Bre stayed home from work with me. I insisted I would be fine alone but Steve gently told me it wasn't for me. She had been shook up, and of course she was pregnant, after all.
So we stayed home together. I didn't mind. I was really sore and I laid around quite a bit with Maggie to snuggle. I took two naps and made calls.
I called Tommy, filled him in, insisted I was still doing the shows on Friday and Saturday, then got a call back from Rafe because Tommy tattled. I fiercely argued with Rafe for so long that he finally resigned himself to if my doctor sent him a note clearing me to perform by Thursday, he would allow it. He also promised to get PR involved to make sure my name wasn't involved in the kidnapping and rollover.
I called Tommy back and let him know what Rafe said. He wasn't pleased.
"You're pushing yourself too far", he insisted. "Plus, don't you need to be there for Brad?"
"Me leaving for two days isn't going to affect anything", I said. "I have no idea when they're even going to let him out. Have Rafe not book any more gigs till the following weekend then, if you're so worried. Then I'll have all next week to rest". They needed money and I wasn't going to mess that up because of my Jay drama.
Bre was also concerned. "I don't like it, either", she said. "Should you even be flying?"
"I guess I'll find out", I said, and called the hospital to find out how I could arrange an appointment with the doctor who evaluated me. I got an appointment for Thursday morning.
Then I called the mental health clinic where I had done inpatient therapy. I hadn't met with my therapist for several months. She called me back by the afternoon and I used Steve's laptop to do a video call with her.
It was difficult. I told her about Rev, Brad, and Jay, which all took so long that we didn't have any time for working through it. She set up a video call with me for next week, but she did have one takeaway for me. I was a very physical person, so I expressed love in physical ways, and I also craved comfort in physical ways. When I was around men specifically, it set me up for situations like Rev. I needed to be aware of my tendencies, my emotional state, and be intentional about the situations I was putting myself into.
Thank God Steve recognized that last night or I'd probably be dealing with a whole lot of regret today.
Andy called and said Scott had been to see Brad, that he was doing okay, and that the judge needed the official autopsy report before he could decide on bail. Andy also assured me I could see him anytime during visitor hours, and let me know when those were. He said that Rev had put a ton of pressure on the local police and the FBI both for them to complete their reports, so the judge already had those.
That warmed my heart immensely. Brad was the competition, yet because it was what I wanted, Rev pushed for his release.
What an incredible man.
I called Rev next. He answered immediately.
"I'll call you later", he simply said, and hung back up on me. I sighed, then went downstairs to fill Bre in on everything.
Since Steve had told us both very harshly that morning that we were not to leave the house, we decided we had better wait to go see Brad until he got home from work. Steve was rattled from yesterday's events also, but he was short staffed this week and really needed to be at work.
Bre looked completely worn out, and more emotional than I had ever seen her. The pregnancy hormones were a huge factor, of course, but she also told me that she'd never had a brush with anything even close to that before. Sometime before noon she had been sobbing and said she didn't know how I functioned as well as I did having been through situations like that so many times, and that she hadn't given me enough grace for my actions in the past.
I assured her she had never been anything but generous and forgiving, but she simply cried until she threw up again, and I had to get her stomach and her emotions back on track.
She was about three months along now, and I thought her chest looked huge but otherwise she was as slim and athletic as ever. No one could tell she was pregnant if they didn't already know.
All day, it seemed like anytime we interacted, either she was crying and I was comforting her, or I was struggling physically and she was taking care of me. What a pair of hot messes we were. I did show her the band pages Tommy had created across multiple media platforms, and she watched quite a few of our videos. She said she loved our band's songs.
Steve arrived home at quarter after five and we had supper waiting. We ate together and told him I wanted to visit Brad after we were done. He readily agreed.
...........................................................................
Brad was fine. He didn't enjoy being in jail but it wasn't so bad. He knew bail was coming and he had learned how to pass the time when he was in prison. He was thankful Jay was dead, and honestly wouldn't care if he did end up back in prison, as long as it was for killing him. The threat was gone and Paige was safe, which was all that really mattered.
He did miss her, though, and his heart was troubled about that look she had exchanged with Rev. She was so strange when she was with that man. She blindly did everything he told her and she allowed her perspective to be twisted by him until she wasn't even thinking for herself. It wasn't until Tennessee that she really came around and started acting like herself again.
Is she in love with Rev?, was the disturbing thought which kept floating around in his head. Brad was never one to avoid conflict or hard things, but this was hard. It wounded him to the very depth of his soul to think about, but he had to. He realized that if Paige were in love with Rev, that would explain everything about her behavior. As disturbing as that thought was, what Brad found more disturbing was that he was pretty confident Rev was in love with her. His face told him so, and thinking back on their interactions over the past couple months, it pretty much confirmed it.
And they were staying alone together at some safe house she wouldn't tell me about. Twice.
That thought literally made him feel physically ill. Had something happened between them? He couldn't fathom Paige cheating on him, but he guessed it wouldn't bother Rev, and since his influence on her was so impactful, Brad had to believe it was a possibility.
Fuck.
They had spent a lot of time together over the past couple months, most of it alone. Brad's gut was telling him that the possibility of something happening was very, very possible, as much as he wanted to give Paige the benefit of the doubt.
Scott had come to meet with him, and told him they were going to definitely take the approach of third party self defense for him. Scott's take on his perspective was exactly what Rev said. He knew Jay and Paige's history, and he knew Jay had kidnapped her, so when he saw her vehicle, he shot Jay as soon as he opened the door (he had), without pausing to consider any other factors. He believed Paige's life was in danger, and it definitely had been. Also, because of Jay's pending charges, Scott was pretty confident that no one would care to pursue anything against Brad.
In the evening, he was called up for another visitor, and he automatically knew it was Paige.
He approached the plexiglass with a smile and sat across from her. The right side of her cheekbone was bruised and her right arm was still in the sling. Her hair was in a low, loose braid which he guessed someone had done for her. She had dark circles under her eyes but overall she looked okay. He had definitely seen her worse.
"Hey, beautiful", he said. "You okay?"
"I'm fine", she replied. "My head hurts but otherwise I'm okay".
He knew that was an exaggeration but he let it go. He was glad to hear that she had talked with her therapist and that she was getting re-checked Thursday to see if she could perform Friday and Saturday.
"I don't like it, babe. You shouldn't even be flying and you're not going to be able to stand for five hours".
"I can fly with Sam", she insisted, "and we're only booked three hours. We won't stay longer".
Brad knew better than to argue with her when he couldn't do anything about it behind bars. He had no idea when he'd be getting bail, either, so he said, "We'll see what the doctor says and go from there".
She nodded slightly. He had expected more of a fight.
"Are you okay?", she asked, looking teary.
"I'm fine, babe. This is nothing", he assured her. "I'll be coming home soon". Then he thought of something. "You're not staying at the house alone, are you?"
"No, I'm at Steve and Bre's", she replied, frowning, and he felt a wave of relief.
"Good", he said. "I half expected you to ignore me and just have Rev stay with you at our house instead".
She turned beet red. "Ah, yeah, actually I was going to do that because I didn't want to burden Kendra, or impose on Bre and Steve, but then Andy and Steve freaked out on me so badly, I gave in to Steve after he yelled. Then Andy also showed up at the house while I was packing to haul me out of there".
That was weird. Why would they flip that badly? Especially Steve. He idolized Rev.
Brad wasn't exactly sure what made him do it, but his gut was nagging him, and he listened.
"Are you sleeping with him?", Brad asked her quietly, staring into her emerald eyes.
He wasn't sure what kind of response he was going to get, but her mouth dropped open, her eyes widened, and she turned purple. She was speechless and looked absolutely terrified.
Brad felt sick to his stomach. He felt like his heart was getting ripped right out of his chest. That look on her face confirmed his worst suspicions. The love of his life, the woman he intended to marry, had willingly let some other man put his filthy fucking hands on her body.
It was too much for him to comprehend. He stood up and that seemed to jolt her out of the shock she was in.
She leapt to her feet. "Brad, wait! I'm not! It will never happen again! I love you! I want to be with you! I'm so sorry. Please let me explain!"
Brad turned and walked away. How could she do that to him? And now he had to process that information in here, where he couldn't even get a drink or hunt down Rev to kill him.
"Brad, please wait!", she wailed.
He kept walking and the guard let him out of the room.
You asked, he told himself.
Yeah, well, it was better knowing than not. He felt like such an idiot. When had it happened? How many times?
If Andy and Steve were dead set against Paige staying in the same house alone with Rev that meant....
They knew. Everyone knew but me.
And no one told him. Andy let him buy a cottage for her without saying a fucking thing! Was Paige even going to tell him?
Ah, maybe that's why she was so set on talking to him at home. Maybe she did intend to tell him.
I bet she figured I was going to go off the deep end and that's why Andy and Steve knew. She either wanted them there to ensure her safety or Rev's.
Fuck them all.
Brad was fuming, and hurt, and disgusted to the very core of his being.
How dare that filthy fucking asshole touch my precious Paige! HOW DARE HE?!?!?
Brad's mind started running through all the details of the past couple months, all the conversations he had with each of them, all the interactions between Paige and Rev.
He remembered Rev telling him at the wedding reception that all the other men were just waiting for him to fuck it up with Paige. Did he mean himself specifically? Brad would be willing to bet that after he had thrown Paige out, that's when Rev made his move on her. In between Brad's kicking her out and Rev getting shot, he would be willing to bet that was the window when it happened. Paige would have been vulnerable, hurt, scared. Brad had acted like Jay and Rev was going to protect her from both of them. It made him revolted to consider it but he knew her heart. He knew she loved Rev as a friend, and if she had any inclination of something more, that situation would have led her to cling to him, and it probably wouldn't have been too hard to push her over that edge. Especially if she thought things were over between them. That's also probably why she was distant sexually from him at first when she came home, as well.
That manipulative, calculating, sick son of a bitch!
...........................................................................
I stumbled out of the visiting area to the lobby where Steve and Bre were waiting for me, with tears pouring down my face. Both of them were on their feet and to my side in a second.
"What happened?", Bre asked.
I couldn't talk. Steve put his arm around my waist and steered me outside. I took a couple steps down the stairs and simply sat where I was, sobbing. I felt Steve sit next to me and wrap his arms around me.
"What happened, hun?", he asked. "Gotta talk to us".
"He knows!", I wailed.
"About Rev?", Bre asked from somewhere above me.
"Yes!"
"How? You didn't tell him in there, did you?", Steve asked, sounding like he was scolding.
That made me cry harder. Brad had to deal with this in jail. How fucking cruel of me.
"I didn't mean to! He asked where I was staying. I said you guys, then he said he was surprised I didn't try to get Rev to stay at the house with me so I could stay there. I said I had thought about it but then you yelled at me until I gave in. Then he randomly asked if I was sleeping with him".
"And you said yes?", Steve asked incredulously. "Cripes, hun! Why didn't you try to lie? How's he supposed to handle that in there? He can't even have a drink!"
I started sobbing harder.
"Steve...", Bre said quietly but sternly.
"I froze!", I sobbed. "It took me so off guard! I couldn't say anything but I felt my face burning. You know my face doesn't lie! He knew. He got up and walked out and didn't let me explain anything!"
"Shit", Steve breathed. "I'm gonna go back in and try to get him to see you. Give you a chance to explain and apologize".
He stood and Bre took his place next to me, wrapping her strong arms around me instead.
"Steve doesn't think before he talks", she reminded me quietly after Steve was gone. "Maybe it's better Brad did find out in there. He can't go after Rev now, at least. Maybe by the time he gets out, he won't want to go after him?"
"Wishful thinking", I muttered.
I had calmed down by the time Steve came back out.
"He refused to see me", Steve said, looking troubled.
I nodded. I had figured. "He probably knows you know and he's mad at you, too".
"Yeah, probably", Steve breathed. "We'll try again tomorrow, hun. For now, let's head home".
I stood. "Bre, you're going to work tomorrow, right? Why don't I just go to my house instead?"
"Nope", Steve said, snagging my good arm while taking off walking, pulling me along with him. "I'll drop you at Andy's on my way to work in the morning".
"Steve, I'm-".
"I'm not arguing with ya", he said firmly. "This is how it's gonna be. I'm already on Brad's shit list and I'm not digging either of us a deeper hole by allowing you to be alone right now. You know he wouldn't like it. Bre will pick you back up on her way home from work".
I didn't bother arguing. Steve was very much right, and pretty much the only voice of reason I was listening to lately.
I sat in the back seat and said nothing as Steve called my brother on the way back to their house. He told Andy what happened and the plan to have Kendra watch me while they were all at work tomorrow.
Not only would Brad not like me being alone, but I also knew what Steve didn't say. They would all be worried I might call Rev, who might come over if I were alone. Also, they might be worried about me harming myself again.
"Steve, I really need to go for a run", I said quietly from the back seat.
"With a dislocated shoulder and a concussion!?", he snapped, his eyes snapping to mine in the rearview mirror.
"My shoulder isn't dislocated anymore", I pointed out, "and if it hurts my head, I'll stop".
"You're out of your mind!"
"It's either running or black out drunk", I said bluntly, tears of frustration welling up in my eyes.
I waited, staring stubbornly out the side window until he replied.
"Fine, but I'm going with you, and if I tell you to stop and you don't, I'm going to pick you up and carry you back. Understand?"
"Yes, thank you", I said quietly.
...........................................................................
Steve was distraught with how the week was unfolding. Paige was kidnapped and almost died...again. His pregnant wife nearly stumbled upon the kidnappers and was so rattled she was throwing up...just like Paige had. Brad was in prison and just found out that Paige had been cheating on him.
All of this was really, really, really bad, and Steve was struggling to maintain some sense of control over all the moving pieces. He was trying to do the right thing by all involved parties, and Paigie was fighting him most of the way, as she had always done.
He was currently running behind her tiny form on the deer path behind his house that snaked through his woods and came out in the clearing between the woods and the corn field. Steve was no runner, but he was strong, fit, and had legs twice as long as his ex's.
It was still early evening, but it was fall, and it was already getting dark. He realized he was having a harder time keeping up than he thought because he had to keep dodging branches and was slightly stumbling at times where the path was rough. She seemed to have the path committed to memory. It made sense. She spent a lot of time running it when she lived with him.
Finally they emerged into the clearing. She had stopped running, and was walking, her back still turned to him. He saw her wiping her face and knew she must be crying.
He watched her, but gave her the space he felt like she wanted, until she sank to her knees in the grass and dropped her face into her hands, sobbing. Then he knelt next to her, wrapped his arms around her and held her against his chest.
Her pain caused him pain, despite the fact that she was in the wrong, and even though she had brought it upon herself.
Finally she stopped crying and pulled away, standing abruptly. "It would be better if you didn't touch me", she said angrily. "Next thing you know I'll be having sex with you, too".
She whirled on her heel and started walking angrily back to the trail.
Steve was confused. He stood quickly and grabbed her good arm. "Now hold on a sec, hun. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
She stopped and he saw the internal struggle on her face in the fading light.
She looked up at him with pain in her large hazel green eyes. "My therapist observed that I show love by, and am comforted most by, physical affection. So when I'm sad and lonely, I turn to men that I love to help me feel better, and that leads to situations like what I did to you after Drew, and what I did with Rev".
"Hun, you made a mistake", he said. "You were basically on a break with Brad when it happened. He will see that and come around eventually".
She stared hard into his eyes. "When do you think I made the mistake with Rev?", she asked pointedly.
"After the fight when Brad threw you out and you fell against the Durango. Is that not right?" He was confused.
"It did happen then", she said. "But it started when I stayed with Rev for those few days right before your wedding. Then it happened the night of your rehearsal dinner, and again that Monday after you got married but before Brad kicked me out. I can't even count how many times we did it. It wasn't one time, it wasn't one mistake, and two of those days I wasn't even mad at Brad. I had literally zero justification in doing what I did other than I felt like doing it".
Steve was staring open-mouthed at her in horror, trying to process what she was telling him.
"I can tell by your face you can't even believe what I'm telling you. It's the truth. So, tell me, Steve, how on earth is Brad going to get beyond it? Add in I kissed you, too, and we've got a pattern. He can't trust me. I can't trust myself. I'm back to where I was before therapy. A giant fucking mess where I can't rely on my own judgment because my thinking is so skewed. Aren't you glad I'm not your problem anymore?", she asked cynically, and took off like a shot into the woods.
...........................................................................
I didn't feel any better emotionally after I ran, but my body felt better overall. I changed and took a shower, then went downstairs to find the Larsens. Poor Steven. I shocked the shit out of him and I knew it. I was angry, but not at him. I was angry at myself and I lashed out at him because he was there. I ruined my own life and the lives of several others. I couldn't seem to get a handle on myself. I was my own worst enemy.
They were sitting at the kitchen table, Steve with a glass of whiskey, and an empty glass across from him with the bottle next to it. I sat, assuming it was for me.
They both watched me sit. Steve's face was tortured. Apparently I was no longer the person he thought I was. Well, at least now, maybe he could get over me.
I poured a drink, swallowed some, then apologized. "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm mad at myself, not you".
"I know, hun", he said.
"Do you want see Brad tomorrow after I'm done with work?", Bre asked.
"If you don't mind, yes, I'd really like to try".
My phone rang.
Rev.
I met Steve's eyes and stood up to leave the room but he grabbed my wrist. "If you can't talk to him in front of us, you can't talk to him", he said.
I felt my face burning. "Are you-", I started hotly.
"No, hun", he said firmly. "I am not kidding. You literally just had a conversation with me about how you can't trust your own judgment. Trust mine".
I sat back down and answered, not making eye contact with either of them.
"Hello?"
"Hello, love. How are you handling things today?"
"I'm glad Jay's dead, I'm feeling better physically, and I want to thank you for pushing for all the reports getting turned in already. They're waiting on the autopsy report and then the judge can decide on bail".
"You're welcome, sweetheart", he said gruffly. "I'm sorry I couldn't have killed him for you before you had to go through all this".
"Please stop apologizing", I said sadly, my heart aching.
"What's the matter, love?", he asked, sounding concerned.
"Brad knows", I said quietly. "I didn't tell him. He guessed, and I was so shocked when he asked out of the blue, my face told him".
"When?", Rev asked.
"Tonight when we went to the jail to see him".
"Well, at least he can't do anything to you if he's in there", Rev said.
I didn't reply.
"You're quiet tonight", Rev commented.
"Yeah".
"Is Steve sitting right there?"
"Yeah".
He gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Figures. He just wants what's best for you, love. We all do. I'll let you know as soon as I get the official cause of death. I'm sure Brad's blaming me for seducing you. Let him. It will be easier for him to forgive you".
"I can't do that", I protested. "I'm going to be completely honest".
"It would be much better if you weren't", he said, "and whatever you do, don't give him details. No man can handle hearing that. He will lose his fucking mind".
"That I know", I agreed.
"Talk to you soon, love".
"Thanks, Rev".
My heart was aching for hurting Brad, Rev, and myself. I hung up, slammed the rest of my whiskey in two gulps, stood, tossed my phone into Steve's lap and said, "Here ya go, Dad. Give it back when I'm no longer grounded. I'm going to bed".
Steve said nothing but I really didn't give him a chance. I left the room and headed straight to bed where I cried myself to sleep.
...........................................................................
Steve stared after Paige. All night she had been acting like she used to act when she lived with him before. They had been so good with each other for so long that this behavior took him off guard, and to be perfectly honest, it disappointed him.
After she left the kitchen, he looked at his wife. Bre was staring open mouthed after Paige.
"It's okay, honey", he said gently. "She's not even mad at me. It's like she said before, she's mad at herself. She's struggling with a lot right now and I annoy her because I try to get her to do the right thing, and she doesn't quite know what that is".
Bre closed her mouth. "It seems like you understand her a lot better now than you did when you were an actual couple".
"That's because I'm able to stay objective about her now, and because I actually started listening to her, rather than only hearing what I wanted to".
Bre gave him a half smile. "You're more objective, darling, but you're never going to be completely objective about her, I don't think".
"I'm sorry, wife", he said, kissing her temple. "I love you. You know that".
"I do", she agreed. "Should I go up there? She's been listening to you more than anyone since all this Rev stuff started, but she seemed pretty testy with you just now".
"I honestly think we leave her alone until morning unless she comes out of her room before then. She needs to cool down and process everything. That kind of stuff is done alone".
Bre nodded and Steve wrapped his arms around her. "How are you feeling today?", he asked.
"I feel like Paige acts. I'm a mess emotionally. She said it's the hormones but I know that's only part of it. She almost died, and me and the baby might have if I had arrived sooner. I am not okay with that!"
Steve rubbed her back. "Go take a shower and get ready for bed. I'll hold you all night long and you'll feel better in the morning". He pulled away enough to kiss her on the mouth. She looked teary and unconvinced.
"Go", he said. "I'll take care of everything down here". She went.
Steve ran his hand through his hair and finished his whiskey. He wasn't much of a drinker. In fact, Paige definitely drank more than he had, but he needed to take the edge off.
What a week.
Paige made him so worried, always had. He had met her in a similar situation five years ago, and after the trial finally ended they had a couple years of relative calm. Then Brad showed up and boom- they're all off the rails for the entire last year.
...........................................................................
My shoulder was doing a lot better, though it was still sore, so I was able to help Kendra with Gi when I was there. Kendra was still dealing with her hormones getting regulated, so everything I told her made her cry.
She had been scouring the news when she had spare moments, and she assured me neither Jay's name, nor my name, had been connected to the crash so far.
I sang all of our songs for Gi and Kendra. Gi smiled at me once during which made me smile and cry.
When Bre arrived, she came in and squealed over Gi, then her and Kendra commiserated over hormones. They also talked a lot of pregnancy details which made me feel uncomfortable, especially because my pregnancy was so far from the realm of normal, I had little of relevance to share. It also reminded me that the only time I had with Drew was when he was inside me, whereas his cousin was in my arms, and his sibling was inside Bre.
By the time Bre was done talking and ready to leave, the last thing I wanted to do was explain to Brad why he should forgive me. I didn't feel like I deserved to be alive, let alone worthy of his love. We went anyway but he refused to see me again.
Bre grabbed my arm as I was storming out with tears blinding me. "I'm going to try", she said.
"Go for it", I told her. "I'll be outside".
...........................................................................
Brad had refused Steve's visit, and now Paige's, but he somehow felt guilty and mean about refusing Bre, so he caved.
She looked tired, pensive, worried. There was a line between her eyebrows which wasn't normally there, her face was pale, and she had dark circles under her deep brown eyes.
"You okay, kiddo?", he asked immediately upon sitting.
She smiled her wide smile, looking more like herself. "Asks the guy behind bars who just found out his girlfriend cheated", she said, shaking her head. "How are you handling all this?"
"I asked you first", he said stubbornly.
Her smile dropped and she looked at the counter in front of her. "Not very good, I guess. That really rattled me. I'm still horrified by what Paige went through, and I can't seem to wrap my mind around the very real danger I would have walked into had I left the school when I intended to. I got delayed by another teacher otherwise I would have been there at the same time. They might have hurt my baby. It makes me sick. It's been making me sick. I've been throwing up. This sounds terrible...but I feel like Paige, and I have so much more empathy for her now. The things she's been through...I haven't given her enough credit".
Bre's voice wavered and Brad watched her tear up.
"I'm really sorry you were involved in that", he said quietly. "I shouldn't have relied on you as much as I did. You need to take care of yourself and your baby first. Paige and everyone else need to come second".
He wished he could reach through the glass and hug her.
She nodded and composed herself. "I wanted to do it, Brad. You didn't pressure me into anything. Now, your turn", she said, giving him a small smile.
"I'm okay being in here except I really need a drink", he said.
She smiled sympathetically. "That's exactly what Steve said".
"He knew, right?", Brad asked, feeling the anger start to flare up again. "And Andy?"
"Yes", she said, honestly, not breaking his gaze. "So did Kendra and so did I. Paige was going to tell you and we all wanted her to be the one to do that".
"How long have you known?", Brad asked.
"Since we got back from our honeymoon", she replied. Again, Brad could tell she was being honest.
"So it happened after I threw her out of the house then?", he asked. The timing lined up with his reasoning.
"You need to ask her that", Bre said, the line coming back between her eyebrows. Brad didn't like that.
He asked on instinct, "Did it happen before that?"
"Honey, these are questions for her", she replied quietly. "I'm here to check on you and see if I can help you in any way".
He stared hard into her sympathetic large brown eyes.
"What would you do if Steve cheated on you?", he asked.
Her gaze didn't waver. "I'd need to get all the information before I'd be able to make a decision. Depending on the circumstances and if he wanted to stay with me, I think I'd be able to forgive him, but it wouldn't happen overnight. It would also require some stipulations and rebuilding of trust. I think I'd request couples counseling".
Brad nodded. She was being realistic and logical as always.
"Paige did talk to her therapist yesterday", Bre said. "I think you should at least start by talking to her about what happened. She wants you, Brad. She's so mad at herself...".
Bre trailed off and looked away.
"Are you concerned she might hurt herself again?", Brad asked, a wave of fear slamming him unexpectedly.
Bre met his eyes again. He read the answer there as yes. "She's being really mean to Steve. He's been hard on her, but she needs to hear it. She's not acting rationally, and he says she's like she was when she lived with him before. I've never seen her quite like this. It's...disturbing. Steve's taking it all in stride. I give him a lot of credit. He couldn't handle her when they were together, but now I think he's the only one who's been able to get through to her with all this".
Brad nodded. Steve was the one who had finally convinced her to talk to him in the first place.
"We will come back again tomorrow", Bre said. "Will you see her?"
"Maybe", Brad said. "If I don't think I can keep my temper in check, I won't do it. I don't know if I can get past the fact that he had his hands on her", Brad said, pinching the bridge of his nose. His head was starting to pound. "He had the nerve to hug her in front of me Monday, and I didn't even know then. It's making me sick".
Bre nodded. "I'm really very sorry", she said. "Steve and I are praying hard for you, honey. We love you".
Brad felt himself tear up. He looked away and nodded, unable to speak.
He met her gaze again. "If I can't talk to Paige tomorrow, I will talk to you".
She nodded. "Thank you".
"No, thank you", Brad insisted. "You are invaluable".
He watched with satisfaction as she smiled and ducked her head shyly. Bre didn't get enough compliments or credit for being the incredible person she was. Steve was an idiot for not telling her that every second of every day. Since they'd known her, every mess Paige had made, Bre had been there to pick up the pieces. Brad loved everything about Paige other than the drama created by her bad decisions. Calm, stable, drama-free Bre was a breath of fresh air.
"See you tomorrow", he said.
She looked up and nodded. "Take care, honey".
...........................................................................
Bre didn't come out until I was chilled, even through my jacket, so I knew Brad talked to her. I was so frustrated with myself, so hurt by Brad's refusal to talk to me, and so wounded by the pregnancy and babies talk, I was barely holding myself together. So, when she walked out, I didn't bother asking. I simply stood from the step I was sitting on and walked to her car.
"He's doing okay", she said, as she unlocked the doors. I opened mine and got inside.
"He says we can come back tomorrow but he isn't sure if he will be ready to talk to you. He said if he doesn't think he will be able to keep his temper in check, then he won't see you until he can".
"But he'll see you?", I assumed, with an icy edge to my voice.
"Yes", she answered without hesitation.
Great.
"Can we go to my house?", I asked abruptly.
"Sure...", she said hesitantly.
"I want to get Drew's stuff for you and Brad's truck. I have an appointment tomorrow morning and you guys don't need to take off work to drive me. I'd just stay there but I know either Steve or Andy would come haul me away if I tried".
"Okay, hun", she said, sounding exactly like her husband, which irritated me further.
When we got to my house, I had her help me bring the remaining boxes to Drew's room and we finished packing quickly and quietly. Neither of us talked except for me to tell her the items I had on the dresser were the only things I was keeping. She looked sad. I felt hostile.
We loaded the boxes into her car then I asked if she thought she could help me lift the TV.
"I'm sure I can", she said.
"I don't want Brad to have to see it", I explained. She nodded. We took it out through the garage and placed it in the truck bed.
"I'm going to plan on leaving tomorrow", I said, "so I think I'll decide on the stuff I'll need now and leave it out to save time when I come back here".
"Okay", she said, starting to follow me back inside.
"You don't need to stay", I sighed. "I need to run the TV past the recycling center, also".
"Yes, I do", she insisted, "and you know I do, so don't be difficult".
I felt my face flame red but my back was to her so I simply kept walking and bit my cheek so hard to stop from saying something rude I tasted blood.
I strode to the kitchen, grabbed an insulated coffee tumbler, dumped ice in it, and poured my fire whiskey in to the top. Bre was watching me curiously. I screwed the lid on, took a swig, then handed it to her.
"You wanna help? Put that in the truck for me".
She met my eyes and took it slowly from my hand, but said nothing. I ran upstairs and started digging through my closet. I found the cowboy boots I had worn to her bachelorette party but remembered I had lost the hat.
Bre strode into the room and sat on my bed.
"Can I show you a couple options and get your opinion?", I asked. "Rafe wants cowboy boots and braids".
"What about the dress you wore to my bachelorette party with the jean jacket?", she asked. "That looked good together".
"True", I said, pulling those items out and tossing them on the bed. I grabbed the white sundress I had worn to Kendra's baby shower and quickly changed into that with the brown and white cowboy boots.
"What do you think about this?", I asked.
"I think you have to wear pants and long sleeves", she said, her brow furrowing.
I looked in the mirror more closely. My arms and legs were covered in bruises.
"Well...I'm going to get too hot if I do that...".
"Can you try putting makeup on them?", she asked.
"That would probably work", I agreed.
My phone rang. It was Sam.
"Hey", I said.
"How are you doing?", he asked.
"I'm a functional mess".
"Are you serious about doing the shows?"
"Yep".
"When do you find out if you're cleared to travel?"
"Tomorrow morning".
"Will you call me as soon as you're done? I haven't booked my flight back yet because I want to fly with you".
"I appreciate that, Sam. I'll let you know as soon as I can".
"We've also decided you're not staying alone so which of us do you want?"
"Tommy", I answered immediately. "No offense to anyone else".
"None taken", he assured me. "Talk to you tomorrow".
I turned to Bre. "So other than the bruises...?"
"I would love that with braids".
I started digging through my jewelry and she helped me pick earrings for what I was wearing. I stuck them in my ears then looked in the mirror and felt my throat close up.
Rev's earrings. I had to take them out. Jay was no longer a threat.
"What is it?", Bre whispered.
I took out an earring and showed it to her. "Rev gave me these. They have tracking devices in them. That's how Rev found me nearly as fast as Brad did".
I removed the other one and she handed the first back to me. I hesitated. I wanted to keep them but I didn't think Brad would appreciate it if I did. I met her eyes and she shook her head no. She knew what I was thinking.
"Give them to me", she said gently. I handed them over and she stuck them in her pocket.
"Thank you", I said. "It shouldn't be hard to throw them out...but it is. I know I belong with Brad, but...I love Rev, too".
She nodded.
We left, and I ran past the recycling center while Bre went to her house. I dropped off the TV and started for Steve's.
My phone rang when I was almost there.
Rev.
"Hello?"
"Hey, love. You okay?"
"I've been worse".
He sighed. "I'm sorry".
"None of the reasons why I'm a mess are your fault. All you did was love me. I'm the one who was in a relationship, not you. You didn't spend time taunting the psycho instead of shooting him, so you got kidnapped, and then your boyfriend had to shoot him and go to jail. And you certainly didn't cause me to lose my child".
"Why are you sad about Drew today, love?"
I told him as I pulled into Steve's driveway. Steve's truck was there. I parked but didn't get out.
"That's a lot", Rev said. "You still staying at Steve's?"
"Yep. I had to get rid of the TV and I just pulled in the driveway now. He's probably going to come out and confiscate my phone any minute. He's going to be an excellent dad, you know".
Rev chuckled. "Well, hun, I called because I know the cause of death".
I held my breath.
"You'll be happy to know it has been ruled blunt force trauma to the head. You killed him, love, in a clear case of self defense. All Brad did was shoot a corpse, which shouldn't result in any major consequences for him".
"Oh thank God!", I breathed, tears of relief clouding my vision. "Oh, thank you, thank you, Rev! Thank you for letting me know! When will Brad be released?"
"Tomorrow, love, but I don't know when, and I'm worried about you being alone with him. Everyone else is going to be at work, yes?"
"Yeah, but he won't talk to me anyway. I tried again today. He refused me but talked to Bre".
"I can come to town and be nearby".
"Rev, I really don't want you to. I'm not in danger from Brad but you are".
"I don't believe that, love".
I saw Steve heading down the porch in my direction.
"You're going to have to, Rev. I can't have you present while I'm trying to talk to him. In no version of reality is that going to work, and...Steve's coming".
"Let me talk to him", Rev said.
Steve opened the passenger door of Brad's truck and climbed in. I handed him the phone.
"Hello?", he asked.
I listened to Steve's end of the conversation. He was polite, but definitely not friendly, to Rev. The gist of it was they were concerned about me picking up Brad and being alone with him, so Steve was going to call my brother because he couldn't leave work.
He hung up.
"How did you know I was done talking?", I asked, annoyed.
"You shouldn't be talking to him at all", Steve pointed out. "Your rules", he added as I opened my mouth to protest.
I closed my mouth.
He called Andy from my phone. Andy was going to get ahold of Scott and get back to us.
Steve picked the coffee tumbler up from the cupholder in the dash and started to exit the vehicle.
"Hey! What the fuck?", I snapped, grabbing his arm.
"You need to eat first, Paigie", he said, his movement not hindered in the slightest. He continued out of the vehicle and I slid across the seat with him until I let go.
"Aaaaaarrrrrrrhhhhh!", I screamed in frustration. I jumped out the driver's side and kicked the door shut, then stomped up to the house behind him.
I could smell that Bre had started supper as soon as we walked through the door.
"I'll be running", I told him and stomped up the stairs.
"You wait for me", he called after me sternly. I felt tears of frustration pop into my eyes as I stormed into my old room, feeling a million things, deja vu being the most prominent. I changed into running clothes then started doing sit-ups until Steve knocked lightly on the door.
"Hun?", he asked as he opened it.
"What if I was changing?!", I snapped at him, sitting up completely.
"Nothing I haven't already seen", he answered calmly. "You ready?"
He was dressed in shorts and a long sleeve shirt with running shoes.
"Yeah", I said.
He extended a hand to me and I took it, allowing him to pull me to standing. In the same motion, he pulled me right into his chest and wrapped his arms around me, taking me off guard. I initially resisted because I was so irritated with him, but that lasted a mere second before I felt the tight band of tension across my chest loosen a bit and I dropped my head to his heart, wrapping my arms around his sturdy frame and dissolving into tears.
There was so much going on in my head and in my heart. My chest ached with grief and guilt. My head was swimming with a million worries and memories. I clung to Steve and cried on his chest, as I had hundreds of times, while he held me and silently rested one huge hand on my head in his paternal way.
Eventually I slowed my deluge to sniffles and looked up at him. "Thank you, Steve. I needed that".
"I know ya did, hun".
"You're so good to me and I'm such a bitch to you".
"Nah, don't say that. You're hurting, hun. You're not yourself right now. I understand".
I gave him a giant squeeze and released him.
We went for a fast run then ate supper, at which point my whiskey was returned to me. I did drink some of it but discovered I was feeling better enough that I no longer wanted the entire tumbler.
"Steve, thank God for you", I said while I was helping Bre with dishes. "I don't know why you tolerate even half of my bullshit, but thank God you do. I don't know what would have become of me a million times over if it weren't for you".
He just gave me a sad little corner smile from the island where he was sitting.
"You too", I said to Bre, bumping her arm with my elbow. "I've lost count of how many times you've saved my life". She also gave me a sad smile.
"You two are literally my best friends", I said, coming to a firm realization. "You are. Both of you". I started weeping again. "I love you both so much", I said, my voice faltering. "I'm so sorry for everything! I don't know what to do about myself! I'm such a disaster!"
Bre hugged me this time and I started crying on her shoulder.
"We'll figure it out", she assured me. "We will help you through this. Everything is going to be okay".
My phone rang and I let her go. Steve was already picking it up. "It's Andy", he said, answering.
He hung up shortly after. "Scott says they will call him with a time right away in the morning and Andy says he will plan to pick him up with Scott. Andy will ask Brad if he wants to see you and go from there".
"I have a doctor appointment at quarter to nine and plan to leave for Tennessee tomorrow night if he clears me. I'd really like to talk to Brad before I leave again".
"Yeah, that's what I heard", Steve said, frowning. "I can't say I approve and I doubt Brad would, either".
"As far as I know, Brad currently could give a fuck what I do".
"That's not true", Bre spoke up. "He still cares about you very much. This is really hard for him, but he doesn't stop loving you simply because he's mad at you".
"I really hope you're right", I said.
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