TW, mentions of death, sex, crying, nightmares, mentions of self harm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is finally the month of July which means we are halfway through summer. I don't usually count dates because I like to focus on the present and not the past but I've been with Peter for a month now, technically we've been talking for 'five' years.
Pepper and I haven't fought since that last fight the night before my birthday. She doesn't know that Peter and I have been having sex, and I hope she won't ever know because I'm scared of her reaction.
I mean it's not like we do have sex all the time, we've only have had it like four times since my birthday. No one knows but us. Not even Ned which is surprising because Peter tells him everything.
Right now I'm at a Cubs, Yankees game with Sam, Bucky, and Peter. Though I live in New York I will never be a Yankees fan and I will always be a Cubs fan.
Peter has his arm wrapped around me and Bucky and Sam are enjoying their beers. Really enjoying it. Bucky leans over to me and says, "I get my twenty bucks from Sam because you and Peter." I give him a confused look. "You guys are, ya know... doin' it." I lean back into Peter.
"No. Gross." I utter.
"Ouch." I hear Peter behind me and I glare at him, my eyes saying 'You just told them.' His eyes go wide.
I watch Sam pass Bucky twenty bucks. "Heh, that's cute." Sam chuckles. I roll my eyes.
"I am going to go get some food, do you want to come with me Mr. Spider Man?" I say extra loud, he covers my mouth.
"Sh. Sure." He stands up and grabs onto my hand. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." He laughs.
"It's fine, they wouldn't say anything because we could beat them up." I say. "What should we get?" I look at the food.
"Pretzel bites." He drags me over. "If you don't like pretzel bites, I will break up with you right here, right now. I know that's a big threat but that's a big red flag if you don't."
"Well it's a good thing that I like pretzels... And I agree, that's a big red flag." I chuckle.
We get our pretzel bites and head back down the stairs until we are stopped. I look up and my eyes are met with the one and only Liz Allen. Not only is her dad a criminal, but she is an ass and tried to date Peter freshman year. He was head over heels for her. She had to move away though because of her dad.
"Oh my god, Peter Parker!" She says pulling him into a hug. I clench my jaw. "Oh hey Y/N..." She glances at our hands. Jealousy is running through me.
"Hey Liz..." Both Peter and I say. "How are you?" He asks.
"I'm good, how about you both? I'm so sorry about your dad and Nat, Y/N." She pouts. Fucking hell she is the same person as two years ago.
"Thanks." I whisper looking at my feet. I survive when I am not thinking about when I saw my own dad take his last breath.
"We gotta go, Bucky and Sam texted me. Good to see you!" Peter says and then we both quickly walk away.
"That was so awful, I do not understand how you even liked her." I say then quickly sit in my seat.
"You were jealous." Peter laughs and points at me.
I flipped him off. "She was so bad at hiding her lies." I lay my head on Peter's shoulder.
"Yeah, sorry that she brought them up." He grips my shoulder tightly.
"It's alright." I mutter under my breath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bucky drops me and Peter off at my house. "Thanks Bucky, it was fun." I hugged him.
He pulls off and I get out of the car. "Be safe kids love you." He tells me.
"Love you too. " I wave and we walk inside. Morgan runs up to me. "Hey Morgs." I hug her tightly. "How's your day so far?" I ask her.
"Good, I watched videos of dad. Did you get me a baseball?" She asks me to nod and grab my tote. I pulled out the soft baseball I got her. I have no Idea why she wanted it.
"So why did you want this?" I ask.
"I am going to tape rope to my reposer glove and the rope also to the ball and I can be Iron Spider!" She grins. I laugh so does Peter. "Do the webs Pete!" She orders him.
"I can't, I don't have my suit on." Peter opens the fridge. His suit covers him and shoots a web onto me bringing me and Morgan to him. That was the hottest and cutest thing I have ever watched.
"See I'm going to be like that. Now put me down, I have a lot of work to do." She wiggles. Morgan has a big imagination like my dad. She plans to be just like both my dad and Peter when she grows up.
"Okay." I set her down. She runs away. Peter's suit comes off.
"Do you guys have gogurts?" He searches the fridge. I grin, he is such a fucking child, I love it.
"Yeah, in the drawer on the left." I lean on the counter.
"Hey guys, how was the game?" She sets her purse down.
"Good, we won." I smile.
"Well, Happy called today and said they have the new layout for the new Compound." She opens her phone to show me.
"Wait, is it not gonna be the same?" I wrinkle my eyebrows.
"I know, I'm a little upset too." She shows it to me. It is nothing my dad would build. I sigh.
"Cool." I reply dryly. "Okay, we are gonna go to my room." I walk up stairs and Peter follows. I set my tote on the floor.
"Can we build lego's?" He looks over at my set.
"I mean you can, I'm going to lay down for a second." I lie on my bed. Over the summer my therapist told me that I suffer from small episodes of bipolar depression, she can't diagnose me with it yet because I'm not eighteen. Whenever there is a change about something that has to do with my dad or when he is brought up a lot. That includes Nat as well, but it's not that bad because I didn't witness her death.
Peter can tell what's going on because he quickly rushes to my bed and lays with me. He pulls me close to him and I start to cry. For the first time about my dad since his funeral because I have been holding it all back. "I miss them a lot." I shake.
"Sh, it's alright... We will be okay." He presses his lips on the top of my head. I cry on him.
Then I kissed him.
Then he made love to me.
Then I feel better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm at my dad's grave not far from where I live. I am eating food and talking to him. "I know you would hate me so much because of me and Peter." I laugh. I hear a small bang in the sky. I look up and there is a rocket ship coming down. "What the hell?" My suit covers me.
The ship lands next to me and Thanos comes out. I gasp. "No." I whisper. He picks me up and punches me.
"You could have prevented this Y/N. Your dad is dead because of you." He laughs.
"What? No." I shake my head. He throws me into the ground and puts the gauntlet on his hand. He raises his hand in the air.
"I am inevitable." He snaps. I squeezed my eyes shut and when I opened them everyone was running to me but disintegrating. Morgan, Peter, Pepper, Happy, May.
"No!" I back up as an Iron suit starts to climb out of the grave.
"It's your fault I am dead Y/N!"
"Y/N! Get up!" Peter says.
I shoot up in my bed. I cover my chest quickly and break down into sobs. Peter places his hand on my bare back and rubs it. "It was so unrealistic but it felt so real." I breathe quickly. I fall onto my pillow. I turn away from Peter and he gently hugs me. But I hug my legs which tells him that I need him to get off. I hear him standing up, he is putting his clothes on. "You can leave... Please" I utter.
He nods and walks over to me and kisses my forehead. "I lo- I will be downstairs with Morgan. I'm not going to leave." He says. Did he just almost slip a I love you? I nod and he exits my room. I hear a small glimpse of Morgs voice as if she was going to come tell me something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter's POV
We head upstairs to Y/N's room. When we walk in I am met with the familiar scent of books and incense. "Can we build legos?" I begin walking to the set but she just plops onto her bed.
"I mean you can, but I'm going to lay down for a second." She utters. I change my steps and walk to her bed. She is sad right now. It will pass but I need to help her right now. I wrap my arms around her soft skin and she begins to cry on my chest. She hasn't cried over Nat and her dad since his funeral. "I miss them so much." Those five words that come out of her mouth shatter my heart. I don't know what to do because I don't want to sound selfish but I have depresion and anxiety. I have panic attacks a lot. I feel like i'm going to lose it.
"Sh, it's alright... We will be okay." I press my lips on her head, smelling her strawberry shampoo.
Then she kisses me.
Then I make love to her because I know it will help her feel better.
Then she felt better.
It's about an hour later and I can hear Y/N mumbling. She is having a nightmare. She has been having many of these since Mr. Stark died. "Y/N" I say camly. She doesn't wake up. "Y/N, please get up." She doesn't. "Y/N, get up!" I shout. She awakes sitting up in her bed.
I placed my hand on her back rubbing her bare skin, "It was so unrealistic but it felt so real." she cries. She falls back onto the pillow and she turns away. I throw my arm around her but she starts pulling her knees close to her which tells me to back off. "You can go... Please." I nod my head and get out of the bed. I put on my clothes then I walk over to her and squat down.
"I lo- I will be downstairs with Morgan. I'm not going to leave." I told her. Did I just almost slip a I love you? She nods. I get up. I quickly grab her lighter and exit the bedroom and Morgan almost runs in but I pause her. I pick her up in my arms.
"Hey! But I need to go show this too Y/N." She wiggles out of my arms. I put a finger up to my mouth and shake my head. "Y/N is taking a nap. How about you show me and then you can show her later." I murmur as I take both of us down the stairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Y/N's POV
After Peter left, I just laid there and cried. I cried a lot. There are things I have done in the past but I haven't done in a while. Peter, Pepper, and Bucky are the only ones. Self harm. I burn my inner thighs. But that is all I could need right now.
I tread out of bed and walk to my shelves. On the top one I have a lighter. I reach up and move my hand across the shelf but it's not there. I'll just get one from downstairs. I quickly go downstairs and I go into a drawer that I know had a lighter in it, but it's not there. Dammit. I look out the window to see Peter, I can see a lump in his back pocket. I open the door and both Morgan and Peter's eyes go to me. My bloodshot red eyes. "Where is it?" I spit.
"I don't know what you're talking about." His voice is calm.
I shake my head. "You know what I'm talking about." I whisper.
"Hey, why don't you go into your tent for a second while I talk with Y/N." Peter pushes Morgan away.
"It is my house not my tent, just so you know." She steps inside.
"Y/N, I'm not going to let you do that." Peter shakes his head.
"I can do whatever I want, it's not up to you." I mutter.
"Yeah but I care if my girlfriend is safe and doing safe things. Y/N, I'm not going to give it to you." He walks closer to me. "What's going on in that pretty mind of yours?" He grabs onto both of my hands.
"I'm not doing well." I say to him, "I have been doing self harm since they both died." I bite on my cheek and squint my eyes. Peter wraps his arms around me and I cry on his shirt.
"I'm here for you. I will always be here." He holds me so securely in his arms as if he let go I would shatter. "I'll help you get clean
"I feel like I'm losing it." I shake. He pulls me closer. I shouldn't let Thanos get to me like this. I should be fine. I should be happy.
"You aren't losing it." He tells me.
"Can we go get Del Taco?" I chuckle and wipe my tears in my eyes. He laughs and nods.
"Morgan has to come, Pepper said I'm babysitting her." He says.
"I'm gonna go shower first." I mumble. He nods and I walk into the house. I go to my bathroom that's connected to my room. I turn on the water and strip. I lay out my new outfit because mine is destroyed from me crying.
I step into the warm water. I quickly clean myself off and when I am done, I moisturize and then put on some green wide leg jeans, and a Sugar Roy shirt. I put on rings and some gold hoops, I slip on my doc martens then I grab my tote and head out the door.
I walk out and I see Peter buckling Morgan in her carseat. It makes my heart explode with love. I love their relationship more than anything. "Oh hey Y/N!" Peter says.
"Are you okay, Y/N?" Morgan asks. I nodded my head and got into the passenger seat because I didn't want to drive.
"I'm better, I was just crying a little bit because I missed dad and Nat." I tell her the truth.
"Nat was the one that was your best friend, right?" She asks and Peter gets into the car.
"Yeah." I pull up my phone to show her a picture of her and Nat together. I showed it to her.
"Oh yeah, she is nice." Morgan pushes her hair behind her ears.
My phone buzzes it's Happy.
Happy: Oh Jesus kid, you are so stupid sometimes.
Y/N: what?
Happy: Rhodey told me. Just be careful, I won't tell May or Pepper.
Y/N: happy i am so confused right now. what are you talking about?
Happy: I think Bucky and Sam told Rhodey and Rhodey told me.
Y/N: oh my god i will kill them.
Once I realize what he is talking about I smack my mouth. "What?" Peter asks.
"Sam told Rhodey and Rhodey told Happy." I close my eyes tightly.
"What?!" Peter sits up straight. His knuckles turn white from him gripping the wheel so tightly.
"I am going to fucking kill them. Happy said he wouldn't say anything but still." I connect my phone to the speakers. I turned on Taylor swift. You can tell that Peter and I are freaking out on the inside.
We just listen to Taylor singing and Morgan shouting out the most random stuff. "I am Peter Stark." She says, I laugh. What the hell is this child?
"No, you are Morgan Stark." I turn to her.
"I want to be like dad, you, and Peter." She forms her hand into web shooters. "Pew! Pew! Pew! But also when I do that the reposers come out with a web in them. Then I can smash Thanos to get my dad back with my strength."
"That sounds like a great plan." I giggle. Peter's jaw is clenched, I can tell he is freaking out. I grab onto his thigh. "It's going to be fine." I say and he sucks in a breath.
"I know, I'm just worried." He utters.
Me too.
God I am so dumb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
cool!
very nice
anyways, i had writers block this entire chapter so that's why it consists of anger and sexc.
and that is why it was a really boring and bad chapter
more just a filler chapter
thank you for reading!
I'll be watching Thor if you need me.
y/n and peters relationship and sex life is so mf ing toxic!
love you all minus my sister, haley
<3, kelsey
word count: 2858