"You've got a million reasons to hesitate."
Best Years
5 Seconds of Summer
New years eve was an absolute disaster that George couldn't fix unless he fled back to his country.
It started off with the shock of meeting Quackity and Karl again. Ashamed of his previous actions he let his friends coddle Ashlyn while they prepared for the small party. She'd cried three tantrums since waking up and George was out of depth. He guesses she was feeling homesick because honestly, George wanted to go home as well.
Walking on eggshells around Dream was easier said than done. There were just things that resurfaced as George lived in the house he once visited. It amazed him how many habits had been formed in those small two weeks. How many were starting to form now hidden right under his nose. Dream helping put Ashlyn to sleep, Sapnap cooking breakfast with her, taking naps. God if anything that's what he missed most since keeping Ashlyn, his sleep. And here he received an abundance of it.
The domestic things were easy, although he knew, in the long run, they wouldn't be, they still were. Tension wasn't. Dream seemed to grow more and more comfortable the less his girlfriend showed her face. He touched closer and closer to breaking the line of platonic. Whispering light-hearted in his ear, kissing his palms, his cheeks, George was on edge. His lips were bitten until bruised and Ashlyn became more and more irritable as George repressed his anxiety.
In the corner of the living room, George watched the ongoings of this small party. It was family-friendly, explaining the reasoning behind several random children dashing in and out of Dream's house. They were his cousins or possibly some of Sapnap's as his family had come in to visit. Ashlyn didn't like any of the other kids.
George couldn't blame her the others were the typical kids you find at the park or the mall play place. The ones Quackity didn't like. To prove his point one of the little girls ran past them ripping the head off of her American Girl doll. Ashlyn scrunched her nose and turned to look at George. He couldn't help but laugh at her, she was so smart and witty for her age. With a kiss on her cheek, he knew she was going to be such a problem as a teenager.
Quackity, seeming to have finally escaped a long conversation with one of Dream's family members when he plopped down unapologetically with a beer. After digging in his pocket he handed Ashlyn a tiny Dumdum which she took gratefully mumbling her thanks.
"She hasn't eaten dinner yet," George sighed.
"You sound like a parent," Quackity quipped. Defiantly he opened the wrapper and let Ashlyn grab the stick. Weary, she looked back at George who just nodded, quickly she stuffed the sweet between her front teeth. "Plus its one sucker."
George changed the subject. "Thought you weren't drinking until later at Punz's party."
Snorting around the rim of his beer, Quackity replied, "I'm pregaming because families make me anxious, so do kids. And they are a dime a dozen here."
"Tell me about it," George admitted he never really saw himself with a kid, and talking about now wasn't going to change much. So on the couch with Quackity he relinquished a bit of control. "You would have loved Ashlyn's spit-up days as much as I did."
"Ugh," Quackity grimaced, "don't tell me."
"What, you don't want to hear about how much throw-up I cleaned in the wee hours of the morning?" Quackity drank to that and George only laughed.
"You're insane."
"Quack tee." Ashlyn cambered out of George's lap and made for the other man. "Up. Up."
"Oh, um.." he spread his arms and shot a panic look to George. "I'm not really..."
"Up, up," Ashlyn said it so aggressively Quackity abandoned his beer to George and pulled Ashlyn up. Her familiar smile took up both cheeks while she reached forward. Those tiny hands smoothed over Quackity's cheekbones and didn't waste a moment before shooting straight to his hair. The beanie remained intact despite Ashlyn's sweet assault. "Quack tee! Dada, Quack tee!"
"Yes, baby," George said lifting the beer bottle to his lips. "Quackity."
"Fuck you!" Quackity said reaching for his stolen drink. "You're not supposed to- what about Ashlyn!"
"It's one beer," He waved it off. "Besides she's in good hands, right?"
"George!" Quackity seemed to hold Ashlyn a bit firmer now, looking at her as if she'd break. George reminisced on the days he felt that way. Back when Ashlyn was a newborn with tiny breaths and nearly always shut eyes. He held her so carefully for those first few months, like an expensive glass figurine. Now, George occasionally held her upside down just to hear her little laugh.
"She'll tell you if she wants to get down." The beer was disgusting but as it went down George's headache started to lessen adding a hazy film to the world.
Quackity looked back at Ashlyn and made a face. She mirrored the look before she started questioning him, "friend with Saps?"
He smiled, "Sapnap. Yeah, friends with Sapnap. And Karl. And George-"
"Dada."
"Yeah," he looked back to his friend. "That's still weird."
"Mm," George finished the beer and placed it before them on the coffee table.
"Friend with Dream?"
Quackity nodded, "yeah. And you. Were friends."
"Quack." She replied pulling his beanie off with no remorse. Sitting stunned he watched her place it over her own head. And in the process, she hid the New Years eve bow George had wrestled into her miniature ponytail hours before. He was honestly this close to just giving up on them altogether.
"No, no," Quackity shook his head. "You can't take that! No no."
"Yes," Ashlyn said back. "Yes, yes. Mine."
George watched one of his best friends and daughter turn their civil conversation into a full-on whining war. Quackity would protest but Ashlyn would protest louder.
Instead of interfering, he let himself sink into the couch a little deeper. The tension in his shoulders was seeping out with the slow buzz of alcohol in his bloodstream. It was nice, he wouldn't get trashed as he'd done with Wilbur, but this little indulgence was enough.
"Hey," Dream leaned over the back of the couch a few minutes later. George wanted to groan but chose not to cause a scene. "You okay?"
"M'fine," he replied.
George couldn't exactly hear Dream's hum he could more or less feel it. Reverberated through the couch cushions, he felt the shake of summer lifting through his thoughts. White teeth and pristine sandy beaches. It was the same acrid taste of beer on his tongue then as it was now. A cheap bottle with priceless memories, he wanted to drown in the memories.
"You want another drink?" Dream's fingers found a stray hair and smoothed it down. The touch tingled just the edge of George's forehead.
"Probably shouldn't," he shrugged. Quackity was now far too involved with a game of Patty Cake to hear what they were talking about. "It was Quackity's anyway."
Dream raised a brow and pulled away a minute later. George didn't really understand the abrupt escape, he figured a family member called him away or something like that. Dream seemed to be unpredictably predictable. Because a second later he returned with two drinks and an escape for Quackity who was losing Patty Cake with mild frustration.
"Dream!" Ashlyn pulled her attention away to Dream's smily expression. "Up, up."
"Thank god," Quackity said taking a drink and handing the kid over. "I'm going to go find Sapnap."
Dream effortless pulled Ashlyn up and handed George a beer. He envied him again. It took George at least a year to figure out how to handle a child while doing other things. Dream seemed to be able to multitask without much strain.
"He's in his room talking to Karl." George tried not to feel tense when Dream replaced Quackity's spot on the couch. With the other man it was friendly closeness with Dream it felt like Damnation. He scooted a little away just for Dream to lean against him casually.
"Alright!" Quackity retreated around several people leaving George alone in the living room with Dream and Ashlyn. He sighed and took a sip of his beer.
"She didn't want to go play with the others?" Dream's voice was particular, gentle.
George discreetly rolled his eyes, "no. She'd rather sit quietly with us then run rampant."
"So, elegant and well behaved huh," he said to Ashlyn. She stuck her tongue out and chewed on the lollipop Quackity gave her.
"Elegant," George snorted and sipped on his alcohol. "Don't know which parent she got that from."
Dream contemplated something for a moment, "her birth mother... she never wanted to see her?"
George needed to be far more inebriated to have that conversation with Dream of all people. "No. She didn't want to be a mom. Never part of her plan for the future or whatever."
"Neither did you, you didn't want to be a dad," Dream countered.
With a careful sip, he said, "I knew I could give her a better life than in an adoption agency." He shrugged, "couldn't think about my child being alone with possibly hateful people."
Pulling the sleeve of his hood, George wiped Ashlyn's sugar sticky cheek until she swiped at him. Tucking away close to Dream for protection, he gave up and continued his drink.
"She's too sweet for that."
Dream seemed to silently agree when he looked down and kissed her forehead.
"Dream," she smiled. "Sky works."
"Sky works?" He repeated.
"Boom boom. Sky works."
Dream looked to George who waved him off, "fireworks."
"Does she like them or is she scared of them." Ashlyn crossed her arms and sat back to look at Dream and her father. Close and comfortable on the couch, George wondered what Ashlyn thought of them. He wondered, In theory, if they were together if she'd accept it. If she'd love Dream as much as George forever would. But these were the thoughts that kept George from sleeping, the ones that kept him away for so long. Because wishing and imagining never really came to be, this wasn't real and it never would be.
"Both," George muttered. He was feeling the buzz beneath his skin now. Alcohol had finally tainted his sobriety and was loosening all the tension. With a languid tongue and wandering thoughts, he set down the rest of his drink. Maybe a little too aggressively.
"What, don't want to get drunk?" It was a tease but George took it literally.
"Last time I drank, I drunk called you and asked you if you loved me," his chuckle felt more like a scoff. "Not doing that again."
"You know I love you," Dream smiled.
George looked at him. Under the warm light of the living room, Dream felt like a lover described in poems. Someone to worship and wax on about within lines of beautiful writing. The golden travesty they'd explain with fine-tuned words and harmonious grammar. George wasn't a poet, or a songwriter, he was a man enraptured with nothing but himself to tell about it.
He looked away, "not... not like that, you know that."
Dream seemed to let out a tired breath and George's guilt started to simmer again. He was putting Dream in a difficult spot by saying this, it wasn't fair. Dream was with Jade and no matter how much alcohol and pity George endured it wasn't changing.
"Sorry," he laughed humorlessly pushing himself off the couch. "I'm an ass for saying that... for bringing it up." He sighed, "Come on Ashlyn, we need to feed you."
He reached for his baby while she promptly asked for macaroni. George corrected her and said mashed potatoes instead, she didn't fuss about it.
"It's okay, you know," Dream started before George cut him off.
"No, really It's not." He left it there and made his way to the kitchen. The party would be over soon, as the evening fell he knew he could avoid Dream for the rest of the night if he really tried.
***
Ashlyn fell asleep on George's chest when the fireworks started. Sitting out on the porch he held her close and reigned in the new year. The party petered out a few hours before this. Once dinner was served the families went their separate ways and so did Sapnap, Karl, and Quackity. Dream stayed behind for some odd reason. An off-handed comment about needing to clean up or whatever.
The door creaked open somewhere between eleven and twelve and revealed a somber-looking Dream. George knew that expression was his doing since it hadn't made its debut until after their conversation.
"Happy new year, Dream." George smiled, "you still gonna text me this year?"
He listened to the soft breath of laughter, "fuck you."
Hiding a smile in Ashlyn's hair, George muttered, "I enjoyed the little texts. You always added a little smile or a little heart after them."
Dream rested his temple on the door frame like a love interest in a book. Something a cheesy main character would describe as lustrous or some bullshit George would never admit to understanding. Trouble-free and relaxed, his friend kept both eyes on the dark sky instead of falling.
"Not New Years yet," Dream corrected defiantly. "Still got thirty minutes."
"Guess I gotta put her down then." George stood swiftly from the wooden porch and made his way to pass Dream. Who, with gentle fingers, tucked Ashlyn's hair behind her ear. George's gaze rested on him while Dream's remained enraptured with Ashlyn's peaceful expression.
"Come back?" A quiet plead within the small pops of celebration. Dream said, "You need to see the sky at midnight. It's... cool."
"Sure." He said helpless to this. Helpless to Dream and all things he did. He felt he would forever be this way, toeing the line of heartbreak and love until death do they part. He wondered briefly if this is how Juliet perceived Romeo. Forbidden devotion.
Ashlyn stayed asleep when George laid her down. Tucked like a princess in the large bed, he surrounded her with a pillow barrier. It was to keep her safe even if the bed was a queen size and she moved barely an inch during the night. The moonlight broke through the room to leave a sweet nightlight for Ashlyn if she were to wake up. George sighed and left a sweet kiss on her forehead before going back to Dream.
He left the door open in case she started crying. They were only a little ways down the hall and George had somehow developed parental hearing. The sound of a pin dropping could easily alert him now, he blamed it on Ashlyn's first few baby months.
Returning to the porch George found Dream leaned back on his palms with both legs dangling off the edge. There was a very hesitant pause at the door before he moved forward. They'd been odd since George let his tongue slip a few hours earlier. Carefully walking eggshells around the other due to his own alarming emotions. The beers hadn't lasted much past an hour but he felt a buzz beneath his skin when siding up next to Dream. The wood creaked in announcement of his presence while he rested his chin on a propped-up knee.
"I like the red and green ones," Dream said after a long-distance firework popped.
George calmly said, "they go too fast for me to really see the colors. So, I'll take your word for it."
It felt like a jump in time to be here. Something kin to those warm June nights filled with laughter and slow inebriation. It was a small lip of happiness. Because despite all the bullshit, George was in Florida again. Sitting with his best friend on New Year's Eve, it was a revelation honestly.
"You're smiling," Dream stated.
He grinned a little wider, "I am."
"About what?" Dream's expression matched his own while a stray hand-pulled on George's fingers.
"Being here." He rested his cheek on his knee to look directly at the other man. "In Florida again."
"The sunshine state at its finest," Dream mused. "I'm happy you're here."
"Me too," he whispered into the warm air between them. Back in England, it must feel like frost but here George was ready for summer nights.
Dream hooked his fingers through George's own and brought them up to his eyes to inspect. It was like he was memorizing something. Something the older man knew was only for the moment. He figured Dream would inevitably forget the way their fingers intertwined beneath hazy firework skies. They'd be replaced by her pretty smile or the way Dream must trace her flawless cheekbones.
Either way, George would remember this. He would have the memory engraved with Dream under the florescent shadows of newborn lights and another year set between them. Bursts of colors George desperately wished his eyes could comprehend, if only to look at Dream like this. To see if his eyes mirrored the color of the small celebratory explosions or if his hair was as golden and dewy as all the fans spectated. He wished he could see every goddamn color and reattach them to an attribute of Dream, but maybe the universe was generous with giving him a minor disability. Because if he could, there would be no color that didn't remind him of Dream.
"This is so much better than last year." Dream's voice ghosted over George's conscious mind and brought forth skin bumps.
"Last year?"
A somber smile tugged at the corner of his lips, "might have blacked out a bit. Stupid decisions and shit."
"Dream," George sounded daunted. "You drank. No, you blacked got blackout drunk?"
"Mm," he nodded. "Felt sorry for myself. Sapnap went off on me for god knows what and the house was filled with people. Just overwhelmed I guess."
George huffed and looked down at the ant crawling between a large crack in the porch. "You still sent me a text at midnight."
Dream didn't answer the statement, he more or less seemed to keep that grim expression. One that George knew was the reminisce of bad decisions played on a loop.
"If it makes you feel better... Ashlyn was one," George continued to fill the silence. A little laughter at his past sorrow, "the fireworks terrified her, so every time one went off a little too close she'd start crying. Went on all night, every night, for three days."
Dream nodded, "fuck."
"Was a great start to the year."
Dream seemed to contemplate something before looking up to meet George's eyes. They were close, merely a few inches from each other. If he pushed over a bit, the older man would feel his thigh press warmly against Dream's. Let his sweatpants meet the seams of Dream's party jeans. The yearning for touch was so strong, George feared he'd give in.
The delicate touch to his cheek that swiped down his jawline was only making matters worse.
"I thought it was me," he whispered. "Thought I was the one to drive you away. That maybe what we did... somehow pushed you too far." George sank lower and lower with hushed confession. "Hated myself for you, ya know. Knew you were too nice to tell me I fucked this up. Then you didn't text back or call... I'm just, I'm glad you're here George."
His eyebrows pulled tightly together, "It could never be you, Dream." That would forever remain the same and George felt deeply severed by the truth behind it. "You were... perfect. Just like I'd imagined. A dream if you will."
That pulled a bashful smile forward, "God, I loved you so much, the second you showed up in the airport."
Loved, it was a reminder of the present. His throat burned almost as much as his heart. George would take it, if loved in the past was all he'd receive, it was quite a great honor. To be loved by Dream, it sounded pretty if said in retrospect.
"You're an idiot." He checked his phone on the deck and read out the number. "One minute. Make a wish."
"You aren't supposed to make a wish," Dream corrected. "It's meant to me a kiss."
In a deadpanned tone, "then you better hurry along. Jade's on a cruise, you might need to teleport to get to her."
Dream rolled his eyes then chewed on his lip for a moment, "guess this year will be shit too, huh?"
George shrugged.
The silence was head between them and maybe George had finally lost it. All those spit-up nights and terrible twos finally broke the last lip of George's humanity. Because the hand acted on its own, turning Dream's attention towards him. When he remembered it later he was going to kiss the other's cheek. Plant a nice friendly hello on the other for a year ahead but Dream had his own plans.
It happened too fast for George to understand, nothing until Dream's lips pressed against his own. George ripped away and hovered utterly shocked.
"Dream...?" He only came in for another kiss. This one felt lovely and warm and if the loud booming of fireworks didn't explain it nothing would. George melted against him the pulled away pained. Dream tried for another and he hand to break the barrier with his fingers. Two pressed against Dream's tender skin, he finally let the lump in his throat turn the knobs of tears.
"We can't." It sounded like shattering glass and wilting roses, "you can't do that to her."
"She does it to me," Dream tried. "I've known for a while now."
George grimaced and pressed their foreheads together, "not with me, Dream. I can't... I won't let you use me to get back at her. Not when I'm so... not when you know I won't fight against you."
"George," Dream said his voice so delicately it sounded like a poem. "...you're finally here. I just... please?"
After a severely loud explosion, George heard Ashlyn cry out. Her voice was desperate and horrified to wake alone with loud cracks. George heard her cry his parental name.
"I'm sorry," he made to pull away before Dream kissed his forehead.
"I'm sorry too," he said. "I didn't mean to..."
"I know."
George left Dream alone to watch the fireworks.
A/N
Ahhh look a new chapter that's vaguely edited... lol. Been very busy but hopefully I'll have another chapter soon after this one.
Thank you for reading ❤️