'Lara, I have to talk to you.'
'What's wrong?' I ask worriedly. Alex stumbles desperatedly into the laundry room with brimming, red eyes. I haven't seen him this distraught since the night Maria died. He walks over to me and takes my hands into his own.
'It's Kieran', he says in a strangled voice. The ground seems to sink beneath my feet and the only thing keeping me up is Alex holding me with his strong arms. His face can only mean one thing. He's dead.
'Oh my God, I killed him,' I say breathlessly.
'What?' Alex asks confused.
'I killed him', I say again, letting go of Alex to double over with my hand on my mouth. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
'What are you talking about?' Alex asks. Of course he doesn't know about what happened last night. I tried so hard to convince myself that Kieran would be all right that I decided not to tell the others. Besides Derek. I thought I'd just needlessly worry them, but now...
'Last night', I sob. 'You were right, you and Derek. Simon tried to manipulate me. First he said that he could arrange for Kieran to come here more often, but when I didn't bite he... he...'
'What? What did he do?' Alex asks urgently, grabbing my shoulders.
'He ordered him to go out and clear a herd in the middle of the night. Alone. And I could've stopped him if I had just given in, but I thought that he would-'
'Wait, wait, wait', Alex interrupts me, grabbing me even more tightly. 'Are you saying that Kieran wasn't at the outpost last night?'
'No', I say between my tears. 'He sent him out there to die.'
Then, to my immense surprise, Alex's face breaks out in a desperate smile and he hugs me.
'Dios mío, you might have saved him.' Now I'm the one that's confused.
'What?'
Alex lets go of me and runs his hands over his face to wipe the tears.
'There was an attack on the satellite outpost last night. They killed everybody there.'
The noise of shattering glass pulls our attention to the side where Pamela just dropped her glass of tea.
'What did you just say?' she asks, shocked.
'They killed everybody', Alex repeats. 'But if Kieran wasn't there he might still be alive.'
Pamela reaches out to the table for support, but doesn't seem to find it. Her mouth is wide open and so are her eyes. I glance over at Alex for a moment before I make my way over to Pamela to guide her to a chair.
'Are you all right?' I ask her, not sure if I'm all right myself. I just had to process the news that Kieran is dead, then that he might not be dead, but everybody else at the outpost is?
'I know people there', Pamela says in a small voice. I rub her back to comfort her a little but I'm as shocked as she is.
'Alex, I don't understand. They killed everybody? Really? How is that possible? Who did this?'
'I don't know', he says. 'I don't think we're supposed to know yet. But I just heard it from Keith, who heard it from Emma, who heard it from Paul who was in the room with Simon when he-'
'Okay, yeah, it doesn't matter', I interrupt him, agitatedly. 'Who would do such a thing? Who even could? There's well over 30 people there, isn't there?'
'I don't know.'
'Do you think they're coming here as well?'
'I don't know', Alex says again.
'How do we find out if Kieran is still alive?'
'I don't-'
'So, you've heard?'
We all turn to the door where Kenny has appeared. He looks worn out. I'm guessing he must have had friends at the outpost too.
'Come on, to the main hall. We're getting the official word.'
He doesn't wait for us to come, but sets off right away. I help Pamela up and Alex and I both support her as we make our way to the main hall.
'Who do you know at the outpost?' I ask her as we walk.
'Michelle', she says, sounding dumbfounded. 'Used to work with me in laundry for a while, before she became a Savior. And... and... and Liam! He had Kenny's job before he was transferred. He was a good man.'
Pamela doesn't cry, but she walks like she's in a daze. I look worriedly over her head at Alex who looks just as concerned.
'Maybe they made it', I tell her. 'We don't know what happened yet.'
Alex frowns like he doesn't believe that for a second. When we get to the main hall, the atmosphere is chilling. Obviously, word has spread. We can hear people crying and some people start to panic, but Saviors shut them down. Many people know people at the outpost, of course. Friends, family, lovers... We stay at the edge of the room and scan the crowd for our friends.
'We need to tell them that Kieran wasn't there. That he might be all right.'
Alex nods, but looks down at Pamela. 'We can't leave her on her own.'
I agree, she's still in a state of shock. I look around the room and thankfully, I spot Megan. I wave at her and she comes over.
'Pamela isn't taking the news too well', I tell her. 'Can you keep an eye on her?'
'Of course', she says, taking Pamela over from us. 'Are you all right?'
'I don't know yet', I answer truthfully. Then Alex and I jump into the crowd, searching for our friends. But before we can find them, Negan announces his presence at the balustrade and we have no choice but to end our search and get down on our knees.
Negan looks over the crowd with an angry expression on his face before he confirms what we already heard. Everybody at the satellite outpost has been killed. Murdered in their sleep. Negan promises us they will find out who's behind this. And that they will be sorry. Then he disappears.
When he's done, we get up quickly to find the others, but before we can move far, a Savior grabs my arms.
'I'm gonna need you to come with me', Fat Joey tells me.
'I haven't done anything', I say, glaring at him.
'You really want to be difficult right now?' he asks in a bored tone.
Alex nudges me. 'Go, I'll find the others.'
I nod and follow Fat Joey, who brings me to Negan's room. My thoughts go in every direction. What would Negan possibly want to discuss with me right now? He can't think I have anything to do with this can he? But mostly my thoughts are on Kieran. Is he alive? Can he be? My questions are answered when Fat Joey opens the door to Negan's room.
I stop in my tracks when I catch his eye. He's here! Kieran is sitting in one of Negan's armchairs. He looks exhausted but very much alive and offers me a tiny smile when he looks at me.
'Thank you, Fat Joey', Negan says. He's on his couch, opposite of Kieran and of Simon, who takes up the other armchair. Since I haven't moved after spotting Kieran, Fat Joey shoves me out of the doorway into the room.
'Close the door behind you', Negan says. Joey does what he's told, leaving me standing by the door.
'A little closer, please, sweetheart', Negan says, beckoning me to come over. I do as he says and notice there's a tense atmosphere in the room. I want to run over to Kieran and take him into my arms, but now is very obviously not the moment. Especially Simon seems to be on edge.
'Are you surprised to see your friend alive, Lara?' Negan asks me.
'I'm so relieved', I say.
'I get that', Negan says shortly. 'I asked if you are surprised.'
I look over at Kieran shortly. He looks a bit tense as well, though not as badly as Simon. I don't quite understand what's going on here.
'Well, I mean, I was hoping he made it since he wasn't at the outpost. But of course I was worried that-'
'How did you know?' Negan interrupts me.
'I'm sorry?'
'How did you know that Kieran wasn't at the outpost last night?'
I hesitate a moment and look at Simon, who doesn't meet my eye. Is this about him? Does Negan not trust him?
'Because I heard Simon give him the order to take care of a herd last night', I tell Negan.
Kieran seems to relax a little by my statement, but I'm still confused. Negan lets his eyes slide over the men in front of him. Neither of them meet his eye.
'Did you think this was a strange order, Lara?' Negan asks me. I fold my hands together to hide my nerves. I feel like I'm being thrown in the middle of something that I don't want any part of. If Simon's on trial here, I'm not sure I want to witness against him. I really don't want to get on his bad side. But I can't lie to Negan.
'I thought it was a bit odd, yes', I say truthfully.
'Then why do you think he gave it?'
'Um, he said that the road block had to be fixed before tomorrow. Uhh, today, that would be. That it couldn't wait until tomorrow. Today, I mean.'
Negan looks at me and smiles a little at my rambling.
'Did you think there could be any alternative motives behind this order?'
'I, uhh', I stumble, feeling myself turn red again. What if Simon gets angry if I say he was trying to get me to sleep with him? He'll just deny it, anyway. 'I... no, I don't know', I say unsurely.
Negan's smile spreads a little wider. I'm sure my face tells him enough.
'Why were you even with Simon in the first place? Are the two of you buddies now?'
'He asked me to make him a portrait.'
'Did he?' Negan asks, turning his gaze to Simon. 'I never knew you were an appreciator of the finer arts.'
'You know me, I'm full of surprises', Simon says, trying for his usual air of nonchalance. But he barely fools me, so he surely doesn't fool Negan.
'I can't fucking believe it', Negan says, shaking his head slowly. 'If I'm putting two and two together correctly here, I think Simon's dick just saved your life, Mac Douche.'
He laughs as he stands up and walks over to me. I look at him apprehensively, because he's carrying Lucille.
'Tell me the truth, Lara', he says, throwing his free arm around my shoulders. 'Did old Simon here try to creep on you a little last night? And did he sent your boyfriend out on a suicide mission when you didn't put out?'
'I uhh...' I stutter uncomfortably again. I don't know what to say and I do not want to be here. Fortunately, Negan saves me the effort of answering.
'Simon', he says. 'Spare the poor girl and tell me the truth. That's what happened, isn't it?'
Apparently, Simon decided that giving in is the best policy. He slaps his hands onto his legs and rubs his knees.
'You can't blame a man for trying, can you?' he says, grinning.
Negan laughs and bends backwards. Simon laughs with him, but he's clearly uncomfortable.
'That is just rich. I almost thought that these two were in cahoots against me', Negan tells me. 'I mean, it's just too much of a coincidence isn't it, leaving the outpost in the middle of the night on the very night that we're attacked? But it was just you all along.'
He squeezes me against him and rubs his face as he laughs, swinging Lucille dangerously close to my face in the process.
'Well, I give you an A+ for effort, Simon, but I guess you have to try harder next time. Maybe you can ask the guy you tried to kill for some tips, because he's slept with her', he says, pointing at Kieran. 'And so have I. But I'm hard to beat, I'll give you that. Hey, isn't that funny? Every guy in this room has slept with her, except for you, Simon.'
Negan seems to be enjoying himself tremendously and Simon laughs with him, but he looks like he just ate something sour. I just stand there underneath Negan's arm awkwardly, hoping I can leave soon. Fortunately, he does let his hand slide slowly off my shoulder.
'All right', Negan says, flicking my chin shortly with his finger. 'You can go. You too, Mac Douche.'
Kieran jumps up from the armchair as quickly as possible and walks over to me. I glance over at Simon for a moment, whose smile has faltered now that Negan's eyes are no longer on him. Negan watches us leave, still with a grin on his face, before he makes his way back to the couch. I'm a little dazed from everything that's happened, so Kieran grabs my arms and drags me out of the room.
'You all right?' he asks when we're outside, the door closed behind us.
'Yes', I answer before I hug him tightly. 'I'm so glad you're alive. I thought I'd got you killed.'
'Simon tried to sleep with you?' Kieran asks, confused. I glance over Kieran's shoulder at Fat Joey who's leaning against the corner, clearly interested in what we're saying.
'It's a long story', I say, unravelling myself from our embrace. Then my face splits open in a wide smile as I look at him. He's alive! 'I'll tell you everything. But first, let's show the others that you're not dead.'