It had been a ten weeks since Amelia was admitted to the hospital. Amelia's wounds had gotten better but hadn't fully healed, which was unexpected considering her abilities. Tony had her moved to a facility which specialises in 'people like her' as he had put it, that way Bucky would be able to be with her as much as he wanted, which was practically 24/7. As much as he was trying to help her, he couldn't help but feel like a part of her resented him, which wasn't entirely false.
Amelia had been distant with everyone, she felt paranoid constantly, feeling as if she had to watch every door in case Rebekah or Murphy tried to take her again. Most nights she had woken up screaming or crying, having nightmares about the torture sessions, re-living everything in detail. Each time this happened someone, usually Bucky had to snap her back to reality, often it ending in her having to be put on a light sedation just so she wasn't sleep deprived. Seeing Amelia like this left Bucky heart broken, feeling like everything was his fault, still blaming himself for letting this happen, wishing that he could take her place.
The nurses at the facility had been making Amelia do what seemed like an absurd amount of physical therapy, forcing her to push herself, which internally just made her feel worse. She had been wearing a medical eyepatch since the bruising had gone down in her face. The doctors said that she would never have complete vision in that eye again, considering the rate she was healing, it was like her healing rate was... normal. Human.
-
Bucky had been called out to a mission with Steve, making sure Amelia was okay before leaving her side. She took a long deep sigh, her hand brushing through the top of her hair. She slowly turned herself to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching for the walker that she had been advised to use in between her P.T sessions. As she tugged at it to move it closer it fell over just in front of her. "Screw it." she huffed, scooting herself off the bed, wobblingly she grabbed the rail at the side of the bed. Her feet slowly hobbled her to the bathroom, She grabbed the doorframe which guided her to the sink safely. Just doing a simple walk like that had left her out of breath. After ten weeks she thought that she would be able to be back to normal by now. She turned on the cold tap and rinsed her shallowed hands, her mind flashing back to her seeing blood on the hands. The light above the sink flickered and suddenly she was right back to being with Rebekah and Murphy. She swiftly looked around, seeing grim tiles and blood stains on the walls. "No!" she cried out before closing her eyes tightly and gripping the side of the sink. "No, no, no." she repeated under her breath, "I'm not there, I'm safe. I'm not there, I'm not there." She reassured herself, slowly opening her eyes, sighing in relief as the room reverted back to normal. Her cracked lip started to quiver, her heart racing. Looking at herself in the mirror, she ripped off the eyepatch and stared at herself, clenching her jaw to prevent her from crying. "Fuck!" She uttered, hanging her head. I can't do this anymore, she thought, Splashing water on her face gently, making sure to be careful around her eye. She traced the raw scar softly with her fingers, trebling slightly as she did. With a deep breath, she picked up her eyepatch and put it back on, adjusting it to her head.
"Amelia?" A worried voice called.
"uh... in here." She called back, trying recompose herself as she leaned against the doorway. To her surprise she was Bucky looking concerned at her.
"What are you doing up?" His eyes darted to the fallen walker then to her. "You know you're not supposed to walk by yourself, you could hurt yourself." He rushed over to her, trying to help her back to the bed.
Amelia rolled her eyes, "I'm fine." she bluntly said to him.
"you're not fine, what if you'd fallen? What if something happened to you, what if you'd hurt yourself? Made things worse?" A worried look struck across Bucky's face as he sat on the side of the bed, Amelia now lying in it. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her composure, not wanting to reply, holding back her feelings. "Amelia?" Bucky wanted her to speak to him, for her to say anything in reply.
Amelia had been distant with him since being in hospital, nothing felt the same anymore, she could hardly make eye contact with him. She knew he meant well with everything he does, he'd been amazing with her and she knew that, but it didn't feel right. "Well something did happen to me, didn't it." She finally looked him in the eye. "I nearly died, James." She looked away again, pulling at her fingertips.
Bucky was stunned my her words for a second, "But you didn't..." He went to stroke her face, but she pulled away, turning on to her side to face away from him.
"what if I wanted to?" She spoke in a low quiet tone. Her mind flashing back to her bleeding out on a cold, dark floor, all alone. "It would have been better than this."
Bucky paused for a moment, having to think if she really said that. He laid his hand on her hip gently, making her twitch slightly at the touch. "Don't...please don't say that." He hesitated, a lump in his throat making it hard for him to speak.
"I want to be alone, James." A simple sentence, yet it hurt so much.
Bucky squeezed Amelia's hip softly, trying to reassure her that everything is okay, "I'm not going to leave."
Amelia turned back to face him, "I want you to leave." Once again looking straight in to eyes, in to his heart.
"I told you, I'm not-"
"Not going to leave, yeah I know. That's the problem though isn't it. You're always fucking here, you hardly leave, I can't take it. I don't understand why you care so much!" Amelia raised her voice at him.
He looked back at her, almost shocked at why she would say such a thing. "I... I love you. That's why I'm here"
"You love me? You barely know me. We knew each other for like a week before I was basically living with you. You can't seriously sit there and say that you love me." She snapped. taking a breath she softly uttered "you should have just let me die in that place."
Bucky took her hand, feeling the resentment in her eyes. "I get it, you're angry." His thumb rubbed against her skin. "I know all too well how this feels. If you want someone to hate then go ahead, hate me. but I'm going to be here for you, because I love you. I need you. You do something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time."
"please, James. Just go." Her face completely blank staring at him as she pulled her hand away.
Bucky leaned over and softly kissed her head, "I'll be back tomorrow Doll." He got up and left.
Amelia brought her knees to her chest and started bawling. She hated that she was doing this to him, but she needed to, she had to, it was the only way she would be able to have piece of mind, and it killed her to admit that.
Bucky stepped back, peering in to the room, watching her sob. He braced him lips together as his eyes started to wet. He began to walk away again, wiping his eyes with his hands.
-
Later that evening, Bucky had met up with Steve at a bar they had been going to. It was old style, something that slightly reminded them of the time they used to be in. It was quiet, mainly older men, and even older music. "Another round?" The bartender asked, Buck nodded back.
With his elbow on the bar, he held his head, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. "I just don't know what to do anymore, she's constantly doing this with me." He spoke sorrowingly.
"She's hurting." Steve replied, taking a sip of their newly poured pints.
Bucky sighed, "I know that, but there has to be something I can do. I... I cant keep going there and it being like this every time." The song 'sentimental journey' played in the background. He looked at Steve for advise.
"Then don't." He simply stated.
"what?" Bucky looked shocked.
"Don't go. Simple as that. She says she doesn't want you there then don't go." Steve Explained.
Bucky thought about it for a second. "Don't go? I cant, she'll thing I've given up on her." He paused, " I know she still cares, even if she says she doesn't, I know she does. When I left she started crying, like really crying."
"Hey, I'm useless with women, you know this. you've always been the one who had girlfriends." Steve tried to lighten the mood slightly. "I know she's been talking to Nat a little, not sure what about, but she has."
"Maybe I'll ash her then." Bucky thought for a second, "How are you two anyways?" He tried to change the subject.
Steve took a bigger sip of his drink, "well, I uh. We...I'm not sure."
"What do you mean your not sure?" Bucky chuckled a little, his mood lifting with help of the drinks.
Steve looked around the room think of what to say, "We kind of broke up, I think. I mean I'm not really sure. can you break up if you never really put a label on things?"
"you're a joke, honestly." Bucky laughed, both sipping their drinks.
***
Hi Guys, sorry for not writing for like a year, oops. Just been busy with life and i guess i forgot to write some chapters, but don't worry i should be writing a little more often now. I just want to say thank you to the people who have been reading this story while I've been gone, I really appreciate it, thank you so much. Hope you enjoyed the read :)
- Dylan.