My heart is so full of you,
I can hardly call it
My own.
~Liana Rãdulescu
_______________
The next day I'm hit with the reminder that I'll have to break things off with Aaron in a matter of days
I shuffle in my bed to feel a warm hard body on me, I open my eyes to see Aaron laying on my chest as his hands hold my waist close to him,
the weight of his body on mine feels like safety.
I smile a little and run my fingers softly through his hair, we both fell asleep on the bed after a long night so we just decided he can wake up earlier for work and go to his place and change since our places aren't far apart,
I look at the time and see it's 5:25 am, it might be selfish but I close my eyes and let my hand rest in his hair as darkness slowly wins.
I wake up to an empty bed, I frown looking around I then reach for my phone to see a text
My moon: went to work, I didn't want to wake you up, I love you, I'll see you at work
I smile and text back
We're you late? Or did you get to work on time
I ask out of guilt for not waking him up when I already was...granted I was going to close my eyes and be in Aaron's embrace for just a few more seconds but...clearly, my body thought differently and I ended up falling asleep
My moon: I got to work with 9 minutes to spare... it's me sunshine, you know I don't like being late
I smile and say I love you and I'll see him soon
I look at the time and sigh when I see I have about 15 minutes to get ready, I quickly go and shower and get dressed, in burgundy business pants, a strapless black lace corset, and a matching burgundy blazer, along with my everyday jewelry.
I decide to put up some of my posters around the area and give some to the homeless that I pass by on the way to get coffee for Aaron and me
I'm going to have my first talk next week for the homeless organization, I wanted to ask Aaron to come but I know by next week he will probably hate me and not want to spend an unnecessary amount of time with me,
I give some money to an older man who was shivering in hopes he buys a blanket or something to keep him warm in this cold New York weather.
I get our coffees and head to the building, "good morning" I say to the receptionist"
"Morning," she says in a bored tone as she types away on the computer
I sigh and head for the elevators, I do the usual of putting my stuff away then walk to Aarons's door and knock twice til I hear a 'come in'
"Good morning" I smile walking over to Aaron
He's on the phone and pulls me onto his lap and gives me a quick kiss on the lips and mouths 'one second'
I nod and lean on his shoulder taking in how warm his body is, how can someone radiate this much heat? My hand runs along his heart where I know the tattoo rests
I feel a horrible pit in my stomach at the thought of him having to look at that tattoo for the rest of his life...it was a stupid spontaneous thing that I shouldn't have had him get
"Yes I think Thursday will work best" he talks in a work-mode voice
"The paperwork? No i didn't receive any paper work...when did you send it?" He asks brows knit looking at his computer on the calendar
"Yeah Wren doesn't work here anymore so she probably took the papers out of spite for me firing her" he sighs
"Is it alright if you send it once more but have them give it to my assistant? I trust her to get it to me" he says while running his hand over my back in a soft massage-like manner,
"Alright well I will see you then," Aaron says before ending the call
"Good morning," he says before giving me a better kiss
"Everything alright?" I ask while I run my hands from his chest to his shoulders and massage them a little
He sighs "not really, a client got stood up at his meeting because Wren said I agreed to an event but didn't give me the papers for it or the confirmation of the changes he wants to make to his building, so I wasn't there"
"I'm sorry you must feel horrible since you hate missing work-related things," I say as I cup one side of his face, he grabs that hand and gently takes it off his face and places a kiss on it, and hold it in his lap
"Yeah I'm pissed at Wren...that was a careless thing for her to do while she worked here, apparently she agreed a while ago before she was even Fired, it makes me worry with how many other deals she made behind my back for them to be stood up for, shes making me out to be a fool," he says breathing harder and getting more and more pissed off
My stomach sinks at the mention of Wren but I ignore it for the time being "what do you want me to do?"
He tells me to check in the system to see if Wren put anything on the calendar on the work computer that was on her desk
I kiss his cheek "don't worry, just drink your coffee and calm down I'll figure it out,"
____________
After hours of searching, I find a couple of events and meetings that I never scheduled or put on the calendar, I'm not sure how Wren got people to come to her for scheduling things, it puts Aaron in a bad position with him looking careless and forgetful of his meetings,
I'm sure there's more that Wren didn't bother scheduling but I forward all the meetings and events I found scheduled on Wren's computer for him, after I do that I decide to walk to the coffee shop to get a treat
I knock on Aaron's door 'come in'
"Hey, it's my break in a couple of minutes you mind if I just go now?" I ask
He gestures for me to come over to him, I walk over and he pulls me onto his lap and kisses me,
"Woah" I say breathlessly at the fast motion,
I'm a little caught off guard but in barely a millisecond I relax and thread my fingers through his hair to pull him closer
"What was that for?" I ask breathlessly
"Just wanted to," he says as he traces my bottom lip with his thumb
"And yes you can take your break now...especially since you worked your ass off and searched for hours to find some of the events not marked," he says nodding a little
"I'm probably just going to go to the coffee shop...do you want me to get you anything?" I ask resting my forehead on his
"No I'm okay, thank you though...go enjoy your break I need to look through all these meetings and events I'm supposed to know about" he sighs
"You want me to help?" I tilt my head
He shakes his "no you already did a lot with finding what you could, thank you for that, I wouldn't have been able to handle anything without you"
"You're welcome, and you're Aaron Huxley...you definitely could've handled it on your own, but I'm happy I got to help" I smile and give him a little peck before standing up to leave
He just shakes his head in response,
"You look beautiful by the way" he says as his eyes rake my body
I smile and lean my mouth to his ear "thank you, and I absolutely love your suit...always have and always will" I kiss his ear lightly and wrap my hand around his tie pulling his lips closer to mine,
He smirks and his face clouds with lust...guess that's my bad
"Well I'll see you later" I smile before turning to leave...but he's too quick
He has me up against the wall in seconds "aah, not so fast" he whispers with a deep chuckle
_____________
I walk to the coffee shop exhausted...I was planning on grabbing something with no caffeine but I think it's necessary right now,
I order my coffee and also a muffin since I haven't eaten all day and its already 4 pm, my heart failure is making me not want to eat as much which is too bad because I want a sandwich but I also know that if I eat one I won't want it after one bite from how unhungry I have been this past month,
I can tell bit by bit I'm getting worse.
In the corner of my eye I notice curly black hair with those same freckles and olive-toned skin I saw a while ago
Aarons ex...
She notices me when my name is called for the order and does a once over of my outfit, unlike my more business attire she wears tight dark jeans with a very tight cropped top that is a beautiful green color that makes her skin look more alluring
She's stunning and I immediately feel insecure when I shouldn't be
"Vicky was it?" She smiles with a hint is disgust in it
Why can an ex and a current partner ever be cordial with each other?
"It's Vanessa actually" I smile
She hums "so did he get tired of you yet?"
"No...were still together" I nod
"Huh..." she sucks her teeth
"Whats so special about you?" Her lip curls up in disbelief and disgust
"I'm not sure, to be honest" I shrug with a small chuckle
"You have a nice day Amber," I say before walking around her to get out of the coffee shop
I see her frown just before I leave, I don't understand why girls can be so mean for
What happened to girls supporting girls?
Spreading kindness?
Guess those cringe t-shirts at shops that had those words on them were just a mere trend and nothing more...
I walk back to the building because I get more tired from walking, its why I have to take so many breaks all the time when I walk or do something like exercise
When I get to my office I take a deep breath in and out as I sit in my chair and look out my window
How did my life come to this? How did everything get so messy, so complicated?
My heart knows that I should just spill my guts about my heart to Aaron, but my mouth won't let me speak
I'm a damn coward,
my mind is racing a million miles a minute
I need to relax but I know anything I do won't help,
I need a selfish night to forget about my heart and just ignore the horrible decisions I have to make
Heart patients aren't supposed to get drunk but my doctor said one time won't make much of a difference
It's one time and I'm giving myself that one night
After work, I knock on Aarons's door to say goodbye
There's no way I want him to come with me in the event I spill my guts while drunk,
Good thing tomorrow is the weekend so I don't have to come to work
'Come in'
It's hard to spend as much time with Aaron as possible when we're working...and usually getting home late.
But I'm going to make sure that we spend time together on the weekend because that's my only chance to get alone time with him and soak in any last happy moments we will have,
I might just be the most foolish woman in the world for allowing myself these final days with him...and I'm well aware,
But my heart and brain aren't on the same side at the moment,
I thought all your body was to be on your side...yet my heart's killing me slowly and my brain is choosing to make stupid decisions, and my mouth won't let me say the truth
Its all truly unbelievable.
"Hi just wanted to say Good night before I head out" I smile walking up to him
"Good night, I love you," he says pulling me close to him
"I love you" I smile and gently kiss his jaw
"We should spend the weekend together or something...we've barely spent time together this week," I say clasping my hands behind his neck
"How about you spend the weekend over at my place," he says against my lips
"Alright" I smile
We talk for a little more and then I leave, I decided to go and change so I don't go to the bar in workwear and run into the risk of spilling drinks on my nice clothes
I quickly get dressed in tight black leather pants, and a top made full of diamond-looking jewels, it's sexy and makes me feel pretty, I throw on a leather coat for the cold weather, and look to the side I see the time is 10 pm now
"Gosh how did it take that long to get ready" I shake my head
Well at least I look hot just for myself, I feel good and that's all that matters.
I head out and go to a bar that's closest to my apartment
I head inside and ignore everyone that stares and go straight for the bar, I'm on a mission to let myself de-stress and forget everything that's making me so uneasy
"A shot please," I tell the bartender
He checks me out and then nods "I'll slip in a free shot if I get your number" he smirks
"I have a boyfriend...but if you wanna be nice you can give me the free shot just no phone number along with it" I smile
He chuckles "okay you're taken I get it" he puts his hands up in surrender
"Rough night?" He asks pouring another shot
"I think you meant to say rough couple years...but it's gotten worse now" I huff and takes another shot
I keep rambling talking about God knows what but it seems to make the bartender laugh, before I know it I'm five shots deep, I haven't drunk alcohol in a while and I'm also a lightweight
So the alcohol hits like a ton of bricks
"Alright...you're already out of it, how about I get you something a little less strong?" The bartender says taking the glass from me
"For sure fruit loops" I giggle
"Fruit loops?" He says confused
I nod my head "you smell like fruit loops"
He throws his head back and laughs "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not"
"Who wouldn't wanna smell like cereal?" I frown
"Okay" he smiles trying to hide his laugh
I miss my Aaron...
I wonder what he's doing right now "hey what time is it?" I ask stumbling over my words
"It's midnight," he says
"Oh...I better shoo out of here then" I frown and grab my purse
The bartender looks around and calls a man over, I notice he has a security badge on "can you make sure she gets outside safely there are too many drunk horny men in here"
"Aww you're so sweet," I say with a small smile as I stumble out of the chair
"Why thank you," I say to the security guard when he catches me
"Wow, that's a big beard...can I touch it?" I laugh
He looks at the bartender dude and he shrugs off the security guard
"Umm sure?" He says
I touch his beard "wow...doesn't that get annoying? It's so ginormous and in your way" I chuckle
"My wife likes it so I keep it like this...but between you and me I feel like the dark-haired version of Santa" he whispers
I gasp "oh my God you do look like Santa!"
He sighs "alright let's get you out of here"
He helps me walk out until were a good distance from the men outside the bar "do you need me to whistle a taxi for you?" He asks
"I'm great, Ima go to the park" I laugh and give him a thumbs up
Reluctantly He gives me them back and says "you be safe out there okay?"
"For sure" I nod
I walk to the park and sing some songs from Mulan
'Lets get down to business to defeat the Huns HEYAH did they send me daughters when I asked for soooons'
I laugh as I trip a little on the sidewalk "Woah"
I go to the middle of the park where there's a big field and lay down and look at the sky
I see the moon and grin "my moon" I sigh
I miss my moon
I lay there for who knows how long looking at the sky and singing random songs with not a care in the world
I frown and grab my phone and press the contact called "my moon"
I grin as it rings
It answers on the third ring "everything alright sunshine? It's 2:30 in the morning" his voice is sleepy and raspy and oh so sexy
"Damn that's a sexy voice" I giggle
"Hello, my moon...I miss you" I frown with a sigh
He shuffles around a bit "Vanessa...are you drunk?"
"Vanessa..." I repeat her name my voice eerily calm compared to how I'm feeling right now
I get anxious at the thought that she's drunk at 2:30 in the morning,
Why is she getting drunk at this hour? She told me she hates alcohol
"Sweetheart can you tell me where you are?" I ask as nicely and calmly as I can
"I'm at the park," she says and I can hear the smile in her voice
My heart speeds up...Jesus anything can happen to her at this hour in a park...especially in New York
She gasps "you should come here...we could watch the stars together"
"I'm coming just stay wear you are...is it the park near your apartment?" I ask as I get dressed at the speed of light and get my shoes on
I grab my keys and run to my car
"I'm pretty sure...hey we should go and get ice cream, I want ice cream" she mumbles
I try to keep calm as I drive, thank God its a couple of minutes away by car
But anything can happen in mere seconds so I have to hurry
"I'll get you as much ice cream as you want just stay where you are until I get there," I say trying to stay as relaxed as I can
She gasps very quietly that I almost don't catch it "oh you The best I love you so so much my cute man"
I get to the park and run out of my car and start walking around "where are you?" I ask
"The park you silly man I already told you that" she laughs
"I know but where in the park?" I sigh getting impatient
Its dark outside and I won't be able to find her unless she at least gives me some sort of direction...this is a big park
"I'm in a field...hurry up I want your hugs," she says with a bit of sass
I finally find her in the middle of the park and sigh in relief as I see her in one piece and looks to be untouched
She sees me and gasps "hi my pretty man"
She lunges into my arms and I hear her sniff my neck "mhm you smell nice"
I cup the back of her head and close my eyes for a moment,
She's okay...shes alive
Breathe Aaron.
"Sweetheart, what were you doing drinking? Especially by yourself" I sigh
"I wanted to relax and be free for a bit" she mumbles with a frown
"Well if you need to relax for a bit you tell me so I can come with you okay?" I say caressing her chin
She nods enthusiastically "can I have a kiss?" she puckers her lips
It's tempting but I'm mad that she would do something this crazy...we're in New York, God only knows what could've happened to her and I wouldn't even have known
I put my finger on her lips "nope...you don't get kisses"
She frowns and attempts an angry face that ends up looking like an adorable puppy
"Don't you love me?" She asks quietly
"I love you," she says even quieter
I walk us to my car "of course I love you...you're everything to me, and that's why I'm upset right now, do you know how worried I was when you said you were at the park at this hour and you sounded drunk?"
"I'm sorry...I just wanted to forget" she whispers
I put her seatbelt on "forget what sweetheart?"
"How much of a horrible person I am" she frowns
Is that what she thinks of herself?
"And why would you be horrible?" I question
She stays quiet and I can see tears falling down her face, I cup her cheeks and wipe her tears with my thumbs "hey...you're not horrible, you're the complete opposite so stop thinking like that" I whisper
She looks into my eyes and down to my lips "can I have a kiss...please?" She asks
I gently give her a soft kiss, I pull back and she still has a little frown "what's wrong now?" I ask gently
"I want ice cream" She has such a cute little expression on her face that it melts my heart, but I still can't get the bile out of my throat from how worried I was
"I'm going to take you to my place where I can be near you and I'll give you ice cream there," I say grabbing her hand
She looks at my hand as I pull onto the road "you have sexy hands...did you know that?"
"yeah?"
"Mhm- there big, veiny, and ruff but so soft" she mumbles
I chuckle, but it doesn't sound that genuine from how pissed I am,
"geez even your laugh is hot, you need to shush for a minute so I can get a hold of myself" she shakes her head
she begins to tell me about how her friend's fruit loops and Santa were nice to her at the bar and helped her get safely outside
I don't know who the hell these people are "were the guys?" I ask as I turn my car off
"Yep" she nods and pops the p
I try keeping the anger at bay but it's hard to think of men alone with her while she's drunk and vulnerable
"Did they do anything?" I ask
"Is my cutie pie jealous?" She laughs as I pick her up, I lock my car and walk inside my building
"did they do anything to you?" I ask a bit more sternly when I walk into the elevator
"Yikes no need to be scary...and no Mr. Santa has a wife who loves his beard and skittles tried to get my number but I said I have you" she smiles
"Wasn't it fruit loops?" I ask
"I said fruit loops" she frowns
I shake my head "no you said skittles"
"Can you get me fruit loops? I'm hungry" she whispers
"I thought you wanted ice cream?" I say holding her close to me
Her arms are wrapped around my neck and her legs around my waist, she smiles "can we watch Mulan the second movie please?"
When I get into my apartment and lock the door I look at her with a frown "why did you get drunk? you told me you hate alcohol"
I set her down on the crouch "I do hate it" she nods
"Then why'd you go drinking?" I ask gently as I take her face in my hands and bring our noses close to each other
"I just wanted a night to forget all the stressful things in life...the pain and heartache" she sighs
"Are you mentally okay Vanessa?" I ask carefully while breathing heavily
"You think I Want to kill myself?" She whispers with her eyes widening
I nod slowly "do you? Because you've been acting strange recently sweetheart and you're worrying me"
"The last thing I want is to die," she says starting to sob, full-on sobs that rack her body and fill my body with immediate guilt
"Okay okay I'm sorry, I'm so sorry sweetheart," I say putting her on my lap
She clings to me tightly and cries "I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked that kind of question" I say quietly
"Can you please get me ice cream" she whispers while sniffling
"Okay" I whisper picking her up and going to my kitchen, after I place her on my counter tops I go through all the flavors I have and she chooses the rocky road
I turn on the movie she wanted to watch and place a blanket over us, I put a water bottle next to her and hold her close as she eats her ice cream and gets lost in her Mulan movie,
She ended up falling asleep so I gently take her to my bed, put her in one of my hoodies, and take off her makeup with some makeup remover she left here for when she would stay over
I kiss her forehead and go get myself ready for bed, after I get into bed on instinct she clings to me,
she mumbles "I don't want to leave you" into my chest
I kiss her forehead "you're not leaving anywhere I'm right here" I whisper even though she's already out cold
I make sure the glass of water and Advil are on the nightstand and then hold her close til I fall asleep knowing she's safe in my arms.
----notes----
Another early chapter! Who am I?
I'm on my period and in pain so instead of doing school I'm ignoring it and writing...
Didn't mean to make this chapter so long...oops well anyway I hope you thought this was an okay chapter
Vote and comment!
Word count: 4467