J.L
Janelle couldn't make it to our lunch date yesterday.
Not particularly surprising, she is the head of one of the largest social media companies in LA. She is a busy woman.
I remember that was one of the things that attracted me to her from the beginning; her ambition. Yes, she is a trust fund baby, fashion icon and socialite, but Janelle Montgomery is also an incredibly hard worker. Her father may have funded the project, but it is her blood, sweat and tears that built this company.
It is great because she also understood when I was busy and had to cancel or postpone at the last minute. Things with us were always just so easy back then.
How did we get to this point?
I still admire and respect Janelle. Like I said, she is a great girl. She is kind, sweet, tough, opinionated, ambitious, confident, adventurous and accomodating.
She doesn't deserve a guy who thinks about another woman while inside of her.
Which is why I am here.
I get out of my car and head to the private elevator in the underground parking lot. Entering the code, I press for the top floor.
I receive a text from Basimah which is basically her needing space from mom. I send her a "suck it up" text before texting Romeo to save his wife.
Mom has only been there a few days and has been smothering her like crazy. How are they going to survive living together after the baby is born?
The elevator doors open and I walk over to Janelle's weekday personal assistant, Cindy, "Is she busy?"
"No, you can go in." The perky redhead nods at me with a slight blush.
I open the doors and see Janelle working at her desk. She looks every bit the part of 'socialite, business woman and fashion icon Janelle Montgomery'.
"J.L." she smiles up at me surprised and my heart cracks. Her expression turns somber as she takes me in. I take a seat across from her and really take her in.
We haven't really seen each other this week. It happens. I was working late Monday and Tuesday, and she was out of town Tuesday and Wednesday. She cancelled our lunch date yesterday because of an urgent meeting with a client and I had a board meeting that ran late last night. It is what it is.
But I knew I had to do this today.
What does it say about the relationship when you are happier when you don't see them?
Now, I feel guilty.
"Janelle, I am breaking up with you." I decide to rip the band aid off and watch the confusion sweep across her face.
"You and I have just been growing apart for a long time." I totally forgot everything else I meant to say.
"Don't do this to me." She whimpers with tears swelling in her bright blue eyes. I hate this. I hate hurting Janelle. She is truly a great girl and has done nothing to deserve this.
"But I have to. I have to. Because you are one in a million Janelle Montgomery. And you deserve a man that will love you absolutely and worship you like you deserve." I tell her.
"Why can't that be you?" The crack in her voice makes me teary eyed.
"I wanted it to be. God, did I want it to be. I even thought it could be." She starts crying now and I have to restrain from holding her. That would just be sending mixed signals. Right?
"Do not get me wrong, Janelle, I was in love with you. You will always be my first love. And I love you. I'm just not in love with you anymore."
Before I know it she is kissing me and trying to remove my shirt.
How did she get up and around her table so fast?
"Janelle?" I ask shocked as I disengage.
"You just forgot, that's all. Let me remind you how good we are together." I stand up and back away as she tries to kiss me again.
"No. Don't you get it? I want more than just sex."
"What do you want? I've been trying so hard, J.L! What do you want from me?" She is full on sobbing now.
"I don't want you to keep changing who you are for me. I don't want to keep changing who I am for you. I want you to find your happiness. Find that spark I killed. And I want you to know, I'm always in your corner." The knot in my throat tightens as I remember the people we used to be. The happier versions of ourselves who were convinced we were going to be together forever.
"You're not. You're not in my corner anymore." Janelle finally says after a few awkward pain-filled minutes.
"Get out." I want to defend myself. I want to tell her that I will always love and be there for her. But what's the point? I'll only be making this harder on both of us the longer I prolong this.
I look at Janelle and see the girl I fell in love with. The woman who taught me so much. I see one of the most important characters in my life story. But I have to close this chapter. This is where we go our separate ways.
"Goodbye, Janelle." I say then walk out of her office.
I hear her scream and break something, and see the tear-stricken look on Cindy's face. It is breaking my heart, but I force myself over to the regular elevator.
A few people try to speak to me, but it is all a blur. I do not remember how I even make it to my apartment, but once I do, I let the tears fall.
I'm sorry I hurt you. Goodbye, Janelle. I loved you.
And I did.
Arriving in my empty apartment, I finally let a tear drop. Four years. We were together for four whole years. I pour myself a brandy and sit in front of a blank television. Instead, four years of memories are playing in my head. Our first date, first kiss, other firsts. I remember how happy and excited I was to meet a girl who understood so much of my life. Who made me feel like I can do anything.
Sure, our relationship was never perfect, but which relationship is? We never had any big fights though and whenever we did fight, we had fun making up. A lot of fun.
But fun isn't what builds a home. Fun is a band aid on a gaping wound, and unfortunately, our relationship became infected. Hundreds of small fights a month. Eventually, every conversation turned into an argument. Nothing too heated, of course. But constant disagreements wear you down all the same.
Right on cue I get a call from mama. If it was anyone else, I would ignore it, but the last time I ignored a call from mama she flew over the next morning.
"Hey, mama." I try not to sound as melancholic as I feel.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Nothing's wrong, mama." Bold face lie.
"I taught you better than to lie to your elders." She reminds me and I can imagine her soft scolding look.
"Is it Janelle?"
Of course she can tell. Was I really that ignorant? How come everyone around me could see how miserable we were except us?
"We broke up." I admit feeling another tear drop. Saying it makes it feel so real. So final.
"I'm sorry, baby." I can hear the concern in her voice.
"It's okay, mama. Really. We just wanted different things." I assure her.
"That doesn't make it hurt any less, baby."
No. No, it doesn't.
The tears start falling freely, but I try to keep it together for my mama.
"Will I ever find anything like what you and dad have?" I ask through the tears.
It is all I have ever wanted; a love like theirs. A happy marriage filled with love and joy, and a family of my own. But I keep failing. I am thirty-two already and no closer to my dream than I was when I was twenty.
"Probably not, my boy."
What? I was hoping for some encouragement.
"You have to find something unique to you and your love."
"Easier said than done." Maybe I'm the problem. I mean, Janelle was a perfectly great girl, but I still couldn't look past a few issues. Maybe we should have gone back to couple's counselling, or taken a vacation or something to spend time together away from the stresses of work.
"What's going on?" I hear my dad's voice in the distance.
"J.L and Janelle broke up." She answers him.
"About time!" I cannot say I am surprised. Dad was never Janelle's biggest fan.
The two of them start bickering a bit and I smile slightly.
"It's time you find a nice muslim girl. Middle Eastern too. White girls clearly aren't working for you and we want grandchildren." Dad now has the phone.
"You have a grandchild on the way." I remind him.
"From your younger sister. When are we getting one from you?"
"Leave my baby alone. He has plenty of time." Mom reprimands.
"We already had Basimah by the time I was his age. I don't want to be too old to play with my grandkids." Dad stresses.
"Finding a nice girl is not so easy anymore." I inform him.
"Son, if you think finding your mother was easy, you are dumber than I thought."
"I'm trying, dad." I really am.
"I know, my boy. Nothing worth having comes easy. These experiences will make you appreciate it that much more when you find her." That actually gets a smile out of me.
"But don't bring another annoying white girl home or I'll strangle you myself." He adds before hanging up.
I love my parents.
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😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Poor J.L & Janelle
I really hate breakups
Thoughts
Don't miss that star