Sakthi's words kept ringing in her mind the whole night. After pondering over what Sakthi spoke, her thoughts were so convoluted, and she woke up feeling disoriented. Maybe what Sakthi said was right. She was overthinking for no reason. Its not that she has not thought about her past before falling in love with Kathir. She was even ready to fight for them and their future. However, when things actually started unfolding, her insecurities and fear took the front seat. Her biggest fear of Kathir repenting her past intimidated her to move forward.
She used to be strong, witty once. She did not want to cry and be depressed anymore. Maybe she should talk to Kathir openly open it.
As she stepped out of her room lost in thought, her mothers voice brought her thoughts back to reality.
"Nee velai mudichutu veetuku varapo maligai saaman vangitu variya? Appa'va vita kasu micham panrenu nadadhe poitu varuvar"
"Seri ma. List kudu...", she said as realization dawned on her that her father gets grocery from Pandian stores.
Though she knew Kathir would be in Karaikudi shop, her heart hoped a little to catch a glimpse of him today. As she approached the store, she became jittery. After Kathir walked away from her, he hasn't called nor made any effort to see her. Neither did she, her mind mocked her. She was the one who pushed Kathir away and she did not want to call and pretend as if everything was ok, when it was not.
As she entered the shop after her work in the evening, she did not see Kathir's vehicle. Both relief and disappointment consumed her. As she walked in, she heard a familiar voice coming towards them.
"Angayum illa mama. Annan kita stock listla sekka solanum"
Her heart skipped a beat, when she noticed Kathir walk from inside the shop towards Kumaresan. A heavy feeling set in the stomach when her eyes met with the familiar brown eyes.
Kathir just gaped at her open mouthed. He was surprised seeing her in the shop. For a minute, both of them looked at each other not speaking anything and waiting for other to start the conversation.
"Va ma. Enna ivalavu dhooram, Kathira pakava?" ,Kumaresan mama let out a guffaw laugh.
Mullai's eyes flickered between Kathir and Kumaresan mama. She was not sure how to begin her conversation with Kathir after how things ended between them last time they met. Though a tiny part of her wished to see him today, she did not come prepared to speak to him.
"Adhu elam Illa mama. Konjam porul vanga vendi irunduchu...", she dragged hoping Kathir understood her as always. She noticed hurt flash trough his beautiful eyes which he masked instantly and walked towards her.
"Lista kudu", his voice was distant as if she was just another customer to the shop.
Disappointment flooded through her, hearing his sharp voice. Maybe he was not as affected as her? Has he already given up on her and their relationship?
Vera enna yosicha Mulla, her mind mocked her.
"Indha", her voice mirrored the aloofness of his voice. As he grabbed the list from her, their fingers brushed, and a wave of electricity passed through her at the sudden contact. A desire to hold on to his hand and vent out overpowered her which she pushed back with great difficulty.
"Enna pa Mullai idhu? Enamo customer mathiri anga ninnu list kudukara. Ulla va ma", Kumaresan mama offered a seat next to him. Her eyes kept wandering to Kathir but he did not cast a single glance at her while he was busy gathering the items for her.
Mullai's eyes converged on to Kumaresan mama who was observing them in silence. There was an annoyed expression on his face, as if something was bothering him.
"Avan kuda thaniya pesanumna, ulla po ma", Kumaresan muttered in a hushed voice.
"Apadi elam onum illa pa", she tried smiling though it was evident she was upset over Kathir ignoring her.
"Inga paaru ma. Unga rendu perukum enna prachanainu enaku theriyadhu. Aana, edhuva irundhalum olunga pesi theekara vazhiya parunga. Ivalavu kasta pattu veetla samadham vanginadhu ipadi rendu perum sandai podava?", he warned in a low tone, and she gulped the saliva down her throat.
Though what he said made sense, she did not know how to make him talk. After how he walked way, she knew talking over phone would not help. She wanted to sit and talk to him, however she did not come prepared to talk to him now. Maybe coming to the shop was a bad idea.
Kathir walked back to her with the bag and her hopes went high again. He avoided eye contact and placed the bag of requested items and walked back further inside the shop.
Disappointed filled her as she stared at back of Kathir's t-shirt hoping he would change his mind and look at her eyes. But he did not and Mullai understood him. She had refused to marry him and she should not be surprised if he started hating her. She tried talking to Kumersan mama and avoided looking at him. However, her traitor eyes went back to Kathir who was busy arranging the stocks.
"Seri mama. Amma thedum. Naan kelambarean. Evalavu achu?"
"Enna pa idhu? Namba kadai la porul yeduka kaasu tharuviya? ", Kumaresan asked in annoyance.
"Illa pa. Irundhalum enga veetuku porul vangaradhuku...", she dragged.
She could feel a pair of eyes boring hole through her skull, but she did not look up at this time. She just kept back the notes inside her purse and walked out bidding bye to mama.
She cursed herself while dragging herself home and into her room. She wanted to talk to Kathir and even ask him the reason for his behavior but couldn't do that in front of Kumerasan mama.
Changing into her pajamas she collapsed on her bed. A heavy feeling settled in pit of her stomach and tears threatened to burst out of her eyes. She hugged her pillow tightly and hid her face in it and dam broke down at last and tear after tear leaked out of her eyes and stained the material of the pillow.
She was the one who wanted to delay the wedding and caused a rift between them. However, she was not able to digest the fact Kathir had blatantly ignored her as if her existence didn't matter. Somewhere in the midst of whimpers and hiccups, she succumbled to sleep.
**
When she woke up next day her head felt like someone had pounded it with hammer last night. Her eyes were bloodshot red and rest of her face was swollen. It was Meena's baby shower and she had to get ready. She took shower in cold water and did make up to mask the puffiness.
Once they entered the Pandian house, they were welcomed by Dhanam.
"Vanga Chithi. Vanga Chitapa. Va Mulla, yepadi iruka?", she asked and Mullai just nodded her head.
Dhanam was still fidgety around Mullai. They have not had a proper conversation between them after the fight.
Once Murugan and Parvathy were out of sight,
"Mulla, inum en mela unaku kovama? Un naladhukunu nenachu than apadi pesitean..", Dhanam clarified hoping to sort out all the bitterness between them.
"Adha pathi inametu pesa venam", Mullai replied curtly and tried walking away.
"Adhu illa Mullla...", Dhanam started only to be interrupted by Kalai
"Va ma Mulla", she said and turned her attention to Dhanam
"Dhanam, make up sonavanga nala vara mudiyala pola. Neum variya, nambaley seinjidalam. Kadasi nerathula aal kedaikaradhu kastam"
"Idhuku edhuku aalu. Namba than ithana peru irukomey?"
Turning towards Mullai, "Neum variya? Nee than azhaga make up poduviyey?", Dhanam throwed a smile at her. She wanted to somehow bridge the gap between Meena and Mullai and saw this as an opportunity.
Mullai nodded and walked with her towards their room. As they neared "Mulla, nee poi aarami, naan poi poo yedututu vandudarean", she said hoping to leave them two alone for a while.
As soon as she knocked the door, realization dawned on how it was once her room or how she assumed it was hers. She quickly brushed the thoughts when a voice from inside called her "Thorandhu than iruku. Vanga"
As she entered, she saw Jeeva kneeling down on the floor adjusting Meena's pleats. As soon as he saw Mullai, he got up
"Va pa Mulla. Yepadi pa iruka?"
"Huh nala irukean mama. Meena ku make up panna solli akka sonanga. Nenga irukenganu theriyadhu. Adhan ulla vandhean..", she stammered.
"Adhu nala enna pa. Ulla va. Naan velila poi velai pakarean"
As he neared the door he turned back "Kathir veetla illa pa. Thambulathuku silla porul vanga poi irukan", Jeeva conveyed the message to her.
She has been avoiding Jeeva as much as she can after their divorce. Suddenly hearing his voice, she just stood still. He used the same tone, he always used on her. He had always wished her well as his cousin. Nothing changed. All these while, she was trying to get away from her past, while the truth was, she never had a past. She had lived in this house as his cousin and she still was.
Life is never the way we expect it to be. It is full of surprises and has its own way of testing us, throwing hurdles in our way when we least expect them. Some people learn it the easy way while others have a hard time realizing it, like her. A serene calmness passed through her. A big smile adorned her face and the awkwardness between them vanished just that that.
Mullai turned her focus to Meena, as Jeeva walked out of the room. Meena looked elegant in a sea green saree with dark pink border.
"Azhaga irukenga Meena", Mullai complimented
"Thanks. Nengalum than.", Meena returned her smile.
"Saree katti vida, make up ku elam aal solli irundhom Ipadi kadasi nimishuthula vara mudiyadhunu solitanga", she was worried
"Pathukalam. Patharadhenga", Mullai consoled her.
Meena was sitting in the dressing table with Mullai doing her make up. Mullai could hear the happy chattering of people from the living room even though only handful of people were invited.
After half an hour, "Avalavu than. Aachu", Mullai exclaimed and Meena looked up at her reflection. Her make up was light and Mullai had painstakingly made her hairdo.
Meena looked Mullai through the mirror, and they passed a smile at each other. Dhanam entered the room with the flowers
"Mudichadha? Azhaga iruka Meena. Romba supera panni iruka Mulla", she complimented.
She extended flowers to Mullai "Poo vechuko. Ivalavu azhaga dress panitu poo vekalana yepadi?"
"Thanks ka", she replied while accepting the flowers in her hand, earning a relieved smile over Dhanam face as she addressed her as akka after a very long time.
*
Mullai stepped out of the room and looked around, her eyes searching for Kathir. She smiled when he stepped out from the crowd. She walked slowly towards him.
He was talking to Kanna and he stopped when he saw her and a wave of surprise filled his face. His eyes travelled down her body making her feel warm and excited.
"Azhaga irukenga Anni!", Kanna complimented. She looked up at Kathir nervously. When he showed no emotions on his face, she turned around and stretched her lips into a forced smile towards Kanna and went and stood next to him.
Dhanam brought Meena to the living room and made her sit on the chair. Everyone took chances showering her with blessings and adoring her hands with glass bangles.
It was close family knit function and by now news of Mullai and Kathir marriage had spread. Though some of them were not ok with it, most of them just choose to stay quiet not talking about it. Mullai stood there watching as people were muttering wishes to her and Kathir as well. Mullai smiled acknowledging them.
"Seri kutty anni. Ipo ungaluku oru special dance kathutu iruku", Kanna announced, and everyone screamed in unison.
Jeeva performed a dance number for his wife followed by the brothers of pandian house. Even Moorthy joined in for a tiny bit in the part that did not involve dancing. Dhanam was cheering the brothers when Kanna announced couples' dances
"Vanga anni. Annanum nengalum oru step podunga". Dhanam and Moorthy felt embarrassed as everyone began requesting them. Finally, they gave up and danced a step. The entire cheer hooted for them
"Kathir Anne, Mulai anni adhuthu nenga than", Kanna cheered
"Illa da. Enaku aadam elam theriyadhu", Kathir politely refused and walked inside. Mullai felt disappointed and Parvathy noticed her daughter face fall.
"Vidu da. Avana pathi theriyadha? Enaiku idhu elam panni irukan?", Moorthy spoke for his brother.
Later Meena and Jeeva danced a bit, and the expecting parents played few games which was followed by a grand lunch.
After a lot of tears, Meena left to her parental house in few hours and Pandian clan sat down to chat and relax.
"Enna athai, Kathir thambi kuda Mullai ku kalyanamnu sonenga? Thambi ku idhil virupam irukara mathiryey theriyalayey' , taunted Kasturi.
"Kasturi ipo edhuku indha pechu elam?. ", Parvathy said hoping to divert the topic before Mullai's name was pulled into an unnecessary conversation.
"Pinna enna atha? naanum vandhadhil irundhu pakarean, Kathir thambi Mullai kita oru varthai kuda pesala. Avanuku Mullaia kandaley agadhu. Ipo avanuku kalyanam panni vecha Mulla vazhkai enna agaradhu?"
"Kasturi, nee thevai ilama pesara. Kathir Mullaiya thangam mathiri pathupan. ", assured Lakshmi.
"Apadina, kalyanatha udaney panna vendiyadhu thana? Edhuku thalli podanum? Adhu kula Kathir ku vera kalyanam panni vechu, marupadi Mullaiya ematha pakarengala?"
"Kasturi!!"
When Kathir walked in to give his mother's medicine box to Dhanam, he noticed the visible tension in the room.
"Enna Kathir thambi..unga amma solranganu indha kalyanathuku samadhichu irukiya? Neeum un anna'na mathiri yaraiyavadhu love panna ipovey solidu. Aparam Mullai'ya kalyanam panna aparam solli, ava vazhkaiya keduka venam"
"Athachi! Konjam chumma irukengala? Vanga namba kelambalam. Adhan function elam mudinjuduchey", Mullai said standing up.
"Indha veetla yaraiyavadhu edavadhu sonna unaku udaney kovam vandhudumey? Naan sonadhil enna thappu iruku? Indha veetla unaku panadhadaiya sonean?"
"Anni, Jeeva vishayatha ipo edhuku pesarenga?", Dhanam tried soothing the situation.
"Ipovey pesidaradhu naladhu thana? Aparam enga veetu ponnuku than kastam ", Kasturi continued her taunting.
Turning towards Kathir "Enna thambi? Unga veetla katayathuku than Mullaiya kalyanam panrengana ipovey solidunga. Kalyanatha thali podarenu sakku solitu, aparam emara venam parunga"
Kathir looked at Mullai who stood visibly shaken and tears threating to fall from her eyes. He took a deep breath and turned around to face Kasturi.
"Naan yar katayathukagavum Mulla'ya kalyanam panala. Naan avala virumbarean!" He stated sternly and Kasturi looked open mouth at his confession while he continued
"Enga rendu perukum epo kalyanam panra mananelai varudho apo kalyanam panipom. Adutha masamo, adhutha varushamo , illa 10 varusham kalicho. Epo enaku kalyanam nadandhalum adhu Mullai oda than. Neenga adhuku varutha pada venam"
He gave one look at Mullai before storming out of the house.
**'
After the fiasco at her athai house, Mullai came to the mandapam and sat in solitude. She was in no mood to talking to anyone. There was a storm brewing inside her, especially after watching how Kathir stood up for them in front of everyone. He did not try to coverup their relationship as an arranged marriage for convenience. He did not flinch even for a second before confessing his love for her. She just wanted to forget about everyone else for some moments and just think about them.
After sitting there for more than an hour, she picked the phone and called Kathir. He picked her call in half a ring, as if he was holding on to the phone waiting for her call.
Silence prevailed between them for few anguishing long seconds that felt like eternity. Finally, she broke the silence
"Kathiru..." and her throat contracted involuntarily.
Kathir finished it for her "Mandapathil irukiya? Naan udaney varean"
When he walked into the mandapam, he saw her sitting and leaning on a thoon crying silently.
"Mulla", he called worried, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and met his eyes. She got up and turned away hastily to wipe away her tears only to be pulled back by Kathir and hugged by him.
Shaking the momentary dizziness that was created due to force when she was pulled back, she gazed at the strong arms around her. Despite everything she allowed herself to feel the warmth of his hug. Her head was tugged under his chin while his arms were pressing her head on his chest. She cried on his chest, the tears starting to flow down and damping his shirt. She felt instant tranquility when she smelled his familiar scent.
"Enna vitutu ponna kuda paravala, aana ipadi azha matum seiyadha", Kathir murmured, and a loud sob broke out from her chest making her shake.
He patted her back "shh podhum Mulla. Azharadha niruthu". After few minutes he pulled away and placed a kiss on the middle of her forehead.
At times she felt, he did not deserve someone like her. She felt as though she was not good enough for him. In span of months, Kathir has won her heart despite all the obstacles and have accepted her for who she truly was. She did not have to hide anything before him. Yet there were times when she was scared to bare herself before him, she did not want him to stop loving her. However, she wanted to trust him to love her despite it all.
"Bayama iruku", she admits between her sobs.
"Mulla", Kathir voices comes out soft as he reaches over the tip of her chin in his direction. His concerned eyes meets hers
"Nee enna verutuduviyonu bayam iruku", she bared her heart before him.
"Enna analum Adhu kandipa enala mudiyadhu", He threads his fingers through her, giving her hand a squeeze.
Her eyes starts watering and back of her nose burns crying all day. Despite having Kathir's full support, things weren't easy. He wants to marry her soon but he was not letting his want impede her decision. He was selfless and always put others before himself. She has one live and its hers to live. No one should be dictating her how or whom to live it with.
She suddenly pulls him into a bone crushing hug, which makes a small grunt escape from his chest. Burying her face in his chest, she whispers
"Enakaga en ivalavu panra?"
Kathir tightens the hug and presses a warm kiss on her forehead
"Thirumba solrean, idhu namakaga panrean. Unakaga illa. Rendu perum mullu manasoda irundha than, vazhkaiyil sandhosama iruka mudiyum. Kalyanamnu illa, namba vazhkaiyil enna prachanai inametu vandhalum sendhu mudivu yedukanum, adhuku theervu thedanum.
Epovum namba onnu thangaradha marandudatha? Puriyudha?"
"Unaku konjam kuda en mela varutham ilaya?", she asks her voice shaking.
"Ilanu solla matean. Aana, Nee enna evalavu kadhalikaranu enaku theriyum. Unakey Adhu purinju en kita vara avagasam kuduthean. Avalavu than"
His voice is so soft, it almost breaks her heart. Taking a deep breath, she says "Namba sikiram kalyanam panikalam Kathiru!"
When he tries to detangle from her, she refuses. A single tear slips down her cheeks which she wipes off quickly. She feels a lot of emotions at the same time: Relief, sadness, happiness, hope, excitement. She tightens her arms around him and whispers "Idhu unakaga solala, namakaga solrean. Sikiram kalayanam panikalam Kathiru!"