Carter began to occupy a large amount of my mind. It seems like whenever I was with my “friends”, all I imagined was sitting on Carter’s old carpet and playing some more board games. He told me that he had more, which only furthered my want to hang out with him. We settled that every Sunday, from now until who knows, forever?, that we would hang at his house. But it felt like once a week was too little. And I wanted to hang with Carter more.
It was finally Sunday. During the week, I gave Carter waves and he waved back. I sat in the church pews.
“God has given this country sins! Everywhere we look, sinners flood the street chanting their devil words!” The “preacher” said. I chose to ignore him, like always.
“I’m telling you, these… fags keep flooding our streets. Kissing one another like it’s normal. But you and I know the path to freedom and eternal peace. Those abominations will go to hell and suffer while we rise and be one with the Lord!”
“AMEN!” The church-goers said. They all proceeded to open their books and sing about how kind God is.
I thought about what the “preacher” said. How could I know he was telling the truth? My mom always told me to trust adults because they know better. Then I saw my mom tell me we didn’t have any more pie and witnessed her and dad eating some later. So my judgment was speculating what the “preacher” said.
How can he claim that God hates people when in the Bible, its main message is to spread love. Did he really hate gays? That was an idea that I blocked from my mind. While everyone else believed that it was wrong, I didn’t. Because I understand that God loves me (I think) and he loves gays and blacks and hispanics and Jews and everyone else who's different.
There was no room for hate.
Church service ended, finally, and I told mom that I was going to go walk and return home. She allowed me to and I walked out of the premises of the church and headed to Carter’s home. I felt jumpy. I wanted to run so badly and reach his home as fast as I could. But I had to walk so I wouldn’t start sweating and made a bad second impression on Carter.
This is the first time I’ve cared about how someone sees me. I guess it’s because Carter is different from everyone else and I only want to show him the best part of me.
I knocked on his door and it opened to reveal Carter. He quickly put on a happy face when he saw me.
“GAVIN!” He said.
“Hi Carter!” He stepped aside and let me in. I walked and sat on the couch while Carter sat next to me.
“How’s your day been?” I asked.
“Lonely. Was waiting for you to come.” He said, blushing.
“Yeah. I left early so I could have more time to hang out with you.” I said.
“Wanna play Operation?” He said.
“Totally!” I said. He hopped off the couch and ran to another room to get the game. He returned a while later, holding the box and setting it on the floor. We played for a while and I constantly kept getting shocked. Carter, however, was a master. His small and precise hands allowed him to pick up the pieces easily.
“You’re hella good at this.” I said.
“Thanks. I want to be a doctor when I grow up so I’ve had practice.” That was the first bit of personal information he’s told me.
“How come you and your family never come to church? Everyone always wonders that.” I said while picking up a wishbone piece.
“My mom is always working. She never has the time to take me.” He said, putting his hair behind his ear.
“What about your dad?”
“My dad left my mom after I was born.” He said nonchalantly.
“Oh. My bad. I didn’t mean to be nosy.”
“It’s fine. He left her because he didn’t want the responsibility of having a child. He gave my mom $400 and left, never looking back.” He finished while I just looked at him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I never met the guy. Mom always talks bad about him, but a part of me knows that she still misses him.” He said. I began to lean in closer to him, entranced by his amber brown eyes.
I was snapped out when I was shocked by the board game.
That day with Carter was once again perfect. And to this day, I wished I could go back and be there again with him. We made plans to hang out during the week. We agreed on Wednesday we would meet at the Dizzy, a nearby LAN center which has computers we could use.
We said our goodbyes, and I felt like I left a piece of me. I walked home and was once again bombarded with questions as to my late arrival. I said I was with a friend. And when they asked if it was Ned or Patty or anyone from my group, I said no. This caused them to give each other curious glances as to who this mysterious friend was.
Wednesday rolled around and like we said on Sunday, we met at Dizzy. Carter looked more dressed up today. And when I complimented him, he blushed. I had no idea if he did this for me or just to look nice. But I like to think he dressed up just for me.
We entered the gaming center and agreed to pay for at least three hours. We chose a computer in the far back. It’s not that I was ashamed of hanging out with Carter. But I had a reputation to uphold.
That should give you the first reason to hate me: I was ashamed of being with him.
We turned on the old Macintosh computer that was plugged and turned on. I left Carter to get us some snacks. I got a few drinks and chips that we’ll be able to splurge on. Carter insisted he pay but I knew he didn’t have much so I offered to buy everything. He agreed, but that one day he’ll owe me back.
I ended up owing my life to him.
To say I had fun would be an understatement. It was breathtaking. Every moment with Carter was breathtaking. We spent that afternoon searching up anything we could think of. Anything that was either taboo or banned in our town, we searched it up. Rock music, graffiti art, R-rated movies. Then we came across an article that caught our attention.
‘Congress passes ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy’
We were curious as to what it was so we clicked and read it. We were shocked at the idea that gay people were just now allowed to be in the military.
“What’s a gay person?” Carter asked. I was shocked. But it’s understandable. I myself didn’t really know what a gay person was. All I heard was that they were 'creations by the devil who sinned'. But I knew better than to listen to what the church says.
“Let’s search it up.” I said. I grabbed the keyboard and typed ‘gay people’ in the search bar. What came up was a series of pictures depicting men and men kissing each other and women and women kissing each other. This was different. I was always used to men and women kissing one another. But the same gender. This was off. I didn’t understand it. How could one like someone of the same gender? Then I turned and saw Carter.
Could I also be-
“Interesting.” Carter said. He looked at the pictures and scrolled through them. Then we came across a picture of two young guys kissing each other. Carter blushed when he saw it. And I looked at it.
And I imagined me kissing Carter like that.
“I would like to kiss someone.” Carter said.
“You’ve never had your first kiss?” I asked.
“N-No. Not yet. I’m waiting for the right person.” He blushed.
“That’s understandable. You’ll find someone one day. I promise.” I said. He giggled when I tickled him.
We ended our day on a happy note. We agreed to hang out again on Sunday. I wanted to bring something for Carter. He’s allowed me to hang out at his house so the least I could do is bring him something.
School the next day was me meeting up with the people, AKA the people I hang out with that aren’t my friends.
“Hey man, you’ve been distant lately. You okay?” Ned asked me. Everyone turned to me as if they themselves questioned this. I didn’t understand why they cared all of a sudden. I never really talk to them. I guess their main question is ‘Why do you look so happy?’
“No reason.” I said.
“Alright man. If you say so.” Ned said. I was glad they dropped the subject. I didn’t need them to pester me any longer.
Carter walked by and gave me a wave.
“Why’d he wave at you?” Lauren asked. I shrugged as if I didn’t know.
Another reason to hate me: I pretended he didn’t exist sometimes.