N I N E T E E N
(Slight trigger warning ⚠️)
"Um, are you okay?" Ravi questioned from somewhere behind me. The poor guy has been following my every move trying to avoid Evan, who still at times was up his ass, but right now was not a time I wanted to be followed. "Sorry. That's a dumb question. You obviously don't look okay."
Resting a hand on a nearby tree, I held up my pointer finger in the air with my free hand, letting him know I needed a second before throwing up my entire dinner.
To say that this 24-hour shift has been easy would be an understatement.
Since the shift started at 8 am yesterday, it has been nonstop calls every hour of the day. Every time we thought we would have a minute to catch our breaths, the alarm would go off, and apparently, so did my stomach.
I have embarrassingly thrown up twice while on different calls, making this one the third. I say embarrassingly because I have never gotten sick on a call. I didn't even get it while doing my practice as an emergency nurse in college.
Today my stomach has been reacting just like a probie with the first gruesome call jitters would.
"Ugh, why is it so hot?" I groaned in frustration, wiping my mouth in disgust with the back of my hand.
I couldn't wait for this shift to end so I could go home and take a nice cool shower in the hopes of it taking away whatever was wrong with me today.
"It's actually in the mid-sixties." Ravi pointed out, showing me the smartwatch on his wrist for confirmation.
Ignoring his comment, I took off my turnout jacket and instantly felt slightly cooler.
"Go help the others with that," I nodded towards where the rest of the team was trying to find a man that got buried alive in this vast ridiculous field. "I"m fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Don't make me start calling you probie. I swear I'm fine." I reassured him with a lame double thumbs up.
Ravi looked between the team and me. From the look on his face, I could tell that he was having a small mental battle with himself before he finally nodded and left to join the others.
With a sigh, I found a different tree closer to the firetrucks and sat on the ground leaning against the rough bark.
Popping a mint in my mouth, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to eliminate the nausea that still lingered.
Looking back on these past two weeks made me realize how sick and weird I've felt. There were two possibilities of why I was not feeling well. It was between my lack of sleep and poor nutrition, or I must have caught Maia's stomach bug. Either way, I felt like complete utter crap.
- - - - -
Thankfully, the rest of the shift went by quicker than I thought it would go.
Especially after the captain made the decision of benching me after I almost got sick again as we were about to leave for another call in the middle of the night.
If he had assigned me to desk duty while the others went out any other day, I would've thrown a fit, but this time I was silently grateful that I could stay behind. So thankful that even the others quickly noticed how I didn't try to object to his decision.
Oh, I was definitely sick.
"I must say that this shift was the first time in almost three years of working with you that I see you get sick during calls," Eddie said as we were all getting ready for it to be 8 am to be able to go home. "Has working at a hospital made your stomach soft?"
Slamming the locker door shut, I turned to face him. "Funny. None of the calls grossed me out. My stomach was simply not being my best friend."
"I did tell you to stop stuffing yourself with mini cinnamon rolls and soda all day yesterday, didn't I?" Uncle Bobby gave me an 'I told you so' look from across the room.
In return, I did the only mature thing to do in this situation; I stuck out my tongue at him. "I can't help that cinnamon rolls are the most beautiful and delicious things ever created."
Surprisingly my uncle started laughing along with the others. "It's quite frankly amusing how every day you are turning more into your mother and not just physically."
My heart sank at the mention of my mother, but I still put a smile on my face.
These days I've caught myself missing my mother more than usual. I've been experiencing some significant milestones and life experiences in this disastrous life that is mine. I wished she was here to be part of every single one of them: the good and the bad, especially the bad, because I genuinely needed my mom for guidance.
I would give anything in this world to have my mom back, even for just a day. I would've loved for her to see me being a mother. I still have many things I have to learn about motherhood, but I honestly hope I've been doing my best with Maia.
I would've also let her hold me until I ran out of tears when Evan shattered my heart into pieces. My mother would've told me to let all the pain out but hold my head up high and not let a guy put me down because I was worth more than that.
I felt my phone buzzing in the back pocket of my jeans. I pulled it out and saw Daisy's name flash across the screen.
"Good morning, sunshine. What's up?" I answered.
"Aggs, Theo needs us." She said in a hurry, not even bothering to say hello.
I immediately stood up straighter at the sound of her serious yet desperate tone. Something that was indeed unlike her.
"Zee, what happened?"
"They informed the family that his little sister won't make it past today and his moms are going crazy because he took off from the hospital. I found him but—"
I closed my eyes, resting the back of my head against the lockers as I took in a shaky breath.
It has been a couple of months now since Eleanor decided to stop her chemotherapy treatment because it was making her feel worse. She understood that she was in the final stages of cancer and somehow made her peace with the matter, but Theodore has been struggling ever since she decided. This moment right now was bound to happen, but I never imagined it would happen this quick.
"But what, Daisy? Where are you?"
"I'm at the house he grew up in, but he won't listen to Jack or me. He won't get off the roof, and I don't know what else to do, Agatha!" she panicked.
"Okay, I just got out of work. I'll be there as soon as I can. Send me your location." I hung up before she could say anything else.
I felt the others looking at me carefully as I frantically pushed my jacket into my gym bag.
"Is everything alright?" Eddie was the first one to break the silence.
I shook my head, trying to look for my car keys in my bag before realizing that I had come with Evan since I had stayed over at his place the day before.
"Theo's little sister might not make it past today, and Theo is not taking the news well," I explained. I took a seat next to him after feeling myself get slightly dizzy.
"Don't get me wrong, Aggs, I know he's your friend, but you don't look okay. I think you need to rest."
"I'm okay. The news just surprised me, that's all," I said, trying to reassure him. "I can't leave him alone in a time like this. Daisy and Theodore have been there for me since we met. He needs his friends."
It was true. Since the moment Daisy, Theo, and I crossed paths, we have been there for each other on the good and bad days. Yes, there have been disagreements and whatnot between each other, but at the end of the day, we always went back because this friendship that we have is special.
"Come on. I'll take you to him." Evan grabbed the bag from my shoulder before extending his hand in front of me to help me up. I grabbed his hand, and he pulled me to my feet.
"Agatha, call me if you need any help." Uncle Bobby said just as Evan and I were walking out the room. In return, I gave him a slight nod and hurried to the parking lot.
By the look my uncle had on his face, I knew that he understood this hit close to home to me even when I never got the chance to spend a lot of time with Elle.
This situation felt like a slight dejavú moment for as I remember when they told me that my mom wouldn't make it past the night the day she died. I could only imagine what Theodore must be feeling right now, and the thought made my stomach hurt.
"Oh, thank God. Come on, they are in the back." Said Jack the second Evan and I got out of the car.
We followed him down the side of the house into the backyard, where Daisy desperately begged Theodore to get down from the roof.
"Uh, I think we should call 911," Buck murmured as we watched Theo staring into the void.
It broke my heart to see him like this because I knew the feeling a little too well. There are these feelings of loss and anger that end up turning into a void deep inside the heart, almost making it impossible to see the light in the situation.
"That's what I told Daisy to do, but she said no." I heard Jack say while I looked at our surroundings, figuring out how Theo managed to get onto the roof without using any ladder or house windows.
"That will be our last resort because it will cause a scene, which is not what we want for him right now," I said to the guys, examining the massive tree next to the house. That had to be it. "Evan, I need you to give me a hand."
"Aggs, I see your gears turning. There's no way you are getting up there. We don't have any safety equipment." Evan gently gripped my arm, turning me to face him.
"Would you do it if it was Eddie up there?" Evan stayed quiet before letting out a sigh. "Exactly. He's my best friend, and he needs me."
"Fine, but be careful, or I swear I—" he trailed off, loosening the grip on my arm.
"Or you swear what?"
Evan looked down at me intensely as if he wanted to say something, but quickly nodded towards Theodore. "Just be careful."
"Since when am I not careful?" I joked, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Relax, this isn't my first rodeo. Now give me a hand."
With a loud sigh, Evan lifted me up by my hips while I extended my arms as high as I could, trying to reach for the closest branch to us and the house.
Back when I was a wild teenager who constantly hung out with boys, this would've been a breeze, but I was now regretting my impulsive choices.
I had to put whatever fears aside because one of my best friend's life was at risk, and I couldn't let him do anything stupid on my watch.
After two tries, I managed to get a firm grip on the branch and slowly started pulling myself up, trying to be as careful as I could without letting the nerves take hold of me.
"Stop staring at my ass," I grunted once I finally managed to get on the branch without Evan's assistance fully.
"I'm not—"
"I could feel you staring."
"It was right on my face! And it is not like I could look away. I was trying to make sure you wouldn't fall. Your clumsiness is ridiculous."
"Guys, this whole sexual tension going on between you two can wait for when you are alone and can do something about it," Jack said, refocusing us to the task at hand.
Shaking my head at Jack's stupidity, I carefully kept going with my journey to get to the roof without falling to what could potentially be my death. As I continued moving, I kept telling myself not to look down, which made me feel completely stupid, considering I have done more risky things during calls. Still, I blamed the fact that this person I was trying to prevent from hurting himself wasn't another victim. This person was someone I loved and cared about.
I let out a small breath of relief as my feet landed on the roof. "Hey."
Theo did not bother to look over at me. His gaze was distant, making it evident that his body was here, but his mind was not.
"I want to be alone, Agatha." He said, sounding monotone and cold, something that was ultimately the opposite of the sweet and dorky Theodore I knew.
"Well, unfortunately for you, I climbed a tree like a monkey to get up here. I'm going to need to relax for a couple of minutes before even trying to do that and start thinking of how I'm going to get down from up here because if you haven't noticed, I'm not Spider-Man." With Evan's words still ringing in my ears, reminding me of how clumsy I am, I decided not to risk it any longer and carefully sat down while silently playing that Theo would do the same. He was in no condition to be standing on a roof and so close to the corner of it too.
No matter how mad I wanted to be at Theo for even thinking about doing this, I could not. I was aware of how intense this type of pain feels and the confusion and the million what-if questions it comes with. No one deserves to go through this pain. It is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, not even those who have hurt me so badly.
"Look, I'm not going to sit here and tell you how sorry I am because I've been in the same exact position you have been, and I know exactly how miserable and mad you feel. The last thing you want to hear right now is people telling you how sorry they are for what you are going through, but you need to hear me out, Theo." I started, watching how he kept closing his hands into shaky fists and then releasing them repeatedly.
"You need to stop whatever you are planning to do, and you need to get back to the hospital to be with your family. One thing I will regret for the rest of my life was running away to do some stupid thing that had no importance with people that did not care about me while my mother was literally having her final hours. Those hours I spent being a rebellious teenager were hours I lost with someone I will never get to be with ever again, and right now, I would literally kill to have those hours back. So please, let us help you get down from this roof safely so you can spend those hours I didn't have with my mom with Elle because she needs her big brother right now."
Without any words, Theo sat down next to me and broke down in tears. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him to comfort him as he cried inconsolably. "It's not fair."
I could feel my heart wrench for me as he kept whispering similar things repeatedly to himself. I truly wished I could take away his pain and feel it myself instead. "I know, Theo, I know. Let all that out. I'm here for you, and so is Daisy."
After holding him for another twenty minutes, I convinced Theodore that taking his own life was not worth it, and he agreed to get down of the roof with me.
The whole task of getting up to the roof was the easy part. The getting down part was an entirely different story. It didn't help to have Daisy and Evan constantly telling us to be careful or to watch our steps making the whole process even more nerve-wracking.
As soon as my feet touched the ground, I was very close to kissing it. There was no way I would be doing that again unless I was secure with cables and ropes.
Daisy immediately ran to us. The three of us hugged while we cried together. Throughout the months that we've known each other, we have created such a strong bond, and I was confident that nothing or anyone could break it. We would constantly disagree on things, but at the end of the day, we would do anything for each other, and no way will ever change.
- - - - -
As a group, we all decided to go with Theodore to the hospital for support even though we all agreed on giving the family their space while we waited outside for any update.
It was a rough waiting game because, by the time we got here, Eleanor had already received the palliative sedation and was slowly losing awareness.
"He seems to be a good dad."
Looking away from a baby and his mom sitting across from us, I looked at Daisy. "Huh?"
"Buck. He seems like he's a perfect dad." She repeated.
Following her gaze, I saw how Jack and Evan were waiting for the elevator while they had an animated conversation with my two-year-old. A little monster that I will never stop by to check at the hospital's daycare because once she spotted Evan and me, there was no convincing her on staying with her friends.
"Yeah, he is." I smiled. "It's crazy to see him voluntarily fill in that role in her life when he doesn't have to."
I still could not believe how much Evan had changed things in his life without any ties tying him whatsoever so that Maia could have a father figure in her life aside from my father, especially when he expressed that he was not Maia's father all those months ago.
"It's not crazy at all, Agatha. He is doing it because he obviously loves that girl and because he's in love with you. What he did was messed up, but he obviously regrets it."
Taking a seat next to her, I took a minute to process her words.
He has indeed been cutting any existent ties with Taylor, at least from what I knew since we are practically living together again if going back and forth between places counts as it.
"He might regret it, but it still hurts, Zee. Every day I'm around him, there's a constant batter in my heart regarding my feelings, but the pain always wins."
"And I understand that, Aggs. But is it really healthy for you to be holding onto that pain? It doesn't matter if you end up with him or not, but you need to let go of all that to move forward."
"Oh, trust me, I'm trying. I will have to move on anyway." I muttered, rubbing my temples with my fingertips.
"What do you mean?"
I let out a small curse realizing I said it a little too loud. "Zee, I think I'm pregnant."