Ch 14:
Face to Face
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3:13pm
THE SAME DAY | THURSDAY
𝙷𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚗 𝚃𝚇.
"He should be here soon.." Mari spoke, glancing at the phone that she had propped up on the counter since she was on FaceTime with her mother.
Cheyenne nodded with half her face in the camera as she at same Chinese takeout, "About time you gave him the opportunity to get what he needs to say out. Lord knows that man been itching for the opportunity for you to let him speak." She shaded her daughter.
Mari fought an eye roll as she toyed with the drawstrings of her sage colored Fear of God Essentials sweatshorts "Momma, please. It's been a little over a week since he's been out. I should've made him wait some more considering all the sh- I mean, stuff, he did and I had to put up with for my baby." She cocked her head to the side.
Cheyenne just shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head a little. Was she disappointed in the way Samiron had acted towards her daughter for the past few years? Yes, but she also was rooting for him and Mari. She felt like they were better together, especially for Sani's sake.
But then again, she respected her daughter's relationship and she could understand why Mari wasn't going for Samiron. After all, Cheyenne always taught her daughters to never let a man dictate your emotions or hold more power over you than you do yourself — so she couldn't fault Mari for choosing to let her baby daddy go after the way he treated her. Everyone has their breaking point and she'd reached hers.
"I'm just ready for y'all to talk this through so that you can finally establish a smooth, healthy co-parenting relationship," Cheyenne spoke through the screen, picking up a piece of Orange Chicken with her fork and eating it.
Mari just nodded with her elbows on the countertop and looked off, not really knowing how to respond. She felt like nothing was ever going to be "smooth" between her and Samiron again given their history, but Cheyenne's always had high hopes so Mari was gonna leave her to it.
The sound of knocking on the door brought Mari out of her thoughts. "I guess I'll call you later, momma." She sighed, picking the phone up off the marble counter.
"Sounds good," Cheyenne cleared her throat before looking back at the camera and pinning her daughter with a hard look, "and please remember to cut that man some slack. He was beaten and damn near killed in jail and someone was getting paid to keep him locked up — he wasn't in the right mindset." She defended Samiron.
Over the years Samiron had became like a son to Cheyenne. Even though she felt like he neglected her daughter while he was locked up, she still tries to look at things from his angle to avoid being biased. Not only is Cheyenne a very level-headed individual, she also studied abnormal psychology in college, so she knows that people just don't do things for no reason. She was certain that the things Samiron experienced in jail directly effected how he started acting — thus why Mari was getting treated how she was.
Mari sighed as she got up off the barstool at the island, making her way out of the kitchen and to the front door. "I know, I know. Bye, love you." She rushed off the phone after hearing another knock. Cheyenne could go on for hours and she really wasn't trying to hear that right now.
Mari unlocked the black wooden door to find Samiron standing there holding Sani's hand. Her eyes darted between the two, just admiring how similar their facial features are. Sani was too busy clutching his brand new lime colored plush dinosaur to notice his mom but when he finally did a huge smile spread on his face.
"Ma!" He beamed, letting his dad's hand go and flinging his small body at Mari. She chuckled and scooped him up in her arms. He'd only been away from his mom since last night when she finally caved and let him stay over Samiron's house for the first time, but Sani still acted like it had been weeks and not hours since he last saw her.
"Hi my baby," Mari peppered kisses all over his chubby cheeks, "did you miss me?" She pulled her head back to look him in the face, already knowing the answer to her own question. Samiron tucked his hands into the pocket of his white Off-White hoodie and smiled at the two.
"Of couwse I miss-ed you." Sani wrapped both arms around her neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I hope you were good for daddy." She gave him a knowing look.
"Mhm!" He nodded before looking at Samiron, "I good, wight da?"
"Yea he was." Samiron nodded and smiled at him before turning his attention towards Mari and continuing to stare as usual. There was no ignoring or brushing off his stare, and Mari could practically feel his eyes studying every inch her face as if it was the first time he'd ever seen her.
Thank god my momma isn't here, Mari thought to herself, knowing Cheyenne would've made a smart comment about his staring. Cheyenne always used to tease Mari about the way Samiron looks at her. She swore up and down that he always looked at her like he'd seen heaven for the first time, even when Mari wasn't even paying attention, and Cheyenne found that adorable.
Mari stepped out of Samirons way and motioned him into the house. As soon as he stepped in the smell of his Dior Sauvage cologne instantly filled the air around her and Mari had to close her eyes and take a deep breath — the unlucky coincidence that both him and Savior wore the same cologne.
Mari set Sani down and closed the door, suddenly feeling naked even though she was wearing shorts and a black SKIMS cotton rib tank top. She always felt so vulnerable around Samiron considering they used to be extremely intimate, and now theres an awkward energy hanging between them. Mari pushed those thoughts to the side and looked down at Sani who was trying to get her attention.
Samiron nodded at him to speak, a little smirk pulling at his lips. "We get you some-ting." Sani smiled at his mom. Mari shared her son's smile and cocked her head to the side expectantly.
Sani handed his dad the dinosaur toy and held his arms out. Samiron chuckled and moved his arms from behind his back to reveal a large bouquet of red and white roses. "Here mama," Sani took the bouquet and held it out for her. Mari's mouth dropped open and she gladly bent down to retrieve the roses from Sani who could barely carry them.
"You're so sweet! Thank you, baby boy." She kneeled down and used her free arm to hug Sani while kissing his cheeks over and over.
"You welcome." He smiled and kissed her cheek back.
"Damn so he gets all the credit?" Samiron teased, making a small chuckle escape from Mari as she stood up. The slight blush on her cheeks boosted Mir's ego and he felt all warm inside. As long as she wasn't yelling or cussing him out, he would take whatever sweet gesture Mari would give him.
Mari caught herself blushing and pursed her lips to the side. "Thank you too." She cocked her head to the side as she stared into his eyes. She hated how nice he was being because it was going to make this conversation that much harder.
The reminder of why Samiron was here made the smile instantly fall from her lips. Samiron himself felt the mood shift that was bound to happen. Mari let out a little sigh and bent down to get Sani's attention again. "Me and daddy need to talk about something serious, baby. Can you go upstairs and play for a little?" She spoke with her hand on his arm.
Sani knew his mom was serious just by being able to sense her tone. So he nodded and turned towards his dad, giving him a short hug and taking the dinosaur toy that Samiron was handing him. Both parents watched him walk up the stairs and as soon as he disappeared down the hall, Mari headed towards the living room with Samiron following.
Samiron took a seat on the couch and leaned back, stretching his arms over the back as he watched Mari take the roses out of the packaging and cut the ends. She took the flower vase that sat on the glass coffee table into the kitchen. She tossed the old lilies out and refilled the vase with new water before putting the roses in and setting it back on the coffee table. After throwing the trash away and busying herself with whatever she could, she sat on the couch adjacent to Samiron and crossed her feet at her ankles.
Silence passed between the two and everything that was still unsaid hung in the air between them. A lot of questions had to be asked and a lot of answers still deserved to be heard.
"Why?" Mari finally broke the silence, averting Samiron's attention away from the wall in front of him and to her, "Why did you do it?" She asked again, but this time her voice held a pleading tone.
Samiron sighed and opened his mouth to speak but Mari put her hand up, not even really wanting to hear his response yet. "I loved you, Samiron. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life before. You knew what I dealt with, with both of my ex's. I didn't know how to be in a relationship and I kept choosing the wrong people. But then I met you."
Mari looked Samiron dead in the eye as she spoke. This was her opportunity to finally get all her frustration and sadness out. All those nights of crying, holding Sani and wondering why his father hated her so much, being told by everyone around her that he really did love her, yet his words showed different, listening to his distasteful tone over the phone, him speaking to her like he couldn't be bothered by her — this was her chance to finally confront the issue; Samiron.
"Messiah murdered my brother in cold blood and I was still sleeping in the same bed as him, not knowing he was the reason my brother was gone. TK sexually assaulted me, cheated on me with multiple females, embarrassed me, used me and went as far as making you believe I cheated — after all the shit I've been through with niggas, I should've gave the up, but I still gave you my heart!" Mari raised her voice, "and for what? All those feelings and all that time I spent getting you to see that I'm not gonna let you down like so many people have and for what? For you to treat me as if I meant nothing to you as soon as you get behind bars." Mari spoke, an unwanted tear slipping down her face.
Samiron wanted to get up and pull her into his chest. He hated seeing her cry and he hated being the reason behind her tears even more. But he knew Mari's anger was warranted. She didn't yell, cry or get angry for no reason. Samiron had provoked her and pushed her over the edge, so now he had to feel her wrath. Even though she felt like this didn't even amount to the pain he'd caused her.
Mari sniffled and wiped her tears. She believed she'd wasted enough on him but she was overwhelmed with emotions. "You were my endgame. My person. I felt like god put me through all that shit with those other boys to find you," she shook her head, "You don't know how that felt. Having to listen to the one person you thought was going to hold your heart and actually take care of it — having them remind you why you should've never gave it to them in the first place." Her voice was barely above a whisper at this point but Samiron heard her loud and clear, and every word dug the knife deeper into his heart.
"Mari.." Samiron ran his hand over his face, not even being able to conjure up a response. He knew he had hurt her, maybe even beyond repair, but that was based off of other people's observations while he was in prison. But to hear it out of her own mouth, he felt like the lowest of the low and he understood why Mari choose to move on instead of wait for him because deep down, he knew he wouldn't have even waited for himself.
Samiron couldn't form a response so Mari continued, knowing she needed to get all of this out at once because the tears were going to start flowing any second now. "I can't even put into words how I felt.. Sani had to watch me cry my eyes out every time you hung up in my face or bashed me over the phone or belittled me — he heard all of that. What he didn't know is that his dad was the one who said it, who broke me like that." Mari's voice cracked and tears blurred her vision as she recalled two year old Sani crawling into her bed at night and wrapping his little arms around her.
Sani obviously hadn't realize it then and he probably isn't going to for a while with him being so young, but he really did save Mari from falling down a hole that no one would've been able to get her out of. He gave his mom purpose and gave her the strength to get up and pick up the pieces.
Samiron dropped his head down as he rested his forearms on his knees. Mari was torturing him simply with her words, but no matter how deep each word sank he still sat there and took it, knowing it was the least he could do after what she had to listen to over the phone from him.
"I was lost, Mari," he finally spoke after a beat of silence, "There's no excuse for me treating you like that, but I had no direction. I was gonna spend the rest of my life in a living hell, so I gave up. I stopped caring and the guards basically had to drag me out of my cell every time someone came to visit me because I had given up." Samiron spoke solemnly, glancing up at Mari to see her eyes trained down in her lap.
"But when you came to visit me or called me on the phone?" Samiron chuckled and shook his head as if he was speaking to himself, "that was the definition of torture. It was worse than any beating or stabbing I could've took. Having something you want so bad, be so close yet so far away from you at the same time. Seeing your pretty ass face and hearing that soft voice always reminded me of everything I was missing and all the time I wasn't going to get back."
Mari sniffled again as she held her head in her hands. Torturous words were being thrown on either side of the room. Mari felt like she had Samiron all figured out, until now. A dusted box of old emotions and feelings were being opened back up and Mari felt sick to her stomach. She hated recalling how she used to feel over Samiron and how the pain her heart was in was worse than ever before. But she also knew she would never really move on if she never addressed her old emotions.
"I wish I could give you a geniune reason as to why I said all that shit ma but I can't. The only thing I could tell you is that I gave up. Niggas were walking in and out of there, coming to visit me every week, putting money on my books and constantly reminding me that I had a family out there waiting for me. But all that did was sink me deeper into this hole." He sighed and swallowed the lump in his throat.
"And as soon as that realization set in — the realization that I would never get to lay between you and our son again, I would never be able to drop Sani off to school, I would never wake up to the both of y'all again, I would never wake up to you again — that realization? That's when I started speaking to you the way I did.. because I had accepted my fate yet you kept trying to give me hope and it was fucking with my head." Samiron took a deep breath and glanced up at Mari who was now staring at him teary eyed with her bottom lip poking out.
He looked into her eyes as he spoke, wanting her to feel every word that was coming out of his mouth just as she did to him. "Here I am, telling myself that by the time I get out, if I don't die before I get the chance to, my kid will probably have kids. But you? You kept telling me we could be together man, we could still be a family.. and we couldn't. We couldn't ever be a family again. Not with the position I put myself in," he let out a bitter chuckle and ran a hand over his face, "So I did the only thing I knew how — I pushed you and pushed you until you couldn't stand it anymore and you gave up on me just like I'd given up."
Mari shook her head and looked away from Samiron, not being able to stare at his glossy eyes anymore. She could understand him but she couldn't at the same time. "Why didn't you fight?" She sniffed, still looking away from him, "I would've fought for you 'till the end of time. I did fight for you until you gave up."
Samiron sighed, "I tried fighting, man. None of y'all will ever get it. If y'all were dealing with the shit I dealt with, you would understand why I had no fight in me left. From solitary, to my cell, to getting jumped, back to solitary, to the bathroom, almost getting stabbed, back to solitary — how did I even have the energy to get up every morning let alone have the energy to believe someone was going to help get me out?" He looked towards Mari who avoided eye contact.
"I have marks all over my body, marks that will never go away, constantly reminding me of the years I spent wasting my life when I could've been here with you, with our family." Samiron stared down in his lap.
"I just wanted you to fight for me." Mari finally whispered after a few moments of silence and looked to see Samiron already looking up at her, "I loved the hell out of you, Mir. And you threw it back in my face. I get it, you dealt with so much unimaginable shit and you're lucky to even be alive. But you can't come back and expect me to accept you back into my life with open arms. The damage has been done, on both ends, and it's irreversible."
Samiron shook his head denyingly and got up from the couch to sit right next to Mari "Don't say that. Don't say it's irreversible. You know it's not, baby. You just said it — I'm your person and your mine, Mari. Don't throw that shit away."
Mari shook her head and looked to the side, avoiding his gaze. It was harder to speak or form coherent thoughts or words when Samiron's eyes were boring into her soul but Mari knew if she folded now she'd regret it later.
"I'm not throwing anything away, Samiron. I'm moving on. There's a difference. Throwing us away would mean forgetting you and everything you taught me about myself, and I'm not. I'm just leaving us," she motioned between them with her finger, "in the past."
"We have history, ma. History and a love that people yearn for and spend lifetimes looking for. You would be tossing that out and I'm not gon' let you do that." Samiron put his fingers on Mari's chin and turned her head to face him.
She gave him a soft, apologetic smile, her eyes tracing the scar he had along the bottom of his jaw. "We had love, but that's history now. Like I said, I'm not gonna forget what we had between us because our baby came from it. I'm just choosing to move past that."
"I can't keep trying to peace together dead weight and watch this relationship slip through my fingers again," Samiron opened his mouth to speak but Mari had already calculated his response, "I know that you're out now and you want to make things right and I appreciate that, truly. But you can't right a relationship that doesn't exist anymore."
Samiron felt like his heart finally cracked into a thousand pieces and the knives that Mari had jabbed into it fell to the floor. It was like the tables had turned and instead of Mari being the one trying to mend the broken strings between them, it was him. Now he knew how she felt, to be denied by the one person you knew loved and treated you how you needed to be loved and treated.
Samiron dropped his hand from her chin and Mari was surprisingly maintaining eye contact. "Is this because of him?" He asked, not seeing the need to refer to Savior by name.
"It's not just that. It's everything. I had finally given up on you for my sake, and that's what I'm doing now. Savior is just someone who helped me pick up the pieces, but for the most part I did it by myself with Sani right by my side. That's all I really need."
Samiron let out a breath. Hearing that Savior was there to put Mari together was no surprise, he knew Mari wouldn't let anyone into her life unless they showed her their worth. But Samiron couldn't say he didn't feel some type of way about Savior having to be the one to help her recover from the damage he caused.
"You're stronger than you give yourself credit for," Samiron spoke and Mari nodded.
"And I'm never gonna stop loving you. I don't care who's in the picture. Whats "the past" for you is the present for me." Samiron spoke in his basic hardheaded fashion.
Mari pressed her lips together and shook her head with an ironic chuckle. "I left us in the past because you broke me beyond repair. I had every right to do that. Whether you continue loving me or not, that's up to you."
Samiron just nodded his head at Mari's words. They seemed so simple yet were filled with so much emotion. He knew Mari meant every word she told him and she wasn't going back on it. Samiron's experience in jail wasn't going to take back how he treated her, no matter how much he wishes it did. So the best option in her eyes was to continue living without him, but with this weight finally off her chest now. No point in falling back into old habits — Samiron being the old habit.
❦
is this the official end of Mari & Mir ??? 🙀🥹🙊