Panic attack warning
Leo, Luca and Andrea have spent the whole day with me. Well, Leo and Andrea have, Luca looked like he wanted to be anywhere else.
But all day long, I couldn't get my brother's face out of my mind.
Has he changed?
Does he look different?
Will he be mad I didn't come and get him?
Those were the questions I was battling in my head. Each and every one of them making me more and more anxious for Theo's return.
At the moment, Luca and I are sat on the couch, in total silence. Leo and Andrea left a few minutes ago, Leo to get snacks, Andrea to answer a phone call from Gio.
It's awkward to say the least.
I was staring aimlessly at the tv, pretending to watch the show that was playing, while Luca was sat at the opposite side of the couch, looking at something on his phone.
But he snapped me out of my little daze as he turned to look at me, and I sat there, waiting for what snarky comment he had to say. All he's done today was be an asshole.
"Why didn't you go get Theo with the others?" I wasn't expecting that, that's for sure.
"I just-um-it's a long drive." I responded, beginning to get uncomfortable under his gaze.
"You haven't seen your brother in months, and when you do get to see him, you don't make the effort to put in the journey? That's not very nice." That comment sounded more like Luca. But it hurt non the less.
"Theo will understand." I muttered, placing a cushion from the couch in my arms as I held it against my chest.
"Will he? I mean, his own sister never even visited him." He said, a smug grin on his face as he leaned back against the arm rest.
I felt water begin to form in my eyes, realising that Theo must hate me now. But I still had hope that I would be wrong.
"What you guys talking about?" Leo asked as he wandered back into the room, not looking at me or Luca as he started watching the tv.
"Just a few facts." Luca said, making my stomach churn.
Its true. I've been a horrible sister to Theo. When he was in the juvie in LA, I barely went to see him at the start. And as time went on, I stopped bothering to make the journey, knowing he had gotten into more trouble and the guards would send me away.
"The others will be home in a few minutes." Andrea said as he stood in the doorway of the living room.
With the news, Leo hopped out of his seat making his way to the front door, Andrea following after him.
"Don't worry though little sis, I'm sure Theo will understand why you abandoned him when he went away. He won't think that your a bad sister." Luca smirked. Then he got up off the couch and went to Leo and Andrea.
His words were like a knife being carved through my heart. Theo is not a forgiving person, there's no way he'll forgive me.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I thought of all the different things Theo would say when he saw me. He'd be mad. Call me a bitch. A good for nothing sister. A bad sister...
He always told me it wasn't my fault.
That no one could've know what was going to happen.
But Luca just confirmed what I've been believing all along.
I am a terrible sister.
I heard the front door open. Then the sound of chatter and hello's. I couldn't make out Theo's voice though.
Maybe he decided not to come and live here with his terrible sister.
As the tears in my eyes clouded my vision, I made my way to the entrance, which happened to be where the stairs were. I tried keeping my head down so I could sneak past.
"Liv?" I heard his voice.
For the first time in months I heard his voice in person and not on the other end of a phone call. Glancing up, I saw the brother I had been terrible to.
He'd grown a bit, at least a few more inches. He's definitely over 6ft now, one of his personal goals. His dull green eyes were staring straight into my own. The guilt was eating me alive.
His face changed from empty to confused to rage.
"Liv?" But he still tried to keep his voice soft for me.
This is how a sibling is supposed to act. No matter their own personal feelings or issues, your there for each other.
But I wasn't there for Theo enough.
I wasn't that shoulder to cry on for him. '
For any of them...
As a choked sob escaped my mouth, I bolted up the stairs. Despite the cries of my name and the sound of people following me, and the excruciating pain in my knee; I didn't stop.
I didn't stop till I made it all the way to my bedroom and slammed the door closed, locking it, all without looking behind me. I know Theo was running after me. There to comfort me like a good sibling.
I don't deserve him.
And he sure as hell doesn't deserve a terrible sister like me.
I collapsed onto my bed and hid under the covers, my sobs and cries and hiccups echoing beneath the sheets. In the background I could hear a consistent banning on my bedroom door.
Then, with one last bang, I heard a loud thud.
But I still hid in my spot.
I felt a hand lift up the comforter and a body crawl in next to me. The body cuddled up to me from behind, stroking my tear stained red/brown hair out my face.
An other body made it's way in my little hide out, this time infront of me. Opening my pouring eyes, I saw it was Rina. Her once tan face was now considerably paler, a frown added to her image.
"Shush, it's okay." Rina soothed.
"I-I'm so-r-sorry." I cried out, hugging the arms of the person behind me as tight as I could.
My breathing quickened as I struggled to get air into my lungs. It felt like I was being suffocated. Rina pulled down the comforter from over my head, trying to get me some more oxygen. But it didn't help.
I could hear my name being called, but it was as if I was underwater. I was struggling to breathe and hear anything clearly.
As they continued to call my name, I heard little to nothing, till he started to sing.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
He continued to sing our song as he rocked me back and forth in his arms. His back was now leaning against the head board of the bed, as he held onto me, singing our song.
As my breathing calmed down to a normal pace and my hearing came back, I joined in.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
By now Rina had let the room, leaving the two of us together. It's the first time I've seen him in months and I made it all about me.
"I'm sorry." I kept whispering, trying to convince him not to leave me.
"Why are you sorry?" I heard his soft tone question.
"I'm a terrible sister. I'm so sorry." I repeated, the tears in my eyes flowing like a river.
"What makes you think your a terrible sister?" He muttered as he rested his chin on top of my head, still rocking us slowly back and forth.
"I never visited you. I rarely called. I left you when you needed me most. I'm a terrible sister." I replied, shaking in his hold as I choked back sobs.
"I kept getting into more trouble, that's what stopped us from seeing each other. You did nothing wrong. You are not a terrible sister." He said.
"I was a terrible sister to them. It's all my fau-" I was cut off as Theo turned me around. He had a tight hold of my wrists as he forced me to look into his eyes identical to mine.
His face which is usually cold and dark, but playful around me, was now nothing but serious.
"I have told you before Liv, it was not your fault. It isn't your fault. You are not a terrible sister. You are a perfect sister. You hear me? You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault."
Nodding my head, I tried to turn my gaze away from his. I didn't want to believe what he is telling me. Mainly because my mind said he was right, but my broken heart said it was wrong.
"Say it." He said, his hold on me loosening, but not letting go completely.
"It's not my fault. I'm not a terrible sister." I mumbled.
A grin broke out onto his face as he heard my response. Theo doesn't smile often, so I'm used to a grin or a smirk which acts as a replica.
"Why did you think you were a terrible sister for not visiting me?" He asked as I moved back, now he let go of me. I sat on my bed crossed legs as I looked up at the person I trusted most.
"Luca said it wasn't very nice what I did. How I abandoned you" I mumbled.
One thing I stupidly forgot about Theo in probably the worst possible moment.
His temper is so small it may as well be non existent.
I was reminded of this fact when his soft face turned into a dangerous glare and he stormed out of my bedroom, past the broke door he had knocked down and down the stairs.
That's when all hell broke loose.