It was already Saturday morning, when I finally regained my consciousness. My mother was sound asleep in an uncomfortable position leaning on my bed. I brushed her hair out of her face with my fingers and stared out the small window. It was quite a cloudy day, so there was little to no light coming in from the window.
I must have fainted again. Maybe I shouldn't have overworked myself at the party last night.
To be entirely honest, I had been overworking myself the whole last week. I didn't want anyone to notice anything off about me so I acted tougher and more excited than I usually did. I had been more active and hanged out with the gang or just with Kegan every single day. And when I went back home for the night, I ended up being so tired and feeling dead. I knew I shouldn't overwork myself and rest more but I was so scared my friends would find out about it.
Just then, my phone vibrated and I took it to check. There were several calls and texts from Kegan which I had missed. I immediately opened the text messages.
From Key
I just got home. Are you still up?
I'm really glad you enjoyed tonight. We all worked really hard to make it the best for you.
Did you sleep yet, my love?
Okay sleep well then. Goodnight and I love you, my sweet Faye.
Good morning, my love. Are you up yet? I miss you already.
Dragonfly? Is everything alright?
I smiled sadly before I replied to him.
To Key
Good morning, Key. Sorry for not replying. I was really tired and fell asleep as soon as everyone left. I was very tired. And my phone was on silent so I didn't hear the calls. I'm so sorry.
From Key
It's okay, love. I'm glad you slept well. What are you doing now? Want to meet up today?
To Key
I'd love to. But I have to help clean the house today. The house is a mess from the party. So, can I make sure first and get back to you later?
From Key
Okay, no worries. Do you need any help cleaning up? I could come over if you want.
To key
No, it's okay. We can manage here. So, I'll text you later, okay? I need to go now. I love you. <3
From Key
Okay dragonfly. See you later. I love you. <3
I sighed and put my phone away when I heard a soft knock on the door and Dr. Serene entered the room. My mother who was asleep, woke up from the sound and she greeted the doctor.
"Dr. Serene, how's Faye? Why did she suddenly faint again?" She asked with concern evident in her tone. I got up and sat on the bed while waiting for her answer. Dr. Serene let out a long sigh before she replied.
"I'm really sorry to say this, but it's not good. It seems like the disease is progressing at a really fast rate. It has only been a week but I can see that it has progressed quite fast from the reports. As I have mentioned last week, HCM shows many symptoms and causes some complications. When she arrived last week, she was already suffering from Arrythmias (abnormal heart rhythms). And when she came in today, I have noticed that her heart muscles have thickened even more causing some blockage in her blood flow. If it continues to progress at this rate, I'm afraid she has about only 2 years left to live unless she gets a new heart. I highly recommend her to fully get admitted into the hospital so I can continue to monitor her status and get her treated here. I'm really sorry."
She frowned as she walked to me and put a hand on my shoulder. My mother on the other hand, burst out crying as she leaned and hugged me tightly. "Oh, my baby... What do I do?" She continued crying while Dr. Serene moved to her side and patted her shoulder. And what about me you ask? Well, I was too dumbfounded and tongue-tied to even react. Only three words ran through my head as I just stayed frozen on spot.
Just two years. Just two years...
"I know it's not the best time, but when do you want to get fully admitted Faye? If it's okay with you, I could help you with the papers even today. I know it's hard but you really need to get admitted as soon as possible." Dr. Serene's words bring me back from my frozen state.
"No! Not today. Please! I... I have somethings I have to do before that. Please, give me a few days. Just 3 more days and I'll be here on Tuesday. Until then, I'll come to the hospital every day for checkup if you want me to." I begged her. It seemed like I have already made my decision on what to do before I realized it.
"Okay. But you said it yourself, so you are to come for checkup on Monday evening." She sighed and I nodded in response. "Okay then. I'll sign your discharge papers for now. But remember to come for the checkup. And make sure to get plenty of rest and sleep. And don't do any activities that could be hard on your heart. I'll prescribe some medicine for you to take while you are away." After that, she looked at my mother who was still crying while hugging me, and walked out of the room.
"Mama, please stop crying. If you keep crying like this, I'll also end up crying. And I don't want to cry." I stated as my eyes started getting teary.
"I'm sorry sweetie. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could go through this in your place." She said as she let me go and cupped my face instead.
"Don't say that! I can't live if anything happens to you!" I exclaimed as I wiped her tears away.
"Then how am I supposed to live if something happens to you. I already lost your papa. I can't lose you too." She started crying again.
"I'm going be okay, mama. I'm going to get treatment and hopefully get a new heart soon and get better. I'm not leaving you. I'll be strong and I'll do my best to get better. So please don't cry, and stay strong for me so we can overcome this." When she heard my words, she immediately stopped crying and smiled a little with a proud look on her face.
"You are so strong, sweetie. So strong. And I will be strong too. I will be by your side while you overcome this. Don't ever give up. I love you so much." She said while stroking my hair with her fingers.
"I love you too, mama."
"But sweetie? Why do you want to wait till Tuesday before getting fully admitted? You are not thinking of going back to classes again, are you? I don't want you to attend them. If you really want to continue your studies, I can get your lecturers to take the classes online for you so you could still keep studying while you are here." She asked with concern.
"Mama, it's just a few days. And I really need to be out of here, if I want to leave everything behind." I replied. I already knew what I had to do before I have to get admitted.
"What do you mean? Are you really not gonna tell your friends?" My mother took my hands in hers and furrowed her eyebrows.
"I can't let them know. I won't let them know. I really don't want them to go through the pain we both are going through. So instead, I'm going to leave everything behind. I'm going to leave Kegan so that he can move on from me and I'm also going to leave my friends. We have only been together for a couple of months. I'm sure they can just move on and forget about me if I disappear. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell them I'm moving to another university abroad in a week. I'm just going to disappear from their lives." I said as sadness overwhelmed me from the inside. But that was the only way. I just wanted them to move on with their lives and forget about me. If the worst-case scenario where I die happens, it won't hurt them as much if I wasn't involved in their lives anymore. But I just hoped it would never come to that and that one day I'd get all better and could go back to them and apologize for not telling them the truth.
"But what about you, sweetie? Can you really move on and stay here all alone?" She asked with concern.
"I'm going to be okay, mama. I have to be."
This is the only way.
***
(Kegan's POV)
I was on my way to meet Faye at a mall near our houses. It was Saturday night and I was quite excited to meet her since I was missing her so much. She had called me about 15 minutes ago and asked me to meet her there in the parking lot since she was going wait for me in her car. She sounded a bit off but I just assumed that she was tired from all the house cleaning from earlier that day. Nevertheless, I was excited by the thought of seeing her and didn't think much of it.
When I reached the mall parking lot, I parked my car and walked to the location that she had shared with me. I waved at her when I saw her car and she got out with a serious look on her face. I wondered what was going on. I walked over to her and planted a kiss on her lips which she didn't return. She then took a step back as she looked away from me.
"What's wrong? Did something happen?" I bowed down a little to her height and tried to catch her eyes but she continued to look away with a serious look on her face.
"Kegan... I can't do this anymore." She finally spoke.
"What do you mean? Can't do what?" I frowned with confusion.
"This thing with you. This relationship. I can't continue this anymore."
"What... What are you talking about?" I scoffed. I still had no idea where she was going with this conversation. I felt lost and confused. Just then she turned to me and met my eyes.
"You heard me. This relationship thing we have going on. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep up with this act anymore. I'm just so tired of acting, so I want to stop." She replied with an expression which I have never seen on her before. It was similar to the bitchy expression that my ex had on her face all the time. This confused me even more.
"Act? Seriously Faye! What is this all about? What act?"
"Wow. You are more naïve than thought. You seriously bought the innocent-girl-in-love act that I have been putting on? Oh my god I can't believe this. That is too easy for me then." Faye let out a triumphant laugh and continued. "Kegan, my boy. I was just playing with you. For revenge."
At this point, I was too dumbfounded to even think. "Revenge? For what?" I muttered. She smirked mischievously before she took a step closer and traced her fingers along my neck. I went rigid on spot as I stared straight at her
"Remember that day we met? Of course, how could you ever forget." She smirked before wrapping her fingers around my neck and giving it a little squeeze. "No one has ever treated me with so much disrespect before. I fucking despise violence and bullying and that's exactly what you did to me that day." She muttered the word through gritted teeth and looked back at me with a smirk.
"After you left, I decided I had to teach you a lesson. So, I did. I acted like that shy and innocent Faye to get your attention. And who knew you would be so easy. Playing with you, was the easiest thing I have ever done. You just literally came to me without me even doing anything. It was that easy." She let out a long sigh before she continued. "But it's finally time to end this little play now. I have been thinking about it for a while. Actually, I'm going abroad next week. I finally got accepted as a transfer student at a university that I have been trying for. So, I just thought it was the perfect timing to finally break it to you. I know you'll miss me, but don't miss me too much. It's just too sad if you were naïve enough to miss the girl who played you like puppet, isn't it?"
All I could do was stare at her with a horrified look. I had really been played. Again. She was right in front of me with a smirk on her beautiful face. And even at that horrifying moment, I still found her beautiful. I let out a loud breath and looked away as anger started to fill me. That last thought made me furious. I was played. Just for some stupid revenge. She was never in love with me. It was just an act to break me. When I looked back at her, my eyes were full of anger and betrayal.
"You bitch!" I spit out as I wrapped my fingers around her neck and pushed her to her car. But all she showed was amusement as she snickered.
"Again? You never learn, do you? Well, not that I really care. But... remember we are in a public place. You wouldn't want any attention now, would you?" She said as she forced my hand away from her. "I have said everything I wanted to say. So, I'll take my leave now. This will be the last time we see each other. Good bye, Kegan." She reached out her hand and caressed my cheek as I just stood there breathing hard from the anger. She stayed like that for a second while looking at my eyes before getting into her car and driving away.
As my anger started to calm down, it was replaced it pain. You see, I had felt hurt, pain and betrayal before. But this was nothing like those times. Not even one percent of that. This was pure sorrow which I had no control over. My legs gave in and I fell to the ground on my knees as I wept.
***
(Faye's POV)
Things went pretty slowly on Sunday. Every second felt like hours as I just laid down on my bed all day, either crying my heart out or too depressed to even feel anything. My mother was worried all day since I wasn't eating at all. Well truthfully, I couldn't eat at all. I felt nauseous and had no appetite from being so depressed all day. At least I got a lot of rest like doc wanted me to. Not good rest, but some kind of rest.
"Sweetie, please eat something. You haven't touched any food all day." My mother pleaded as she sat next to me on the bed.
"I'm not hungry, mama. Actually, I feel really nauseous and I feel like I'll throw up if I have any food." I replied without moving at all from my spot. I didn't really have the energy to move around. I had been just lying still in a very dark room as I stared into space.
"I know, but you need to eat something. You have been like this since you came back home last night. I'm really getting worried." She said as she stroked my hair with her fingers. "I know you are in pain. And let me tell you, it takes a long time to move and act normal when your heart is broken. But you promised you'd be strong and overcome this. And you must. You must take care of yourself in order to get better fast."
She was right. And I knew it. But at that moment, I was too sad and broken to do anything for myself. I felt like crap for doing that to Kegan, but he needed to forget me and move on and start a new life. A better life which me and my illness didn't exist. After leaving him in the parking lot last night, I drove myself home, crying the whole time. And when I got home, I cried in my mother's arm for hours until I fell asleep. But I didn't regret doing it at all. I knew and believed it was the right thing to do.
"I'm sorry, mama. You are right. I'll try to eat something." I informed and she smiled and kissed my forehead before going out to get something for me to eat.
"Now that's my good girl. I bring you some chicken soup."
I slowly got up and sat down leaning on the headboard as I looked at the tiny gap between my curtains. My room was all dark apart from a small ray of light that from coming in from the setting sun. It was going to be Monday soon and I had no idea how I was going to go to class and face Kegan and also lie to my friends about going abroad. Even thinking about the expressions on their faces when I tell them, made me want to just disappear without a word and never look back. But I knew I had to tell Athena even if she was going to be sad about me leaving. She was my best friend and I couldn't just leave her without at least saying goodbye to her. Thinking about her made my eyes teary.
About five minutes later there was a soft knock on the door, before my mother came in. "Faye, sweetie. You have a guest. Should I let her in?"
Before I could even ask her who it was, a very emotional Athena burst in my room and ran to where I was. "Faye! What is going on?! I just heard some weird stuff from Aiden. He said things like you were leaving and that you played with Kegan and left him. What is all this? Why is he saying such things?" She immediately sat next to me; her face laced with so much confusion.
"Faye? Why are you crying? What's going on?" I didn't realize I was crying until she started wiping my tears with a sad expression on her face. I wasn't going to cry but she just came at a really bad timing when I was feeling completely broken. Before I knew it, I was crying my eyes out. "Is it really true? Did you break up with Kegan? Aiden said you played with him or something. But I know you. You are not that kind of person and I know how much you love Kegan. So please, be honest with me. And please tell me what's really going on. You know that I'll always be here for you no matter what. You could talk to me about anything and I wouldn't judge or dislike you. So, please." She pleaded and I completely broke down in front of her.
"A! What am I going to do? I don't have any other choice." I burst out while became undone. I had no intentions of telling her about any of it from the very beginning, but when I finally saw her, I didn't know what came over me. "What do I do, A? I don't have much time left to live. And I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. I so, so scared."
Blood drained from Athena's face as her expression changed to fear. "What... what are you talking about Faye?" she stared at me with fear in her eyes.
"I'm sick, A. I'm very sick and I have about 2 years left to live if I don't get surgery."
Tears continuously rolled from my eyes as I explained everything to Athena. I told her everything I knew about the disease and what the doctor has suggested for me to do in order to live. I told her that I needed to be admitted to the hospital as soon as possible and that's why I lied about going abroad. I also told her everything that happened with Kegan the night before and how I broke his heart. Everything I planned to keep to myself came out so easily. And Athena listened to everything I had to say with tears running down her cheeks.
"Please, promise me you won't tell anyone. Specially Kegan. I really don't want him to know about any of this. I don't want to see him in pain because of this." I pleaded.
"But why? This is wrong. Either way, he's in pain. You know how much he loves you. He is completely broken right now. I know, because Aiden told me so. He met Kegan today at his house and he was a complete mess." Athena asked as she frowned.
"It's not the same. Not at all. He might be in pain right now, but he will be able to move on soon. The way I broke up with him, I things I said to him, I'm sure he hates me already. This way he can just move on from me and live his life. But if he knows about this, he's going to be in pain every day for so long. Either until I get better, or I get worse, he is going to be pain. And... and if, just if in case I do not survive this, how will he live with that? I can't do that to him. I really can't." I explained.
"Then, what about you? Can you move on from him? I really don't think you can. So, how are you going to live with this? You are going to be pain every day knowing you can't be with him." She asked again.
"I'm going to be in pain anyways. It's just going to be an add on to it. I can do this, A. I have to. And I will get better and come back to you all. Just wait for me, okay?" I gave her a sad smile.
"Okay. But I'll come visit you every day at the hospital." She announced.
"Oh, please not every day. Then it would be found out. I don't want Aiden to get suspicious and find out about this. Just once a week. I know it's too little but I really don't want to get found out. We could plan for a day which you won't be spending with Aiden or Kegan and come over." I took her hands and pleaded. She then let out a long sigh before nodding.
The rest of the night, we spent talking and I was finally able to eat some soup after one whole day. Aiden called a while after and Athena told him that everything Kegan told him was the truth and that I was leaving the next day. Even I got to talk to him for a bit even though he seemed mad at me for hurting Kegan like that. I apologized to him and told him I had my reasons and that he would know if he asked Kegan about it. And he had said that he would keep in touch with me just once in a while since I too was his friend. And I was just happy knowing Kegan had a friend like him.
***
It was raining quite heavily, when we reached the hospital on Monday morning. We decided to get me admitted today since I have already talked to everyone and had no reason to go to class anymore. Athena had agreed to tell our classmates about my departure when she got to class. And I already said my goodbyes to Kegan and Aiden so I had nothing left to do. So, I was finally ready to start my hospital life.
My mother opened the door for me and I went into the room that was prepared for me in the hospital. it was a medium room painted all white with wooden flooring with all windows on one side of the room. In the middle of one wall stood the patient's bed. And next to it was a small white chair. The windows were covered with cream-colored curtains and next to windows stook a L-shaped sofa facing the bed. In front of the bed was a medium sized T.V mounted to the wall with a wooden dresser below it. There was also a door on that side which lead to the bathroom.
"I know it looks really empty and boring right now but you could decorate the room however you want." Mother said as she put my luggage on the bed and started emptying it into the dresser. She took out some blankets and laid them on the bed and handed me some fairy lights that she had brought with her. "Here, I know you love these. Hang them over the bed. It will make you feel more at home." She gave me a smile as I took them and walked over to the bed.
"Sweetie, I have to go do some paper work with Dr. Serene now. I'll be back in a while, okay?" she said and I nodded in agreement. She gave me a little kiss on the forehead before leaving me alone in my new room. I sat down on the bed and stared into the view from the window as I got lost in thought.
Everything is going to be okay.