Listening to wap rn 🥺🤞
Ariya
I hated vomiting, I always have. But when I woke up this morning and headed straight for the toilet I knew something was up.
I never got sick, and when I did it was because I was around sick children. But now in this crappy apartment off campus I was puking for the third time.
I didn't feel sick, I felt.. different.
I've searched up my symptoms, and they've all lead to the same thing.
Pregnancy
I know I'm not pregnant so I ruled it out.
Expect it wasn't.. impossible. I think I just didn't want the thought in my mind. I'm not pregnant.
I rested my arm on the seat of the toilet and closed my eyes.
One night, one night of unprotected sex can't get you pregnant, Ariya. You're not pregnant, and your gonna go out and buy a pregnancy test to prove it.
After that I walked to the drug store, picked up a test.
After I got back to my empty apartment I slipped into the bathroom and dropped pants.
Placing it face up on the counter.
I walked into my room and sat down on my sleeping bag. I hadn't even bought a mattress yet, classes don't start in two months. I haven't even moved in yet.
Those minutes had been the longest of my life, I knew I wasn't pregnant, I shouldn't be scared.
My neck had been aching since I've been sleeping on hardwood but it's worth it. It's worth it.
The timer went off on my phone and I turned it off. My legs seemed locked in place, I didn't wanna move, I didn't wanna see wether it was negative or positive.
I went into the bathroom and glanced down at the test.
Two pink lines.
Suddenly his hands left my body, I felt empty. Like I had just lost all of his love. It was gone, simple faded.
He dropped his hands into his lap and looked down. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't face him, I don't want to see.
"I fucking knew it." I heard him whispered.
I kept my head down, watching the tear stains increase on my pants. My breath hitched in my throat and I hiccuped.
The room was silent, the only thing heard was my heaving breath and Khyson's heavy ones.
I finally gained the courage to lift my head up, just to find him looking directly at me. Disgust laced on his face.
"You're a terrible person."
I couldn't speak.
"I fucking knew it!" He stood up and kicked the chair aside. His body paced around the table.
I couldn't exactly ask him why he didn't ask because well.. he did. And that makes me an even worse person.
"I thought that maybe after that night it was over, he's wasn't my son, I didn't have a son. You're a fucking a liar!" He pointed at me. My body shook at his words.
"You don't know what it was like for me." I mumbled, looking up at him in tears.
"Fuck you! My god damn son doesn't even know he has a father! Don't pull that-that shit!"
"I'm sorry."
In that moment I wished I had told him, the regret pained me, it was a lie if I had said it hadn't been paining me since the day I gave birth.
"What!? You were just gonna let me stay here, knowing damn well you were hiding your son from his father!?" He yelled, I almost feared Amara and Rylan hearing us next door, Rylan can't hear this.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this." I stayed sitting, unmoving almost.
It was like he had so many things to say but they just couldn't come out, the words crammed in his throat.
"I knew it, right from the beginning. You're a fucking liar."
"Stop calling me that, please." I begged softly.
I could see the anger on his face, he stormed up to me and stood in front of the table, facing me.
"Well that's what you are, are you not!? Fucking enlighten me!? What.. fucked up Person lies like that, and straight to my face!? You lied to me right to my god damn face!" He yelled, I could feel his voice hitting my heart, it ached so badly because, I knew it was true, everything he was saying was exactly what I had done to him.
"What was I supposed to do?" I finally asked a bit louder than last time.
He looked at me like what was coming from my mouth was just some sick joke. I stood up, our chests inches away.
"You we're going off to Brown, you were making a name for yourself! You wouldn't have done that with a kid on your hip! It was your dream!?"
"I'm his father! I had the right to know!" He screamed.
"I needed to see you succeed, Khyson!"
"That's not the point! I went five years not knowing I had a son! My son went four years knowing he had no father!"
"I was across the country, a broke, pregnant eighteen year old deciding wether to let the father of her baby per-sue his dreams or not! Look what you have! Look what you built!"
"I would take back everything just to have him! To see the look when you found out! To get up and make food for your cravings at three in the morning! To rush you to the hospital when your water broke! To see my son being born and hold him in that god damn delivery room! You robbed me, Ariya! I could've been there!"
"I'm sorry." I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.
"How can a mother do that to her child?" He seethed, taking a disgusted step back from me. I brought my hands up to my arms, rubbing them up and down.
"I hurt too, you know. I went through that pregnancy alone, I delivered alone, wheeling myself out of the hospital. I slept with Rylan in a one bedroom apartment when he was just a baby. But I still went to school, I still did something! I fucking ached too!" I yelled, poking at his hard chest.
"And who's fault is that?"
I silenced myself at his words. He was right, all of his words and comments were all right. I brought this upon myself.
"I'm not going to apologize for caring about your future."
"If you told me we could've battled it together, we could've went through it together! God, Ariya!" He laughed.
I stood there in shame, chocking on my own tears.
"Out of all people you'd think you'd get it, you know what it's like growing up without a father.. why do that to your own son."
I couldn't seem to take it after that, I couldn't feel my limbs, I couldn't feel anything. He was right, this whole time I've been this selfish and I hadn't even realized. I hugged my arms and looked down.
"I need some time."
He was leaving.
"What?" I glanced up.
"I need some time." He bolted over to the door and began to slip is shoes on. I followed after him with a jump in my step.
"Wait, Khyson." I spoke, tucking my hair behind my ear with a shaky hand.
"Bye, Ariya." He mumbled before I heard the door slam shut. His voice laced with annoyance and anger.
He hated me.
I hated myself.
I pressed my palm against the door and collapsed against the floor. Tucking my knees to my chest and sobbing into my skin.
That was when I began to realize that I caused this, I caused him this pain, I caused Rylan this pain, I caused myself this pain, im a selfish bitch who can't make the right decisions.
And I had just lost our love.
Again.