YEJI
It's already our break time and Lisa's still taking her exams. When i went outside my room, i saw Ryujin standing there and she looks like she just cried. She's walking slowly towards me and when she's close to me,
"Yeji—" She said while she's trying herself not to cry.
She suddenly leaned her head on my shoulder and she hugged me so tight, "Yeji—i don't know what's happening in my life right now. Let me stay in this moment for a while." I suddenly heard her crying on my shoulder.
She's in pain, i know it.
I hugged her and i'm rubbing her back with my hand, "Cry it out now, Shin Ryujin." I said. There's a lot of people around us but it feels like we're alone since Ryujin is crying and she's acting like nobody's watching us.
I hold her hand and we went into her room, "Let's talk here, Ryujin".
Ryujin sits on her bed and i sit on my old bed, "What's going on? Tell me everything, i'm willing to listen." I said. Ryujin cried again, i sit next to her then i patted her head, i put her head on my shoulder, "Go, let it all out".
Even in this situation, Ryujin still matters on me, she became a great Friend that's why if she needs help, i'm gonna help her.
Ryujin told me everything that happened, about her Uncle and Prof. Noze. I don't know what should i say but it's nothing new about Ryujin, she's always a jerk but knowing what happened to Prof. Noze, i am so mad at Ryujin.
Prof. Noze did everything to save both of their asses and here's Ryujin trying to get me instead of asking for Noze's forgiveness? She told me that she wants to beg Noze but it was impossible now, Noze said it herself that she don't want to see Ryujin—even me if i were her, i will never want to see her again or else i might kill Ryujin with my own hands.
Ryujin suddenly stares into my eyes,
"You're my only comfort Yeji—even though i know that this will ruin my image to you while i'm still courting and proving you how much i changed, i still did it because i have no one to talk to, i'm a mess when it comes to you but you're also the one who's the reason why i'm cleaning my mess, i'm sorry for telling you about what happened."
Ryujin keeps on crying then she leaned her head on my chest. She's right, this thing might throw dirt on her image in my eyes but she still said it on me, i guess i'm really her comfort.
After a while, she finally stopped crying. She wiped her tears out of her face, i sit on my old bed and she's sitting in front of me. Ryujin suddenly stares into my eyes like she wants to do something,
"I found out something, i just found out what it feels like when you caught me having sex with Noze because i saw you and Lisa too right in front of my eyes. The way you sit on top of her, the way you keep on moaning while you're leading it, they way Lisa's hands was crawling on your back because of the satisfaction she felt—it's not just painful, it's traumatizing."
I sarcastically laughed, "Yes, you're right. It's traumatizing." I said.
"I want to confront you, Yeji. I only accepted your deal to not fall in love with you, it's you who fall in love with me first, i tried my best to not fall in love and i'm just following the deal but why did we ended up here?" She's shaking while she's saying those words.
"Why did i become the bad guy? You confessed to me and i didn't accept it but it doesn't mean that i don't like you—how did you ended up hating me so bad? Please, explain it to me." The desperation in her voice, her eyes becoming different, she's right after all.
"Because i lied to you. The night when i gave you my first, it's not totally an attack, i can still control myself that time. Have you seen an omega having an attack and she can control herself? No—there's no one. That is how stupid i am, that is how i became low for you, i don't hate you but i hate the person i became just to get your attention, i hate the Yeji i am when i'm with you and whenever i'm seeing you, i keep on remembering her. I'm sorry for making you feel like this when everything is actually my fault." (referring to Chapter 10, Night).
I finally said it, the secret that i've been keeping. That night, i had the signs of having an attack but i wonder why i can still control myself, i think i can survive that night without Ryujin's help but i chose to ask for help because of the thought that maybe she'll figure out i like her.
I am such a fool for doing that with Ryujin and i feel disgusted about myself.
"I wish i knew it, i'm really really stupid but this time i'll be better and i'll start by fixing myself first and after that—i'll present myself to you but i'm not the Ryujin you knew the first. Yeji, the second time's not the worst. Today, i will not court you everyday yet because i will make myself better first. Wait for me." Ryujin said.
What happened to the Ryujin i knew? Her determination this time is making me think that even the most jerk person you know can change.
Her face when she said that, her eyes—there's a spark in it, her voice was motivated, her smile—it was all real, she's not faking it.
For the time she said it, there's suddenly a soft spot in my heart that beat—i was touched.
RYUJIN
I have now decided.
I need to change first.
I don't know how i became like this, i didn't expect that i would hurt everyone around me. I need to step up, i need to be better. Words are not enough, i need an action too.
But first, let me clean something up.
I went to the office, "Uncle? Talk to me outside." I walked to the alley and when there's only the two of us. I guess he already know why i called him, "Ryujin? I know why you brought me here, Let me expla—" I punched him in the face,
"No explanation needed, you touched someone who's important to me. Uncle, if Mom was here, she will not acknowledge you as her Brother." I punched him again on his face and when he's already down, i stepped on his face and i'm holding his neck.
I keep on punching and punching him, my anger is rising up because i'm imagining what Noze looks like while she can't do anything but to let him take his way,
"Uncle, this punch is for ruining her life." I punched him so hard on his right cheek.
"This one is for giving her a trauma that she will bring in her life." I punched him on his nose.
"This punch is for being my Uncle." I punched him on eyes.
I feel like it's not enough, it's right that when it happened to you, Justice is not enough. You want retribution, you don't want Just Desert. You want eye for an eye. I remembered Noze's face when she's crying, "Uncle, i want to broke your teeth." I punched his mouth.
"Uncle, i want destroy you so bad." I said while my tears are falling.
His face was full of blood and my hand already feel numb, "Ryujin, i have a stage three cancer, i'm gonna meet your Mom soon." He said.
I fell down then i sit on the ground and i'm leaning on the wall while Uncle was lying on the ground, i couldn't speak and move anymore, i just know that when Mom said the she has a cancer, we know that she has no chance of living anymore.
"I'm only planning to warn Noze about your relationship with her, i just want you two to be careful. I know you're thinking that i could just tell it to you but i know you, you will just think you're lucky that it was me who saw you two. I sent the picture to Noze and i didn't contacted her after that—" I don't want to listen to him,
"Don't justify your acti—" He smiled at me then he was coughing a blood,
"Listen to me, i'm being honest here when i told you i didn't contacted her the moment i sent her the picture but after 3 days, my medical results came, i found out i'm stage three cancer and the darkness came into my mind, i have a lot of things i haven't done and i have no one to talk to about what's happening to me then i don't know what push me to do it, i called Noze to meet me, i just want to talk to her but i ended up doing more."
I cried because i am so mad but there's still a sympathy inside me because he's the reason why i'm studying right now but it still makes me want to hurt him because of what he did to Noze.
"Ryujin, it's right when people says that when you're close to death, you will want to do things that you don't even know if it was wrong or right. I will not take chemotherapy, i will now resign this University, i don't want to waste my money in this—this happened to your Mom, you know what i mean."
I'm so mad and sad, "Uncle, don't die yet, you need to say sorry to Noze first, you need to cry a blood while asking for forgiveness." I said.
"Euthanasia, Ryujin. After i asked for Noze's forgiveness."
I hold his hair then i let him stand up, i called Noze to meet me and when she come, she ran towards me, "Ryujin!" Her eyes went big then i smiled at her. "This is not enough, Noze. He has something to say." I said with my cold voice.
I kicked Uncle's face, "Say it now, Uncle."
He bended his knees in front of Noze and he was crying out loud, he keeps on asking for Noze's forgiveness. Noze was emotionless, she's not saying anything, "I already got my karma, i'm sorry Noze, please, hurt me until you feel satisfied".
Noze went closer to me, she hold my hand, "You're bleeding. Stop it now." She said.
She pulled me then we went inside her car, she suddenly laughed sarcastically,
"I told myself, i want you to suffer the same pain i suffered when your Uncle did it with me—but i guess i don't want it anymore. Let's cut this crap now, i'm leaving this University, i'm gonna start studying again." She smiled at me,
"Have a better life." While she's saying those words, she's smiling from ear to ear and she suddenly said words that made me realize how jerk i became to her,
"Atleast now you showed me that you did cared about me, that's a relief."
After that, she let me went out of her car and as she drives away, i have another reason to be a better person.