Back at the apartment, Kelly noticed the patrol car sitting across the street and hoped that Gregory wouldn't know Matt was here. Matt had retreated to the guest bedroom immediately, and both Brett and Kelly were nervous. Matt had spoken a few words, but those few words were traumatizing words. Kelly can't even imagine having your own sister die right before you and have her blood on you. He doesn't even know how old Matt was, but he is only nineteen, so whatever age that happened was young. Even listening to what he assumes is the fraction and more "clean" version of what Matt has been through was traumatizing enough. Someone like Matt didn't deserve that childhood. No one deserves that type of childhood, no matter what type of person you are.
"Hey," Shay said, walking up to Kelly, who was still staring out of their large window. "The boys are asleep, and Brett just checked up on Matt, who was sitting on his bed looking at nothing. I can't imagine what he is going through right now."
"I can't either," Severide said and then turned to her, confused.
"I read the cue cards and then got a rundown from Brett," Shay said, leaning into Kelly for comfort, who wrapped an arm around her. "She told me he was ten when Christie died. Ten years old when he lost the only person who ever cared about him and then the next eight years were spent in abuse and building bombs to fulfill some revenge fantasy for his psychotic father."
"I only hope he doesn't shut us out," Kelly said, but he already knew that Matt was going to do that. Sure he doesn't know much about Matt, but he already knows he already likes. He quickly learns that Matt blames himself for everything.
~~~
Hundreds of people died. Hundreds of daughters, sons, children, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, significant others, friends, enemies, future doctors, lawyers, artists, teachers, businessmen/women, or entertainers. Hundreds of people couldn't see what the rest of their life had in store for them all because of something Matt did when he was a child. A selfish decision. He didn't want to end up dead by his father's hand or worse, so severely injured that all he was good for was his hands and brain. He didn't know if dying or staying in that life was worse.
Matt found himself in a dark headspace, and as memories of the past and memories of the fire flashed through his mind after another, he didn't realize Sylvie walked into the room. He didn't recognize that Shay gave him some food, or Kelly came in to sit with him. He was stuck in this endless loop of horrible memories, and to him, it felt like he was watching the world's saddest movie and didn't know how to turn it off. He had jumped when something heavy was put into his lap, and he looked down to find a baby smiling up at him.
Matt smiled and looked down to the baby and moved his arms, so he was cradling it.
"His name is Ben," Kelly said softly, and Matt jumped again and turned to his side to find Kelly sitting right beside him with Griffin in his lap. "He's the youngest and the newest of the Darden family," Kelly informed him, and Matt smiled at him and then at the baby and started to bounce him a little. His smile grew when Ben let out giggles, and Griffin had climbed over Kelly's lap to look over.
"They're cute, aren't they?" Kelly asked as Griffin wedged himself between Matt's arm and torso. Matt smiled and nodded and rocked Ben until he slowly closed his eyes.
"B-boo," Griffin said, pointing to Matt's eyes, and Matt laughed and nodded. Griffin grinned widely when Matt had laughed and moved closer to Matt and rested his head on his shoulder.
"He doesn't usually warm up to people that quickly," Kelly pointed out, playing with the hair on the back of his head. Matt only pressed his cheek to the top of Griffin's head and saw his eyelids fall shut. He turned to the bedside table to find that it was already nine pm, so no wonder these kids were tired. Matt shifted as slowly and quietly as he could until he lay on his back with Ben on his chest and Griffin cuddled up to his side. He laid there staring up at the ceiling with both boys, and they laid in silence. He didn't mind that Kelly was still there or that he was watching them.
He knew in the future he would thank Brett for introducing him to Shay, Andy and most importantly, Kelly. He knew they were older than him, but he had never had anyone in his life stay for so long, even after the many panic attacks he had in front of them. Part of him is worried that he is putting them in danger because of being here and associated with them, but the selfish part of him doesn't want to pull away. The selfish part of him didn't want to be alone anymore. He craved this. He desired a sense of family, someone he could get close to and not be scared they would pull away. Sure he had Sylvie, he knew he would always have Sylvie, but he can't help but feel that Sylvie is doing all this out of an obligation to Christie.
Sylvie was always there for him, but she was only there in his childhood because of Christie. He honestly didn't blame her because she was Christie's best friend. They were basically sisters, and their bond ran strong, so to him, he always felt like she saw him as Christie's little brother. Now that Christie isn't here anymore and Sylvie knows most of what went on behind the four walls of their house. Her being a good person would have made her feel this obligation to not leave Matt alone in the world.
She did for about four years. She was always there through the phone, but she got into the CFD when she turned eighteen and left. She didn't want to leave Matt alone with Gregory, but Matt never wanted to hold her life back because of him. He doesn't blame her for leaving, like how he doesn't blame her for distancing herself from the Casey family after Christie's death. But one thing Matt knew for sure was that Sylvie and he would always be in each other's lives because the other person is the only thing they have left of Christie. Somehow, their connection to a person they lost is a key to what was good in the past.
But with Shay and Kelly, it was a bit different. He doesn't spend that much time with Shay, but he knows that she is funny and very protective and caring. When she stayed with him while he was working at the coffee table, she would comment about the movie she was watching, and they were entertaining.
Kelly is a different story. He doesn't know what it is about Kelly, and maybe it was because he pulled him out of the fire, so his subconscious knows that Kelly won't hurt him, but he feels safe in his presence. They knew each other for a week, and every time Matt felt apologetic for something that he knew was stupid, Kelly just rolled it off and moved on. Or when Kelly held him during his panic attack and didn't move him away when he fell asleep on top of him. Or when Kelly stayed with him when he threw up and then passed out and then at the hospital. Or when he went with him for a midnight investigation— not to mention when their face was an inch apart for a good few minutes. Or when he offered that Matt could sleep with him if that made him feel safer. Or at the police station, and when he heard about his past, his grip was firm and protective and not in a harmful way like his father would hold him. In the beginning, Kelly was a stranger, and maybe he does this with everyone he meets, but he didn't leave Matt's side once.
He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand why Kelly is still staying by his side because he is pretty sure he is just a kid in his eyes. He wants to ask because all he has brought into his life was panic attacks and psychopaths for a father. That is usually something people run from. There's baggage, and then there's Matt.
~~~
Kelly walked out of the room when he heard the front door open and walked downstairs to find Andy and Heather walking in.
"Where are they?" Heather asked, looking around the apartment for her kids.
"Fell asleep on Matt," Kelly said with a soft smile and pulled out his phone. He showed them the picture of the boys cuddling Matt on the bed.
"I think we found our babysitter," Andy said, looking at the photo with fond.
"Maybe when the whole bombing thing passes over, but definitely," Heather said and looked up the stairs.
"Go see your kids," Shay said, and she smiled and turned to walk upstairs. "How was the date?"
"Oh, it was amazing. We missed the kids the first few hours, but it was relaxing and long overdue," Andy said, walking around the apartment and picking up his children's things.
"Well, give me a heads up when you need one next," Brett offered.
"Don't do that. It would be every other day now," Kelly cut in teasingly, and Andy rolled his eyes and pushed Kelly's head away.
The sound of tiny feet was heard, and they all listened as little Griffin sleepily walked over to them.
"DADA!" He yelled, seeming more awake and running over to Andy, who bent down to his level, picked him up under his armpits, and spun him around before settling him on his hip. Kelly looked further up to see Matt leaning on the railing, looking down at Andy's and Griffin's interaction with a look of longing, and his heart clenched for him.
"It's getting late. We should go so they can sleep," Heather said, picking up the bag Andy had just finished packing. "Thanks again," she said and went to hug Brett, Shay and Kelly. "Bye, Matt," she said and waved up at him, who waved back. Andy left behind her saying a bye to everyone, and then it was just the four of them.
"It's been a long emotional day. I'm going to sleep early," Brett said with a yawn.
"You're not working the next shift, are you?" Shay asked, and Brett shook her head as she walked upstairs.
"Sleeping in Severide's room tonight?" Brett whispered to Matt at the top of the stairs, who shrugged. "I know what might be going through your head right now, and no, it is not your fault. You didn't plant the bomb, and that bomb would've never been made if it weren't for Gregory. You were forced and manipulated into it, and I know it would take you time to realize that, but I hope you know I don't believe that. Kelly doesn't believe that, and Leslie doesn't believe that." Matt gave her a tight-lipped smile and patted her hand on his shoulder. "I love you," she said and kissed his cheek. "Get some rest, please," she said, and Matt kissed her forehead before releasing her hand, and she walked into the guest bedroom.
"Well, chasing a two-year-old around all day was exhausting, not to mention taking care of a baby at the same time, so I'm going to go melt into my bed," Shay said and jumped off the counter and patted Kelly's shoulder as she walked by.
"Night," Kelly called out, and she waved a hand to show she heard and said it back.
"Get some rest, little blondie," Shay said, and Matt frowned at her. "You may be taller, but I'm older, so your still little in my eyes," she explained, and Matt chuckled and shook his head.
Matt walked downstairs and sat down on the couch, not knowing what to do with himself.
"Coming to bed?" Kelly asked and walked over to sit down beside him. Matt shrugged and leaned back on the back of the couch and looked up to the ceilings. "Come on, you had a very emotional day, and you should give your mind a bit of a break. Let's go," Kelly said, standing up and extending a hand for Matt to take. Matt looked at Kelly's hand and then at Kelly's expecting face and then back to the hand before he sighed and took the hand. He let himself be pulled up but squeaked in surprise when Kelly had pulled him off his feet, and he was thrown over his shoulder. He balled his hands in a fist and started hitting Kelly's back, but Kelly only laughed. "Not giving you a chance to run away," he said, and Matt hit him a few more times and kicked his legs, but it was hard since Kelly had a strong arm wrapped around them, so he gave up. He crossed his arms and pouted and let himself be carried up the stairs—neither boys realizing Brett and Shay at their door watching Kelly carry Matt into his room.
Kelly walked straight to the bed, bent down, and dropped Matt on his back, and Matt managed to keep his pout and crossed arms as he playfully glared up at Kelly.
"You are very stubborn and left me no choice," Kelly said with a shrug and turned around to his closet. "Here," he threw Matt one of his old CFD shirts. Matt, who had just sat up as Kelly threw it, didn't realize something was coming at his face until it smacked him straight in the face. Kelly chuckled and stood there until Matt pulled the article of clothing off and stared at him questioningly.
"You are not sleeping in jeans," Kelly said and grabbed his clothes and went to the bathroom. Matt shook his head, got up, and walked out of the room to get changed and ready for bed. He contemplated if he should wear the shirt Kelly gave him or one of his old clothes.
'He offered— well more like commanded,' Matt thought to himself and shrugged and changed into the shirt. It was more prominent on him, but it was perfect to sleep in. He changed out of his jeans and into some sleep pants before brushing his teeth and washing his face. He walked back to Kelly's room and walked him to find him already settling into bed.
"Turn off the light," Kelly said, and Matt turned off the light and practically ran to the bed. "Don't like the darkness?" Kelly asked with a chuckle, and Matt shook his head as he climbed into bed. "Come here," Kelly said, opening his arms, and Matt snuggled in and got himself comfortable in Kelly's arms.
"They all died," Matt whispered after thirty minutes of silence, and Kelly was half asleep. "I killed hundreds of people because of a decision I made when I was twelve. I didn't want to die at the hands of one of my parents, and for some god-forsaken reason, I didn't want to die. Dying would've been so much easier, and I didn't have to endure all the pain I did, but for some reason, I didn't want to. Because I didn't want to die, now hundreds of people lost their lives without being given a choice. I did that because I thought of myself. Dad always said selfish choices kill people, and I didn't listen and look where it got me. Now there's twenty-four more of those bombs out there, and I don't know what he would do with them. Truthfully, I have an idea, but if he plans on going through with his revenge plan, he will come after me because the last time I was there, the bombs were only half of it. He said these were just the start of all. Is that why he is coming after me now? He doesn't want to wait any longer." Matt confessed to no one in particular. He might be afraid of the dark, but in the dark, he felt safe enough to speak without feeling like he is doing something he shouldn't or disturbing something he shouldn't have. Kelly had remained silent and as still as possible, not letting Matt know he was still awake.
Matt felt tears spring to his eyes, and the words flow out of his mouth without thinking.
"Why? Is the universe punishing me because I once ate the body of a gummy bear first instead of the head? Or is it because I wanted to live and accidentally cost the lives of hundreds of others? Or is it because I didn't make the perfect dinner, get the perfect grades, or the perfect son? I did something wrong because why would mom yell at me every other sentence. Why else would she be hitting me for doing something wrong? Why else would dad tie me down and whip my back until it's bleeding? Why?" Matt was fully crying by now, and Kelly pulled Matt closer to him. "I d-didn't mean of it, Kelly. I-I d-didn't I pr-promise," Matt stuttered out.
"Shhhh, I know you didn't," Kelly said softly and let Matt shift until he was straddling Kelly and had his head tucked underneath Kelly's chin as he cried out all the feelings he had been holding in for the week. "I don't want you blaming yourself for any of this. The person to blame is Gregory, him and only him," Kelly said and carded his hand through Matt's hair with one hand and rubbed his back with the other.
"You are safe here, and we will do everything in our power to keep you here and safe, baby," Kelly said and kissed Matt's temple and continued to soothe him as he continued to sob. "You don't have to bear this by yourself anymore," Kelly whispered.
He continued to soothe Matt until Matt's cries evened out until it was only hiccups and then even breathing. Kelly knew Matt had fallen asleep and hated that he was on shift tomorrow because, after that meltdown, he wanted to be there for Matt to show him that he wasn't alone in any of this. He sighed and let himself fall asleep while thinking of making up for it.