Three days. I've spent three days in this god damn hospital. The food sucked, the tv channels were shit, and the fact that I got poked with needles at least five times a day was not pleasant. Thankfully; I've had Luke by my side, and my mom as well, when I didn't force them to go home and rest.
I didn't deserve to have their support... What I did was stupid, and they should hate me for it. They should hate me for almost making them live with the burden of my suicide on their shoulders. Although, I've done nothing to deserve their recognition, period; but they still seem to care, for reasons unknown to me.
I hear a small knock at the door before it opens. Luke walks in with a soft smile on his face. "Hey." He says, walking over to me. "The nurses say that you're being released today... that's great." He smiles, taking my hand.
"Yeah.. Thank god." I say and breathe out a sigh of relief. "I'm going crazy in here.." I mumble.
"I know, baby... Just a few more hours and you'll be home; safe and sound, alright?" He says and I nod softly.
The past few days were strange between us. Luke was acting as if nothing happened; as if we didn't argue. Yeah, he wanted to forget about it so I wouldn't get upset, but that's the thing... Not talking about it is getting me upset. I hate the facade he's put on just because he's afraid that I'll do something again. I won't. I'm not that stupid.
I want things to be truly level between us; good or bad, I just want us to be honest. I want him to yell at me and tell me how angry he was at me for cheating. I don't want him to hold it all inside and pretend that it's all alright, because it isn't; I can see it in the way he looks at me with pitiful eyes.
He's trying his hardest to make me happy, but I've made my decision. I've got everything planned out, and nothing will change my mind. I'm hoping that we can sit down and talk to each other before I do what I need too. When I go home, I'll make sure to precisely prepare everything; no hesitations.
"So.. Um, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but uh- you're mom's decorating your house for a birthday party, and she called a bunch of relatives over.." He says and my eyes widen slightly, eyebrows furrowing with them in confusion.
"My birthday was three days ago.." I point out. "Why is she even bothering?" I ask.
He shrugs, "She wanted to cheer you up." He says. "And plus, you're 18 now, that's a pretty big deal... At least to most girls." He says and adds a little awkward chuckle at the end.
"That's unnecessary considering everyone just going to be staring at me the entire time and asking me questions I don't want to answer." I mumble. I really wasn't in the mood for another family get together; not so soon after the funeral, at least.
"Yeah, they'll be looking at you, but they'll be surprised at how beautiful you look after coming right from a hospital." He says and smiles softly as an obvious attempt to cheer me up.
Why did everyone automatically assume I needed to be cheered up? I was perfectly fine, and I shouldn't be treated any differently than I normally am. I'll just take the fake compliments for now, and talk about it with Luke later.
I roll my eyes playfully. "Yes, of course, cause I'm just the perfect picture of health and beauty right now." I say sarcastically.
He smiles softly and rubs my hand gently. "I love you.." He says softly, slipping that into conversation a lot more often these past few days. It was as if he wanted to make sure I've heard him say those words to me often these past few days; and I don't like that. I want him to say he loves me because he means it, not because he feels obligated too.
I let out a breath of exasperation, "I love you too.." I say gently. I did love him, I do love him... I know what I need to do is going to hurt him, but I have to do it. It's time to do it.
When the right time has come, Luke helps me gather up any items I had with me, and brought them back to his car.
"Ready to go?" He asks and holds out his hand for me to take.
I nod, even though I was definitely not looking forward to being rampaged at home by relatives, yet again. "Yup." I say simply and place my hand into his where he immediately holds it securely.
I walk with him to the front desk and sign another piece of paper, finalizing my release from this damn hospital, than out the doors we go.
We drive down the quiet and empty roads in even deeper silence within the car. Luke reaches for the dial and turns up the heat a bit, reaching over afterwards and grabbing one of my cold hands in his.
"You're going to crash.." I mumble, gesturing to his one hand loosely gripped on the wheel.
His soft chuckle replaces the silence and he shakes his head ever so slightly. "I can handle an empty road, princess. But thanks for looking out." He says and shoots me a small grin before looking back at the deserted street.
The slow and calm drive sadly comes to an end when Luke pulls up to my house which only reminded me of every horrible memory the structure held. "You don't have to stay with the company... We could just hide out in your room if you'd like?" Luke suggests, to try and make the situation better.
I nod, "Yeah, I'd like that." I say and open up the car door, stepping out as Luke did as well.
We walk up to my front door and I open it up. I'm immediately shot with a loud "SURPRISE!" yelled in my face by a bunch of overly-happy people.
I plaster a face smile on my face to please everyone. "Wow.. Uh, this is so cool.. Wow.." I say and grab Luke's hand, bringing him inside with me.
I quickly flee from the crowd and walk over to my mom and pull her to the side. "Happy birthday, honey. I wanted to do something special since.. Since I haven't in a long time.." My mother speaks before I get the chance.
I pause for a second. I was going to tell her to make everyone leave, and yell at her for throwing me a birthday party when the timing isn't really the greatest, as well as the circumstances. But, she seemed so sincere, and apologetic in a way. I know she's changed, I can see it clearly, now more than ever. She regrets not being a great mother, and doing motherly things such as throwing birthday parties for your child. I know she's trying hard to make it up to me, so I owe her at least the chance.
I look around at all the streamers hanging on the ceiling and the happy birthday banner, the cake and presents; realizing all the effort she put into this as well. I sigh softy to myself, thankful that I hadn't yelled at her cause that would have been horrible; she didn't deserve that. "Thank you mom... This is really great." I smile softly and give her a hug.
She seemed surprised by this, but immediately wrapped her arms around me afterwards, holding me close. "You're welcome, Riley." She responds, and I know she has a heartfelt smile on her face.
"I think I'm gonna hang upstairs for a little, I'm really tired from the hospital..." I say softly, hoping she wouldn't be upset if I left the party.
"Oh, yes of course." She says, letting go of me. "Go rest up, honey." She says, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'll meet you up there after the party, okay?" She says and I nod in response before making my way back over to Luke.
"Everything good?" He asks.
I nod, "Yeah, everything's great." I answer. "Let's head up now.. Before anyone tries to talk to me.." I mumble and he smiles, walking without me upstairs and into my room.
I close the door behind Luke and walk over to my bed, plopping down onto it, letting out a groan of pleasure. "Fuck, that's so much better than the hospital beds." I say, closing my eyes as I took a deep breath.
Luke takes a seat at the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I bet." He nods. "You need me to do anything for you?" He asks.
I think for a bit, "Yeah.. You could pass me a cigarette from the pack on my dresser.." I say, desperately needing one after the past few days I've had.
Nodding, he stands up and walks to the dresser, not fighting it. He grabs the pack that sat next to some old perfume bottles, pulling out a cigarette and walking back over to me, handing it over.
"Thank you, babes." I smile softly, sitting up against my headboard and putting the smoke between my lips, grabbing my lighter which always rested on my bedside table and lit the bud up, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes as I released my breath afterwards.
"Is there a reason your are being extra nice?" I ask, looking over at him.
"Hm? Oh, no.." He shrugs. "I'm always nice." He adds and smiles softly.
"I'm not going to do something like that agin. It wasn't intentional, and it wasn't because of you." I say, wanting to clarify that once again. "I have a fucked up life, I think everyone knows that.. I had a lot on my mind, and I felt like that was the only way to get a piece of mind." I mumble. "It's stupid yeah, but I'm not a very smart girl." I add.
He sighs gently, scooting closer to me. "You scared the shit out of me, Riley..." He says. "I never though you would do something like that.." He adds.
I shrug, "I never thought I would ever feel that horrible." I say, taking another drag. "But Luke, the point I'm trying to get across is that I don't want you to treat me any different, or tip toe around me like your walking on a minefield. I'm okay.. I promise." I say.
He nods in understanding. "I'm sorry, princess. I didn't really know how to deal with all of this." He says and I nod.
"Can we just move on?" I suggest.
"Sounds like a plan." He smiles softly and moves over to side beside me.
"I love you, Princess." He smiles, looking over at me.
"And I love you, Lucas." I respond with smirk plastered on my lips.
After a few hours, Luke had to go home and I needed to assure him about a thousand times that I would be alright alone. The voices from downstairs seemed to quiet down, and eventually it was silent as everyone began to leave and make their way home. I hear a soft knock at my door and figure it would be my mother.
"Come in." I call softly, sitting up in my bed and setting my phone aside.
"Hey, honey." My mom says as she enters, a small smile on her face. "How are you feeling?" She asks.
"Good.." I answer, despite the fact that I'm tired of being asked that over and over. "Just a little weak.." I mumble and play with the fabric on the sleeve of my sweater.
My mother nods, "Yeah, the doctors said you would be feeling weak for a couple of days.. it'll all be alright soon." She says and gives a soft smile at the end, putting her hand on my shoulder and gently rubbing it to comfort me.
I felt horrible. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I knew what I am going to do will hurt her; especially now that she's changed and wanted to be a mother to me. "Um, There's something I need to tell you honey.." My mother says softly while looking down, her foreign smile now nowhere to be seen. "I should have told you this... but.. I don't know- I just could do it.." She mumbles, tears evident in her eyes.
I furrow my brows, what could she possibly have been hiding? I was honesly scared to know.. with of the secrets my father was hiding, God only knows what skeletons were in my mothers closet. "What is it?" I ask, peeking over to her.
"Your father.." She starts. "I didn't pull the plug on him.." She mumbles, shaking her head as she looked down.
What the fuck? "Yes.. yes you did; You told me that's what you did.. because he was suffering.." I respond, still now having made my peace fully with the incident.
She shakes her head again. "I only said that so you would hate me for it." She says and looks up and me and into my eyes. "He died on his own, honey.." She mumbles softly, sadness and pain in her eyes. "I'd rather you hate me than be mad at the world for taking your father away.." She says and I'm speechless.
"Mom.. please tell me that's not true.. why- I can't believe you would do that.." I mumble and lean over, latching my arms around her, hugging her close. "I don't want to hate you..why would you let me hate you? I say, a few tears escaping my eyes and rolling down my cheeks.
"I know honey.. I know.. I wanted to lessen the hurt as much as I could.." She said softly, holding me tightly as she brushed my hair back. "I wanted you to focus on being angry with me.. rather than becoming depressed from your fathers death." She explains. "I'm so sorry.." She cries. "I'm so sorry that I didn't realize how horrible you felt.. I'm so sorry you felt like you had no other choice but to to what you did.."
I pull back, shaking my head. "No.. please don't blame yourself mom. I'm sorry for being so stupid.." I say sincerely. "But I'm okay.. I'm going to be okay.." I say and put on a soft smile. "I have a plan mom. A-and I know it might not be the best option, but just hear me out... I really think I need to do this." I say.
She gives me a look as if she was skeptical of my idea but all I needed was for her to listen to me and my plan and thankfully, she was willing to hear me out, and was willing to help me.
Now, the hard part... Luke.
I don't know how I'm going to break it to him. I'm too weak to do it in person.. I'll take the easy way out and just write it down.. I couldn't possibly say it to his face; he wouldn't let me do this.. and I have really have too if I want a chance to be happy. I find a piece of paper and grab a pen from a junk drawer and start writing down anything and everything I need to say to the blonde haired, blue eyed boy I never thought I would fall in love with.
Luke's POV
"I'll see you later mom, alright?" I call out just before closing the front door and making my way to my car, getting inside and beginning to drive. I was heading back to Riley's. Since graduation was soon, and I would be going off to college, I wanted to offer Riley some options. I was going to ask her to come with me to college. Even if she didn't want to go to school, I wanted her to be with me... maybe live with me on campus. All I wanted to do was have her with me, to take care of her and let her be happy for once, and I think it's time she was.
I pull up in front of her house, noticing her car was gone. I step out, figuring her mom must've needed it or something. I open up the door, inviting myself in, since I wasn't much of a stranger anymore. "Riley!" I call out, but the house was silent. I make my way upstairs but notice a note on the kitchen island. I pause in my tracks and turn, walking towards the table. I pick up the note, and take a seat, starting to read it, as I soon noticed it was addressed to me.
Luke,
I don't know how to start this, or even what to say. I just want you to know first off, that I love you... and that's a big part of the reason why I need to do this.
What the fuck? What does she have to do? This better not be a suicide note.. I swear to god..
I feel like I need a new start; A new life. And the only person who can give me a new start, is me. By the time you're reading this, I'll be already on a plane to New York. That town Luke... That home. I have too many bad memories there and you know that. You know how much I hate it there. That why I needed to leave. I'll be okay. Please, don't worry about me. I need this, I need it badly. I promise to stay clean, and I'll never to anything that stupid again. You can believe that I'll keep that promise because I won't have the negativity of my past holding me down. I know you're mad right now, but if you love me like you said you do, you'll let me go, as cheesy as that sounds. I do love you even though it may not seem like it right now -
I stop reading and make my way up to her room. This can't be true, she has to be pulling some sort of sick prank on me. I quickly open up her door, and notice most of her things are gone. No. No. No.. she can't fucking do that to me.. I was going to ask her to move in with me for college.. she could've went with me.. no... she can't do this. I walk over to her dresser, opening up the drawers to find minimal clothing in the slots. I open up her closet, most of her jackets and shirts were gone, shoes and jeans as well. Fuck.. no...no.
Riley's POV
My eyes were filled with tears as I finished writing the letter and I set it down on the island counter top. It hurt me to do this to him.. to my mom. But I knew I had too. If the only way I can make my life better and to have a fresh start, is to forget about everything in this town, including the people in it, than thats what I need to do, no matter how much it hurt.
"I got most of your clothes and things, honey.." My mother says, her voice soft. It amazed me that she was allowing me to do this. Thankfully, she realized how much a new beginning would help me to be happy, and to move on from the shitty life I was forced to live. I grab the box of belongings, and my bother grabs the duffle bag of clothes. "Are you ready?" She asks me and I nod, making my way out the door and to my car. I put everything in the back seat and get in the passenger's side.
My mother drives me to the bank, in which I withdraw the money that my father had saved for me in order to go to college. I'll use that money to fly to New York, stay at a hotel for a little while until I hopefully get a decent job. I'll get to make friends, move into an apartment eventually. Than live my life and move on from there.
Luke's POV
My heart nearly jumps from my chest when I hear a car door slam. I immediately jump up and run down the steps. She's come back, she realized that she couldn't do it, and that she wanted to be with me. I open up her front door, excitedly expecting to see her beautiful face but instead, I see a look of despair in her mothers.
"Where is she?" I ask frantically.
Her mother sighs softly and steps inside. "I dropped her off at the airport.." She says gently and I become furious.
"How could you just let her do that?!" I yell, tugging at my hair slightly. I don't give her time to answer before I speak again. "I'm going to stop her." I say and turn around, making my way out the house.
"Luke.." He mother calls, following me. "It's too late, Luke.. she gone." She says. "Riley needs to live her life with the chance to breathe without feeling hurt. She needs this.. Just please, go home, Luke.. live your life too." She finishes before turning back around and heading back into the house, closing the door behind her, leaving me standing out on the front porch. I take a deep breath and take a seat on one of the porch steps, opening up the crumbled piece of paper in my hands, continuing to read the last few lines she had wrote.
I do love you, even though it may not seem like it right now. I want you to forget about me. I want you to continue on with your music, and your band. I need you to do that for me. Who knew your little bet with your friends would turn into something so much more... You've helped me through so much, Luke and I cant thank you enough for it. You loved me when I thought nobody could. But that's the thing about loving someone as fucked up as me, Luke. One minute they're here, and the next, they're gone.
THE END.
A/N
(So yeah... I just finished a fucking book..wow. I can't thank all of you enough for all of the support you've given this book. As of right now it has 16.3K reads and that is unbelieveable. I started writing this book over a year ago, and definetly did not expect more than 3 people to read it, those people being my best friends who I'd also like to thank for supporting me with this book, chapter by chapter. It honestly brough tears to my eyes writing the last word of this story because I feel I have come very far and I am proud of myself for compleating this book as an aspiring writer. I hope you guys enjoyed the ending, and if you didn't, I compleatly understand why. I was debating on a few different edings but I've had this one in my mind for a while, and I didn't want to stray away from my gut feeling. To wrap this A/N up, I'd like to say again thank you to everyone who has read my book and supported it by giving it votes :) This is definetly not the end of my writing! I will be putting out some more stories very new in the future, and continuing to work on my Michael and Calum fanfics which have been on hold. Also after compleating this book, I will be starting a new Ashton fanfic in which I am very excited to start a new journey on as well :) Thank you all for riding all the way to the end of the crazy rollercoaster in which was One Minute, And The Next. xx) (P.S. I very well may do an epilouge chapter if the majority of you guys would like one :)) (P.P.S The song of this chapter is Unsteady by X Ambassadors. That song will be linked on the side, it is so amazing and really helped me write this chapter.)