KHUSHI
It had been over a week since I last talked to Arnav, he had tried calling me a couple of times but I ignored his calls, he had even showed up here but Manvi lied that I wasn't around, he had even shown up at my office but I made sure to avoid him at all cost.
I knew one look at him and it was all I needed to become weak again which I didn't want to happen, love makes you so weak that sometimes you don't even consider how it will harm you, all you care about is the other person and just doing everything possible to keep them in your life.
I did that the last time I saw him, I told him I loved him and I begged him to love me and we all saw how that went right? I wasn't going to put myself through that again. I wanted him to love me but not because I begged him to love me.
I stared at the board I had prepared for the upcoming wedding I had to plan and I felt like there was something missing, I just couldn't figure out what it was. I grabbed my phone and played the playlist I had created of Darshan's songs.
As the music started playing, I remembered our date where he surprised me by bring him there to meet me, I was so happy and so emotional, I thought it was going to last forever. How could he do such huge things for me and yet not be able to decide whether he loved me or not?
There was no denying he had done so much for us, to make our relationship work, but what he was doing right now was just painful. I dint feel this much pain when he told me we couldn't be together after Samar and Sonali's wedding, and somewhere I had even left all my hopes behind and then he came back into my life and told me he couldn't stay away and I trusted him, I gave him my heart too early and he couldn't give me his.
I really didn't know who to blame here, him, Sona, myself, or the destiny.
I stared at the board blankly as the lyrics of the song started to sink in, it was funny how Darshan had a song for every situation I was in, maybe my love story was written based on his songs. I could relate so much to this song right now and even listening to it just brought tears into my eyes.
Abhi, abhi to mile the, phir judaa hogaye... Kya thi meri khata, tum saza hogaye...
Mujhe khone ke baad ek din, tum mujhe yaad karoge...
phir dekhna milne ki mujhse tum fariyaad karoge...
The sound of my ringtone brought my mind back to earth, I grabbed it and stared at the screen, it was a call from Manvi and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to receive it, she would get all worried and stuff and right now I just wanted to be alone so I could process everything that was happening and decided what I was going to do ahead.
The call disconnected and started ringing again, I wanted to throw it because it was making me angry, I knew Manvi wouldn't stop calling until I picked it so I could either choose to get a hundred missed calls from her or just pick it and get done with it.
"What?" I asked angrily as I decided to receive the call.
"NK and I are going to party, you are coming along, What the hell are you doing at work till this late anyway?" She asked, I looked at the clock and realized it was almost ten o'clock. How did I not realize it was late?
"No, I don't want to be the third wheel."
"And I'm not going to let you be alone on a weekend, I'm picking you up, that's it." She disconnected the call before I could even argue, I frowned because I really didn't feel like going anywhere or doing anything, I just wanted to go home, lie down on my bed and cry about how unfair life was being to me.
*****
"Let's go dance a bit?" Manvi grabbed my arm and tried to pull me to the dance floor with her.
"No! Go dance with NK." I shrugged.
"Khushi come on, I brought you here so you can forget about everything that's happening and just enjoy for a while."
"And I am enjoying." I said as I gulped down another shot, I don't even remember how many shots I had had so far hoping they would help fade away the haunting memories and everything that had happened recently so I could be without this pain for a while at least.
"Fine be stubborn but you better just stay here." She warned me as she headed to the dance floor with NK, the both of them looked so cute together it made me sad, not that way stupid, sad because some days ago, that was me and Arnav and now I was all alone. Another shot to celebrate that!
Why did he have to hurt me like that though? Why couldn't he have just chosen me, then we could be here having fun and dancing together happily right? I had to ask him why he did that to me, I grabbed my phone and dialed his number.
"Khushi, I am so glad you called, I've been trying to talk to you."
"What is your problem Arnav?" I asked sadly, oh no Khushi, you can't cry in a club come on.
"I can't hear you Khushi, what's the noise? Where are you? Should I come pick you up?" He asked, he sounded worried. Why was he worried if he couldn't love me, weren't we supposed to be worried for the people we loved?
"Why do you care? You don't even love me." I said bitterly, my head was literally spinning right now, I don't know if it was the pain or I had had too much to drink.
"Why don't you love me Arnav? You say I make you happy, and that I brought light into your life then why don't you love me? Love me please?" and I was crying again. Oh God, why was I crying? This was so embarrassing, I stood up and headed out of the club, I didn't want to cry in front of all those people. What was wrong with me?
Okay world, stop spinning!
I found a bench outside so I sat down on it to make everything stop spinning, I shouldn't have drunk that much, I had never drunk that much, I would only do one or two shots, today I'm sure I did at least ten no wonder everything was spinning.
I sat silently staring at the few people that were outside there, talking to each other, laughing, having fun while I sat here crying over my misery. Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn't I just be like hey, I don't care and go inside and dance like everyone else?
Before I met Arnav, I was doing okay in life, I was happy with whatever I had and now it was like nothing else apart from him made me happy.
Oh how I hated feeling this way.
"Khushi?" I heard his voice, I put my hand over my ears trying to make it stop, now I was hearing voices too? What was happening to me? It was definitely the alcohol.
"Thank God I found you." He said as he bent down on his knees in front of me, I opened up my eyes wide and looked at him in shock, was he really here or was this another side effect of the alcohol?
"Go away, you're just an imagination." I said as I shut my eyes close.
"I am here, this is real Khushi. Seriously, how much have you had to drink?" He asked, he sounded rather angry. Now why was he angry, wasn't I the one supposed to be angry?
I opened up my eyes and looked at him, I pulled his cheeks to make sure he was real and he actually was.
"Arnav, it's really you, how did you find me?" I smiled as I cupped his face, he was real, he was here... oh how I missed seeing this stupid face of his.
"You disconnected the call so suddenly I got worried, I checked on social media and so saw pictures of you and Manvi, I recognized the place so I came... Come on, I'll take you home." He said as he stood up and pulled me up too, I tried to pull my hand off but he was stronger obviously.
"You want to take me home? Why? So you can be all romantic with me and make me cross another line for you so the next morning another girlfriend of yours shows up and you forget that I exist?"
"That's how low you think of me Khushi? Whatever that happened between us that morning was consensual, and it happened because we like each other, it wasn't just another thing for me, you were my first, it was a big deal for me too!"
"It happened because I Love You Arnav. I wouldn't go that far if I didn't love you. Why can't you love me back Arnav? We were happy before Sonakshi came back weren't we? Why can't we continue that? Why can't we... Oh God! What is wrong with me." I turned away from him, I shouldn't have gotten drunk it was making me stupid. I said I won't repeat this behavior again and here I was, doing it all over again.
"What do you want me to do here?"
"Make a freaking decision Arnav! How hard is it to decide whether you want to be with me or with her? I can't live like this, questioning myself everyday whether you'll love me or not, I really can't." I looked at him angrily, he was getting on my nerves now.
"If it was that easy I already would have."
"Well it's easy for me, and here's my decision. I am breaking up with you, whatever we had going on between us, is over! You either Love me or you don't, and because you don't have an answer for that, I'll believe you don't love me. So leave me alone now, let me heal my broken heart, go do whatever makes your heart happy, I won't complain.
I just want some peace in my life and I won't have that if I keep questioning you whether you love me or not every time we see each other. Go choose Sona, she's been the one for you anyway. "
"You can't just break up like that with me Khushi."
"I just did. I am not going to sit and suffer while you battle your feelings Arnav, I am tired of feeling this way, so I'm freeing both of us and making things easier, you're a free man from now onwards, you have no obligations towards me, don't call me, don't text me and don't visit me. Good bye." I said as I turned around to walk away but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
"Don't do this Khushi, please." He looked at me with moist eyes, I wouldn't have had to do this if he wasn't such a confused element but I wasn't going to keep breaking my own heart to keep his alive.
"Leave her!" I heard Manvi's voice, she paced towards us and pushed him away from me and stood between us, she looked at me worriedly and then looked back at Arnav.
"Next time I see you anywhere near her, I'll call the cops I swear." She warned him, he took two steps backwards, turned around and walked away as Manvi looked at me.
"What was he doing here?"
"I drunk dialed him. Never let me drink again, and if I do, take my phone away." I pouted.
"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you alone." She apologized as she hugged me.
"I broke up with him, I don't know if I'm going to wake up sober tomorrow and regret it but it was too much pain. Did I do the right thing Manvi?"
"Of course babe, you made the right decision, come on now... we'll get going home. Tomorrow you'll wake up knowing you made the right decision and be proud of yourself for not letting him make you weak." She assured me, I nodded as she dragged me along with her to the car, with this much alcohol in my body I was surprised I was even able to stand properly.