath, she finally stepped in and closed the door.
She sat down on the toilet seat with the bag at her feet. She wasn't an idiot, she knew what would be inside. It just made her want to throw it out. This was not fair. The choice to do this or not should have been her decision, but no! Once again! They were thrown around like pretty little puppets without any consideration for what they might want or need.
"Honey, you should just let it out, you know. Let it out for good, and then we're going to take care of this."
Normani determined but sympathetic voice finally made the tears dam crack. Face buried in her hands Lauren finally let go, letting all the pain, anger and sadness she had repressed for two days come out. This was so fucked up, she didn't want to do this. They had started talking about it with Camila, agreed that they would wait until those sort of things might become a problem. Had she been more honest, they probably would have done it already, but Lauren just hated the idea. A fucking breast pump. Nursing was such a special moment, filled with so many overwhelming feelings, of course she'd rather suffer a bit than waste her milk on a stupid machine! She understood why it might be a necessary part of the journey for mothers, but that was not their case. It was all about bonding, having a calm moment after a hard day, relaxing and getting in their safe little bubble.
It wasn't supposed to be like that. Camila and her were supposed to do this together, try it out and see how it felt, but time was against them, time was always against them! There was so little free time available, that whenever they finally managed to get some, Lauren was reluctant to spend it doing something she didn't want to do in the first place.
The breast bump represented being apart from each other, not being able to provide what her body was working so hard to make for her baby. She knew she was being irrational and a bit reckless, but she just really didn't want to do this.
"...Maybe I can just express it in the shower, what's another what? 15 hours?"
"Lauren, no. I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you get sick because of this."
"I really don't want to do this Mani..."
"I know. And I'm so sorry, but you have to do it. At least this once."
"I hate this, this is fucking unfair..."
Normani heard a thud and the rustling of the paper bag sliding on the floor.
"Ok, how about we don't break anything though? Those things are not exactly cheap!"
"...Sorry."
It started as a chuckle, but quickly Normani couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"I really don't see what's so funny..."
"You...You...Camila would be in so much...so much trouble right now if she was acting like that!"
"Mani!"
"Oh come on! She'd be over your knees already I'm sure!"
"Could you stop laughing?"
Lauren's voice still sounded indignant, but Normani could hear the little smile in it.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this situation is so fucking weird! I've just went and rented a breast bump, Lauren! I had the cashier ask me for the size of your nipples!!"
Tears were starting to stream down her face in her hilarity, and best of all she could hear Lauren progressively cracking down too.
"...Fuck! Fine, you're right. I hate this, but I would totally have Camila's ass over something like this. And why the fuck would they ask about the size of my nipples?"
"I don't know! Something about a breast shield? I told them to put all of it in it, so you could see what fits."
"Mani, this thing is a fucking puzzle! How many parts do those things need?"
Lauren sounded calmer, at least more like herself, which had Normani smile in relief. A good laugh was what they needed, now she just had to try and maintain that mood.
"Hell if I know, girl. There's instructions on the back."
A few curses and fumbling later, the bathroom was once again quiet.
"Hey! Adam Savage, you done with assembling, yet?"
"Why do you even know that guy?"
"I have Youtube, just like everybody else. You done?"
"Yeah..."
"Figured out the size of your nipples, yet?"
"Would you stop with that? Yes, it's all...ready to go."
"Well come on! Let's just get it over with!"
She could hear a long sigh, but soon enough, the telltale sound of the pump could be heard through the door.
"...So? Is it working?...Lauren? Anybody here?"
"Could you wait a second? This hurts like a bitch."
Normani was now rethinking this whole idea of giving Lauren some privacy. She could hear her hiss in pain from behind the door and try to contain groans of discomfort and pain.
"Hey, do you want me to come in?"
"No, it's stupid, it's not working!"
With a last painful grunt, the machine was turned off.
"Ok, tell me what's going on."
"Nothing, Mani! Fucking nothing, it just makes it hurt more."
Normani was on her phone, trying to find a solution.
"Ok, take a breath, you say nothing, like no milk coming out?"
"What do you think?"
"Ok, I'm coming in, you're really being an idiot right now."
"No! No, okay, sorry, it just really hurts a lot right now! Everything feels super sensitive, and the suction really doesn't feel nice."
"Does it feel, like, blocked?"
"Not really, just feels like, I don't know, the wrong stimulation? I don't know Mani!"
"Hey, big breath, give me a second."
Normani was scrolling through posts and comments, trying to find a solution.
"Letdown!"
"What?"
"Letdowns, Lauren! It's when your body releases the milk-"
"I know what letdowns are!"
"Yeah, but it's what's your body's not doing right now!"
"I can't have them on command!"
"Yeah, but there's a button for it, idiot! Bottom right."
"Do I really have to-"
"Yes, Lauren. Seriously?!"
"Ugh..."
The pump started again, faster than before, but after about two minutes, it started slowing down, then was turned off.
"What did you turn it off?"
"It's not working Mani."
Lauren's voice cracked on her name, and Normani's heart broke. She could hear little sniffles and Lauren's stuttering breath.
"Mani, what should I do? I don't want to go to the E.R."
Still looking through the page she was on, Normani found something that she hoped might help.
"Ok, let's try something different."
She scrolled through her contacts for a brief moment before starting a FaceTime.
"Hey Mani! How are you guys? I've been trying to get Lauren on the phone for the past 10 minutes, but she's not answering. Are you guys okay?"
"Hey Mila, there might be a bit of a situation, where are you?"
"Uhm, back in my room, what's going on?"
"You alone?"
"Yeah, Normani, where's Lauren?"
"Ok, great, let me get you to Lauren."
Normani opened the door, just enough to pass her arm through.
"Where are you- Oh baby! Are you okay, what's happening?"
Lauren felt both worse and better hearing her girlfriend's voice. A part of her didn't want her to see all this, but the knots in her stomach eased a bit just seeing her face. With a little sob, she reached for the phone.
"Babe, talk to me, what's happening?"
"We might need to give her a minute. Let's just say things got a bit too full today, and there's some engorgement going on? I went to get a pump, but it's not really going well."
"Lauren, you told me everything was alright at lunch!"
"It was! It started hurting during the afternoon, and now it won't come out!"
Camila felt really bad for that last remark. Her girlfriend was in tears, shirtless, pitifully sitting on a toilet.
"Ok, I believe you, I'm sorry. Can I help?"
"I don't know."
"I think you can. I was reading this stuff about letdowns, and that it can be hard when moms start pumping to have them, because the body is used to respond to, well, a baby! So maybe you can help trigger that?"
Ok, this whole situation was pathetic. Lauren couldn't really get a handle on her tears, Camila was looking panicked and Normani was doing a running commentary in the background.
"Ok, but we need to move, Lauren you're literally shivering in there, how about you move to the bed? Mani can you turn around or something while she gets situated?"
Lauren decided to just go along with everything, she was exhausted and she just wanted the pain to finally stop. Her whole chest was burning and the skin felt so tight she felt like she might explode without some relief. She did as she was told, and got as comfortable as she could on the bed after putting everything she needed close by. She was already feeling a lot calmer now cocooned under the covers.
"Does your bed have one of those long bolster pillows?"
"I think so, why?"
"You can...You can use that to cuddle...Uhm...Like place it as if it were me."
Camila turned the cutest shade of pink as she was trying to explain herself.
"Is that what you've been doing, baby? Cuddling the pillow?"
"Yeah...I mean, it helps at night."
Lauren was again feeling two very distinct feelings, both angry that her baby had to use that sort of trick to try and fall asleep when she wanted nothing more than to have her in her arms, and so completely in love with the image of her baby all cuddled up to that pillow, pacifier in mouth and plushies in her arms.
Camila cleared her throat at the soft look that Lauren sent her way. She looked away to try and not be tempted to fall into headspace. Lauren needed her.
"If you guys could not forget that I'm in the room, that'd be nice. Coz Laur is definitely making goo-goo eyes at my phone right now."
Well. A bit brutal, but it did help. Camila focused back on the task at hand.
"Right, uhm, did you try to massage them a bit? Like I do when they get a bit uncomfortable?"
"I'm not sure I can really touch them without it hurting like hell. The skin feels really taunt and warm. I couldn't even express some of it in the shower, it hurt too much."
"The sites do say that massaging can help."
"Okay, try by starting on the sides, you don't need to do it hard, try with just your thumbs at first."
Lauren diligently executed herself, hissing and groaning as she went. It did bring some relief, and it did seem to soften the skin to some extent. It would just be great if it didn't also feel like she was rubbing a bad sunburn. She still kept going, trying to focus more on Camila's gentle encouragements rather than the pain.
And then, finally! Finally! She felt a few drop sliding down to the towel she had put under her chest.
"Yes! See, it's gonna be okay babe, just keep going a bit longer."
"Do I really have to? I'm really glad that it seems to be working, but it's also really painful."
"Yeah, I mean, there's milk, just need to pump it out now, right?"
Lauren startled realizing that Normani had moved to the bed and was just casually lying at the end of it, feet still on the floor.
"How long have you been here?"
"That chair was really uncomfortable. Also, you have my phone, and it's nothing I've never seen, get over it."
Lauren pushed her with her foot, but Normani just flicked her the finger.
"So, why can't she just pump?"
"Oh, uhm, her nipples still look...uhm, a bit tight? They're supposed to be...soft. Like, for a good latch."
"Those nipples are really giving us one hell of a time today..."
Camila, still a bit pink from having to explain the wrong texture of her girlfriend's nipples looked confusedly at the two girls laughing to tears on her screen.
"Ok, ok, wait, give me back my phone, I read something about that."
Camila was then transferred to Normani's hand.
"Hey cutie, you should put on your pajamas, it's getting late."
"Mani!"
"She's right, baby. Go change and brush your teeth, I feel like this might take a while. And prepare your shake!"
Camila sighed, but did as she was told. She forego her usual onesie and instead just put on one of Lauren's long shirt she had stolen when they were preparing their bags. She had to stay focused. Making her nighttime bottle was a bigger challenge, but it was the only bottle she had brought with her. The past night, she had facetimed Mama- no. Lauren. She had facetimed Lauren to drink it until she was asleep, but tonight would be different. She had to focus to help Lauren. Just as she was finishing her nighttime routine, she heard her phone ring. As she rushed back to her bed, she realized that the call with Normani had disconnected and Lauren was now calling her.
"Hey, Mani's out of battery again?"
"No, she went back to her room. Are those teeth brushed?"
"Yes. Did Normani find something to help on her phone?"
"Yeah, baby. We looked at it together, and I think I know what might help. How about you snuggle in bed, love?"
"Lauren..."
Lauren was fighting dirty. Everything from her tone to the soft look she was giving her were enticing Camila to be Little.
"It's okay, baby. You're being such a good helper. Come on, get in bed."
Camila audibly whined, mama needed her, she was wrong. She needed her big right now. What could a baby do? Mama was crying earlier, she had to make sure she was okay before she could let herself fall.
"I promise you can do it. It's fine. Do you remember what we said earlier? Sometimes it's hard to switch to a pump when you've only breastfed, because your body is used to respond to your baby, not just the suction. So it helps to think about them, or have them close by. So maybe my baby can help me?"
Her thumb already toying at her lip, Camila nodded. If it helped mama, then surely it was fine, right?
"Thank you, baby. Such a good girl, do you think you could grab your bottle and cuddle close?"
Camila started to situate herself, before gasping and running out of bed. Lauren couldn't help a chuckle as she was taken for the ride and having a very blurry tour of the room. Camila finally stopped at the crash site that was her opened suitcase to grab her paci, Bobby, Ducky and the little otter gifted by Normani now named Noodle. Paci in mouth, and everyone safely in her arms, she rushed back to the bed.
"Good job baby, now everyone's here. How about you show mama how you cuddle with your pillow?"
Mouth still occupied, she grabbed the pillow, pulling half of it against her and the other half across her to mimic having mama's arm around her. She then laid her head on the part against her before pulling her arm over it. Lauren smiled feeling her love for her baby bloom in her stomach. It did look quite like when they slept together. By reflex, Lauren pulled her own pillow a bit closer to her. That had to work. The article mentioned that thinking of your baby, watching pictures or having something that smelled like them could help.
"Perfect, now mama's gonna turn on the machine, it might be a bit noisy, mama just needs you to drink your nighttime bottle, ok?"
Lauren took a big breath, praying to every deity that would listen that it would go better this time. While Camila had changed, Lauren had tried the weird reverse nipple massage Normani had found. It was supposed to sort of drain back the milk further up so that the nipple could soften, and indeed, her nipples were not feeling as stiff. She placed back the cups over her breasts and turned on the machine, letting it go through the letdown program.
As soon as the pump started, Camila started suckling on her bottle. She unconsciously started matching the rhythm of the pump, which Lauren was incredibly grateful for. It wasn't as bad as the first time, but it wasn't good either. Good thing was, this time she could just focus on her baby, and drown out the noise of the machine. With her earpods in, she could just vaguely hear it over the little sounds of her baby drinking her bottle.
Pretty soon this time, she felt a familiar sensation. A sort of tingling soon followed by a combination of pain and relief as she could finally feel the pressure in her breasts decrease. Her eyes squeezed shut at the weird combo and she let out a long breath. She worried for a second that she might be scaring Camila, but her baby was still nursing in rhythm with the pump, her eyes fixed on the attached bottles, watching the milk drop in. Her baby started suckling a bit harder, so Lauren adjusted the speed and suction strength of the machine until it felt as close as possible to what a normal feeding felt like.
"Thank you baby, such a good little helper to mama."
"'Hurts, mama?"
"Yes, a bit, but mama already feels much better thanks to you."
Appeased by mama's soothing words, Camila went back to suckling. She was mesmerized by the sight of the attached bottles slowly filling. Mama had made so much milk, it made her suckle a bit harder and cuddle a bit more in yearning. Her chocolate/banana shake might be good, but nothing could top mama's milk. And being in mama's arm. And suckling on her skin while mama played with her hair and her ears. The sudden feeling of just suckling on air made her whine. She wanted mama so bad, and now her bottle was empty while mama was still filling those bottles.
"Shh, it's okay baby. Good job, you did so good. How about you switch with your paci, now?"
Lauren watched her baby rub her eyes, a sure sign that she was getting really tired, but also that she wasn't particularly pleased. She was glad when she saw her switch to her paci. To try and make things easier, she pulled the covers over her chest. No need to taunt her with the pump.
"No, mama!"
And there was her grumpy wiggly worm! With an enamored smile, Lauren lowered back down the covers. God, she couldn't wait to see her again. They had called each other, texted constantly and Facetimed but nothing could top having her baby with her. With the pain now lowered to a very manageable level, she adjusted herself to a more comfortable position, wedging her phone against some pillows to free her hands.
"Is my little baby worm getting tired?"
"'m not!"
"Are you sure?"
"Mamaa..."
"Well noodle looks tired."
"He's not!"
"I'm pretty sure he is, he's just a baby and it's getting late."
"But mama, they slept aaall day!"
"Sleep all day? With Ducky and Bobby? Oh no, I'm sure these three were up to plenty of shenanigans today!"
Camila looked intrigued by the notion as she pulled them a bit closer in her arms.
"Let's see, they probably hardly waited until you left to come out of the suitcase. Knowing them, they probably explored the room all day, jumping on the bed, climbing on the tables, opening the cabinets in the bathroom. After all this, do you think they took a nap maybe?"
"No! No naps mama!"
Lauren felt her smile widen as Camila was frowning even though her eyes were getting heavier and heavier.
"No naps? Then surely your plushies must be really really tired after so many adventures. What about you baby, did you take a nap this afternoon?"
Camila just shook her head, her mouth too preoccupied by the nice feeling of her paci to form an answer.
"Well I think all of you guys should close your eyes... Perfect, baby. We've got a big day tomorrow, you'll have to be good with Ally and Dinah, you guys we'll work a bit in the morning, but then you'll take the plane and mama's gonna come get you at the airport, ok? And then we can spend the afternoon just the two of us."
Lauren thought Camila was already asleep, but in a sleepy voice, Camila added
"And all the plushies"
"Yes, baby. All the plushy gang."
She stayed silent for a bit, waiting to see if her baby was really still awake or not. She waited until the suckling stopped and her breath deepened before turning off the pump. What a crazy night. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes right here and there, but she still had a lot to do. She had to figure out how to clean that pump, prepare her outfit for the interview tomorrow morning and then pack up her bags to be ready to leave. With a sigh she muted her mic, at least she could take her phone with her to keep an eye on the beautiful sight of her sleeping baby.
With a yawn, she got up. The faster she was back to bed, the quicker tomorrow would come, and tomorrow she'd be back with Camila, and everything would be fine again in this stupid crazy world.
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That's it guys! God, it honestly felt so good to finally write this chapter. I think I had forgotten how much I loved those characters and this story.
I can't promise on a next chapter soon or anything to be honest, but hopefully it won't take another 5 years xD ! (too soon?)
Again, thank you for all the messages/comments/likes that this story received during this long break. I know for a lot of you guys, it's a great source of comfort, it's been one for me too (which made it so much more aggravating when I didn't know what to write anymore).
I know it's been long, but would you guys indulge me in this old but dear tradition: the end of chapter question. It's been a while, so we'll start light:
How long have you known this story? Any "original" reader from back in 2017?
I really hope you enjoyed, have a great day, and hopefully I'll be back soon <3