I was stunned, and not only by his outburst but by my own. I knew he hadn't done anything, I knew he would never cheat on me and there was a good explanation but because I was feeling deprived I hit out at him and that was totally unfair. He was right to have a go at me and as I sat on the bed trying to compose myself, I realised that had he 'not' yelled at me, the chances were I might have hit out at him again in the future. Now he had defended himself and told me what was not acceptable in our relationship, the chance of that happening were far less as I would not want to hurt his feelings or sully our marriage. Enough people were trying to do that. He was right I owed him an apology.
I stood up and made my way down stairs to face the music. When I entered the front room Lee was sat on the sofa with Suri in his arms just as he had before she went to sleep. Everyone else was gone and Lee didn't even acknowledge me.
"In here," his mother whispered. I walked into the kitchen. "All must be the same as before," she whispered.
"Is she ok?" I mouthed back.
She smiled and nodded. "They are both need rest."
"You're baby is gorgeous," I said trying to change the subject to normal conversation in case Suri woke.
"She is," she replied grinning from ear to ear. "She is very much like her brothers were at her age."
I could see her eyes fill with tears and knew she was thinking about Glenn. I reached out and gave her a hug. She hugged me back so I held her tighter.
"Did you know that when I fell off the balcony at the wedding, I think I saw April and Glenn," I told her.
"Really?" she asked, looking at me and wiping away a few stray tears.
"Yeah, I thought someone would have told you. I may have imagined it, I don't know."
"What did you see?"
"It's not very clear now but they appeared at my side like any other wedding guest and I didn't realise at the time but I think they were wearing their own wedding outfits. They looked happy, they kept telling me to get up and Glenn kept saying don't be scared. My sister cradled this glowing light in her hand and they seemed to fall in love with it and coo'd it. My sister said my wedding was shit," I laughed. "It was, but somethings can't be changed. She said shall we dance at your wedding Mae, they did and all the while they looked into her hands, fascinated. Glenn told me not to be scared again and gave me a message for Lee. I can't remember it now but it was something to do with a chicken. He turned into a lion and I wasn't as scared of him. My sister gave him a sloppy kiss and called him a sexy beast."
His mother laughed.
"She also made a joke about the size of his tail and... well you know," I said nodding down towards her waist. "They walked off and all I could say when waking up was 'panic at the disco' I don't know why."
She gasped.
"I don't know if it was my imagination but that is what I saw and since that day, I've wanted out of this life and to go join them. I want to be with my sister and I think the glow in her hand was my baby."
She nodded.
"Oh I remember the chicken thing was something to do with lemons," I said as the vague memory became a little more clear.
She smiled through her tears.
"The chicken and lemon is from when they were little boys. They were convinced that chickens laid lemons as well as eggs and no matter how often we told them no. They insisted. It was only one evening at dinner when I was cutting the chicken that their father realised why they were so adamant. I was because when I make lemon chicken I pierce one and put it up inside the chicken."
We both laughed.
"On the day they died, they had stayed for dinner before setting off to see you and I made the chicken. Glenn teased Lee about the lemon and your sister found it hilarious. She told us how when you were children you would boil eggs and paint them but then they were too pretty to eat."
I nodded.
"You made one once for a school competition, Humpty Dumpty and carried it to school wrapped in toilet paper. It didn't win the competition and you were upset as the boy who won had made his look like a astronaut and the prize was this huge chocolate egg."
"Oh that egg!" I said remembering the hours I would spend staring at it. Planning eating it with my sister, whilst watching cartoons on the Sunday morning. "It was a fix!"
She laughed. "That is what she said and Lee found it hilarious that you could so competitive over a boiled egg."
"It was an Easter egg, we couldn't afford them so winning one was our best bet," I explained. "Plus the astronaut was shit, he just glued some white toilet roll on it, drew eyes and covered a box in foil. My Humpty Dumpty egg had a hill made from real mud and grass off a field and I made a lego wall for it to sit on. He was held in place with blutac and I made him paper arms, legs and a hat. I used toy soldiers and horses to depict them putting him back together again..."
"Yes, Lee and his father were impressed with those details."
"It was really cool and all in a cardboard box like a puppet theatre and that boy won with bog roll, foil and a pencilled on eyes. He only won as his mum was friends with the teacher. Bastard!"
"You are holding a grudge," she said cracking up.
"I am! We both ate Humpty on the way home from school too. How the hell we didn't get belly ache I'll never know. He was on display at school for a week!"
"You could've died!"
"I know and when it was my sisters turn we made two eggs, Bride and Groom. We made a cardboard church and everything. Had lego people as wedding guests and still never won! She got certificate for taking part though which she thought was great and we again ate the eggs on the way home."
"Did you kow they were buried in their wedding clothes?" she asked.
"No?" I said amazed at this new information.
"Yes, lying together in the same coffin, your sister snuggled against his chest like they used to when lying on the grass together, dancing at their wedding or snuggling in front of the TV."
"I didn't know that," I said all teary eyed.
"Yes, usually it is separate coffins but Lee had one made to allow for them both to be together for eternity just like..."
"The eternal embrace," I said noting a piece of archaeology that my sister loved. A Romeo and Juliet from the Neolithic period.
"Yes," she said and it was her turn to hug me as the image it conjured up in my mind was heartbreaking, romantic, beautiful and tragic. Just like their lives.
"They would have loved that," I said after a good cry.
She smiled. "Lee always was a romantic soul."
"And look what he is stuck with," I said without thinking.
"He is hardly stuck. He made enough excuses with that Stephanie girl to keep from walking down the aisle, but with you he was out buying the clothes, flowers etc. He was stood there waiting at the altar the next morning. Yes it was a disaster but what's done, is done and not once has he tried to back out. In fact quite the opposite, he has fought to keep you together. If you were Stephanie he would have jumped at the chance to escape the marriage but not with you. So as I said he is hardly stuck and from what I walked in on I'd say the feeling is mutual."
"Well I may have let my frustration get the better of me on that one and now he has fell out with me. I doubt this marriage will be consummated anytime soon plus we always get interrupted."
"Lee is incredibly stubborn. Actions speak louder than words with him. If you are going to apologise make it a grand gesture. Plus he is usually very guarded and quite off with people. You've been a shock to us all since the day we met."
I was confused.
"At the hospital, you were both very tactile with each other. Lee doesn't do that with people, especially strangers. He is only really affectionate to his daughter and even with her it was an issue at first as he assumed I would take her on. He had one hell of a shock I can tell you but since he accepted that he was a parent he has been the best father a child could with for."
"He is," I agreed.
"With you, he is a different man. Right from the start. He gravitates towards you. He smiles, laughs, steals your food, you tease him and he lets you. You both slept beside each other so easily at the hospital we knew there was trouble ahead."
"That was exhaustion," I replied.
"No, it was a connection. That person who just needs to hold your hand to make you feel strong or to lie beside and know you can relax and sleep as they would wake you if anything happened."
I nodded. I couldn't deny it, he was that for me.
"Can I asked what you argued about?"
I sighed. "I am worried that someone will turn up and say we haven't consummated our marriage and tell me to leave again. I kind of insisted we quickly finish what we started and he refused," I replied unsure why I was confessing to her.
"That's understandable. It took over 7 months for Lee's father and I to consummate our marriage."
"WHAT!" I was flabbergasted.
"Yes, we had a very rocky start to our marriage. He was in love with someone else for the longest time so our wedding was put off six times. I wanted to fall in love with someone else and run away but from the moment I met him there was something about him that made it impossible to get him out of my mind. He had a girlfriend named Mary and she was perfect. She was a fillet steak and I was a burger. I tried to get out of the marriage and told my father 'I will not marry him'. That was a very brave thing to do as my father is not to be messed with. He banished us both to an island alone and said 'fall in love or else'. We were there for a few months and all he did was talk about her and pine after her. I had to sit there and listen to him singing her praises and I've never envied someone so much in my entire life. I wished he would think of me like that. The way his eyes change when he thought about her or that far away look which meant he was thinking about her. I would look at his hand and just wish he would reach out and hold mine. I had this fantasy that he would wake one morning and realise he was attracted to me, just enough to make him think more fondly of me as opposed to this weight on his shoulders. He never did but I was happy that we became friends. When they came to say we could go home, I thought he must have feelings for me why else would they be releasing us? My heart soared and I spent hours analysing every moment we spent together trying to see if I missed the minute he fell in love with me. I decided it didn't matter, all that mattered was he cared for me and I was over the moon. When we were tested, he failed. I passed. It was so humiliating to stand there and be told congratulations you are in love, only to hear a minute later that he had failed and wasn't in love with me."
I could see the pain of that memory in her face.
"He tried to apologise and said he didn't mean to hurt me but I wouldn't listen and told him to stay away. I became a recluse and threw myself into my studies whilst he ran off to her. The next time I saw him was two months later when we were due a test. I stood there and waited to be humiliated again. Instead they said 'you no longer in love with him'. His face was a picture and I was shell shocked. I thought I was still in love with him and to be told that was like releasing me from his chains. I smiled as it was our last test which meant he was allowed to call it off and ask for a new arrangement. I said 'you are free to be with her now' and he replied 'she is not free to be with me' and walked off. I found out later that she had fell in love with someone else whilst we were away on the Island and married him. She was even with child. For a moment I had panicked and thought the child was his but she conceived three months after we left. He was heartbroken. I didn't see him for what felt like an eternity but my sister was getting married and he was at the wedding. He appeared in the corner of the room and my heart was not prepared to cope with how handsome he looked. He came over to speak to me and just as he was about to say something, Mary entered with her husband and child. His eyes again gave away his true feeling towards her and when his gaze returned to mine I couldn't hide my feelings because tears have a way of making an appearance when the man you love looks at another woman the way you want him to look at you. I walked away and ignored him calling my name. He asked my father several times after that night to see me and I refused. Instead I met with other suitors and narrowed it down to two possible husbands. I would make my decision over the weekend and be married by the next. Word spread and one night he appeared in my bedroom in lion form. I was used to his form as he used it on the island to hunt for food and to keep me warm at night. I don't know why I didn't call my father or tell him to leave. He seemed so sad and we had been friends before. I was due to marry so this would be my last time to spend with his lion, my favourite part of him. I pulled back the blankets and invited him in, dirty paws and all."
I giggled.
"We fell asleep without speaking a word. The next morning my father caught us and we were forced down the isle even though we protested our innocence and said we were only friends. As far as my father was concerned I had invited him into my bed. I hadn't even thought of it like that. He was friend in need but that was not how others viewed it. We were married and the wedding night was a bust. Mary arrived and again captured his attention completely. I went to bed and he got so drunk they had to carry him into me later. I slept on the floor to avoid his drunken breath and sprawled out limbs. When I woke in the morning he was gone."
"Where?"
"She had beckoned him!" she said nostrils flaring.
"Bitch!"
"I know so I found out where they were and I stormed in. There she was pregnant again and glowing with it," she sighed.
"What did you do?"
"I asked if the child was his. They said no and that they were not together. I told them I didn't believe them. I asked if her marriage was having issues and she admitted it was. I said so you beckon my husband from our marital bed and expect me to believe you have no desire to bed him yourself. She couldn't deny it. I asked him if he had rushed off to see her in the hope of reconciling their relationship and he didn't answer. I asked if he had kissed her since we made our vows and sealed them with a kiss and he nodded. He cheated on our honeymoon. We were even married 24 hrs and she had him where she wanted him. I said he is my husband, her time with him was up and if she ever beckoned him again I would kill her."
She was serious...deadly serious.
"That went down like a lead balloon. He assumed I would be one of those wives who just let their husband play the field. Well I am the field and unless I say game on, he is benched!
I laughed.
"Months went by and I met this guy at work who was the bees knees," she swooned at the memory. "His name was Pete Jackson and he was the hottest man alive!"
"I want to meet him!"
"He is still hot," she replied. "I made no secret of my attraction to Pete and asked for what would you call it...a hall pass."
I cracked up laughing.
"I expected my husband to say 'Yes, go sleep with whoever you want' but he was furious and forbid me from seeing Pete even at work. I said he was ridiculous as I worked with him and he could go back to Mary so long as I got to be with Pete."
I was now hanging on her every word. "What happened?"
"He told my father!"
"WHAT!" I was gobsmacked.
"Yes! He told my father and Pete was banished."
"Noooo!"
She nodded. "Pete was the sexiest guy alive and I was stuck with a love sick lion who had suddenly became possessive. I hated him!"
I eeekkked with excitement at the next bit.
"I would cry myself to sleep, I wasn't eating, I refused to work and whenever he came in view I threw something at him. My father had taken my powers so I couldn't spell him off a cliff or in front of a train!"
I couldn't help but laugh.
"My friend called round for coffee a few months later and told me Pete was getting married. I panicked and some how I forgot I was married and had this stupid irrational idea that I could run and stop it. Pete would run off with me. Then I found out he had been with that woman and proposed to her whilst flirting with me. I am not proud of myself but one time we had made out in the photocopying cupboard and it was the hottest moment of my life."
I gasped.
"I was heartbroken. I felt foolish and betrayed but I also knew how my husband felt when I had forbid him from seeing his love. I went to him and told him, you can go see her and be with her. I am sorry for forbidding you. I just want you to be happy and if she is what makes you happy then so be it. He ran off quick as lightening. I lay in bed, cried myself to sleep but woke with a feeling of desperation to escape it all and free him from me. I went to the bathroom cabinet and swallowed the pills one by one."
My mouth was hanging open in shock. I would never have thought it of her.
"See we are alike than you know," she said holding my hand. "I went to bed and waited to fall asleep. I felt at peace with myself. I was sure I would wake in a better place but I woke in hospital with my husband pumping my stomach."
"Urgh."
"Yes, I fought it all the way begging him to let me die. When I was released he took a leave of absence and stayed with me or as I preferred to call it. Stalking," she said laughing. "Winter came and it was freezing cold but I would walk the grounds to escape him. If he entered a room I would leave it. I refused to eat meals together but would wake at night finally warm as he was in the bed beside me."
"As a lion?"
"Yes, I couldn't refuse my husband the marital bed. One night he phased back to himself and I was just as warm. I preferred it. We would go all day without speaking a word but a night he would come to bed and I would scoot over and cuddle up to his chest. Then I got sneaky and started going to bed earlier so I could enjoy cuddling him longer."
I laughed at the image in my mind.
"He wasn't stupid and one night he went missing. I looked for him and he was nowhere to be found. Eventually I went to bed and there he was waiting with a big smile on his face. It was seven o'clock in the evening!"
We both fell about laughing.
"That is how Lee was made!"
I laughed even harder.
"That is one of the best love stories ever," I said swooning at it. Who would have thought my in-laws were just like us in their early days of marriage. Full of craziness and not enough 'them' time.
"So is consummation the only issue with you and Lee?" she asked.
"Not really. I had upset him earlier as I've had a hard time fighting the urge to do the same as you with pills and he yelled at me as Suri could have found me."
"It's true," she said but I felt she understood my pain to some extent.
"Then someone mentioned Suri spelled a woman at work who had undone Lee's belt..."
"WHAT!" she said instantly furious.
"I don't think he cheated but when I got annoyed that he wouldn't rush the consummation. I accused him of not having an issue with a quickie at work."
"Oooo bad move. Grayson men never rush. Especially not in bed which is usually a blessing."
I grinned.
"The other thing you have to remember is, Lee is very shy and wouldn't want to hurry with the chance that you may not enjoy it. That would mortify him. He is a perfectionist."
"Well it is kind of weird talking about this with his mum but I appreciate the advice."
"My other advice. Don't leave it. He is bugger for letting things stew. He is stubborn and he has a terrible temper and very bad experiences in the past with women," she said as a cry came over the baby monitor. "Duty calls," she said disappearing to fetch Lilly.
I decided to go ask him what he wanted for dinner to try and break the ice. When I walked in he was asleep with Suri on his chest and a blanket half over them. I straightened the blanket making his eyes open.
"Sorry, I'm just fixing the blanket," I whispered.
He just glared before closing his eyes and going back to sleep. Great... I think I'll leave him to stew.
I heard his mother coming down stairs with Lilly and Willow.
"They are asleep," I said nodding in the room to Lee and Suri.
"The spell will do that and Lee has been up with Willow last night so let them sleep. Lets get these changed and go to the park," she said passing me Willow. "I'll fetch Bay when these two are ready."
We rushed getting them changed. Packed some snacks and I hurried upstairs to put something more suitable on. I looked in the wardrobe there were my old favourite jeans. Oh how I've missed you! I put them on quickly with a Tshirt and a hoodie. Shoved my feet in my trainers and collected Bay on the way down. He was still asleep so I put him in the car seat to let him wake up properly with a drink. We left Lee a note and headed off.
"Your mother and I have taken the babies to the park so you can get some rest. I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean it. Xxx" I put a lipstick mark on it and left it for him on the table.