"So Mr. Davis how, how was your breakfast this morning?"
Looking up from the Orbit gum wrapper I had in my hands repeatedly rolling it as if it were a blunt, not realizing shit had become a habit, I glared at my assigned counselor before shrugging my shoulders lowering my eyes not in the mood for his pointless ass questions.
"Shit was aight." I mumbled lowly before looking over towards the digital clock hanging over the door seeing we weren't even halfway through this session, causing me to lean back against the sofa staring up at the ceiling becoming more and more agitated by the minute.
"Alright look, we can continue to sit here for the next forty-five minutes in silence as usually, or you can do something different and give me a little more energy Mr. Davis." Counselor Tate recommended with a little base in his voice, causing me to suck my teeth not planning on budging. "Welp, you can go Mr. Davis."
It's been over six months since I've been in this damn jail, they call a damn rehab. Even though the doctors said it wasn't expected for me to be able to ever talk again or get my movement back, one thing a nigga has always had was some luck. Cause I done been through some shit and it's a miracle I'm still here.
While I'm in here, the one place that is expected to provide a peaceful ass environment, there was nothing but chaos going on outside of here and I needed to get out of here like now.
Nobody has called me about the shit going on with J, assuming they didn't want me to worry, but what they dumbasses don't know is even though there's a no phone policy that don't mean I don't got a phone in this bitch. The hell they thought this was?
"The founder of Beloved Entertainment, known as J, has been charged with three counts of murder, drug and gun possession, and is currently being held in custody with no bail. You know...the usual dumb street nigga shit. That's all we have now folks."
It's nothing like being locked up in here and not being able to physically be there for my people. Not even on no revenge type shit, at this time, but Jeremiah got kids and a whole ass family he takes care of.
And if he were ever not able to be there, I had always promised him that I'd be there to step up for his. I already left him down with this overdose shit, and I'm tired of letting him down.
"Well shit...aight." I lightly laughed standing up from the couch grabbing my little walker I had to use in order to be allowed to get around the facility by myself, got me looking like a old ass man.
"It might be funny to you Mr. Davis but remember, until you get my sign off...you will be right here. Have a good one."
"Sorry sorry, we got a new uh...shipment at the shop just one second."
Watching as Jhene sat beside my hospital bed tapping her leg while typing away on her phone, I breathed heavily glaring over at her causing her to quickly sit her phone down in her lap looking at me smiling nervously, knowing I wasn't buying her little act she'd been putting on since she got here.
"So you gonna tell me what's going on with J's case or nah?" I questioned tilting my head biting the inside of my lip, watching as Jhene instantly froze up beginning to shift nervously in her chair.
I wasn't even mad at the fact Jhene was tryna keep this shit from me, always tryna be in control and protect people she loves from getting hurt. Same shit I'd do. But at the end of the day if they really wanna see shit end with J back at home, we all need to do everything we can for real.
"What are you-...Antonio look, I need you to focus on you right now alright? We're handling it." Jhene softly said looking towards me with nothing but worry in her eyes, as I turned away from her shaking my head slowly realizing I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. "Antonio. We're handling it. So...how you doing in here?"
"I'm doing aight sis, just tryna get my strength back so I can get the fuck outta here and do what the fuck I gotta do."
I know they got me in here to help me get over this drug shit, but they'll never be able to change a nigga not matter how much they try. All the therapy sessions, church rituals, to the near-death experiences I be going through will never be enough to dead this demon I got inside of me.
"See Toni this is exactly what I'm talking about, I know you might think I'm joking but I'm so serious when I say stay the fuck out of this, I mean it. Stay. Out. Of. It. I can't handle something happening to you...please." Jhene's repeated as her voice began to shake causing a tear to roll down her face, as I took a deep breath before slowly nodding.
"Shit...I gotta take this. Be right back."
Watching as Jhene lifted her phone to her ear standing up from the chair, she looked at me for a slight second before wiping her tear from off her face heading out the room closing the door behind her. Watching the door for a few minutes making sure no one was coming in, I quickly reached in my pillowcase grabbing my phone turning it on.
Scrolling through my contacts periodically looking towards the door, not wanting to get caught with this shit, I felt a sense of relief finally finding the number I needed.
"Wassup Rico, it's Toni. Yea nigga, I need a little favor. You still able to get them burners on the inside?"
"Momma Sonia I truly appreciate you refilling my shit every week but, it's truly not necessary."
Shaking my head laughing as Momma Sonia grabbed some scissors from out her purse cutting the extra leaves on the stem, she ignored my fussing as usual making sure her lil project was perfect, just like it was every week.
With everything going on with J, I was actually surprised at the fact she was still coming up here to check on me. One thing I never had in my life was consistency from anybody in my life. But even though I try to convince myself that nobody really got me for real, I truly know that the Neverson family will never leave me hanging. Ever.
"Toni you do know it's okay to like flowers, you do this little fuss every time I come here but was in your little feelings that time I forgot my scissors to clean them up." Momma Sonia looked over her shoulder laughing before gathering up all the extra leaves throwing them out, as I sucked my teeth at the lies that were pouring outta her mouth.
"Um no, that's because if ya gonna do it you at least gotta do it right ya know?"
I'll never admit it but, I do fuck with the flowers a lil. Not that I like flowers or some shit but it's the fact that she brought it for me and it adds a little color to this depressing ass room they got me in.
Not to even mention the lil unrecognizable artwork Jade, Jonah, Blessing and Lyric be bringing me. Got my room looking like a whole ass classroom but I ain't complaining.
"So...I know your tired of hearing how your doing Toni so I'm ask something else...how'd you get here Antonio?" Momma Sonia questioned as she leaned against the window seal staring over at me, causing me to look towards her kinda taken aback by her blunt questioned.
"Well I uh...took a few pills. They I drank some-..."
"Antonio you know what I mean stop playing, you can use those generic ass answers with who ever you'd like but this is me your talking to. Now...how did you end up here?"
How did you get here Antonio?
It's clear that the drugs has got me to this point, multiple times, but why I keep ending up here...I don't know.
"I honestly don't know. I don't wanna keep ending up in this shit. I don't wanna keep hurting the people around me. I don't wanna keep hurting Momma Sonia. But, how did I get here?" I repeated lowly attempting to explain as a knot began to form in my throat, causing me to quickly grab the piece of paper beside me beginning to roll it up. "I guess bad things, happen to bad people. Just a product of that I guess."
Immediately leaning from off the window seal heading over to me sitting on the edge of my bed, Momma Sonia watched as I moved the piece of paper within my fingers before grabbing both of my hands holding them within hers.
"You are not a bad person Antonio. You might not do the best things or make the best decisions but, you grew up forced to survive Toni. You were always forced to do what you had to do to survive. Always on go mode. Always having to be ready for anything that comes ya way. You've been damn near on go all ya life child. But you need to breathe at some point Antonio...just breathe. Come on breathe will me, come on Toni."
Staring at Momma Sonia as she began taking deep breaths motioning for me to join her, I slowly gripped her hands tighter taking a deep breath causing her to nod her head continuing.
Lowering my eyes as we continued taking breaths, I suddenly felt my tensed shoulders fall as tears began to uncontrollably fall from my eyes. Pulling my hand from her hold as I started to struggle catching my breath, she slowly placed her hands upon him beginning to lowly hum at a calming pace.
"I'm tired Momma Sonia...I'm just tired." I said lowly as she smiled towards me before lifting up her hands moving it towards my face causing to flinch, taking a deep breath continuing to stare at me, she continued moving her hands closer beginning to wipe the tears from off my face.
Sitting there becoming uncomfortable as she finished up wiping off my face, she slowly leaned back holding out her arms, causing me to suck my teeth knowing she knew damn well I wasn't a hugger. Eventually dropping my smirk as she refused to drop her hands, we sat there in silence for a few minutes before I accepted the fact that she was not letting up.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly leaned forward feeling my body tense up as she tightly wrapped her arms around me beginning to rock us from side to side slowly.
"No matter what that little mind of yours tells you, you should be here Antonio."
...
"Mr. Davis while I appreciate you showing up, you don't have to be here. With all do respect."
Looking towards Counselor Tate as I closed his office door behind me, I slowly nodded taking a deep breath ignoring those voices telling me to turn my ass around and don't open up shit to this square ass dude that can't in no way, shape or form help me. Doing my best to quiet those voices, I took another breath before making my way over to the couch taking a seat.
"Shit I know dat, but...I wanna be here aight. So you ready or nah?"
Jhene. J. Even Briana, been on my case about trying this therapy shit. I know they all got the best intentions, but something about my talk with Momma Sonia was different.
Instead of looking at it as I need help like I'm broken or some shit, she got me to see that it's more about just letting stuff off my chest. Because walking around with all this shit inside, ain't gonna prevent me from returning back here.
Just tryna break the cycle, that's all.
"Well alright Mr. Davis. So, how was your breakfast this morning?" Counselor Tate questioned not doing his usual routine of grabbing his little notepad, causing me to raise my eyebrow getting the sense that he didn't think I was for real. "Just starting off simple. "
"Had a uh breakfast sandwich, tried to get them to make a lil bacon egg and cheese the other day but that shit wasn't pushin how they be push up on forty-ninth...well I know ya ass don't know bout that shit but yea. It was aight I guess."
Despite they food not being no real pressure up in here, at least it wasn't giving me the runs because they would have to push their little rules aside and order me some food.
You don't realize how much you really value something until it's taken away from you. And after being on only fluids for the first two months, you would've thought I won the lottery when they gave me my first piece of bread.
"Forty-ninth, as in Toasties? Mr. Davis please don't try to play me. The question is what exactly do you know about Toasties because from what your records say, you're from Atlanta? So how exactly did you end up here?" Counselor Tate pointed out catching me a little of guard with him slightly breaking his little white boy with a brief case voice, causing me to unknowingly start to feel less tense.
"Well excuse me, my bad. But I'm from the A and my two brothers was up there with me, well they ain't blood but they still my brothers. But when one moved up here and the other...passed, there was nothing really left for me up there, so I came up here."
"So you just dropped everything in Atlanta? You didn't feel like you were leaving anything behind. No mom? No dad? No siblings? Nobody?" He questioned attempting to dig a little deeper, making me feel uneasy at the fact that this guy was questioning things I chose to leave alone.
That shit in the past.
Saying I have no family was partially true, of course I got J and his people but do I have any people referred to as my people...no. Just liked I'm a fucked up individual, it's only right that I came up with some fucked up individuals.
When I was a youngin life was hard but it was never nothing I couldn't handle, with Amira's dad dying in the army and my her mom's not giving no fucks about the the life she brought into this world, her drunkass granddad was the only thing that kept Amira from going to the system.
"Well Amira's father got killed over in Iraq, her mom's was a crackhead and lost custody of Amira. Ran into one of her mom's old suppliers a few years back and she died. And...Amira and I don't talk." I explained beginning to get flashbacks of thoughts I'd like to forget, causing me to begin to shift in my chair becoming uncomfortable noticing how Counselor Tate had begun writing on his notepad.
"I don't know if you realize Mr. David but I'm picking up on a lot of friction while your talking, your saying a lot of, Amira's this and Amira that...is she your sister?"
"TONI! Go tell your sister that dinner is ready."
Immediately standing up from his bed heading towards Amira's room, not wanting to get into any more trouble after receiving a phone call from school earlier in the day, Antonio repeatedly knocked on her door knowing that her door was kept locked throughout the entire day.
"I'm coming." Amira yelled from behind the door, while Antonio pressed his ear against the door scrunching his face at the sound of her unlocking multiple locks quickly backing up as the door swung open. "What Toni?"
Despite living down the hall from each other, Amira and Antonio never had that sibling relationship. While Toni tried his hardest to talk to her, or at least get her to acknowledge him, Amira did her very best to keep distance between them. Aside from there huge age gap, there were many reasons why Amira moved that was towards him.
"Um...dinners ready." Toni said lowly as he looked over Amira's shoulder hoping to get a view of the bedroom he was never allowed into, causing Amira to quickly step to the side blocking his view becoming irritated by the second.
"You can tell him that I'm not hungry."
"Nah she's my...my mother."
Feeling a wave of sickness come over me as those words left my mouth, I leaned forward going to stand up only for Counselor Tate to beat me to it.
Hesitantly watching as he made his was over to the water filter never taking his eyes off me, breathing lowly he turned over to the filter grabbing a cup filling it before walking back over to me handing it over, slowly taking a seat.
"Your doing great Mr. Davis, that knot in your chest, that's the first the first step to healing, just have to jump that hurdle. I know we don't know each other but I'm on your team, so if you fall I got you my brother. Now let's try this again...who is Amira?" Counselor Tate repeated for the second time watching as nodded before taking a long sip of the water, placing the cup on the coffee table.
"She ain't my sister, she's my mother."
"That'll be $6.79."
Nodding his head as he grabbed a ten dollar bill from out his back pocket placing it on the counter, Antonio waited for his change, thanking the cashier before grabbing his change and bag heading out sucking his teeth realizing he forgot to chain up his bike, as he stared down at the wall his bike was once leaning against.
"Nah nigga that's that Kentucky shit, she was bad tho. AYE TONI!"
Scrunching his face at the sound of his name, Toni turned to see two guys looking over towards him that he's never seen before causing him to immediately become on guard not tryna be caught lacking. Slowly making his way over, he looked them up and down tryna peep what they were on.
"What you in now the eighth grade? It's Greg nigga, from Chester High, I was there with ya moms." Greg reminded Antonio while holding out his hand to dab him up, as Toni slowly nodded his head remembering his face while slightly confused because from what he could remember he went to school with Amira, his sister.
"My bad nigga yea shit cool, and the hell you talking bout? You was up there with my sis Amira. Fuck you talking about Moms?" Antonio questioned while holding a confused look on his face, watching as a stunned look fell on Greg's face, causing him to slowly realize Toni wasn't aware of what he had just accidently exposed.
Despite Antonio knowing of the reputation attached to the Davis name amongst the town, that crack broke up their family, without those fourteen years the incest reputation that had been attached to his name specifically had never caught up with him...until now.
Everyone in Clayton County knew about the Davis family and how Amira's mother got hooked on crack right after loosing Amira's dad, which caused her to lose custody of her to her father, Amira's granddad.
It was also known that at the age of twelve, her granddad got her pregnant and forced her to carry the baby despite Amira not wanting to bring her own granddad's child into this world.
The incest child is what they called Antonio.
"Listen I-...I ain't tryna get involved in that shit man, you know what never mind. You be safe out here aight."
"Good Mr. Davis. So just so I'm clear...your great granddad, took advantage of Amira and impregnated her. But until you became aware of the fact, you grew up looking to her as your older sister. Correct?"
Disgusted, confused, enraged was some feelings apart of the rollercoaster I went through when everything came out on the table. From Amira's mom never fighting to get her daughter back despite knowing her father was sick, to growing up always questioning why Amira had so much hate towards me, to growing up always feeling eyes on me every time I stepped out of the house. Shit was a lot.
"Yea." I quickly said aloud beginning to feel the disgusted knot that always formed within my gut, every time this part of my past was brought up. Feeling my hands began to shake unintentionally, I quickly leaned forward grabbing a tissue from the tissue box on the coffee table beginning to roll it.
"I'm sorry you had to experience that Mr. Davis, I'm sure that took a huge toll on you and probably still does. I'm not here to judge anything you choose to share. I'm here to assist you with the process, the process of healing because in order for you to keep from retuning to this place you have a history of continuing to circle back to, you must go through this." Counselor Tate explained as I slowly nodded my head searching for any bit of bullshit in his voice, not seeming to have pick up on any yet. "Now, are you in contact with your Great granddad or Amira?"
This whole opening up shit is new to me. I remember seeing those kids on tv with parents who checked up on them and actually gave a fuck about there wellbeing, and at a young age I just accepted the fact that I would never experience that.
At a young age, I formed habit of taking anything that bothered me or made me angry, balling it up and sprinkling that shit into my blunt. Cause nobody really ever cared about how I was doing.
"Nah I haven't spoken to Amira since everything came out and Walter...that nigga dead."
Sitting in his car on a late Thursday night, Antonio sat lowly watching as Amira rushed out the house quickly making her way over to her parked car getting inside and closing the door.
Looking back over towards the house seeing the lights were still on, he turned watching as Amira pulled off heading to her night job.
Grabbing his pistol from the console, Antonio slowly stepping out the car closing the door behind him. Gripping the pistol in his hand as he made his was towards the front door, Toni slowly pulled his key from his back pocket unlocking the door lightly closing it.
Making his way towards the back of the house seeing his Walter's bedroom door was open, he blinked his eyes slowly which were now bloodshot read from the three blunts he smoked before heading over.
Stepping inside the room glaring over at him as he laid in the center of the bed snoring lowly, Antonio slowly walked over to the side of the bed leaning forward as he placed his pistol in Walter's mouth causing his eyes to immediately shoot open.
"I'ma ask you one time. Did you touch her?" Antonio questioned as he glared down at Walter, who was breathing heavily staring back up at him with nothing but fear in his eyes. "ANSWER THAT SHIT...NOW!"
Even though Antonio hadn't mentioned a name, Walter knew exactly what Antonio was talking about. Despite raising him as his grandchild, Walter knew his son.
Since Antonio was young he always saw that darkness and anger in him that he was being faced with at this very moment, which is why he always was extremely aggressive with Antonio since he was born. He was scared of Toni's anger, because of that he needed him to fear him.
"Listen. Son. Just let me-..."
POW! POW! POW!
"Um...well okay. Are you open to repatching that relationship with Amira? At least trying to."
Even though I haven't spoken to Amira in years, I have kept tabs on her throughout the years always needing to know that she was at least safe for my own sanity. Despite all the shit she's been through she's made a life for herself, got a house in Vegas, married some scrony white dude and has a daughter.
"She don't wanna talk to me man. She stay over there and I stay over here, she don't want shit to do with me aight. I couldn't even protect her, had no idea shit was going on while I was in the house. What typa man am I? So like I said, she don't want shit to do with me. And I'm cool with dat." I mumbled lowly biting the inside of my lip as I felt a wave of coldness come over my body from those words coming out of my mouth.
"Can you do a favor for me Mr. Davis, I'd like you to name everyone that you feel you have not been able to protect and how you failed. If you don't mind." Counselor Tate questioned as he stood up from his seat walking over to the white board against the wall, grabbing a marker from the board shelf waiting as I scrunched my face at the point of this.
"Uh...Amira, wasn't able to protect her from Walter. Wasn't able to protect both of my bro's when people were after them. My sis, not able to be there for her and my lil niece and nephew cause I'm in here. And uh...this girl I used to mess with, wasn't able to protect her from her father."
Watching as Counselor Tate nodded his head while making a list of everything I named, I crossed my arms looking over the board attempting to figure out where his ass was going with this project he got going on, on this board.
"Mr. Davis, I see similarities in all of the people that you feel you have let down. And you want to know what that is, the fact that all of this is out of your control. You know what I see, I see a little boy who was never protected and instead of dealing with that hurt, he took it and turned himself into a superhero. Trying to protect everybody and everything. But if your so busy doing that, who's protecting Antonio...Mr. Davis?"
Who's protecting Antonio?
Until Counselor Tate drew all this out for me, I'd never realized how many bad things that happened that I had placed on my back.
From not being there for Amira to protect her from what Walter had been doing to her for years, from not being able to protect Brandon which ended in his son not having a father, to way back when them niggas got J and almost took him outta here cause I wasn't there, to me being stuck here not being able to watch over Jhene and the kids like I always promised J, to Shelly who would be here if I had handled her pops when I had the chance. All I ever try to do is be there, but I can't be everywhere.
"Well the superhero thing is a stretch but, yea I do gotta protect my people. That's just who I am. What the hell wrong with dat?" I confidently explained not understanding what wrong could be found in the fact that I find my peace in helping other people, if anything that sounds like a positive ass habit to me.
"When it causes you to end up at a place where you're willing to kill yourself, that's what's wrong with it. Now...I have an assignment for you."
...
"To that tree and back Mr. Davis, don't let these old knees fool you. I can get with you if needed."
Shaking my head as my personal nurse, Susan, gave me the same speech she gives before I go for my morning walk in front of the facility, she smiled before sitting behind the front desk looking up periodically. Taking in the fresh air as soon as that wind hit me, I took a moment thankful I was able to even walk outside on my own.
Gripping my cane being sure to take my time, I began to take a few steps feeling a smile come across my face only for it to drop as my eyes laid on the empty bench I usually sit at, only for it to be occupied by the one person I did not expect to see today. Or ever.
Glaring at Diamonté as she stared back at me with a sense of shock in her eyes, I lowered my eyes seeing she had a sandwich and a bible in her lap causing me to already become irritated by her presence.
Gripping my cane handle even tighter feeling Susan's eyes on the back of my head, I slowly looked over my shoulder surprised at her nodding letting me know that she wasn't going to push the issue. Even though I wouldn't mind if she did.
Diamonté didn't look bad, she look fine as usual. But that feeling I used to feel for her every time I even heard her name was long gone, if anything i'm at a point now where I feel disgusted ever time her name comes up.
"Breathe Antonio." I mumbled lowly as I looked up towards D again, seeing that she had now stood up from the bench. Shaking my head not wanting ant help from her, I slowly made my way over to the bench sitting on the opposite side never looking at her, causing her to sign lowly before sitting down.
"PLEASE I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY BABY PLEASE!"
Even though that night everything went down was and still is a blur, D's cries always stuck with me. I was definitely spiraling that night, and despite all that happen she at least attempted to be by my side. But that wasn't out of love, it was out of guilt. She's not to blame for everything that happened but some of the shit she did do...unforgivable.
"Glad to see you up and moving Toni, it's...it's so good to see you." Diamonté said lowly wiping the tear that ran down her cheek as she slowly looked towards me, studying my arm which was covered in scars from falling that night. "I'm sorry for popping up but, I needed to see you."
"Oh really?" I lightly chucked as I looked up at the sky, enjoying this little ounce of freedom I get a few times a week refusing to allow Diamonte to ruin this lil moment I look forward to.
"Yes Antonio, I know shit got crazy...like real real crazy. But I do care about you. I...I love you Antonio. We been through some things, but what your going through right now is really tough and you can't do this alone. I want to be there for you, let me be there for you. Please?"
When I opened up to Diamonté and she agreed on meeting me halfway, she was signing up for way more than she was aware of. After what went down with Shelly, I never let any female get close to me. So I guess our fall out hit more than I was able to admit until I talked it out in counseling.
"Listen D, I only have a few things to say and I just need you to fucking listen. I'ma apologize for not being there that night and I'ma apologize those nights you cried yourself to sleep cause some shit I did. I had intentions on hurting you. No matter what I want ya to succeed. But this shit, I don't need it." Feeling no remorse as those harsh words left my mouth, watching those fake ass tears running down her face irritated me even more.
"No Antonio. Listen I understand that I hurt you, but you hurt me too. You can't run every time shit gets a little tough. We got too much history to end shit here. No. No Toni." Diamonté argued as her voice began to tremble, slowly moving closer to me she lightly grabbed my chin forcing me to face her. "I love you."
Glaring at D as she stared up at me with pleading eyes, all I could think about was how much I changed myself for her. All the times I went out my way to reassure her and got spit on, repeatedly. At
this very moment, all I saw was someone that took a part of me I rarely give out for granted.
"Get the fuck outta here Diamonté, for real."
Shoving her hand from off my face, I grabbed my cane using it to help me stand up. Looking down at her seeing nothing but hurt in her eyes, I went against my heart as I leaned down placing a kiss on her forehead.
Heading back into the facility holding a stale look on my face as Susan stood in front of the desk with her arms crossed, I sucked my teeth attempting to head towards the elevator only for Susan to step infront of me.
"That's a little pretty thing Mr. Davis, don't know if she's the one though."
One, two, three, four
Kick your door, get on thе floor
Five, six, seven, eight
Don't make no noise, I'll eat your face
"Mr. Davis, I'm not going to say it again, SLOW pace."
Rolling my eyes as my physical therapist, Heather, looked up from her clipboard pointing her pen towards me in a warning manor, I sucked my teeth finishing off my fourth rep of lifting this five pound ass baby weight at a slower pace getting tired of this light workout shit she has had me doing for the last few months.
Even though I drink a lil and smoke a lil, ever since a youngin I've stayed in the gym. With this temper and hot head personality I've always had, I took pride in making sure if needed I could get the fuck down with anybody, not matter the size. No matter how much I lifted, this skinny ass frame always stayed with me which caused many to underestimate my strength.
"Listen with all do respect, this lil high school shit you got me doing probably making this process longer than it has to be. When you gonna left me lift some real shit?" I questioned shrugging my shoulders, as she slowly nodded her head grabbing a thirty pound weight holding it out in front of her. "Thirty? I said real shit. The hell I'm supposed to do with this light ass shit?"
Scrunching my face as Heather stood quietly staring up at me, I lightly laughed before grabbing it from her only for my left arm to immediately start tingling causing me to drop it on the floor. Grabbing my arm in pain, I sucked my teeth noticing everyone in the PT areas eyes were now on me because of the scene I had caused.
"You see Mr. Davis, the strength is there. But when you have damage to your nerves, it's not about who can life the heaviest. It's about who can pace themselves. Go get some water and take fifteen."
Despite being at the point why I really don't need help with doing anything, the only thing standing in the way from me getting compete clearance is these little muscle spasms I be having every time I push myself a little too far.
I know it's apart of the healing process, but not being able to do stuff like lift a weight or open the heavy ass window in my room does get embarrassing at times. Especially since I never needed a soul to do anything for me.
"All you had to do wad say that shit, got these people looking at me and shit." I mumbled lowly grilling everyone causing them to quickly return to do what they were doing.
Heading towards the benches taking a seat, I grabbed my water bottle from beside me taking a sip while I looked around the gym trying to distract myself from the pain I was still feeling in my arms. Looking over at the treadmills, my eyes instantly bucked as I noticed this fine ass female I'd never seen in here before. Big ol' ass too.
Standing up from the bench discreetly raising my arm making sure I wasn't on no funk shit, I smirked making my way over getting on the treadmill beside her knowing damn well I wasn't supposed to be on this shit.
Starting mine on level one, I looked over at her peeping she was walking faster then me causing me to look over seeing she was on level five. Raising my eyebrow, I reached moved up to level six brining me to a light jog causing her to look over at me, slowly looking me up and down before reaching forward moving her's to level nine.
Cutting my eyes at her peeping she had raised her level, I lifted my arm to my mouth coughing lowly wiping the sweat as it dripped down my forhead. Breathing heavily, I moved up to level ten bucking my eyes as I began running like I was on a fucking chase out with the damn feds.
Lowering my eyes seeing my shoe lace had become untied, I immediately regretted this lil game as I began to feel that tingling feeling start up in my right leg . Quickly reaching forward to turn the level down, I placed my hands on the handles as she reached over pulling the emergency plug on my machine causing it to start slowing down.
"Can I ask you something? Is there a reason why you're over here trying to race me?" She questioned as she slowed her machine down waiting until it stopped, before slowly stepping off grabbing her washcloth from beside her patting the sweat off her face, looking over at me with here eyebrows raised.
Fine as shit.
Stepping off the treadmill placing my hands behind my head trying to catch my breath, I lightly laughed before running my eyes over her frame losing track of my thought. She stood at about 5'8, had pretty ass skin, big hazel eyes, and a that typa body that already got me creeping back to my old ways.
"Ain't nobody racing you, shit...seems like you racing my ass though. I'm Toni, you a patient in here too cause I ain't never seen you in here before Ms?"
"Naomi. And no I'm not a patient, I'm actually a therapist here on the pediatric floor. Just up here getting a little work out in." Naomi softly answered grabbing a water bottle from her waistband taking a sip, as I continued to study her biting the inside of my lip regretting mentioning that I was a patient here. "But it was nice meeting you, Toni. Hope you enjoy your stay."
"Wait wait hold up, you finna be here tomorrow, I'm tryna see you again."
Being held hostage in here, I feel like I at least deserve a lil good time for the time being. Everybody in here either old as hell, doped out as hell, or just ugly if I'm being honest. Now of course I'm not finna get no cheeks up in here but a lil conversation ain't never hurt nobody.
"Have a good one...Toni."
"Neverson. Package."
Huffing lowly as the guard tossed a brown package on the floor beside him, Jeremiah sat up wiping the sweat from off his face before grabbing the package standing up. Walking over to his cell bed taking a seat, he grabbed his chank from under his pillow ripping the box open.
"The fuck?" Jeremiah mumbled as he lifted the bible from out the box, confused as to who in the world would send this to him.
Placing his hand on the cover opening it, a small smirk appeared on his face as his eyes lied on the cell phone that had been hidden between the pages. Grabbing the phone from inside the bible, Jeremiah looked around making sure no guards were near his cell.
Turning on the phone immediately going to the contacts, J laughed lightly seeing the only contact that had been put in the phone. T.
"My nigga."
"The fuck?"
Scrunching my face as I woke up to hearing the sound of my phone vibrating, I mentally checked myself for forgetting to turn it off the night before. Looking towards my door making sure no one was around I quickly reached into my pillowcase grabbing it.
Slowly standing up from my bed, I quickly made my way into the bathroom making sure to lock the door behind me and turn on the fan, answering the call.
"You sneaky ass nigga." Busting out laughing as J's voice filled my ears, I felt a sense of relief came over me just at the fact I was able to talk to my bro, while he was up in there on his own. "Damn bible...could at least throw in some damn chicken or something man, you know be giving us dog food in this bitch. But on some real shit...how you doing bro?"
That was J for ya. No matter how deep of some shit he's in, J always got his attention on everyone else and what everyone else got going on. I knew getting this phone to him might be a little risky since if he's caught with it, it's a wrap. But J ain't no dummy, my boy know how to be shifty with his shit.
"I'm good bro, I'm good. Getting back in the groove of things, they got me on a fucking walker but I'll be off that shit in no time. Oh and ya mom's came by too, crazy as ever. But...how you doin bro?" I questioned feeling uneasy at J's hesitation, as I ran my head down my forehead. "You good?"
"I'm good bro. They got me on the murder shit and the gun possession, the judge just keep pushing my shit back. If them niggas ain't fuck with the cameras I'd know I got this shit on lock but, my lawyers probably working up some shit. How Jhene and the kids?"
Being in there not being able to get in contact with nobody, I know his minds racing. I saw the stress and worry in Jhene's eyes every time she popped up here but J didn't need to know that, it wouldn't do nothing but fuck with him even more. All he needed do is focus getting outta there.
"They good bro, everybody just sticking by each other and waiting on you bro. Ya family got ya. Keep ya head up." I reminded him trying my best to tell him what he needed to hear, and not leave him feeling even more worried after this phone call cause of some shit I said.
"This shit hard Toni, this shit fucking hard."
...
"Antonio. Antonio. Nigga wake the fuck up."
Stirring in my sleep at the sound of someone whispering my name, I slowly opened my eyes seeing someone standing over my bed causing me to immediately sit up shoving them away from me.
Taking a minute to focus my eyes on the person as they landed on the floor mumbling in pain, I leaned forward raising my eyebrows able to recognize that it was that nurse Briana knew from the strip club.
"Rubi? The fuck you standing over a nigga while he sleep, you know I'm already fucked up girl." Questioning her lowly as I climbed out of my bed walking over to Rubi helping her up from off the floor, she forcefully pushed me from in front of her sucking her teeth irritated. "It's twelve a.m. what you doing in here?"
"Look just get dressed and come on, be quick though cause my girl talking to the security guard right now and she can only get her little flirt on for but so long so hurry up." Rubi quickly instructed making her way over to my dresser grabbing a black hoodie and sweatpants tossing it on my bed, as I stayed in the same spot confused as to what the hell she's talking about.
If this what I think it is, if this little sneak get away idea was brought to me a few months ago I definitely would have been on board to get the hell outta here. But seeing how my strength was continuing to get better and getting into this therapy shit, I'm at the point when I feel like I've put too much effort into this process to just up and leave like that.
"The hell you talking bout get dressed, the hell going on?" I questioned watching as Rubi heading towards the hospital stretcher she brought into my room, rolling it closer towards me irritated at the fact I have yet to start moving yet. "Hold up...Bri put you up to this shit?"
"Look at you catching on, now can you come on?"
Shaking my head knowing anything involving Briana was bound to be wild, I decided on going with it only because the most excitement I get while being in here is catching a good movie on these twelve channels we got up in here.
Grabbing the clothes from off my bed quickly putting them on, I looked towards my cain hesitating before deciding against taking it wanting to feel like the old Toni for the night.
"There gotta be another way, cause I ain't getting on that shit." Stale facing Rubi as she looked from the stretcher to me with a mug on her face, I huffed aloud bucking at her before hopping on the stretcher laying down shaking my head as she pulled the blanket over me. "This some bullshit."
Listening out as she opened my room door rolling me out quietly closing the door behind her, I sat as still as possible with my arms at my side for what felt like a good ten minute before feeling wind come over me letting me know that we had made it outside. Continuing to listen out as she rolled the stretcher for a little longer, we finally came to a stop.
"Aight you good Antonio, hey gurl heyyy." Rubi whisper yelled as I lifted the blanket sitting up looking around seeing we were behind the building.
Looking towards Briana's car not believing that she actually pulled this shit off, I thanked Rubi before hopping off the stretcher taking my time walking over to her car opening the passenger door and getting in.
"You something else you know that, you are something else."
Running my eyes slowly over Briana's lil pink fit as she sat in the driver's seat looking towards me flicking her tongue, I shook my head at how good she'd been looking ever since she dropped Jason's ass.
Reaching over forcing my hand into her top grabbing her chest smirking as she smirked back, I removed my hand from her top leaning back in my seat looking towards Rubi who had disappeared back into the building. Shaking my head once more, Briana chuckled before starting up her car pulling off.
Even though I never had intentions on this shit Bri going on as long as it has, with the shit I had going on I appreciated having someone like Bri in my ear. She might be crazy but she really a cool as person, always keeping it real and never afraid to call me out on my bullshit which I need for real.
Now the sex was a plus too, like a extra extra plus, it's was rare I found someone that could match my energy in every way possible and that is her.
"Aight I know this shit a tad crazy but don't be mad at me. I just wanted you to have a fun night out okay, I know being stuck in that rehab got ya mind going crazy so look at this as a little vaca. So where ever you wanna go, we'll go." Briana softly said looking over at me with a slight smile on her face, as I held my hand out the window watching as cars sped past us.
"I ain't mad aight? If anything I appreciate this shit, for real. And since you all dressed up, you feeling the strip?" I questioned lifting my hands excitedly rubbing them together just thinking back to the good times her and I used to have up in there, only for my excitement to fad as I peeped the change in her energy. "What?"
Staring over at Briana as she hesitantly bit her lip looking over at me, I huffled lowly already knowing where this was heading. Having problems with drugs and being around people who know, it's only right they're hesitant about being the one to ever trigger one of your triggers.
The strip club gonna be filled with made bottles and made people who just tryna sell their little product to make some money. Even though I haven't had no cravings for shit in weeks, who knows how it'll feel when shits right in my face.
"Listen I know I said anywhere but, I don't think that's the best idea. I'm not tryna over step but-...." Briana began with her voice filled with nervousness, causing me to place my hand on her thigh nodding my head knowing that I got what she hadn't even said yet. "Okay, how about I whop ya ass on that go kart track for the one time?"
"Whop my ass, yea aight that's a bet."
"Just shut ya lanky ass up and open the door for me."
Why Briana was talking all that shit knowing damn well I be picking my peddle, I have know idea, but us paying for the six race pack and only making it through four after being asked to leave cause of Bri's mouth...a damn shame.
But that shits expected anytime Bri and I go anywhere together, she can't calm my hothead ass down and I can't calm her hothead ass down. So we just let each other act a fool in peace, respectfully.
"Stop being a sore loser and get ya ass in the car." Sucking my teeth grabbing the driver's door opening it wating as Briana tooted her lips taking her time getting it, I aggressively slapped my hand down on her ass giving her a little push quickly closing the door before she sent any hit's back. "And don't make me say that shit again."
Being way for so long, Briana was what I needed every once and awhile. Within the last year, I can't remember a time I went out completely clean, and genuinely had a good time. She brought out my old goofy self and gave me a reason to laugh through this dark time i'm in.
Walking around to the other side of the car getting in, I reached down rubbing my hand over my ankle feeling tingling feeling from driving that go kart. Sitting up looking over at Bri seeing she had took off her shoes and faced her towards me, I reached back leaning my chair back looking up at the ceiling breathing lowly.
"How ya doin Toni?" Looking over at Briana raising my eyebrow before turning away, she instantly picked up on my vibes understanding that I didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with rehab, therapy, nothing. "Well on another note, Momma Sonia caught me the other day coming to see you...you know we can't keep doing this right?"
Despite not wanting to, I knew this shit was gonna come up sooner or later. From J catching us that day, to Jhene acting funny anytime she around both of us, to this...shit causing too much weird vibes.
"I thought this was my vacation, stay bringing up all this problematic conversations. Listen, I don't give two fucks about Jason's bitch ass. But for the sake of the family dynamic, we both know this messy as hell." I agreed looking over at Briana as she stared back at me nodding her head, lowering my eyes appreciating her little frame once again I shook my wishing things ain't have to be like this. "Shit finna be hard but, we both know the right thing to do. Right?"
Me agreeing with Briana indeed had nothing to do with Jason because I'd have to respect that nigga, which I don't. But with her still hanging around the family, it's too messy for us to keep freaking around.
"Your right. And we can sit in the car together, at night, in this empty ass parking lot and practice self control...right?" Briana questioned me as she locked eyes with me biting the inside of her lip, while I stared back at her with a intense look in my eyes causing her to discreetly tighten her thighs closer together.
Turning away from her fighting the urge to pull her seat back and fuck the shit out of her one last time, I took a deep breathing slowly running my hands along my thighs.
Suddenly getting causght off guard, Briana leaned over the console grabbing my chin facing me towards her before pressing her lips against mine. Running my tongue along hers she slightly tilted her head deeping the kiss, running my hand down her back until reaching her ass I roughly slapped it.
Pulling her short skirt up around her waist, she slowly removed her hand from my chest reaching down untying my sweatpants as I pulled her black thong to the side pushing my finger inside of her causing her to moan lowly.
"Ya shit stay wet ma, fuck."
Continuing to slowly move my finger in and out of her, she moved away from the kiss pecking my lips before pulling my sweatpants and boxers down to knees bending down deeping her arch as I bit my bottom lip staring down at her.
Huffing lowly at this feeling I hadn't felt in so long, I slightly parted my mouth watching as she swirled her tongue around my tip while moving her hands up and down my shaft at a slow pace causing me to shiver.
"Ya shit so big daddy, touching the back of my throat. Ugh." Briana moaned slowly pulling my dick out her mouth looking up at me with those big eyes, as I smirked pulling my finger out of her placing it in her mouth watching as she sucked it. "This the last time Toni, for real."
"Aight sexy, now put that shit in ya mouth. Good girl...fuckkk."
...
"Now hold up I don't be fucking on everything but, I do find myself attracted to a lotta women aight."
"I understand that Mr. Davis but just because you go to the dealership and all the sports cars look nice to you, that doesn't mean you buy all three hundred cars." Counselor Tate explained as I scrunched my face, finally seeing his point. "You being physical with all these women and you labeling it as you just like having intercourse is a cover up, you my friend don't like being alone with those thoughts of yours. So you meet up with her, her and her, and if they aren't there during your spiral moments...you turn to substances. Simple."
Growing up I was never that guy who looked at sex as exchanging spirits, especially since I never fucked with that spiritual shit anyway. I just always liked the excitement of having multiple women around me, being able to pick who I wanna fuck with and rotate when I didn't feel like fucking with them no more. Just enjoy being in control.
"You right, I see ya point. I do question if where I'm at now got anything to do with my past, with women specifically. I'm at the age where everyone around me either found their person or got a kid. And I don't know maybe...maybe I want that." I explained as my mind slowly drifted to the day I found out Diamonté was pregnant, a nigga was so happy. "I'm not with the marriage shit, but I do want a little mini me walking around. Won't see the bad thing, just will see their dad."
"I hear that Mr. Davis, and respect it. No where does it say you have to get married or be faithful to one women, but like you kind of said, karma does circle back. If you don't want to get married, don't. If you want to continue running around, do that. But from your own personal experience, what happened when you were born into chaos? A child needs stability."
I'd never be able to forgive myself if I brought a child into this world and damaged them, I want to do better and give better that was given to me. I see how J's kids look at him when he comes around, no matter what's going on they good cause their pops is there and I want that.
"You right, I definitely got some thinking to do. But about my spiral moments, how am I supposed to stop that shit?" I questioned as Counselor Tate slowly nodded his head, closing his notepad placing it on the coffee table.
"Unfortunately, it won't stop Mr. Davis. Dealing with depression, there will always be those tough moments when you just really have to choose to live. Continuing to work on yourself and making a few changes in your lifestyle will help but as I've mentioned, I think you should look into starting on a medication that treats some of the things you experience."
Ever since I been here, these doctors been trying to get me on this depression pill shit. I can admit that I struggle with depression but having to wake up every morning and take a pill, is not what I'm tryna do. I might have problems dealing with my mental but I'm not sick or some shit.
"Listen I already told you how I feel about that shit, so you can stop bringing that shit up. With all do respect." I calmly objected becoming irritated, as Counselor Tate nodded his head always respecting when I've had enough for the day.
Despite giving him a hard ass time in the beginning, over the last few weeks I have found myself looking forward to these sessions. It's basically like sitting down venting to one of my bros but with a sober mind.
"Understood my brother, understood. That's enough for today, why don't you get something to eat I heard it's soulfood day today in the caf."
"This soupy ass mac, just nasty."
Scrunching my face in disgust as I lifted my fork watching as the cheese dripped onto my plate like water, I dropped my fork on my plate pushing it aside deciding to settle with the ham sandwich I grabbed just in case.
Taking a bite out of my sandwich nodding in satisfaction, I scrunched my face in confusion looking at the chocolate chip cookies that had been tossed on my table causing me to look up instantly forming a smirk on my face.
"Hey I just saw you over hear eating and I noticed you didn't grab a dessert so I brought you some of these, they're really really good like no joke." Naomi smiled down at me slowly swaying back in forth while holding her lunch tray in her hands, as I looked from the cookies to her nodding. "Well uh...yea. Enjoy your lunch."
"Naomi. Why don't you...why don't you join me?" I quickly interrupted nodding towards the empty chair in front of me, as she nervously looked from the chair to me before placing her tray down sitting across from me. "You look nice, I'm fucking with those lil colors in ya hair."
I hadn't ran into Naomi since that day in in the gym, but that don't mean I wasn't showing up at the gym same time everyday looking for her ass. She looked good in her little work out fit, but seeing her all dressed up was something different.
She wore a fitted white dress hugging all those places that needed the affection, a gold cross chain with gold earrings, her nails and toes painted white, she wore some white red bottoms, and her black hair was highlighted which these white streaks.
"Why thank you, my birthday next month so I'm just trying a few things before I decide what I wanna do."
"Well if my opinion means anything, I the black looks good on you." I complemented her reaching across the table pulling a piece of hair that was out of place, as she nervously smiled thanking me before taking a sip of water causing me to chuckle lightly. "What plans you got for ya birthday?"
It's rare I actually find myself interested enough in a female to actually put effort into getting to know them, it's never anything specific but sometimes it's just something about them. And it's something about her.
"I'm going on a trip with a few of my college friends to Cabo, I've always wanted to go." Naomi smiled excitedly appearing to be thinking about her plans, as I stared over at her nodding my head lowkey waiting to invite myself but knowing damn well that'll be some creep shit. "So, how long have you been in here?"
"A few months, hasn't been the best time but it also hasn't been terrible either. Just tryna get my shit together so I can get outta here honestly. I remember you said you was some typa therapist right?"
Even though Naomi hasn't shown me no judgement vibes, I still feel on edge when anybody questions why I'm here. Especially since she works here, I know she got all those fancy degrees, so there's no chance of me even tryna lie. Plus she a female, so I know she already looked at my damn file.
"Yes I'm a speech therapist, have been here for three years. Got the job as soon as I graduated, with it not being many women of color in this facility it feels good that I am able to be here and help my people." Naomi said proudly pointing her finger towards some of the other counselors in the cafeteria who were all while and Indian, causing me to look over nodding my head. "But I'm glad you were able to find a place to come to, whatever your going through which is not my business, you took that first step and that's all that matters."
"Everyone keeps saying that but, hitting rock bottom was my first step. I almost died. Doctors said I'd probably never walk or talk again, and I think having to rebuild myself was my first step. I was forced to see where the fuck I could've ended up. That was forreal the scariest shit I ever faced. If that makes sense." I lowly mumbled not meaning to say all that, as Naomi slowly nodded her head never looking away.
"That makes perfect sense, many people look at their rock bottom as the rebirth of their new being or in other words, there next chapter. You were given another chance and what you do with that chance is all on you, and you are choosing to be here. And that...is special."
You are choosing to be here. Of course Jeremiah and Jhene is the reason I'm at this facility but, at any moment I have the choice to choose I'm done with this shit and leave. Knowing I have the choice to leave and still being here, I am using my second chance.
"I appreciate that shit, you cool peoples Naomi." I smiled at her as Naomi looked down nodding her head looking at her watch huffing lowly while I picked up the cookie taking a bite raising my eyebrow. "Time to go?"
"See I told you they were good but yes, unfortunately these breaks go so fast. It was really nice talking to you." Naomi smiled standing up from the table reaching to grab her trash, only for me to wave her off letting her know I got it.
Staring up at Naomi as she nervously looked around the cafeteria before looking back down at me, I noticed for the second time how nervous she gets when I look at her for too long letting me know that I wasn't buggin. Shawty was feeling the kid.
"You have a good rest of ya day Naomi, I'ma see you."
...
"I heard you got cleared by your physical therapist, just wanted to extend a congratulations."
Within the last two weeks of being consistent in physical therapy, I'm at a point where I don't need my walker to get around. Despite the little spasms not being completely gone, it's rare they and when they do it's not as much pain.
"Yea but ya know shit was expected, can't keep me down for too long ya know what I'm saying." I laughed leaning up from my chair reaching to dab up Counselor Tate, as he busted out laughing smiling not able to hide his genuine excitement for me. "Shit really starting to look up for me."
"I told you it was going to be a journey Mr. Davis, now I remember I asked you this question when we first met and I just want to revisit it. What are you're plans after being released?"
The thought of getting out always crossed my mind. Would I get out and immediately start back up on that shit or would I really stick to this new lifestyle?
"I've definitely thought about this. I plan to keep the drugs and alcohol outta my life, keep working out and just really find my purpose. Like how I'ma really
provide for myself. And I plan on trying that medication, just see how it goes." I answered with nothing but hope for my future, as Counselor Tate nodded believing I was capable of all my plans.
How I chose to make my money was never specifically addressed, but this man wasn't stupid. I started pushing product when I was sixteen years old. Might've got me into a lot of shit, but it provided as a roof over my head. After Amira found of Granddad had died, she took off leaving me to the system. But I wasn't going into the damn system.
Once I get out and settled, the thought of being being around all the shit that got me here in the first place didn't seem like the smartest decision. J left that life and been doing good so, why can't I?
"Good to hear Mr. Davis. Well that's all I have for you today but before you go, I need you to sign something for me."
Nodding my head as Counselor Tate reached in the folder beside him grabbing a paper, he smiled before placing the paper on the coffee table watching as I scrunched my face leaning forward reading it.
Release Form
X Lorenzo Tate
"You...yo you deadass?" I questioned as I stared down at the form speechless, I stood up from the couch along with Counselor Tate. Holding my hand I shook my head smiling in disbelief as he dabbed me up, before reaching over patting my shoulder. "Shit crazy man, wow."
Staring down at the paper as he waited no rushing it, I slowly shook my head once more before grabbing the pen from beside it signing my signature. Grinning from ear to ear as I headed towards the door, I paused turning around at the sound of Counselor Tate clearing his throat.
"Just because your leaving doesn't mean I'm writing you off, that number on my business card will always be available." Counselor Tate said as he grabbed his business card from his desk, walking over handing it to me as I grabbed it from him nodding my head.
"Oh don't worry, you stuck with me bro. You know too much nigga. Be safe aight."
"Guess this it, won't be back I know dat shit."
Lifting my suitcase from off my bed placing it on the floor, I looked around the room once more before grabbing the handle walking out the room heading into the elevator. Starring at the level two button for a few seconds, I hesitantly pressed it.
Stepping off the elevator onto pediatrics floor, I looked around sucking my teeth at how nicer the kids shit was m wishing my ass was down here from the jump. Heading towards the front desk, I pressing the bell waiting as the nurse appeared.
"Where's the therapist office?" I questioned as she nodded her head pointing to the left, following her hand seeing an orange door with the word Helpers on it I nodded thanking her before walking over to the door opening and closing the door behind me.
Looking around seeing there were six doors, I huffed lowly realizing I didn't know her last name. Spotting N. Parker on the fourth door, I headed over knocking lightly hearing her yell out to come it. Slowly opening the door peaking inside, Naomi looked up from her computer smiling waving for me to come in.
"Hey Toni, did not expect to see you. What do I owe the pleasure?"
"Nothing too serious, just wanted to poo in and say bye before I headed out." I lowly said smiling down at Naomi, as she immediately grinned standing up from her desk walking towards me pulling me into a hug, catching me by surprise. "Preciate you."
Taking in Naomi's smell while my hands laid lowly on her waist, I felt her freeze up as she slowly leaned back looking up at me. Looking from her eyes to her lips trying to pick up on her vibes, she slowly dropped her eyes to my lips hesitating before placing her hands on my chest softly pushing away from me.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, sometimes I just get a little excited but that's great Toni. I'm so proud of you and I wish you the best of luck." Naomi nervously said slowly stepping back turning towards her desk, only for me to grab her hand pulling her back in front of me. "Toni look I-..."
"Naomi you good, I came down here cause when I found this shit out I don't know but I just really wanted you to hear the news. Ain't shit wrong wit being happy for me."
"I know and I love how you even wanted to share that with me, but me hugging you was inappropriate and I need to acknowledge that. I just don't want you to mistake anything, for something else. I'm a therapist and I was there for you as a therapist." Naomi stated with a tad bit of sternness in her voice, seeming as if she was trying to convince herself.
I wasn't bothered by what Naomi was saying, only because I see she takes her job seriously. It hasn't been long since my situation with D, so I have no intentions on even pushing up on her heavy. But I didn't wanna leave without at least saying goodbye. And now that I'm here, I'm realizing I ain't tryna say goodbye.
"You tryna convince me or yaself? Look I ain't tryna press to hard but, I see the shit and I know you see the shit."
Placing my hands back around her waist pulling her against me as she stared up at me, I slowly leaned down placing a kiss on her cheek listening as she breathed heavily in my ear. Slowly pulling away seeing she wanted more, I decided against it not wanting to move too fast.
"Listen your definitely not crazy Toni but, I just need time to think on this. Your just getting out and your very fragile right now, I just don't know. I just-..." Naomi attempted to explain as I nodded my head, understanding that this was a lot to digest.
Stepping away from her, I headed over to her desk grabbing a pen and post-it writing my number down placing it on her laptop screen. Walking past her grabbing the handle, I looked over my shoulder staring at her she stood with her arms crossed appearing to be hesitating.
"See ya Naomi, you be safe."
"Shit lemme call a uber"
Grabbing my phone from my pocket remembering I didn't drive my damn self here, my thoughts were interrupted at the sound of a car horn honking repeatedly causing me to look up smiling seeing it was Jhene.
"TONI! TONI! TONI! TONI!" Shaking my head as she hopped out the car jumping up and down with pom poms in her hands causing a damn scene, I decided against complaining held out my hands pulling her into a hug as she continued congratulate me. "I'm so proud of you, so so proud of you."
Even though she didn't speak on it, Jhene looked at me like I had three heads when I initiated a hug. For as long as she's known me, the most she's probably gotten was a fist pound from me.
"Preciate it sis, thank you...for real." I thanked her pulling away shaking my head laughing, while Jhene quickly wiped her tears knowing I hated when she cried because of me. "Okay okay come on."
I constantly asked everyone to not worry about me, this shit was bad and could have ended terrible. But I was glad I was able to lift a little weight off her shoulders. That luck I always mention, had my back once again. Once again.
"You taking me back to my crib?" I questioned as Jhene clicked her keys looking over shaking her head smiling, causing me to scrunch my face wondering what she was up to as she danced towards the car.
"You're gonna kick it at our crib for a bit, just until you're ready to go back to your spot. Put your bag in the trunk."
Even though I'd been in rehab for months and could use some alone time, I'm not finna argue this one. I'll never admit it but I was a little hesitant about going back to my apartment. There's alotta trauma connected with that place, and I'm was never sure if I was ready to go there yet.
And one thing about the Neverson home, shit was rarely quiet so I was here for the zoo they call a home. With all do respect.
"I mean if you insist." I mumbled lowly trying to hide my excitement as I walked to the trunk tossing my bag inside, before closing it getting in the car along with Jhene as she started the car up getting ready to pull out. "Hold up real quick."
Reaching in my pocket pulling out my phone as Jhene watched confused, I opened my call logs clicking the last person I called before placing it to my ear waiting as it rang ignoring Jhene as she continued to question what I was doing. Hearing the line pick up, I handed it over to Jhene watching as she hesitantly grabbed it holding it to her ear.
"Hello...the hell...Jeremiah? Baby are you okay? I...I miss you so much J."
Watching as Jhene slowly broke down after realizing who it was, she looked over mouthing thank you, as I nodded towards her grabbing my airpods from my pocket placing them in wanting to give them their privacy as I took some time to sit in my own thoughts.
This is my second chance, my rebirth.
...
Thoughts? ☕️