Warning: Strong Language and Sexual References!
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Ary almost turned around and went right back to the motel when she walked into the waiting room at the ICU. Her aunt was there, sitting right next to Luke. Getting him away from her was going to be next to impossible. She was convinced that Ary was solely responsible for every bad thing that had happened to their family. Charlotte probably blamed her for things that happened before she was born.
Maddie was the first one to see her. She gave Ary a smile and waved her over to where their family was sitting. Ary shook her head. Maddie gave a dramatic sigh and got up and headed over to the wall that Ary was hiding behind.
"Hey, I didn't think you'd be stopping by today," Maddie said to her. Her voice was soft and sympathetic, like she were talking to an injured animal.
"Yeah, neither did I," Ary grumbled. She wasn't too happy about being there. She'd seen enough of hospitals over the past year. She'd also seen enough of her family.
"Come over and sit with us," Maddie urged her.
"Mads, I can't," Ary told her, firmly.
"Okay, I get it," Maddie said, holding her hands up in surrender. "Are you at least going to stick around and wait for an update on Uncle Jack?"
"Maybe, I don't know. I didn't really come for that," she sighed.
"Well, what did you come for then?" Maddie asked, giving her a confused look.
"I need to talk to Luke. Privately," she added, in a serious tone.
Over the course of the week, Maddie had come to accept that Luke's involvement with the Bloodbaths was of his own doing and not in result of something Ary did. She didn't know how involved Luke was with everything that had been happening, but she had her suspicions.
"Is this about the...gang?" Maddie asked, lowering her voice to a whisper. She glanced around the hallway to make sure that no one had overheard her.
"Yes, Mads, it's about the gang," Ary lowered her voice in the same dramatic way that Maddie had.
"Was the bomb like a hit on Uncle Jack's life because he was getting too close to figuring out what they're up to?" Maddie gasped, as if she'd solved the crime all on her own.
"Mads, this isn't an episode of Scooby Doo. I just need you to get Luke away from Aunt Charlotte, okay?" Ary had to fight to keep from shaking her head at Maddie's behavior.
"Why do I have to do it? You're the one who wants to talk to him," Maddie demanded, placing her hands on her hips to emphasize her point.
"Aunt Charlotte likes you. She's not going to freak out if you're the one who wants to talk to him in private," Ary said, sweetly. She gave Maddie her best pout.
"What would I need to talk to him about that I can't say in front of her!?" Maddie exclaimed. Improvisation was not one of her many skills. She had to have a play by play plan of everything she could possibly encounter when going up and talking to a stranger. This was no different.
"Tell him you know about his boyfriend," Ary suggested.
"Luke's gay?" Maddie's eyes widened in shock.
"Just go get him, Mads!" Ary said, pushing her sister back towards the waiting room.
Ary stayed back a ways as Maddie went off to get Luke. The genius doctor-to-be walked stiffly away and was smiling awkwardly, like she had a wedgie. If Maddie made it to Luke without getting arrested for being "too suspicious" it'd be a miracle.
It was a torturous minute and a half until Ary heard Luke's voice coming towards her. He was worried about Maddie's strange behavior.
"Maddie, are you-" his voice dropped off when he saw her.
"Mads, could you give us a few minutes?" Ary said, dismissing her sister.
Instead of being offended or upset about being asked to leave, Maddie was thrilled about it. "I'll go keep watch!" Maddie suggested, turning on her heel and jogging down the hallway.
"What the hell, Bella?" Luke asked as soon as Maddie was gone.
"Luke, please tell me that you had nothing to do with the bomb," Ary begged him.
"Are you insane? You think I'd do something to hurt Uncle Jack! Or you or Maddie!" He seemed honestly upset about her accusations, but he had proved himself to be an excellent liar.
"You did broker a deal with a psychotic man that tried to kill the both of us," she reminded him.
"You can't blame that situation on me. I was just as much a victim as you were!" he snapped at her.
"Keep playing the victim card, Luke. Like someone forced you to crawl into bed with Christian," she snapped at him.
Luke's ears turned pink. "What about you and Colt!? He's not a Saint, either!" he accused her, refusing to elaborate on his relationship with Christian.
"He's never even come close to hurting me," she defended.
"He's hurt me!" Luke exclaimed.
"He never tried to kill you! And he's been protecting everyone else in this family," she corrected him.
"Bella! Luke!" Maddie came running down the hallway.
"What!?" they both shouted at her.
Before anything else could be said, Rave came storming down the hallway, right behind Maddie. His gaze was focused on Luke and he did not look pleased.
"Rave!" Ary gasped as Rave punched Luke in the jaw. Luke stumbled backwards against the wall from the force of the hit.
"Luke!" Maddie shrieked. She quickly covered her mouth, hoping no one heard her.
"What the hell?" Luke asked, slightly dazed by the punch.
"Do you know what you did to her?" Rave demanded, pointing towards Ary.
Ary's eyes widened and her heart started pounding painfully against her chest. She looked over at Maddie, who was thinking the same thing as her. He knew. Rave knew about the baby. How long had he known? Had he known when he had called her earlier? Is that why he had been acting so weird on the phone?
"What the hell are you talking about?" Luke shouted at him, holding his bruised jaw. His lip had split and was dripping blood down his chin.
"You're gonna pay for what you did!" Rave threatened, going after Luke again.
"Rave, get off him!" Ary grabbed at Rave's arm and tried to drag him down the hallway.
He shook her off. He didn't even look over at her. That hurt her. He'd never been so mad at her that he wouldn't even look at her. Whenever he was mad he'd always start ordering her around. She could only imagine what he was feeling. She needed to talk to him, preferably before he killed Luke.
"What is he talking about, Bella?" Luke demanded of her.
"Just shut up, Luke!" she warned him before she turned back to Rave. "Rave, we need to talk."
"Damn right we need to talk, but not before I kill that bastard," he said, looking directly at Luke.
"Rave, please!" she begged as tears filled her eyes. She had to fight her emotions to keep from bawling. All she wanted to do was just sit on the floor and cry.
Rave's jaw tensed as he fought the urge to just pummel Luke into the ground. He finally looked over at Ary and the silent tears streaking down her cheeks made him want to gather her up in his arms and never let her go, but he fought that urge too.
"Let's talk," Rave told her, his voice gruff as he walked passed her.
Ary looked over at Maddie, silently begging her to get Luke the hell out of there. Understanding, Maddie helped Luke up and led him in the opposite direction that Rave was heading.
Ary caught up to Rave and directed him towards a medical supply closet, quickly closing the door behind them. Rave paced the room, running his fingers through his hair. He looked like a caged animal that was ready to pounce at any moment. She didn't know what to say, which was a first for her.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me about this!?" Rave shouted of her.
"Because I didn't think you needed to know!" she yelled back at him. They didn't need to be getting into a screaming match, but Ary couldn't calm herself down. All the emotions that she had been trying to push back just came bubbling to the surface.
"You didn't think I needed to know that I was going to be a father?" he growled.
"No," she stated firmly. Rave's glare darkened. He was super pissed. "I mean, you're not going to be a father. I'm not pregnant now, so what would be the point of telling you?" she reasoned.
"Because I had a right to know!" he argued back.
"I didn't want to hurt you! How cruel would it have been for me to tell you that you could have been a father, but I lost the baby?" she cried. She felt bad saying it all now.
Rave just stared at her, his anger leaving him. She was going to shoulder the burden all on her own. He should have known she'd do that. She always tried to handle everything on her own. He was still pissed at her for lying to him, but knowing that she had done it to let him off the hook calmed his temper.
"Come here," he sighed, holding open his arms. Ary willingly went to him and the second his arms encircled her back, she started to sob against his chest.
Listening to her cry, Rave knew that he should have realized that something was wrong with her. She had been extremely crazy and irrational, even by Ary standards. He'd just been too preoccupied with his own problems to pick up on it. He wasn't any better at sharing his problems than Ary was.
When she had cried herself out, she pulled away from him. He let her go, looking her over. She looked like she'd been through the ringer, but she still had that stubborn look in her eyes. She was still holding it together, but just barely.
"I guess we should try and have a civil conversation about this, huh?" she suggested, trying to lighten the tension. "Rave?" she questioned when he didn't say anything.
"How long did you know....about the baby?" he choked out the words.
"I didn't know until it happened. I was only a few weeks along," she assured him.
He nodded, accepting her answer. He didn't say anything, though. She knew he wasn't a big talker, but she wished he would say something. She wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling.
"What are you thinking? I mean, how do you feel about all this?" she asked him.
He paused as he thought about it. "I don't think I'd be good for a kid," he admitted.
"Rave," Ary frowned at him.
"It's okay, Ary. I'm not cut out to be a father. It's just not something I'd be good at," he told her. He had accepted that fact a long time ago.
"Yeah," Ary mumbled. She didn't want to argue with him about this. "I guess I wouldn't be a good mom either. I'm not very sympathetic or maternal."
"No, you're not," he agreed. She glared at him. He was supposed to tell her that she was wrong. "You show your love in your actions, not your words. I've never met anyone who fights so hard for the people she cares about. But...I don't think a kid would appreciate your sarcasm," he joked.
"Could you imagine what our child would be like? The horrors," she shivered.
"A monster for sure. They'd want to start a gang in preschool," Rave said.
"I sure hope I don't ever have to fight to keep my son out of a gang or protect my daughter from assholes in gangs," she frowned, terrified at the possibilities. Being responsible for another life would be hell. She could barely keep track of the family she had now.
"If it's our son, we might have to," he said, wincing. "Now, our daughter? If she's anything like you, I'd feel more sorry for the sucker she's dating."
"Hey, I'm not that bad," she scoffed, slightly offended.
It felt nice to be talking about this. Almost normal, talking about their future children and what they'd be like. It was nice until Ary realized that none of this could happen because it was more than likely that she would never have any children. The doctor said she had some scarring in her uterus so at the very least it'd be a huge ordeal to try and get pregnant again.
She had to be honest with him. This was a life changing thing. Even if Rave said he didn't want them, he might just be saying it to make her feel better about what happened. If he wasn't able to handle the fact that he may never have children of his own, at least not with her, then she wanted to know right now. That way they could end it before they both got too involved.
"Rave, I have to tell you something else," she said, staring at her feet.
"What?" he asked, warily.
Taking a deep breath and lifting her head to look him in the eye, Ary blurted out the truth. "I can't have kids now."
"What?" he questioned, not understanding what she was saying.
"The stress of the miscarriage, coupled with the explosion, it left some scarring in my uterus. The doctor is about ninety percent sure that I'll never get pregnant again," she explained to him what the doctor had just told her that morning.
"Are you okay?" he asked, slightly panicked.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. It's not that serious. I mean, it's not dangerous to my health," she assured him.
"You're sure?" he prodded, panic still evident on his face.
"Yes, I'm sure. They looked me over at the hospital," she told him. They'd been very thorough in their examination of her.
"Ok, good," he nodded, relieved.
"You're okay with this?" she asked him. "I might never be able to have kids. We might never be able to have kids," she emphasized.
"I don't want a kid to have to go through what I went through. If it were up to me, I would never have kids," he explained to her, reassuring her.
"Okay," Ary nodded, trying to process it all. She felt better, slightly.
"Did you want this baby?" he asked, carefully studying her face.
"No, I didn't, but I feel guilty for feeling that way," she sniffed as tears filled her eyes again. Damn it. How did she even have tears left? "I feel like a shitty person for being relieved to have a miscarriage."
"Shh, it's okay," Rave soothed her as he pulled her back into his arms. "You're not a shitty person. It's better this way. There are plenty of kids already in this world that have crappy lives."
"I love you," she mumbled against his shirt.
"I love you, too. Just promise you won't keep anything like this from me again. I almost killed Mason," he winced.
She pulled back so she could look at his face. "You wouldn't kill Mason for lying for me. Would you?" she asked, considerably worried that he might do just that.
"No. I was going to kill him because I thought you two were sleeping together," he admitted.
"What? Why would you think that?" She was honestly perplexed as to how he'd jumped to that conclusion.
"It was obvious you two were keeping a secret and you barely even let me touch you, but you spent all your free time with him. What was I supposed to think?" he defended himself.
Ary let out a very un-ladylike snort. "I should be pissed that you thought I'd cheat on you, with your best friend of all people, but I actually find it amusing," she laughed, rolling her eyes.
"I can't say that I don't think about it. Mason is more...boyfriend material," Rave admitted, embarrassed.
"Maybe to other women, but you're my boyfriend material so don't even worry about it. I love you. That doesn't change just because you act like a jerk most of the time," she assured him.
"You can't just end a compliment without an insult, can you?" he sighed, frowning.
"I thought saying I loved you, despite your many faults was a compliment," she teased him.
"You're lucky you're good in bed, because your personality is shit," Rave told her, and he was only half joking.
"I'm more than good, I'm absolutely amazing. Admit it, I rock your world, Colt," she beamed, not at all offended by his last statement.
Rave let out a booming laugh. He rarely laughed and it always made Ary feel proud that she was generally the only person that made him laugh like that. She had actually never seen him laugh around anyone else. Maybe a slight chuckle when he was around Ty or the kids, but nothing like this.
He stared down at her, a smile still on his face, his steel blue eyes bright. "We're okay, then?" he asked her, his fingers digging into her hair as he cupped the nape of her neck.
"We're better than okay," she smiled up at him as he bent down to kiss her.
They were okay. Ary no longer felt as much guilt as she did. She doubted she'd ever feel completely okay about it, but she didn't need to worry Rave about that. Fighting with her own personal demons was something she'd have to deal with all on her own.
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We're getting closer to the end of this book and I can assure you it's not going to end the way you think it wil. Let me know what you think is going to happen. I'd love to hear what crazy conclusions you guys can come up with!