"Do you mind if I smoke?" Lola muttered, a joint in her mouth, and pulled her cheap plastic lighter out of her pocket.
"Not at all," Láďa replied calmly, adjusting his mirror to get a better view of his attractive client.
"Thanks." Lola said and lit the joint with her hands shaking with anticipation. It was only after she inhaled the intoxicating grey smoke a second time that Lola was able to continue. "You have a very nice car. Bodyguards must live well if you can afford something this luxurious. Does Arnošt pay you a lot to guard me?"
"Not really." Láďa replied truthfully. He hadn't actually seen a nickel from Arnošt yet, but the moment he saw what his job entailed, he suddenly had no problem doing it for free.
"I bought the car on sale." Láďa said with a smile, tucking the wires he had to take out to start the stolen car deeper under the dashboard.
"Oh... you poor thing..." Lola said seductively, batting her long fake eyelashes like a fly flapping its wings while landing on a particularly delicious piece of rotten meat.
"It is not that bad." Láďa said, turning his gaze from the road to the rearview mirror. Yes, yes, Láďa was a very irresponsible driver, but he was also a man. There were no horny nineteen year old porn actresses standing on the road. Then who would want to look there?
"But I still feel like I should... make it up to you..." with those words Lola winked at Láďa and ran her tongue over her shriveled pink lips.
Láďa didn't answer. Not because he was hesitant to accept Lola's offer, but rather because the only thing he could let out of his lips now was 'Come to me, you beautiful thing!' and these words, no matter how horny they were, usually discouraged women... He knew for sure, he had his own experience with it... ample experience...
And so he preferred to remain silent. It was a tried and true fact that a woman in this state didn't even need to be spoken to anymore. She went on with her monologue, and then at some point he took off his pants and that was that.
Lola, who believed that Láďa was speechless, being too overcome by the emotions she had stirred in him, leaned back in her seat in, flattered, and blew out a cloud of grey and white smoke.
"What's your real name?" She asked, raising one eyebrow lasciviously.
"My name is Láďa, no one called me anything else for years, so that's my real name now. What's your real name?" Láďa asked laconically. His name might have been Vadim Sergeyevich Smirnov once upon a time, but that was a long time ago, back in Russia. When he had first come to this country for a few days to settle some business transaction, some drunken gangster had started calling him Láďa, and when he later decided to stay in the Czech Republic, he had kept his new name. His old name was just an unfamiliar word that just happened to appear in his passport. With his new name he got a new life. His birth name died with his past.
"Touché…" laughed Lola, crossing her legs seductively. "I'm just Lola, too."
"Actually... I used to be someone else. The girl's name was Šimona Poláčková, but she was a bit stupid. Lola has a much better life, no shame that girl's gone." Lola took a thoughtful drag from her joint, then added: "Šimona wouldn't be sitting in the car with you right now, but Lola is here and she's all yours."
"I'm honored..." whispered Láďa excitedly, not bothering to glance at the roadway for even a second to make sure no one was crossing the crosswalk he'd just whizzed past.
"Hold on a second... I'm coming over..." Lola said, as if she were a café employee announcing to her customer that his bagel would be finished in five minutes.
Lola then bit her joint with her teeth so she wouldn't accidentally lose it and squeezed forward between the seats to Láďa.
Sitting in the passenger seat and taking a drag from her cigarette, she said calmly, "You watch the road, I'll take care of the rest, okay? Just don't collide with the tram..."
That sounded promising. At this point, all words would be useless. But that didn't bother Láďa, he was used to silence from his last job... the job that put him in prison...
And speaking of prison, which he had just gotten out of yesterday after four years, Láďa suddenly realized how long it had been since a woman had touched him...
Even if the stingy loser who hired him never pays him, he'll still come out of this deal a winner.
While Láďa was lost in his thoughts, which of course he paid more attention to than the traffic around him, Lola got to work and pulled down Láďa's pants.
The single brisk movement with which Lola bared him from the waist down excited Láďa so much that he almost drove his newly acquired car into the middle of the big shop window of a confectionery shop... but let's not be harsh on him, he was in jail for four years, so be understanding!
Lola then used her vast experience from her former profession and started to run her long, fake fingernail over Lada's inner thigh. A pleased smile immediately appeared on her face as she saw how quickly she had achieved the desired result. She was still good...
Well, this wasn't so much about how good she was, it was more to do with the four years of imprisonment again, but let's not spoil Lola's illusions. Even porn actresses need to have dreams.
Lola then took a deep breath, just like swimmers do before jumping into a pool, and put her head in Láďa's lap.
Láďa, still unaware of the dangers of such dangerous driving, dreamily closed his eyes and whispered something inaudibly.
And for a while, everything was perfect in their world. Láďa felt truly alive for the first time in five years. Finally, life had thrown some good things his way, even, as if fortune itself had wanted to grant them that moment of bliss, no pedestrian had wandered under their wheels in the five minutes that Lola's mottled hair bounced around in his waist like an energetic little animal.
But then Lola's addiction caught up with her and she had to stop everything she was doing to take a drag from her joint.
And that's when fortune turned its back on this odd couple. Lola started sucking her cigarette with such vigour that a piece of the hot butt fell off the end and landed between Láďa's legs, right on his sensitive parts...
"Shit..." cursed Lola, trying to quickly blow the burning scrap of paper to the ground and trying to think of some way to make up for this unfortunate accident, although deep in her mind she knew that if a girl made an ashtray out of a man's lap, all the fun would probably be over.
To her surprise, Láďa just stroked her hair gently, looked into her eyes with the kind of lust that only prisoners and sailors knew properly, and said with a smile, "Proceed..."
"Oh, so you like it like this..." laughed Lola nervously. On the one hand she was glad that Láďa wasn't angry with her, but on the other she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to continue what she was doing. She had some experience with this type of men, but she always found them somehow disturbing...
But what? She wasn't going to deny it to the poor man, once she started.
So Lola took another drag from her joint, this time quite deliberately sliding it over Láďa's bare thighs. Then she glared at him with the look she'd learned during the making of a movie called 'Sexy Scalpel' and shouted at Láďa, "You're not going to tell me what the hell to do. Remember, you belong to me! And watch the fucking road!!!"
Then she didn't even wait for Lada to comply with her demands and ran the hot end of the joint over his thigh, saying: "What did I say?! Do what I told you or I'll punish you again!"
"Punish me, punish me..." moaned Láďa, who now had neither the strength nor the will to consider safer driving.
"Yeah, do you like it when a woman gives you a hard time? Do you? Then hold on!" Laughed Lola, who was a born professional. She didn't care what she had to do. In the end, when the viewer, or in this case, the fellow actor, was satisfied, so was she.
"Punish me, punish me..." hissed Láďa, who was now unable to perceive anything except Lola.
"Yeah, so I- Aah! Stop!!!!" Lola squealed as she heard the tram clanking furiously and coming straight towards them.
"Damn it!!!!" exclaimed Lada in surprise and stomped on the brakes with more vigour than a car racer on the accelerator.
And fortunately, so did the poor tram driver, who had once chosen his profession precisely in the hope that the ubiquitous order would erase all unwanted adventures from his life... Well, the boy was wrong. What else is there to say?
The car and the tram stopped just inches away, like age-old enemies who loathed each other too much to touch the other, but still wanted to stand close enough to spit in each other's faces if necessary.
And then, in that precious split second, when the screeching of the tram and car wheels had died down and people were still too surprised to make a sound, everything fell silent.
And then the first sound that came in the midst of it was Lola's passionate cursing.
"Fuck! You sick fucking asshole! Not only you're a fucking masochist, you can't even drive! I understand that you'd like us both to burn here, but I'm not turned on by pain! Can you understand that? Asshole... I already swore once that I'm done with perverts like you, I should have stuck to it... masochists are completely out of their mind! God, what in the world kind of asshole has to get burnt a marijuana joint to have a good time?"
Lola ended her angry monologue with one scornful look.
Láďa, who, though naturally gallant with women, at this point felt an insistent urge to grab Lola by the hair and bash her head against the steering wheel... and that despite he wasn't a sadist. Seriously, Láďa was just a harmless masochist, so you can probably imagine the passionate emotions Lola's insults stirred in him when he longed for something so radical.
But Láďa was also very disciplined, so he didn't even touch Lola, didn't shout any insults at her in return, just pulled up his pants and restarted the car, around which a crowd of curious onlookers began to gather in the meantime.
"What are you doing, you prick? Are you just gonna drive off?" Lola teased him, more out of spite than because she wanted to resolve this situation properly.
"Shut up, you little bitch!" Lada hissed with such fury that his thick black eyebrows joined into one long black line above his nose.
"Don't forget I'm your client, bastard! So reconsider your behavior immediately!" Lola sputtered contemptuously, picking up the rest of her joint from the ground, which had fallen there after the violent impact and fortunately hadn't started a fire, merely being extinguished by the shaggy rug.
Lola lit the joint again and admonished Láďa gloatingly as he began to back away from the tram tracks somewhat awkwardly, "You know that car has rear view mirrors? You don't have to turn your head like a moron."
Láďa just gritted his teeth and, without looking at Lola, with a little difficulty cleared the track for the tram, whose driver had managed to recover from a minor heart attack, and got back into his lane.
When it seemed to Lola that they were out of the greatest danger, she put her feet up on the dashboard and, with a devilish smile, blew some smoke in Láďa's face.
Láďa bit his bottom lip, it was clear that he would have preferred to try it again and crash his car into the tram, but this time for real.
The tension in the air pulsed like hot air over a campfire on a hot summer day.
Fortunately for both of them, and for the whole Prague traffic and its participants, Láďa's mobile rang at that moment and he was forced to stop at the nearest possible place to answer it.
After four years in prison and one near-tragic collision with a tram, Láďa didn't feel confident enough behind the wheel to use the phone while driving.
So he just slammed on the handbrake, his messy brown hair falling into his face, took the call and said almost breathlessly in anger, "Yes?"
"Láďa?" Arnost's shaky voice came from the phone.
"Mr. Veselý? What do you need?" Láďa said, turning the mirror rather rudely towards him and smoothing his brown hair.
"I want you to come to my place right away... I have a problem here that I think you could solve.