I'm still looking at the weird pairing, when Elijah moves by my side, "Lilliana, move. Now. Let's go." I hear him, but his words don't register, as I'm too busy looking at Zak dip his head and place another quick kiss on Emma's lips.
A hand around my bicep pulls my attention away from them. "If you don't want me to forcefully move you, start fucking walking, Lilliana." Elijah is pissed, and it's written all over his face, so I finally get my legs to move and walk to where Kenan is standing.
"Are you okay, Mrs Haze?" I nod, refusing to look at him and letting him see the moisture gathering in my eyes.
You cannot believe people will ever truly love you the way you are, Lilliana. So much work needs to be done to make you lovable.
The voice that has haunted me my whole childhood appears in my mind for the first time in years, reminding me of all the conviction I had to unlearn about myself.
You are lovable, Lilliana. You are enough. For yourself, for others.
But if you were, then why did the two people who you loved the most betray like that?
My steps are automatic, and when the car door is opened for me I step in, not even knowing how I made it here.
Elijah joins seconds after and closes the door so hard I jump in my seat. The whole ride to the hotel is silent.
My mind keeps going back to that club, and Zak and Emma. I know I have no right to be upset, because I'm the one that left, but it doesn't hurt any less. They were my family. My everything.
In the hotel lobby, three men that were previously lounging in the communal area join us in the elevator, and we all make our way to our room.
The seven men in the elevator don't utter a word until the door to our room is opened by Elijah.
I'm ready to go to my room and lock myself in before my husband's voice stops me. "Lilliana." I turn and the look in his eyes lets me know he's pissed. "Yes?"
"Next time I'm leaving a building I expect you to be right behind me. Don't let what happened today happen again. If you had just stayed by me, Oron wouldn't have grabbed you and wouldn't have threatened you. Do you understand how serious things are right now? I physically attacked the head of a crime group. It doesn't matter how weak he is. He still has power. And you did it again when we were leaving. What's wrong with you? There'll be repercussions, and whatever they'll be. . . It's on you."
Before I realize it, a tear slides down my cheek. I don't wipe it quickly enough and everyone sees it.
Without a response, I turn and go to my room. "It's okay. Ana, you'll be fine," I whisper to myself.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and think about my dad.
Before his untimely death, his embrace was my safe space. I had happiness in him, and as I close my eyes right now, I can almost smell his cologne, and almost feel his hands wrap around me as he whisper, "I'm here, darling. Whatever you need."
I immerse myself in this feeling, and finally, let all the tears out. I cry out for the little girl who felt like she wasn't enough. I cry for the teenager who just wanted to be accepted. For the adult I've become: someone who thought she had it all and lost it all so quickly.
"You're enough darling. Don't ever doubt that." And like that, the feeling of my father's arms wrapped around me, I conjured up in my head, disappears.
I'm calmer, and when I open my eyes, standing in the bathroom, the reflection in the mirror terrifies me. There's not much life left behind my eyes, the bags highlight how tired I feel and the tear-streaked cheeks are void of colour.
I splash my face with water and after stripping off my dress, I head to bed. The comforter engulfs my naked body and soon after my head hits the pillow, I fall into a deep slumber.
The morning after, I wake up by 7:00 am, but stay in bed until 2:00 pm, to avoid interaction. My stomach grumbles again, but I ignore it, again.
My phone rings and I see it's mom. I let it go to voicemail, not able to deal with her today. I hear a door close and assume Elijah has left, and make my way to the living space.
To my surprise, Elijah is sitting at the kitchen island doing work when I get there. Ignoring his presence, I make myself an iced tea and in little time it's ready.
"Lilliana." Why does my name sound so sensual when it's him saying it.
"Yes?" I ask impatiently. His response makes my face contort, "I want to apologize for some things I said yesterday. I talked to Santi and he said that Oron used some force. That you were actually following me."
I look at him waiting for him to continue. "I was pissed and it was wrong for me to treat you like that. Our actions always have consequences, and whatever they are for my actions yesterday, are on me. I'm sorry for talking to you that way."
My response doesn't come, and as he waits for it, I continue staring at him. "Won't you say something? Anything?"
"I don't want this, Elijah. I'm saying this in case you didn't know. I never asked for this. You have this tendency to act like I forced you into this marriage. I. Did. Not. I had a life before you. I was happy. All of that, plus my freedom vanished the day my mother told me I had to marry you. I begged for alternatives. I begged for an explanation, and I didn't get anything."
An exasperated sigh leaves his lips, as he rakes a hand through his hair. "What are you trying to say, Lilliana."
"I'm saying, I didn't choose this for myself: the constant heartache, the feeling out of place in my own home, the lack of freedom. I didn't choose it, just like you didn't, Elijah. I can live with a husband who doesn't love me, but I will not forgo respect. I've done that for far too long. The way you treated me like a stubborn child having a tantrum, yesterday night, I won't take it anymore."
His eyes barely look at me, which only irritates me. Before the tears at the brim of my eyes start to fall, I turn around to go back to my room.
Fuck food. I'll be on a fucking hunger strike until he's back in his room.
I sit in the small cafe, watching out on the busy road when a hand taps my shoulder gently. "Hey, are you okay?" I look up to see Alena smile at me brightly, the beads at the end of her hair swaying slightly.
I nod, finally happy to be out of the suffocating confines of the hotel room, where I and Elijah have been tiptoeing around each other for the last two days.
Never have I been more glad to receive a phone call from someone who is basically a stranger. When Alena called me yesterday night, I thought it was to let me know that something wasn't paid for, instead, she asked me to meet for drinks.
After we order some food, we resume our conversation and she's telling me about her life for the past year, living in Greece. "How is it? Living here, I mean." My question draws a tired sigh from her.
"It's not fun. Don't get me wrong, it's undeniably beautiful, but I've been here for more than a year and I haven't managed to make any friends or acquaintances. I only interact with my family or people that come to the salon. It gets tiring and lonely. I didn't expect much else, being a black woman who lives in a predominantly white country, but it gets really lonely."
I understand how solitude can affect a person and offer her a comforting smile. "That's why I was so excited when you came into the salon. You were American, black and a woman, and you seemed genuinely lovely. It was nice to finally talk to someone who wasn't bothered by my bad Greek."
Her laugh comes out light and carefree, contrasting the conversation we're having.
"Anyways, that got heavy so fast. Moving on. How's your vacation going so far. You and Elijah enjoying yourselves?"
I nod, "Yes. This place is so beautiful. We haven't done much touring, but from what I've seen, it's definitely up there."
Our conversation shifts again, as we talk about anything that comes to mind. We're so similar.
"The guy that was with you the day at the salon, keeps staring in my direction. I don't know if he's trying to get your attention or if he's making sure I'm not a threat. Or he's falling in love with me." I turn around just in time to catch a glimpse of Santi looking down. His skin is a darker shade, which makes me smirk.
I've never seen him show any emotion, so this is new.
"Santi is a family friend." I tell her, "He's harmless." That last part isn't exactly true.
Brunch with Alena went great, and of all the things that happened today, the one I'm focused on the most is Santi's reaction to Alena.
"So, Santi. . ." I start, teasingly, "What do you think about Alena? She's great, isn't she?" He stays quiet.
"Oh, come on. We're in an elevator. I can't get hurt, so you talking to me won't distract you from any potential danger." My elbow lightly presses into his side, "Come on. Just admit that you find her cute and I'll let this go."
"Mrs Haze, I think you're imagining things that aren't there." I sigh in defeat. "That's good, because I'm inviting her to come over tomorrow, and I would hate for it to be awkward."
I can feel his body tense beside me, and I smirk. Glancing at Daniel, I can see the little smile threatening to break out on his face.
I've always loved playing Cupid, and Santi and Alena have finally given me the opportunity to do so again.