I didn't know what to think about Naomi moving in and being pregnant. Were they going to get married? Were they going to force me to call her 'mommy' and ignore the fact that she hadn't been seeing Alex for very long? It all seemed so... rushed.
Was that normal in Alpine?
I struggled to sleep that night. My mind was racing and I couldn't get rid of the sadness that I'd been feeling ever since they told me the horribly awful news.
I clutched my bunny to my chest as I lay in my crib. I'd only gotten a few hours of sleep before Alex was waking me up the next morning.
He lifted me out of my crib and lightly tugged on my bunny's ear. "You're using your bunny?"
I laid my head on his shoulder. "I couldn't let my bear get all the attention."
He nodded slowly and I didn't think he bought my shitty excuse. He knew me better than that.
He finished getting me ready and carried me downstairs. He grabbed my diaper bag from beside the door and slung it over his shoulder.
"Is Naomi here?" I asked.
He opened the door and stepped out into the cool morning air. "She went home last night. She thought you might want a little bit of a break."
I felt bad that Naomi was leaving when she probably wanted to spend time with Alex. She had her own thoughts and feelings, too, and maybe I wasn't respecting them in return. It was a cycle that was just bad all around.
Alex unlocked his car before he opened the backseat door. He set the diaper bag on the floor before he lifted me into my car seat. He looked like he'd gotten little sleep the previous night also.
He took a step away from me once I was buckled in and he sighed. "I know this is hard on you, Lyla. We weren't planning for a kid since we had you and that was still new for Naomi. But we want to make this work. For us, for you, for this new baby..."
I stared at my bunny, feeling a tightening in my chest. "Is she gonna move in?"
"I'd like her to. It would make things easier on her."
I nodded and gripped my bunny tighter so he wouldn't see my hands shake.
"I really want you to be okay with this, Lyla. This is a good change for us."
I was having a hard time seeing how this change was good. Naomi was just pushing her way into our family and, even worse, she was bringing a new baby with her. I was supposed to be the baby. Just me. Now our family was falling apart and I didn't feel like I was meant to be in it.
Alex ran his fingers over my bear before he gave me a small smile. "We still have nine months before the baby comes. I hope that'll be enough time for us to get used to the thought of having a baby around." He shut the door and walked around to his side of the car.
I tightened my grip on my bear and blinked as tears filled my vision and flooded my eyes.
I wasn't his baby anymore?
---
"Goodnight, Lyla." Alex pushed the blanket around me and tucked me in. He patted my bunny before he left the room.
I listened to his footsteps as they disappeared into the hallway and to his bedroom. I heard the door move until it was almost closed.
I rolled onto my side and stared at the wooden bars of my crib. I needed some respite from the spiraling that was going on inside my head. I knew my thoughts were irrational but I still couldn't shake the thought that Alex didn't need me. That Naomi didn't need me. They were having a new baby that could easily replace me and make their family whole.
I exhaled a deep breath before I pushed myself up. I set my bunny behind me before I gripped the bars tight in my hands. I pulled myself up and used my stomach to pull me to the other side of the crib. I groaned as the bar pushed on my stomach.
My hands slid down the bars until they met the mattress inside. Then I let go.
My eyes widened as my back hit the carpet. The fall didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would but it took the wind out of my lungs. I laid still as I tried to catch my breath, the ceiling looking a million miles away from where I laid.
Once I was finally able to breathe, I rolled over onto my hands and knees. Even at my size, being able to walk would have made my next several moves so much easier.
I crawled to the doorway and was glad I was a whimp who couldn't sleep with the door shut. It made getting out that much easier.
I glanced in either direction of the hallway, the darkness making me nervous. The stairs looked like an entrance to hell. I shook my head and the thoughts in it away and continued crawling in the direction I needed to go.
I pushed the door for Alex's bedroom and smiled to myself when it didn't squeak. That would at least give me some time in case he woke up.
I crawled to the side of the bed and pulled on the cord for Alex's phone charger. His phone fell to the floor and bounced onto its back. The screen lit up and illuminated the room, turning everything a shade of blue.
Mentally, I cursed myself and quickly flipped the phone over. I glanced at Alex's body in the bed, unable to see his face due to how low to the ground I was. He didn't move more than what was necessary for breathing and I sighed in relief.
I tucked his phone into my arm and crawled back out of the room. I made my way back to my room before I pulled the phone out and stared at the screen.
Alex's lock screen was one of the default pictures that every phone had. I pushed my index finger up and the phone unlocked, luckily not having a passcode to lock it. Good for me but bad for Alex. He needed a passcode to keep people, like me, out so any private or sensitive information didn't get out.
I opened his contacts and saw lots of names I didn't recognize. I scrolled through them, momentarily forgetting why I took his phone in the first place.
I found the name I was looking for a hesitated before tapping on it. I lifted the phone to my ear, having to hold it up with both hands.
The phone rang for just a few seconds before someone answered. "Hello? Alex?"
I blinked away the immediate tears that filled my eyes. "Mom, i-it's me."
Her line went quiet for just a few seconds before she spoke. "Lyla, is it really you?"
I smiled at the sound of her voice, even if it was wavering due to her own tears. "Yeah, it's me."
"Wha... How... How are you able to call me? Where's Alex?"
"Sleeping. I took his phone."
"Shouldn't you be in bed, too?"
"I should but I'm not."
She sighed and it reminded me so much of all the times I'd made her mad or upset her. Oh, how I wanted to go back to those times. Any of them. "I feel like I should be mad at you but I'm just so happy to hear from you. I've missed you so, so much."
"I've missed you, too, mom. H-how are you? How's dad?"
She sniffed before responding. "He's right here. He... We're doing okay."
Dad spoke up then and it made my chest warm up. "Hey, sweetie."
I wiped my nose on my shoulder. "Can I come home? I want to be with you guys."
"Ly... you can't. It's... not safe."
"Not safe? You're my parents. No one else would protect me like you would."
"Not this way. You're vulnerable. Things have gotten bad and you would have a target on your back. It's safer in Alpine."
My eyes narrowed at her words. Was someone brainwashing them? There's no way they would say I couldn't be with them. They're my parents. "Safer in Alpine? How can you say that?"
"You don't know what it's like out here. You don't know the things that are going on. To children. It's awful."
"I can imagine." I mumbled.
"We want you to stay with Alex. Your safety is our number one priority. I know this is hard to understand but please, baby, trust us. We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't absolutely have to."
I sighed and stared down at the floor below me. I didn't want to stay when I wasn't welcome. Alex was starting his own family and a new life and it didn't involve me.
"Lyla, I know you're not calling just to say hi. What's wrong? Why are you so eager to leave?"
"Alex's girlfriend is pregnant and she's moving in."
"You're not taking it well, huh?"
"No. It's all so... sudden."
"Usually, having a baby is a sudden thing. You can plan for a baby but it'll still blindside you. Why is it bothering you?"
I took a deep breath and let my words flow out quickly. "Because Naomi is moving in and she's having a baby and I feel like I'm being pushed out."
She paused before she spoke in a quiet voice. "Ly, why are you worrying about a new baby? You get to be the big sister. Show the new baby how things work, how to live. That's your job now."
"I'm not used to sharing."
She laughed. "I know. But it won't be so bad, honey. I promise."
"Is that how it was for you and aunt Marcie growing up?"
"Of course. Anyway, honey, you need to get some sleep."
"But... I don't want to stop talking to you."
"You know we don't either. But we don't need any calls that you're not following Alex's rules. What kind of parents would we be if we let you stay up late?"
I smiled and laid down on my side, the phone pressed between my ear and the floor. "Fun ones."
"Alright, baby. Get some rest. We'll talk soon, okay?"
"Okay."
"We love you so much, Lyla. Don't ever forget that."
"I love you too."