Warnings: Swearing, Injuries, Angst
Wordcount: 4.8k
You were standing by the door, practically bouncing up and down as you kept shifting your gaze between the landing pad and your phone. You pressed the power button, turning it on just so you could check the time before you looked outside yet again.
Today was the day you had been looking forward to for the past three weeks; your girlfriend was coming home from a mission.
It was always hard for you when she was gone, so you had been acting like an excited puppy all day just waiting for the moment she'd return.
When you heard the roaring of the Quinjet engines, you opened the door and ran like no tomorrow.
The door opened as the jet touched the ground, and you were still running at full speed. As soon as she took a step off, you threw yourself into her arms, almost completely wrapping around her.
You buried your face in her neck, smiling against her as you savored the moment.
"Okay, Y/N," she said, taking a step back.
You nodded, letting go of her so she could go inside.
You reached to connect your hand to hers, and interlace your fingers like you usually did, but she purposely pulled her hand away. Probably tired and maybe a little irritable from the mission.
You said nothing, following her back through the doors.
You expected her to go to the living room and say hi to the others now that she was back. Instead, she went straight to your shared bedroom.
Before you could say anything else, she went to the bathroom after grabbing a pair of pajamas, closing the door behind her.
You were confused, to say the least, but you simply sat on the bed and waited for her.
Once she came out, changed into her pajamas, you frowned as you noticed all the cuts and bruises on her.
"Natty, let me-" you reached out for her, but she cut you off.
"I'm fine." She said simply, grabbing your wrists and practically shoving your arms away from her.
"You're hurt!"
"I said I'm fine!" she snapped, glaring daggers at you.
You almost felt timid in this moment, taking a few steps back from her.
"You'll at least get checked out tomorrow... right?"
"Oh my god, Y/N, I'm fine!"
You decided it was best not to say anything, feeling the pit growing in your stomach.
Whatever happened on the mission had definitely taken a toll on her. She was just out of it now, but she'd be back to how she usually was later.
You loved her, and it'd be okay later. You bit your tongue, stopping yourself from crying in front of her.
You didn't want her to know that she had hurt you, especially when she was already stressed from the mission.
So instead, you changed into your own pajamas before crawling in bed next to her.
"I love you"
She didn't say it back.
Natasha slept with her back to you the entire night, and got up hours before you woke up the next morning.
You'd be lying if you said it didn't hurt, but she still needed her space. So you got up, making your own way down to the kitchen to get breakfast.
You didn't know that that's where Natasha was at the moment, but she scowled as soon as she saw you, immediately getting up from the table and leaving the room.
This time, tears pooled in your eyes as you watched her leave. You wiped your eyes with your sleeve, opening the pantry to get something to eat.
Carol looked at you sympathetically, so she motioned for you to sit by her after you grabbed your food.
"Care to tell me what that's all about?" She asked.
"She's been acting like this since last night," you explained. "I think something happened on the mission and she's upset about it. God, I wish there was something I could do for her!"
Carol was a bit taken aback by your response.
"She's being a total asshole to you, and you're wondering what you can do for her?"
"I guess I am, yeah, but it's okay! I'm sure she'll be back to normal sooner than later!"
You were wrong.
It had been a week since she came back, and Natasha was colder than ever.
She never spoke to you, and would leave the room whenever you came in. The only exception was in your bedroom, where she'd only be in there at night.
Even then, she'd immediately get under the blankets, facing away from you.
You could feel her slipping away, no matter how hard you tried to fight it.
So now, you lay beside her, but it felt like you were a million miles away. You reached out to touch her, but she only scooted closer to the edge of the bed to get away from you.
You turned around too, holding your hand over your mouth as an attempt to stifle a sob. You sniffled, wiping the tears from your eyes.
"Natasha?" You squeaked quietly. Nothing. You hoped maybe she didn't hear you, but deep down, you knew she did; she just chose to ignore you.
"Natasha," you said louder, sitting up. Still, nothing.
"Natasha, please! I don't wanna make you talk about anything you don't want to, but you're completely pushing me out and I don't know why! What's happening, Nat?"
Finally, she let out a long sigh. She pushed the blanket off, standing up.
She had given you harsh looks in the past few weeks, but this was nothing like them. This wasn't the kind, loving, Natasha you had fallen in love with. Now, if you didn't know better, you'd think she hated you based on that look.
"What's going on?" You asked, holding your tongue to the roof of your mouth so you wouldn't cry. "Did something happen on that mission?"
"Nothing happened, Y/N, it's you."
Your heart dropped as she refused to look you in the eye.
"What?" You asked, even more confused.
"It's you! You make me weak! I let you make me weak, and now I'm paying the price! You're weak, and now so am I because of you!"
You couldn't believe the words you were hearing. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop the teardrops that fell down your cheeks.
"If that's how you feel, then..." you couldn't even finish your sentence before sniffling.
Feeling your stomach twist in pain, you grabbed some of your things, looking anywhere but her. Without another word, you walked out, leaving her.
You ended up moving back to your old room from before you and Natasha got together. After that night, you got the rest of your stuff during the day while she was off training.
Since then, you hadn't spoken a word to each other.
During team meetings, you asked Vision to switch spots with you so you didn't have to sit by her anymore. You switched your training schedule so you would never be in there at the same time as her. You even went as far as changing your sleep schedule so she wouldn't be in the kitchen when you woke up.
Currently, you were training with Bucky. You let out a loud grunt as you threw a punch at him, hard.
He was taken aback, but kept training as normal.
You swung your fists again, almost desperate to hit him.
You just wanted to feel something other than the pain you'd been feeling for the last two weeks. You didn't want to feel like your heart was being ripped out of your chest with every breath you took.
You didn't even realize you were sobbing until he stopped fighting you. He tilted his head to the side, taking a few steps back.
You wiped the tears, clearing your vision before you went at him again. Despite your efforts, he grabbed your wrists, holding you tight with his metal arm.
"Y/N" he said, trying to keep you from attacking him.
"We're in training!" You said between the sobs. "So let's train!"
He shook his head no, still holding your wrists to stop you.
"What's going on?" He asked, still refusing to fight you.
"That doesn't matter!" You yelled. "Get back to training or I'll find someone else!"
he sighed, loosening his grip on you.
"If you need to get your anger out, at least take it out on some Hydra agents instead of me. Wanna join me on a mission tonight?"
You stared at him in silence for a few moments. He wasn't sure what you were going to do, but his heart was still pounding when he finally let go of your wrists.
Without thinking clearly, you stepped forward, practically throwing yourself at him as you wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He wasn't expecting this, but he hugged you back nonetheless as you sobbed into his chest.
His heart broke for you, but he held you close, stroking your hair with one hand as you continued crying.
Once you finally pulled away to wipe your tears, you managed to give him a small smile.
"I'll join you."
The next night, you and Bucky made your way in from the landing pad together. The others were all in the living room, including Natasha.
You could feel your heart tighten in your chest, but you wouldn't isolate yourself from your family because of her.
So you sat down on the couch next to Wanda, who greeted you with a hug.
To your surprise, she pulled away, staring at you almost in horror.
"Y/N you're bleeding."
You looked down at yourself, noticing that you did in fact have blood dripping down your body.
"I'll be fine," you said with a shrug, standing up anyway. You didn't want to upset Tony by getting too much blood on the couch.
You noticed Natasha looking at you wide-eyed. You quickly broke the accidental eye contact, looking back at Wanda.
"I'll be back after I get checked out!"
Unfortunately for you, that wouldn't be the first time you came home completely bruised. You took what Bucky said to heart, and started going on more and more missions.
Of course, your head wasn't clear and you weren't able to fight as well as you normally would, resulting in a lot of injuries.
That didn't stop you from doing the missions though; in fact, it encouraged it. You would rather feel the pain of getting hit during battle than the pain of what Natasha said to you.
So medbay visits were becoming a thing once a week, you always had a few injuries that needed to be looked at.
Every time you walked through the doors covered in blood, Natasha left the room, feeling her stomach twist and turn. Still, she never said anything to you.
You had no desire to talk to her either. But you still didn't have it in you to change your lock screen.
It was a picture of the two of you from a few years ago; you both had messy hair and she only agreed to take the picture because you said you'd use a filter. Of course, you didn't tell her which one, so you chose the bunny one.
You had been making out on the bed for awhile, feeling her run her hands up and down your sides as she moved her lips across your skin.
She pulled away to look at you, turning her head to the side in confusion.
"What?" She asked as she lay on top of you.
"You're really cute."
Natasha scoffed, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips.
"See?" You said. "You're just proving my point; you're adorable."
"I am not!"
"Yes you are!"
You sat up, grabbing her arm so she'd sit up too. You reached over to the nightstand, grabbing your phone.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"I wanna remember this moment," you said with a grin. "My soft Natty."
She rolled her eyes playfully.
"I don't wanna take a picture with my hair like this and when I'm covered in sweat."
You made puppy eyes, swiping through the available filters.
"Please Natty?" You begged. "We can even use a filter!"
She was about to say no, but she saw the way you stuck your bottom lip out, squishing your eyebrows together.
"Fine."
Your small grin turned into a wide smile as you leaned close, pressing your cheeks together. You took the picture as fast as you could before she could move or complain about the filter.
As soon as it was done and you showed it to her, she tried to grab your phone out of your hands.
You giggled, making sure to screenshot a few times so you'd have multiple copies even if she did manage to grab it.
"Delete that!"
"Never!"
After a few minutes, she gave up, sighing in defeat as she lay beside you. You giggled again, crawling on top of her. You kissed her nose, resting your head on her chest.
"You are my soft Natty... and I love you."
"I love you too."
Thinking about the memory, you felt tears forming in your eyes.
You didn't want to cry; that would just prove her point that you were weak.
So you wiped your tears, then scrolled through other pictures, trying to find something else you could use as your lock screen.
Just as you found a picture of the sunset you took a few weeks ago, FRIDAY's voice rang in your room.
"Miss/Mr Y/L/N, you're needed for a team meeting."
You sighed, turning your phone off before you could change it. You out it back in your back pocket, making your way down to the meeting room, taking your seat beside Sam and Wanda.
Fury was standing at the head of the table, shifting his gaze between everyone and some files he had placed down.
"I'm assigning several missions for intel," he explained, passing files out to everyone. "I need you all to fully commit to it."
You opened your file, flipping through the first pages. It didn't seem too bad.
However, your heart dropped when you took a closer look at the first page; Natasha was assigned on the same mission.
"Can I switch with someone?" You asked, looking at everyone but your ex.
"Absolutely not, Y/L/N," Fury said sternly.
You internally groaned. Part of you wanted to get out of it, you could probably use your recovering injuries as an excuse.
But of course, that would just prove her point.
You were not weak and you needed her to know that.
So, you read over the file, preparing for your upcoming mission.
When the day came, it was safe to say that neither of you got a good night's rest the night before.
You tossed and turned, dreading the moment you'd have to face her. Meanwhile Natasha replayed your fight in her head over and over, seeing the defeated look in your eyes as you walked out of the room.
You treated your cuts and injuries one last time before walking out of your room.
It was a long walk to the quinjet, and you thought about backing out several times. But you couldn't do that. You'd show her that you weren't weak.
You didn't see Natasha as weak by any means, but if that's what she had become, it certainly wasn't your doing. You'd make sure she'd know that soon enough.
She got there before you, anxiously waiting as she saw you approaching. She fiddled with her fingers, biting her lip as she stared at the ground.
When you looked at her, she bit down on her lip harder. Despite everything, she missed your smile and positivity that you radiated.
You were her sunshine.
Now, she stared at your expressionless face covered in cuts and bruises. You didn't light up the way you used to, instead your mouth was a flat line, staring at her as if she hadn't broken your heart.
You opened the door, going over the files again as she got the quinjet in the air.
For the first few minutes, you were determined to give her the silent treatment. You found an angle that allowed you to stick your feet up without hitting any controls.
She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Instead, she took a deep breath in, pressing the controls she needed.
It would be a long, silent flight.
By the time she touched down, you both had changed into your suits, ready to go.
The mission required the two of you to get all the information they had on their computers, then wiping it. Simple enough.
Fury chose you both to go on this specific mission because you had both been to this location several times, giving you an advantage.
You understood why he chose for you to go with her, but that didn't mean you were happy about it.
So, you walked beside her, entering the base.
As you walked in, your mind was flooded with the memories of your first time coming here.
You had confessed your feelings for Natasha just a week before, and you had been on two dates since then. But now, you were on a mission with her.
You didn't want to screw it up, especially since things were going so great with her. You had been an Avenger for the past six months, while she had been one for years.
You definitely still had a lot to learn, so you followed close behind as she walked in.
Before every corner, she held one hand back as if to cover you. Your heart melted at the gesture, but you knew you could protect yourself.
And, of course, you didn't want her to get hurt either.
As you leaned forward, holding your weapon out, she glared at you.
"Y/N, get behind me, it's dangerous."
"I know it's dangerous! You get behind me cause I don't want you to get hurt either!"
"Absolutely not! I'm not letting you put yourself in danger like this. So get behind me!"
"I'm already putting myself in danger by going on the mission in the first place. Get behind me!"
"No! You get behind me!"
"I'm a trained assassin, get behind me!"
"And I'm a SHIELD prodigy, get behind me!"
"No!"
You both stared for a few moments, desperate to protect the other.
After a few minutes of silence, you leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her lips.
"Together," you said after pulling back. "We'll go side by side."
Natasha smiled, then kissed you again before nodding in agreement.
So, you went together, happier than ever.
Now, you still walked side-by-side. But this time, there was no secret glances, stolen kisses, or brushing your fingers together.
"I'll take the upstairs one, you take the downstairs one," she said. It was the first thing Natasha said to you in over a month.
You opened your mouth to reply, but no words came out. You were too afraid you'd break down as soon as you spoke to her.
So, you nodded instead. Luckily, she didn't say anything else. She simply turned around, heading to where she needed to be.
Since you knew the place, you decided not to look at the map of the base and just went straight for the room with their data.
You sat down at one of the computers and began typing away, wanting to get out of here as fast as possible.
While the data was downloading, you went to one of the other computers. You decided to check their security cameras, making sure everything was going as it was supposed to.
For the first few cameras you checked, everything was good. There weren't very many people in there, and you and Natasha had made sure not to trigger their security system.
However, once you got to the hallway cameras upstairs, it looked like there were a few people just a few halls down from Natasha.
She didn't have access to the camera from upstairs, so she'd have no way of knowing they were coming.
Quickly, you grabbed the flash drive, running out into the hall.
You ran upstairs as fast as you could, determined to stop them from getting to her.
Unfortunately, you were practically out of breath by the time you met them. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't a good idea to go on so many missions in such a short time period without giving your body the time it needed to recover.
But, you couldn't change your decision now. So you ran at them, ready to attack.
You shot at them, throwing a few punches too. You were grateful when a few of them fell over, but there was more coming.
You shot a few more times, knocking even more of them down. You yelled out, hitting them hard.
You had always been a good fighter, but as they began to surround you, it became harder and harder to fight them all.
Soon enough, you felt a searing pain in your back. You tried to scream, but nothing came out. Instead, you stared in shock, clutching your chest as you fell to your knees.
You were preparing yourself to feel even more pain, but instead your ears rang as a loud banging came from behind you.
There, Natasha stood. She shot her gun a few more times, killing everyone who was surrounding you. In her eyes was a look you had never seen before. Quite honestly, it scared you a little bit.
"Y/N!" She said, running to you as soon as everyone else had fallen down.
You looked up at her, feeling the pain spread across your body. You reached your hand up to her, supping her cheek as she held you.
Despite all the pain she had caused you, you loved her. As far as you were concerned, that would never change.
"Oh my god," she said as she noticed the amount of blood coming out of you. Her hands were completely red as she held you.
"Natasha-" you started, but she cut you off.
"You're going to be okay," she told you. "I'm sure the others are already on their way, some alarm probably went off as soon as they started fighting. It's gonna be alright."
You tried to smile at her, but you couldn't quite do it.
"I'm sorry," she said as tears streamed down her face. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you."
You said nothing, but didn't look away from her. A tear fell down your own cheek as you replayed her words in your mind.
"It's not true," she said between sobs. "You don't make me weak, you make me stronger, Y/N."
Finally, you managed to smile up at her.
"You do," she said, still holding you. "I'm so sorry for what I said, you've never made me weak."
When your breathing began to slow down, she held you tighter.
"Just hold on, Y/N," she almost begged. "I can't lose you. I love you."
You tried to say something, but the pain suddenly got worse. Your hand fell from her cheek as you felt the overwhelming pain spread.
Before you could tell her you loved her too, your eyes closed as you succumbed to unconsciousness.
When you opened your eyes again, you recognized the familiar room in the med bay.
As it turned out, you were shot in the same place you had been injured earlier. You definitely should not have been on that mission.
But, that wasn't important now. Instead, you decided to focus on the redhead sitting in the chair next to the bed. She was resting her head against her hand as she slept.
Natasha seemed to sense that you had woken up, so she opened her eyes.
"Hey," you said to her, smiling.
"Hey"
She got off from the chair and sat next to you on the bed, being careful enough as to not hurt you.
"I'm glad you're okay," she said.
She started to reach her hand over to yours, but quickly pulled back.
"Did you mean what you said back there?" You asked, feeling nerves building up in your stomach again.
"Of course I did, Y/N," she said softly. "I can't even tell you how sorry I am for what I said before."
"You don't need to apologize again, it's fi-" you started, but she cut you off.
"It's not fine," she told you. "Something did happen on that mission. It's time I tell you the full truth."
It was a mission to get information, like she had done so many times before. She was pretending to allow them to capture her, knowing she could easily break out of these ropes.
"Black Widow," said the man as he entered the room.
She said nothing, but looked him up and down, raising an eyebrow.
"You'll notice that you may find it very difficult to escape from these holds."
Natasha scoffed, but he kept staring off into the distance. So she looked down, opening her mouth as she noticed the blood dripping down her sides.
Something was in the ropes, causing her to bleed. How had she not noticed this earlier?
"I was right," he said, taking a step closer to her. "You've gone soft."
Still, she said nothing. Only glaring as his lips twitched into a smile.
"I can only guess your becoming soft has something to do with Miss/Mr Y/L/N, am I wrong?"
"Leave them out of this!"
He laughed, enjoying watching her practically squirm like this.
Truth be told, you and Natasha had only recently gone public with your relationship. You had been together for years, but you wanted to enjoy holding her hand in public without the worries of keeping it a secret.
Her stomach twisted and turned and he paced around her.
"My dear, what have they done to you, Romanoff?" He asked mockingly. "The Black Widow I knew would never get herself into this."
She bit her tongue, still glaring as he continued to walk.
"Tell me, Romanoff, when they stole your heart, did they also steal your mind?"
Natasha tried to fiddle with the ropes to get out like she normally did, but it wouldn't budge. Her heart dropped as he laughed again.
Her heart really dropped when he pulled a gun out, aiming it at her as she fought against the restraints. As the panic set in, her mind was racing.
He was right, she normally would've never had this kind of trouble at a mission. And now, she was about to pay the price.
Just as he pressed it against her, she managed to move just enough to grab one of her smaller Widow's Bites, throwing it at him.
He fell to the ground, finally giving her the chance to knock her chair over, getting out of the ropes.
As she made her way back to the quinjet, she only had one thought on her mind; She had gone soft because of you. Because of you, she was weak.
Now she sat beside you, feeling tears in her eyes as she told you everything.
"I'm so sorry," she said again. "You didn't deserve anything I said to you."
As you saw her tears, you reached forward to grab her hand.
"I don't believe a person can just make you strong or weak," she started. "But being with you, has made me stronger. You've shown me that it's okay to be happy no matter how dark everything around you is. You taught me how to love, Y/N."
By now, you were crying too. But, you didn't let go of her hand. You simply listened as she continued on.
"I'm so sorry that I took you for granted, I'm sorry I was so easily able to blame my own mistake on you. I'm sorry Y/N."
Before she said anything else, she burst into sobs. You squeezed her hand, letting you know that you were here.
"I forgive you, Natty. I love you," you said, causing her tears to calm for a bit. "But I wish you would've talked to me."
"I should've talked to you," she agreed.
"For the last few weeks, I've thrown myself into danger, been reckless on missions, and let myself get injured because I didn't want to feel the pain I'd been feeling since that night." You told her. "I was so determined to prove you wrong."
She nodded, wiping a few of her tears.
"But you're the love of my life," you told her. "I've been in love with you for years, and I'll be in love with you forever. You really hurt me though, Natasha."
As mush as it hurt for her to hear, you needed to say this.
"What can I do?" She asked at almost a whisper.
"You've already done everything you can, you can't change what happened." You told her. "I just need to ask one thing from you, okay?"
"Anything."
"Please never do that again. Just talk to me instead."
"Of course, I promise, Y/N."
"Good," you said, tugging on her arm so she was now laying next to you. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, my love."
Natasha was right, a person doesn't determine whether you're strong or weak; but being together made both of you stronger.