Somewhere along the line, I was on top of Hope and trying not to crush her with the weight of my eager body as she pulled her legs open like an invitation to an all-you-can-eat buffet.
My eyes wandered between them. She wasn't wearing anything underneath. I groaned. "You were trying to tease me when you wore this nightdress, weren't you?" My lips moved across her cheek to her ear and I nibbled gently on her lobe before moving down her neck to the delectable hollow at the base of her throat.
"From the moment you walked in I couldn't stop thinking about how much I wanted to ravage you in it," I murmured, kissing my way to her nipple. I teased it first with my tongue, licking around her soft flesh, noting she was bigger than I remembered, more sensitive. I took a nipple into my mouth and kneaded the other, biting, caressing, flicking, marveling at the way she whispered my name and dug her fingers into my hair.
"Killian please." She breathed. "I can't take this."
I could feel her slick moisture dampen my shorts as her hips gyrated beneath me. "You're too needy." I knew what she wanted but I didn't stop. I prolonged her sweet agony by giving her other nipple the undivided attention it needed; biting, suckling licking, whipping.
Most men fucked like dogs, no charm, no skill, a few dozen thrust right after ripping the panties off and they were done. I liked to take the long road. Asshole or not, the ultimate pleasure of my woman came first.
Her body bucked. "Killian. I want it, please."
I let her nipple go and kissed my way back to her mouth. They were parted. She was panting, her eyes barely open, clouded with the darkness I recognized so well.
"Are you ready for me?"
She nodded quickly.
"Are you sure?" I whispered, my lips taunting hers. "I should probably check for myself."
Her breath caught as I reached between us, moving toward her center; slowly, deliberately, torturing. She shifted her hips again and lazily, like the whole time in the world belonged to me, I circled her clit.
Her body shook with stumble tremor and she called out my name in a faint whisper. I didn't stop tho. "You're wet." I mused. "But just how wet are you right…here?" The moment I slipped both fingers inside, her body convulsed and her fingers gripped frantically into the bedsheets.
"Killian." she gasped, arching her back.
"You need to be quiet baby," I told her, moving my fingers, sliding deep, stroking, and curling. "We don't want to wake up the kids."
She nodded, writhing beneath me. "Just... please."
The torture was evident in her eyes. As much as I enjoyed teasing her, my balls were beginning to tighten with need. I spilled my fingers out and moved back far enough to get my shorts undone. I moved then, positioning myself at her entrance, and the moment I entered her, she let out a stifled cry.
"Shh." I moved slowly, inching my way inside, feeling her walls opening and stretching to greet me like they always did. "What did I say about being quiet?"
"Killian, this is..." She moaned breathlessly as I began to move within her. So hot in here, it was taking everything in me no to cum right this instance.
"I know baby," I lowered my head and kissed her. "But they might hear us." I pulled out and went back in, filling her, over and over again, slowly; relishing her sweet moans of pleasure mixed with my grunts of need.
I could never get enough. We'd been playing house for months, and I had become completely obsessed with her.
"Fuck." My grip on her hip tightened. I wanted her to look at me but her eyes were closed now and her lips were parted, breezing out wanton moans. God, she was beautiful.
"Hope," I groaned out, withdrawing and thrusting into her again. "I want you to look at me."
Her eyes fluttered open and a lightning wave of pleasure shot through me. We both held each other's gazes as I robe us both to our ecstatic orgasm and fuck, I was close, so close that my balls tingled, but the moment a tear slipped from her eyes, I felt my body turn cold.
What the hell?
"Hope." My thrusts faltered.
"No, don't stop, Killian. Please don't stop." She begged me, placing her hand on my hips to stop me from pulling out. "Please..."
Fuck, I was conflicted but I began to move again and she wrapped her legs around me, trying her best to ensure I didn't go anywhere.
She was still crying.
Her hormones were usually fucked up but she'd never cried during sex before. At least not like this.
"Hope, what's wrong?"
My heart was beating faster.
Had I been delusional in thinking that she was enjoying this?
Was I hurting her in some way?
She didn't answer me, just kept me close as our bodies slid together with desperate movements.
Frustrated, I picked up the pace, fucking her harder than I'd meant to. This whole situation got my insides messed up but I couldn't stop because she didn't want me to.
"Killian." Her lids fell shut, tears rolling down her temples as she brought our lips together.
I kissed her back, still trying to understand the meaning behind her tears as I gave her full, hard thrusts.
"Oh my God, I'm coming." She breathed into my mouth. I could feel her muscles pulsating around my cock. "Oh, Killian..." She stilled, releasing my mouth from hers as she groaned out her release with complete abandon.
I couldn't cum. I'd lost the will to do so from the moment her first tear slipped.
When her body stopped shaking, I pulled out, waiting for a vivid explanation as to why the pillow was drenched with tears.
I thought she enjoyed it. Didn't she?
I mean, she was the one who asked for it.
I stared down at her, trying to make sense of everything. She wasn't saying anything, just breathing heavily, her tears slowing, and then when she regained herself, she looked at me.
"Why did you stop?"
"Because I feel like an asshole, that's why." I reached for my shorts and pulled them back up, ignoring the argument my hard cock was trying to put up. "Please explain to me, Hope. What is wrong?"
She slid back into her nightdress, avoiding my gaze when she spoke. "It's nothing."
"People just don't start crying in the middle of sex, Hope. I'm not a fool. And except you miraculously became a virgin overnight, you owe me an explanation."
A treacherous silence stretched between us. Fuck. Maybe I was a little harsh. She looked so tortured that I couldn't bear it. I lifted my hand to touch her cheek, dragging the pad of my thumb along the damp trail left by her tears. "Hope," I spoke softly, and I wasn't sure what her reaction would be next but I kissed her.
She returned immediately, desperately. I moved back, tracing the lush outline of her mouth. "There's something not right with you and I demand to know what it is. Please tell me, if it's anything I can fix, I'll do it."
What else could I do to make her understand I was here for her? Dammit. I felt fucking useless right now.
She looked into my eyes for the longest time and seemed to be struggling with her words.
My brows puckered as I waited for her reply, but what she finally said nearly undid me. "I'm in love with you, Killian."
I moved back. It felt as if I'd been sucker-punched and the air in my lungs evaporated for a moment. "Do you really want to get away from this conversation that badly that you would lie?"
She held my arm shaking her head quickly. "No, it's not. I love you. Killian. I know I shouldn't, I know doing so is breaking the terms of our agreement but I can't help it. I've been hiding from the truth, but these past weeks with you have shown me how I feel..."
Her words echoed in the silence of the room and exploded the last brick of the wall guarding my heart.
She loved me.
I—" my lips parted but I couldn't make up the right words. I swallowed past the words bubbling up on my lips and remained silent.
The way her brows creased, I knew she was waiting for my reply and I wanted to give it to her, I wanted to be honest as to how much she made me feel, about how I never wanted to lose her. I wanted to tell her about how fucking addictive she was. And I tried, I swear I tried but those three simple words were the most difficult words I could think of to utter.
"Hope. I..." I couldn't do it. Fuck. I just couldn't. "I—excuse me." I slipped out the bed and remained silent as I walked out the door, leaving her in bed, alone, in the darkness.
The woman I cherished had just told me she loved me but I couldn't muster up the courage to say it back because I was a fucking coward and I did not deserve her love.