I think I've stopped breathing. Did he just say what I think he just said? "W-What?" I stuttered out.
Grayson was staring at me intensely, with my face still in his hands. His face looks like it is filled with sorrow, which was strange because he just said something that changed my entire world. "You're my soulmate, Brie. I'm so sorry."
I leaned out of his embrace in shock, as if he slapped me. Sorry, why was he sorry? This should be a good thing, right?
"Why are you sorry?" He had brought his hands to his sides, standing up to his full height and turned away from me. "Because this is not the life I wanted for you. You are not supposed to be bound to me."
"Why am I not supposed to be? I don't understand, Gray."
"Because you were never supposed to know!" He huffed out. My eyes widened and I felt my heart pang.
"What? Were you never going to tell me about this? Are you fucking kidding me?" I was so angry, but also so hurt. I was just supposed to live my life, not knowing that I have known my soulmate for years?
"No, Brie, I was never going to tell you because you don't deserve to give up your life because of me!"
"So, what, you just decided for us? For me?" I stood up from the bed with both of my hands on my hips.
"Yes, because you don't get it! I can't give you a normal human life! I can't give you a human wedding or human children! I can't give you a normal human life where you go to college and have a career then come home to a husband and kids!" He was breathing heavily at this point, his shoulders moving up and down noticeably. His eyes were rimmed red, as if he was holding back tears.
You know that moment when it feels like your heart is literally shattering in your chest? That one moment that happens in a second, but takes a lifetime to get over? This felt like that moment for me.
I was crying more at this point, the tears running down my face. Grayson was looking at me with a deep sadness in his eyes that I felt like I was drowning in.
"So, you just figured you would let me go through life never knowing that the person I was destined to be with had always been in my life? Just because you felt like you knew what I deserved, and you couldn't give it to me? That's not fucking fair, Grayson! It should have been a decision we made together!"
"No because if I told you, you would be doing exactly what you're doing right now! Willing to give everything up just because of something fate told us! You don't understand, my world is dangerous, Brielle and I can't be with you knowing one day you will get hurt because of me!"
"You don't know that! You don't know that I would get hurt!"
"Yes, I fucking do, Brie! Because my world is dangerous! I am a warrior of my pack. I put my life on the line every time I am asked to because it is my job. And you know how to hurt a wolf that you need out of the way? You hurt their other half which means you would get hurt because of me!"
We were screaming at each other at this point. It's like the dam on our emotions broke and neither of us were willing to back down on our opinion. It felt like I was watching him give up on me, on us, on what we could have been.
"That's not fair," I whispered. "You're just scared because you're selfish. If you really were scared of me being hurt, you would have walked out of my life a long time ago." I turned my back on him, staring at the floor with my fists clenched.
I was angry. I was past the point of being sad, all I felt was overwhelming rage at his cowardice. It felt like he forced me to love him with no intention of loving me back.
I heard him walk closer to me. I felt his hand reach out to grab my shoulder and turn me around slowly. I noticed his face had some tear stains. Good, I thought, feel the agonizing pain of this as I do.
"I didn't tell you because I wanted you to make your own decisions. I wanted you to be able to choose who you love because you felt it, not because fate told you to," He looked at me with a solemn expression, having dropped his hand from my shoulder.
"You don't get it. I already made that choice, a long time ago. I made that choice when I was 8 years old, Grayson! You or fate didn't really leave me much of a choice!" His eyes widened and I felt a blush begin to spread on my body, not breaking eye contact. I definitely didn't mean to say that.
"Brielle, we... we can't. We can't be together like that, I'm sorry. I had no idea you felt the mate bond," Tears began to build in his eyes and I'm sure mine were the same.
His words felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I thought heartbreak would feel different, but this was truly maddening. This beautiful boy I had known for most of my life, the one that I had probably been in love with for most of my life too. Here he was, standing in front of me, breaking my heart with his hands. The heart I had unknowingly given him.
"Get out," I whispered, staring at the ground, watching the tears land on the carpet.
"Brie, please- "
"Get out!" It felt like I was sobbing at this point, and I probably was.
I saw one of his hands lift up, as if to touch me. I took a step backwards. "No, you don't get to touch me. You don't get to do anything with me anymore," I tried to suck my tears back in. I looked up at him with no expression. "You don't want to be with me? Then fine, I want to nothing to do with you. Get. Out."
Grayson looked at me as if it was his turn to be shocked. "You don't mean that." It sounded like he was pleading with me.
"Yes, I do. Please, leave me alone."
"Let's just talk about this, please." I scoffed at that. "Talk about it? Like you should have done from the beginning? I'm done talking to you about something you are never going to change your mind on."
A single tear fell down his face and it made me wince before I quickly try to put the expressionless look back on my face. "Okay, I'll leave," His voice sounded hoarse, slightly cracking.
He began to walk out the door and I just stood there. I was waiting for him to turn around, to say he changed his mind and all of the consequences be damned because he loved me. I was hoping he would stop and tell me he wasn't leaving and that he can't live without me.
But he didn't.
I heard the door slam behind him.
A few hours after Grayson left, my mother came home and found me sitting on the floor, crying my eyes out.
"Oh, mon Dieu! Que s'est-il passé, ma chérié?" She sat down on the floor next to me, grabbing my face, searching it frantically.
I gave her a watery smile. "I spoke to Grayson today," Her softened in understanding. "You told him how you felt?"
I nodded my head. "Yep, and he said he couldn't be with my ever," My voice caught on the end, and it caused more tears to fall me. "I don't understand, Mama. Why can't he love me?"
She grabbed me and pulled me into a warm embrace. She began to rock me slowly while petting my hair. "Oh, ma chérié. I'm so sorry."
Being in my mother's arms helped dull the pain I was feeling, but it also made the realization of Grayson never loving me hit me full force which made me cry out. It felt like I was physically breaking.
We sat there on the floor with her hugging me for a while. My tears had slowed down and soon, all I could hear was my heart beating.
I slowly pulled away from my mother and looked her in the eyes. "Why does it hurt so bad?" I sniffled slightly.
She had tears in her eyes. "I don't know, ma chérié, I wish it didn't. I wish you never felt this kind of pain."
It felt a lot like drowning, this feeling. It felt like I was in the middle of the ocean, sucking in water, feeling my lungs burn. It's like I was searching for something to pull me out of the water, but there was nothing. Grayson had been my life saver and it was funny because now it felt like I was dying because of him.
I never understood the full intensity of my feelings for Grayson until I realized that those feelings couldn't be reciprocated. The life I had imagined with Grayson would never happen and that was the most heartbreaking thing of all. I was mourning the loss of someone who wasn't really dead.
I love Grayson in a lot of different ways. I love him as my best friend, my confidant, my lover, and apparently, my soulmate. But now I don't have any of that. All I have left is a broken heart and it makes me sick.
I wish I never knew any of this. That Grayson was a werewolf and that we were supposedly soulmates. I miss being ignorant to it all because if I didn't know about these things, I could have kept living my life, loving Grayson from afar. Knowing hurts worse than not knowing.
"Mama, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be without Grayson." I looked to my mother, hoping she had all the answers even if she didn't have all the facts.
"I promise it won't hurt forever. That pain you feel right now will dull and you'll barely feel it. It's something that will always be a part of you, but it'll just be there in the background. You won't even really feel it unless you try to. The world will eventually spin around you again, I promise. You just need time to heal from it, ma chérié," She had a sad smile on her face, as if she was remembering her own pain and it made me feel more and less horrible at the same time.
"I don't want to feel like this. This hurts too much, mama," My eyes watered slightly, it felt like I would never run out of tears.
"I know, I know," She pulled me close to her again, rubbing my back. "Why don't you try going to sleep? A good night's rest might make you feel a little better, or at least tune out the noise for a while."
I nodded my head and began to get off the floor, helping my mom up as well. She was probably right, but I wasn't sure if sleep would help or if dreams might make it worse.
We both made our way to my bed, and she pulled the duvet back. "Do you want me to sleep with you tonight, bébé?" I shook my head no. "I think you're right; I should just sleep," She nodded her head in understanding.
"Do you want me to bring you some food up before you go to bed?" I shook my head again. "I'm not really hungry."
"Okay, sleep well," I got under the duvet, and she tucked me in gently before leaving a kiss on my forehead. I forced a small smile on my face. "Goodnight, mama."
She began to walk away. "Goodnight, ma chérié. Things might look different in the morning, don't forget that," She shut the door behind her.
I rolled over to the side of the bed and saw the photo that had been on my nightstand for years. I reached over to grab it and stared. It was a photo of me and Grayson when I was 14 and he was 16. We were standing in front of the new truck in front of my house. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
He had come over, showing up in the fancy truck and had jumped out to greet me. I had run out of the house, jumping up and down, excited for him and for myself because I knew we would be independent, just driving around all the time.
I ran to hug him, and he picked me up in his arms and swung me around. I couldn't stop laughing and neither could he. My mother wasn't far behind me and demanded we took a photo to commend the occasion.
That's what this photo was. He had his arm over my shoulder, towering over me basically. We both had the widest grins on our faces. He looked so handsome in the photo.
I swiped my fingers over his face with a sad smile on my face. It felt like I may be never this happy again now that things with Grayson looked so bleak.
I drifted off to sleep with the photo still in my hand.
fun fact, brielle's mother is based on my own mother. a lot of the things brielle's mom says is based off things my mother told me about love and heartbreak. love u mama
i hope you guys are enjoying the story, please note that i do not edit the chapters i post because i am way too busy to do that as of right now #collegelife
also i hope the next chapter will be out soon but i make no promises