I released a harsh growl and threw my fist into the trunk of a tree, which damn near shattered the bones in my hand. "Sköll" Blair gasped as she saw me punch the tree with force. "Stop it, you'll hurt yourself" she tucked her short strands of black hair behind her ear and tried clasping my hand to look for any damage. I ripped it out of her grip.
"Why Sköll?" She threw me off by shoving me slightly and asking a question I didn't understand. When she saw that I didn't know what she was referring to she added, "Why her?" My eyes immediately blackened. "I don't know what you're talking about nor am I in the mood to chat Blair" I warned her off, though she didn't listen.
"Yeah! You're not in the mood because you saw a guy touching Raine and it made you mad enough to beat up your own friend! And you're mad because she caught us in bed and now she doesn't want you!! So again, I ask, WHY her" she sounded angry at first, but then it almost sounded like she was pleading by the end of it. It made me uncomfortable.
"You're being dramatic," I snapped. She shoved me again, which was really fucking irritating. "Everyone saw it! You shouted in front of everyone that she was off limits. Why is she off limits, Sköll?" She was pressing me on this. I decided the safest bet was for me to walk away from her, but she wouldn't let me.
"I think I deserve an answer. You've been yanking my leash back and forth, closer and farther, for years now! You don't respect me at all! You never once cared that men approach me! You hate Raine! You hated her, and now you're acting like a jealous boyfriend, and it's not damn FAIR to me!" She shouted then swallowed hard when other emotions surfaced.
I turned away from her.
"You knew what it was that we were doing. Don't paint me out to be the bad guy because you let me fuck you" I snorted. She was a willing participant. Blair glanced down at my busted knuckles and laughed quietly to herself.
"Whatever you and her had, it's over now and you know it. Just walk away Sköll" she tried telling me what the fuck to do.
"Mind you fucking business. It's because of you that any of this started in the fucking first place!" I finally snapped. "ME?! How did I start anything!! You blame me because it's easier than you blaming yourself! You asked me to fuck you and I did! We fell asleep by accident, but I'm glad we did so Raine can see who you really are! You don't give a fuck about anybody but yourself" she sucked in a breath and started to cry.
I groaned and swiped my hand through my hair. "Nothing is going on with me and Raine and nothing is going on with me and you. Got that? Now leave me the fuck alone" I growled and this time I walked off for real.
-
When I got to the Packhouse I walked past the library door, and again I saw the light on, so I paused in the doorway. Again I saw Saxon sitting there with a two finger pour of whiskey in a short glass. His ankle was on his opposite knee and he sat there like he knew it was me walking by. I don't know what made me do it, but I decided to walk into the room. I walked past him and sat on the chair tucked into the small table at the back of the library, and I dropped my forehead on the table, leaving it there.
I heard Saxon stand from the armchair and walk over to the table at leisure. The scrape of the second chair sounded and then Saxon sat. I even heard his glass as he set it down. He didn't ask why I had my head down on the table, he just waited for me to ask a question because he knew I was.
"How do you get your powers?" I finally asked. When I sat up from the table I looked at his grey eyes watching me and he smirked. "Well...have you ever tried asking for them?" I scoffed, "Ask for them?" I sounded incredulous. "Yes" he deadpanned.
"Um, okay...yo give me my powers" I rolled my eyes and looked at him pointedly after. He sipped his whiskey. His calmness pisses me off for whatever reason. "I won't coddle you. Act right or get out" he sounded like my damn father for a minute there. I sighed.
"I don't know how to ask or who to ask. Is it the Moon Goddess?" I was genuinely confused. He scratched his chin and thought about it.
"You know, I don't know who we serve. If it is the Moon Goddess it's for a darker purpose" he told me honestly. That gave me pause.
"Are we, like, evil or something?" That's the vibe I was getting here. "There is a balance to life and especially to nature. I suppose we are just the necessary counterpart" he shrugged. "Like the dark side of the moon?"
"Don't be cliche" he picked a piece of lint off of my entirely destroyed button down shirt that had dirt marks all over it, and missing buttons, and flicked the lint off like that was the problem. "I wasn't trying to be cliche- forget it. Well, You win Saxon...I wanna learn" I admitted to him. This may prove to be a bad idea because Saxon is not to be trusted, nor do I believe his intentions, but if he thinks I am a Mystic I wanna know.
I wanna know who my family came from. I looked down at my silver band around my wrist and touched it. It has Hati and Sköll written on opposite sides. The only thing I have of my brother.
"When you learn bone reading you can call on him for guidance you know" Saxon's grey eyes were set on the bracelet I was touching. "How do you know about my brother-" I didn't bother asking. Saxon appears to know everything.
"Will you tell me a little bit about Dark Mystics' capabilities? Just a little preview" I asked him, then added, "I'm not telling anyone about this, so this stays with us." He seemed somewhat surprised, but nodded.
"We can manipulate our detection, or rather, so we aren't detected. Wiping our scents clean and any trace of us...and we work with shadows, that's a whole other list of things. Let's see...we can dream travel" he smirked about the last one.
"What does that mean?" I was so damn curious about this. Curious enough to have a normal conversation with Saxon Shadow. If he is the only person who can teach me then I'll work with him.
"We can enter and manipulate people's dreams. Talk with them or ask them questions we wanna know. When the mind is resting it's easier to dig into someone's subconscious. It's quite fun, unethical, but fun" he grinned, and a smile looked odd on a brooding face like his.
"There is more but you'll learn in time" he stood up. With his long finger he tapped his watch to insinuate that it was late and then he left. He's a weird dude.
It's when I was completely alone that I thought about what Saxon said in the beginning. He said 'did you try asking' as though that's all I need for my powers to activate. I thought of Raine's offering to the Moon Goddess earlier and that little private speech she made. I was going to build off that as my example and try.
"To whatever force that rules over the Dark Mystics I'm asking you for my power. Who am I? What am I capable of?" I asked out loud while looking at the ceiling as though it were the sky. When nothing came of it I felt like a moron for talking to nothing and no one. This is crazy. All of it.
Then something dawned on me. The Mystic kids go to the Sacred Circle to meditate, ask questions to the Moon Goddess, and better concentrate their gifts. I looked at the time and the sun wouldn't be up for a while longer...so if I went now?
I jumped to my feet and in my scuffed clothes, blood of another being one of the stains, and bruised knuckles I went to the Sacred Circle after being the least sacred human being tonight. Can't hurt right?
I hiked up to the landing and I knew to bring matches with me because I've seen Raine light those candles on the altar, and I'm going to assume that's a necessary step. I lit them then sat on the cold hard ground staring at the slate of night with little idea on where the hell to go from here.
I kept glancing up at the sky feeling like I was being watched by a teacher that shakes their head and tells the class they better read the question more carefully.
For meditation you just close your eyes and try not to think, right? Easy enough.
Don't think. Shit I'm thinking. Okay...don't think. La la la. Meditation. Powers. Hello? Moon Goddess please save me from this. Ugh. I opened my eyes and I swear it felt like an hour had gone by when I'm pretty sure it's only been minutes. I don't know what to do. I'm lost.
"Look, Moon Goddess, if it is you that we serve than my bad for being a shithead to Raine...I know she is, like, one of your sacred children and all that. Are you like the human's 'Jesus', are you obligated to forgive my sins or am I shit outta luck?" I was talking to the air. I look so sane right now. Not a lunatic at all.
"You gave me a pretty shitty start to life, ya know. I have no idea who my family is or where I came from...and you killed my brother, which was really not okay, so can you cut me some slack and help me figure this out?"
I ended up staring at the sky for however long until finally meditation lost and sleep won.
'I smelt cherries. I followed the scent into the forest and tried to find its cause. "Raine?" She is the only person I know who smells of cherries, so it has to be her I am looking for, isn't it?
I paused when I finally reached a stream and sitting along its embankment was Raine with her velvet hair wildly hung down her back, and her petite little shoulders that were faced away from me. She had her feet in the water.
I observed her for a moment. She was humming a tune and it felt familiar to me, though I wasn't sure how.
"And the moon had to run while the wolf chased the sun-" I heard Raine singing to whatever she was humming. She looks beautiful here the way the light captures her eyes the same way the sun glistened over the water's surface that she was beside. She wore white, which added to her glow.
I finally approached her and made my presence known. She glanced up from the water and the blue in her eyes captured me. I thought she would yell at me and tell me to leave. Instead she patted the ground beside her.
"Why are you here?" She asked, but with no malice. "I don't know," I told her honestly. She smiled and it slayed me. That little dimple showed itself to me again. "Yes you do," she told me. "I know why I'm here?" I was confused. "Yes" she nodded then turned her focus back on the water where she flitted her feet beneath the surface.
"I don't know why I'm here, Raine" I wasn't sure why she was so sure I knew, but if she knew why I wanted her to tell me. I watched her for a second like she was some majestic animal I stumbled across. She suddenly had a flower in her hand and she stroked its petals.
"I'm sorry" I told her. The bubbling need to apologize to this girl came rushing out of me. She lifted her head. "Sorry for what?" I guess she doesn't remember our fight. I suddenly didn't wanna bring it up. She's happy and it'll only ruin this. I never answered her, but she also didn't ask the question again.
A minute passed before she held the flower up to my face. "Remember this?" She asked. I tipped my head. "Uh...no?" I watched her purse her lips. "I'll show you" she said, standing up so I did the same.
Raine turned her back on me, then reached behind her to grab my hands and make me wrap my arms around her. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but she is letting me touch her so I won't complain. I pressed my front into her back and ran my hands down her arms until I cupped my hands over her smaller ones. She had the flower in between two palms.
Wait..."Are you talking about the day I helped you concentrate on bringing the flower back to life?" I asked out in a rush. She whirled around and leaned into me, "Yes" she smiled wide.
"What about it?" I asked her. She pursed her lips again. "Here" she told me, going up on her toes to be able to reach my ear and then she tucked the flower behind it. My heart did a funny thing when I looked down at her and took in every feature from the slope of her nose to the tiny beauty mark she had under her jaw just barely visible.
"You're stunning" I cupped her face and ran my thumb up and down her cheek. "You're lying," she suddenly told me. It took me back. "What? No I'm not. You're beautiful, Raine" I tried grabbing her before she walked off. "Raine, I'm serious" I huffed, needing her to believe me.
Raine sat back at the creek and she wouldn't acknowledge the fact that I was telling her something that I don't usually tell women. Not in the vulnerable way I am saying it now. Just empty words when I call a girl gorgeous so she'd give me free airheads or whatever other thing.
But Raine is stunning. She always stops me in my tracks. I mean it when I say it and she doesn't seem to be listening.
"And the moon had to run while the wolf chased the sun, then the sun ran away but the moon couldn't stay-" she started singing again.
"Sköll" she suddenly called after me. I went to her right away, "Yes?" In her white dress and bare feet she walked back over to me and went on her toes again. Taking the flower from behind my ear she twirled it between two fingers then took my hand and placed the flower in my palm.
Our faces were close, and I had the urge to kiss her. I used the hand that didn't hold the flower to pull Raine against me, our noses brushing. "Can I kiss you?" I whispered. "But it's already morning" she said, which I didn't understand until-'
My eyes opened then quickly shut when the sun beat too strongly down on them. I shaded my face and took in my surroundings. I had fallen asleep inside the sacred circle. My dream came flooding back to me and I tried to analyze every word and every action taken in this strange dream I had with Raine.
That flower...was Raine trying to insinuate that we both used magic that day, when I closed her eyes and held her hands, so she could bring the flower back to life? Is that what Raine was telling me? That I've already used magic before. That I already have it all there for the taking?
My mind wandered back to the image of Raine by that stream. What an enchanting looking dream it was. And what was that little lullaby song about? I had to shake my head clear and stand up. Fucking weird. The whole thing. Light magic, dark magic...Saxon called us the necessary counterpart to nature's balance.
Looking down at myself I knew I looked like a fucking wreck. Austin's blood on my shirt and buttons are missing. Dirt stains and bruised knuckles, and now I probably have grass in my hair because I slept on the cold hard ground while thinking I can figure out how to meditate for some damn answers.
Screw Saxon for getting me all twisted up in this. I stomped home and I didn't bother explaining my appearance when Pops Jasper, Conri, and Beta Diego were all walking down the stairs for breakfast.
"Sköll" I heard my father call after me, but I just kept walking. "What'd he do now?" I heard my pops ask Conri.
I didn't hear the rest because I already shut my bedroom door. I stripped off all the clothes I wore and then I crawled into my bed. I couldn't have gotten more than a couple hours of sleep up there. It was only when I tucked my arm under my pillow, and rested my head on it, that my eyes focused on something on the ground beside all the clothes I'd just striped off.
A little white flower.