"Well, well, well," a voice taunted from behind causing every hair on my body to stand on end. The shift in the air was evident and it wasn't long before he knelt down before me and grabbed onto my hair.
I refused to give in.
Biting my tongue, I could taste the blood, but didn't dare flinch at the metallic taste. He wanted to know he caused pain in some way and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Not this time around.
"Cole," I breathed out.
"The one and only baby," he drawled disgustingly while wrapping my hair around his wrist and pulling tight, extending my neck in an awkward angle so that I was forced to look him in the eye. "Miss me?"
I didn't even bother to respond. Spitting in his face, I kicked him somewhere on his body, paying little to no attention where because all I could think about in this moment was running away from him and all the pain he reminded me of.
Scrambling to my feet, I made a run for the door but it wasn't long before another figure stepped out, stopping me from doing so. "No!" I screamed before turning and rushing up the stairs.
Letting out a yelp as I fell down, I cried out from the force of my chin landing on the edge of the wooden stair before I was forcibly turned around and pulled down by my ankle. "Not so fast baby girl," Cole hovered over me, "we're not quite done here yet."
Thrashing around, I clawed at his face, "get off of me!"
"Shut the door," he ordered the man behind him and it wasn't long before I realized it was Sammy.
Parting my lips, it was then that I realized this was a retaliation attack. "No!" I screamed again just as he began to close it, "someone help me! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!"
"You can scream all you want, it's not going to stop me from doing this," punching me in the mouth, he threw me down the flight. "Grab her."
Taking me by the arms, Sammy discarded me into the center of the room, a distant look in his eyes, "please—" I moaned from the pain traveling through my body. I could barely talk as it is but I wasn't going to stop trying. I rather die doing so then die not having done anything at all. Out of everything I ever learned these last couple of years, it was to fight until you couldn't fight any longer, "you don’t wanna do this."
"Shut her up," Cole growled and in that same second, Sammy's foot dug into my ribcage.
Scrambling backwards, I turned on my stomach while cradling my side, clawing at the floor to get as far away from them as possible, but just like before, I was pulled back by my ankles.
Back handing me, Cole grabbed me by the throat and squeezed tightly, "you're starting to get on my damn nerves. You'd think I was trying to kill you," he paused, a sick grin crossing his face as he pulled me closer, his fingers digging into my skin. Shrugging, he laughed, "now that I think about it... I guess I am."
Slamming my head down against the ground, he repeated the solid move before standing. Whistling, he looked down at me, a sinful glint in his eye as he ruffles a chuckle, his lips moving to say something, but I'm drifting away, and as I do, I see another two.
Justin's Point of View:
"How is she?"
Brushing her hair away, I gazed solemnly down at Kelsey as her mother came strolling into the room. Licking my lips, I turned to face her, "still nothing."
Smiling sadly, she squeezed my shoulder once she made it next to me. "She will soon," nodding as if she knew she was right, she kissed my temple. "I'm going to head back to work, do you need anything before I go?"
Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to Kelsey, "nah, I'm good. Thanks."
Leaning over me to peck Kelsey on the forehead, she patted my back before leaving the room and disappearing around the corner.
"You need to wake up for me baby," I murmured quietly once he coast was clear. "It's not the same without you."
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath in through my nose before exhaling, my eyes burning from all the tears they had produced the last couple of days.
It had been a week now since Kelsey was admitted and with each passing second, I could feel myself growing more and more impatient. The fear of her never waking up and not being able to see her eyes or hear her beautiful laugh crept in every once in a while, pulling and tugging on my heart strings until I couldn't bear the thought any longer.
I refused to let believe this was it for her.
She had so much to overcome, so much to see... I had so much to show her. She had only seen the world I lived, but she never saw the other side of it.
On her second day, she stopped breathing and they had to input a tube through her head to help the flow of oxygen.
On the fifth day, she moved a finger, but the doctors said it was normal. In some cases, those who were in her situation would have the power to move at times but it didn't mean she was awake.
Kissing her knuckles once I brought her hand to my lips, I let the heat of my contact give her the warmth she needed.
The doctors refused letting me sleep in the same bed with her so I did the best I could to let her know I was here.
Thumbing past her hairline, I inwardly winced at the bruises scattering her face before I brushed my knuckles against the finger marks left on her neck.
I punched a hole in the wall when I saw it.
She was the love of my life, the light in the darkness that surrounded me every day. She was the only person who held my entire being in the palms of her hands and had the power to break me with just one snap.
She was my whole world and right about now it felt like it was falling apart and she was falling down with it.
The worst feeling in the world is knowing you couldn't save the one you love when they needed you the most. Knowing she was helpless and begging for mercy and all you could do now is sit and stare at the damage done in return of your mistakes.
I could hear her every time I close my eyes like a broken record, my name falling helplessly through her parted lips, echoing why in the distance.
Why.
The simple question I had no answer to.
Why did I let her down? Why did I get thrown in this mess? Why was she still with me? Why did she get hurt? Why did life tend to fuck me over and over again? Why can't I be happy? Why can't she be happy? Why can't we be happy?
Why can't we be happy...?
"Do you remember when I was here not even a few months ago and you were sitting here telling me that I should pull through?" licking my lips, I took a moment to myself to compose the tears that threatened to fall, "telling me I was strong. Well, it works both ways you know because I'm going to need you to wake up for me. I'm going to need you to open those pretty eyes of yours so you can remind me why I continue to breathe every day... I need you to be okay because I need you in my life. I need you with me because without you it feels like I'm nothing. There's no reason for me to live if I don't have you."
Sometimes I wondered if she could hear me and just refused to wake up.
Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the tightness, "nothing's forever. I know that, but what we have... that's forever baby. Me and you till the end of time, remember? It was just supposed to be us that's why I made this stupid deal to begin with. I gave up everything because it was supposed to give us the freedom we needed to start our lives together; to start fresh as if the last nineteen years of my life didn't exist."
She should hate me and part of me hoped she did because it would just make it easier on the both of us if she did.
"It wasn't supposed to end up like this. It was supposed to be different, better, but it seems like no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get it right and I'm so so sorry... I'm sorry baby, please, wake up for me. I need you to know that I'm sorry, that I would take it all back if I could. I would, if I could turn back time, I would take away all your pain. I would have gladly taken your place if it meant you would be okay. My entire life was disaster after disaster, but you made it all better again and I need to make it right again. I have to give you the happy ending that you deserve because you deserve it more than anyone."
"You deserve the world even if I'm not in it."
"Justin,"
Turning towards the voice, I felt my heart launch in my throat and it was in that moment for a split second that everything froze in time.
"Dad,"
Licking his lips, he pressed his palms flat against the roughness of his jeans while cautiously taking a step into the room. His eyes gazed over the damage inflicted on Kelsey before the sadness he felt radiated from the hues he possessed almost identical to mine pierced through me.
"What are you—" but before I could even finish asking, he held his arms out.
He didn't yell, he didn't remind me how much of a fuck up I was. He wasn't angry nor did he hate me. All I could see while sitting here was a man trying to comfort his son, and that's all I could have asked for in the last several years of my life.
Standing, I didn't hesitate before crushing into his chest as his arms came down around me.
He didn't say a word as he held onto me.
There wasn't much he could say.
After several minutes, he pulled away to look at me, "how's she holding up?"
Licking my lips, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt before shrugging and stuffing my hands into my pockets, "she's... breathing."
Nodding, knowing there wasn't much that I could say in regards to her situation, he swallowed hard. "She's going to make it, bud."
"I know."
Twisting his lips to the side, he breathed deeply through his nose before releasing a breath into the air, "I'm sorry."
Furrowing my brows, I snapped my head over to look at him, "what?"
"I'm sorry." Pulling his gaze from the wires connected to Kelsey, he clamped his hand on the back of his neck, rubbing awkwardly to release the tension building, "for pushing you away."
"Dad—"
"You're my son, and I should have been there for you."
"I fucked up a lot."
"And so did I," he countered sharply, "I messed up a lot growing up and I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have blamed you. None of this is your fault."
Holding my breath, all of a sudden, it was like the wind had been knocked out of me. All my life I continued thinking the worst about myself, that I was a monster that destroyed everything I touched.
And a part of me still thinks that’s true, but hearing him say the opposite, made all the difference in the world because no matter what, in his eyes, I was always the one at fault.
But not anymore.
"You don't think..." shaking my head, I tried to recollect my thoughts, "you don't believe that I... this isn't..." grinding my teeth together, I inwardly cursed to myself. I was acting like a fucking pussy and it pissed me off to no end, but I just couldn't bring myself to say the words.
"No," he said. "None of it was your fault," he could see it in my eyes what I meant to say as he met them through the suffocation building around us. "Not Jazzy, not your world, not Kelsey..."
"Not Jazzy," I repeated slowly as if I heard wrong, but I didn't. Not when he shook his head and pulled me into him again.
"I never meant for this to happen," I choked between heavy breathing. The thickness in my throat was hard to rid of as I latched onto the back of his shirt, trying to focus on regulating my heart beat. "I didn't know she was there, I—I, she was supposed to be home."
"I know," he whispered, patting my back. "I know she was. Things happen for a reason, and though I wish she were still here with us today, I know she wouldn't want you beating yourself up because just like her death wasn't your fault, neither was what happened that night."
Whirling around to cast my gaze over the purple and blue markings on her beautiful skin, I itched to be near her again, afraid that if I walked away for too long, someone would come in and take her away from me.
"They did this to her because of me," I whispered, "because of her ties to me."
"You gotta hit hard," I recited the words I was once told, "but you hit them where it hurts the most. It's the code we live by in order to get rid of the competition. Find their weak spot and destroy it before they could destroy you."
Looking at me, he tried to make sense of where this was coming from.
"That's what I was told," I turned back to him after I took her hand and sat down next to her, "when I first got into this mess."
Clasping his hand around my shoulder, he gave it a firm squeeze, letting me know he was here and he wasn't going anywhere. "Sometimes it's best to just let it go. What happened, can't be taken back, but you can make sure it never happens again."
"I tried that and look where it got me," closing my eyes, I could still envision Lyndon's eyes as they stared into mine like he had nothing to lose and I knew he didn't. Not like I did.
Never make a deal with the devil, I recited over and over again. The call I just received moments before still clawing at the back of my head of the possibilities of what he could've done.
"I wanted out," I told him as he came to stand next to me, boring his vision into my back as I continued staring at Kelsey. "I gave it all up and the guys did too. For me. We all went to get rid of it all, to detach our names from The Kings and make better of ourselves. He knew we were coming and he knew what he had to do in order to make his mark on what remained."
"By getting to Kelsey that was his way of telling me that this isn't over. I could leave but the past will come back to haunt me one way or another."
"Going after mom and making me choose was his way of seeing what I would do, how I would get a hold of the situation. It was all a game to him until he ended up with the prize. Us."
Staring long and hard at the white walls that still made the hairs on my arms stand, I squeezed her hand tighter than expected, and “he wanted to take everything away from me. He wanted to take Bruce down and bury me with him."
"I should have left the second you told me too, but I was so engrossed in the power and money and girls that I didn't see the truth right in front of me." Biting the inside of my cheek, I laid her hand out in front of me as I began dancing my fingers across the lining on her palm. "This life is anything but glamour. It's its own personal hell, apart from the one we were taught about. It lives to strip us of everything and turn us into what we are today. Killers."
Smoothing over her skin with my thumb, I curled my fingers around hers before bringing them up to my lips once more, "I should have stopped after Jazzy too, but the want for revenge was stronger than anything else in the world. I wanted to make sure he paid and everyone else who thought they could come after me did too. I wanted to become a threat, someone people feared enough to never go near and I succeeded."
"I became what people know as Danger, and my life was set. I did my job and got rid of the competition but then I fucked up. She saw it all. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it wasn't a fuck up. It was a wakeup call to get out as fast as I can but I knew I had to protect her as much as I could, so I stayed. I thought I was going to make it better, but it looks like all I do is make it worse."
"That girl right there made you the man you are today. I couldn't be there for you growing up because I was far too angry to even think about what you went through. Losing Jazmine was something I have never felt before. Having my baby girl ripped from my arms was something I never thought I would experience and when I had to bury her, I directed all my anger towards you and I shouldn't have, but I'm here now and I want to be there for you when I knew I should have been there for you since the start."
"Thanks dad,"
"She's going to make it," he said in return. "She's holding onto something and that's you so don't you doubt yourself for one second because I know for a fact when she wakes up—because she will—the first person she'll want to see is you just like if Jazzy woke up that night, she would have wanted to, too."
Leaning back into my dad, we both stared down at her, listening to the beating of her heart as it beeped alongside us, her chest moving up to meet each sound.
Kelsey's Point of View:
I could hear him.
Everything he said.
And all I wanted was to reach out and touch him; to let him know I was awake and that I forgave him even though I never blamed him.
I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but I couldn't.
It was like I was trapped inside my own body and I hated it.
"Do you remember when I was here not even a few months ago and you were sitting here telling me that I should pull through?"
Flashes of that time ran through me like a ton of bricks. He was shot and I wanted nothing more than for him to wake up.
My stomach churned.
"Telling me I was strong. Well, it works both ways you know because I'm going to need you to wake up for me. I'm going to need you to open those pretty eyes of yours so you can remind me why I continue to breathe every day..."
I love you, I wanted to say. I want to wake up, but I can't. It won't let me.
"I need you to be okay because I need you in my life. I need you with me because without you it feels like I'm nothing. There's no reason for me to live if I don't have you."
Opening my mouth, I screamed, but nothing came out. Silence overcame me and I drifted into a whole other world.
Blackness flashed and before I knew it, I was back home.
Standing there in my hospital gown, I could see me lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was night out, way past ten o'clock and I looked frustrated.
"Kelsey!" my mom called out from downstairs, "lights out! It's time to go to sleep."
Rolling my eyes, I turned on my stomach. I was stuck in the house and I wanted nothing more than to be out. Desperate to live a normal life, I dared to break the rules for the night and as if someone heard me internal thoughts, three texts popped up on the screen of my phone.
Opening it, they all read the same thing: Block Party, tonight. Midnight at Richmond. Everyone's invited.
Biting my lip, I contemplated the thought and for a second, I nearly got up to look through my closet when I remembered what the consequences would be if I snuck out.
Sighing, I deleted the text before reaching over and shutting off the small lamp I had next to my bed when I received another text, this time from Carly.
Carly: So Mrs. "I want to have some fun for a change", there's an open house party tonight. You down?
Me: I think I'm going to stay in tonight. I have a big test tomorrow and my mom's still awake.
Carly: Are you serious? What happened to wanting to live a little?
Me: Yeah, well, I guess I changed my mind. Sorry. Hope you have enough fun for the both of us.
Carly: I will. Love ya.
Me: Love you too.
Shutting off my phone, I stuffed my feet underneath the covers before turning on my side and letting sleep consume me.
I couldn't understand what was going on. It was like I was on the outside looking in, but everything was different from what actually happened and I didn't understand why.
Get up, I said. Go to the party. You have to go to the party because if you don't, it would be like he never existed. Walking over to me sleeping, I shoved my arm, but nothing happened.
Reaching over to shake myself once more, it was like two magnets touching each other and I repelled backwards.
Darkness came soon after when I was thrown into another scenery—one that looked freakishly familiar.
"Looks like we got another job tonight fellas," Bruce's voice is heard over the sounds of those sat in the living room. There's more men than I recall ever seeing as they turn to face him.
"What do you got for us, Champ?" One of the others called out, a boyish grin on their face as he tips his head back and takes a sip of the cold beer in his hand.
"Where's Bieber?"
"Right here,"
A chill instantly crawls up my spine as everyone looks up towards the stairs, waiting for his arrival.
He comes strolling down with his arm around Kayla and I could feel a scowl replace the frown on my lips.
She's smirking as if she just won a prize, and maybe she had, because just by looking at her, I could tell they had sex.
With his hair tousled, Justin came down barefoot with nothing but a pair of sweats riding low on his hips, the marks left on him on full display.
Letting Kayla go, he scratched the back of his head, "what is it? I was kinda busy."
As if on cue, another girl came down the stairs, holding her shoes in one hand and her bra in the other.
Grinning, he licked his lips, "show yourself out the door, Mel, and make sure not to let it hit that pretty little ass of yours on the way out."
"Fuck you,"
"We could always go for round three,"
Muttering incoherently under her breath, she stomped out of the house while slamming the door shut.
Chuckling, he looked at Bruce, "she was a clingy one."
"Ah," nodding as if he understood, he slapped a playful hand to the back of his neck, "try to keep your dick in check though, alright? I got another one for you and I need you using that head of yours."
"You know I always get the job done even if I end up getting a victory fuck after."
Shaking his head, he let go of him while taking everyone into consideration as he began filling them in on their latest conquest. "It's gonna be a big one tonight," he said, his eyes shining like diamonds as if someone had just handed him a million dollars. "It's nothing we've ever dealt with before. Gregory thinks he’s given us a run for our money but really, all he did was give away five grand and a price at his Casino down in Vegas."
"Vegas, huh?"
"Yup," he nodded, "we need as many territory builds that we can get no matter where it is and how easy we can access it. Vegas is no joke, not when it comes to our business and I think we could make a lot of money if we take over it."
"I'm down," Marco said, "just tell me what we gotta do."
"That's exactly the thing I want to hear," he responded truthfully. "We round up the guys and head north towards Kings Drive out by Emerald. They'll be waiting for us at the Church just outside the venue we have there. It's going to be played dirty because that's what Greg is known for around where he lives. He doesn’t give a damn about the amount of blood spilled as long as he comes out on top. He can recruit others, it’s no problem for him, and so he barely has anything to lose."
"When we go out there, we have to go in with a bang and I'm talking about one that will make it to the books. Machine guns and everything and when we’ve killed nearly all of them, that’s when Greg comes out and Justin will be the one to take care of it."
"Why me?"
"Because unlike all of us, playing dirty is your specialty."
"That's true," walking over towards the table, he grabbed a shot before topping it back and letting the vodka burn his throat. "I'm in," he slammed the glass back down as the others followed.
It was dark and dreary and somehow I found myself going along the ride with them. It was weird being here especially knowing that not only could they not see me, but they didn’t even know who I was.
I didn't like it.
Something didn't sit right inside of me and I knew this little job of theirs wasn't going to end the way they all thought it would and all I wanted to do was to scream go back! It's dangerous! But I couldn't.
I couldn't do anything but sit back and watch it all happen.
Ending a call, Bruce leaned up, stuffing his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, "that was Prince. Looks like Greg is exactly where I told you he would be. He's been scoping the area, making sure we didn't leave him a surprise."
"What?" Justin raised a brow as he whirled around to look at him, a cigarette perched in between his fingers as he inhaled the smoke before blowing it out, creating a haze, "he thinks we're gonna blow him up?"
"Probably,"
"If I wanted his body to rip apart by the seams, I could just do that myself. All I need is a knife, and I would've gotten the job done."
They all laughed.
Leaning over, I brushed my fingers against the side of Justin's face even if he couldn't feel me. He was different—colder, like the first time I met him.
I could feel the slight stubble and knew he hadn't shaved in a few days.
Suddenly the car came to a stop and everyone pulled the ski masks on over their heads.
Exiting, they walked around back where they popped the trunk open and several guns were passed around. Stuffing a hand gun into the waistband of his jeans, Justin easily caught a machine gun right after.
"In and out, just like we planned. We kill everyone in sight and then we take care of Greg."
Nodding, they all began taking their places, cowering away in the darkness as they hid in the shadows as if they were a part of the SWAT team.
And then it happened.
Everyone stepped out once Bruce kicked the doors open. They aimed and shot everyone in sight before hiding behind a few statues along the way to dodge the bullets coming their way. Some were shot however but they pulled through and kept fighting even if they knew they weren't going to make it.
My heart beat accelerated as my eyes stayed locking on Justin's back who had no intentions of backing down as he continued down the open venue with his arms extended, killing anyone he could find just like he was instructed.
His eyes were dark, his jaw locked tight as he focused in on every angle of the entire place. It was like he knew where everyone was hidden before they even revealed themselves to him.
It wasn't until the gun he held ran out and he had to use his hand gun instead.
"Fuck," he muttered. There was more men than both one of them expected and when more came out from their hidden spots, they all began to realize this was an ambush.
Hiding behind a bench, Justin checked to see if he had enough bullets before glancing over and seeing John, who had been beside him the entire time, a couple feet away from him.
He had the same issue and both found themselves figuring out what they could do.
"You guys did one hell of a job," Greg's voice called out as it echoed throughout the entire place.
My hands began to sweat and my head began racing. It was all happening in slow motion and no matter how hard I tried to move, I was glued to the floor.
"NO!" I screamed, but it was no use. They couldn't hear anything I said, and being so powerless knowing there was no going back from this sent a wave of nausea through me.
Standing, John began shooting the remainder of everyone inside as Justin did the same, except his bullet was focused towards Greg instead.
What he didn't expect to see however was a gun already set in his direction and before any one of them could warn the other, a bullet punctured through the air.
"JUSTIN!" My hands flew to my mouth as tears spilled from my eyes. His body fell to the floor and everyone stood silent.
I began shaking, my entire world falling out from right under me as I stared at him. He didn't look scared, he didn't look like he cared.
"NO!" Finding the force to run over to him, I dropped to my knees as everything froze around me and all that remained was us. Holding him to me, I ran my fingers through his hair, "stay with me." I whispered as the tears continued to fall, "come on!"
A smirk fit across his lips as the life began draining out of him. He didn't bother to cover the wound on his chest as I did everything I could to stop the bleeding.
"I need you! You can't leave me," I sobbed into his neck, breathing in his scent mixed with the eerie feeling of death surrounding me.
He didn't have a care in the world that he was dying. It didn't even matter that the others won. He was falling into a scene of peace and quiet, something he's wished for, for all of his life.
Every day he fought a battle he knew he would end up losing one day even if his ego stopped him from believing it every so often.
He knew this life would end up with him buried six feet under but the thought never bothered him because he didn't have anything to live for.
His sister was gone, his parents disowned him, and the one girl he ever cared for cut his heart open and took whatever was left of it.
There was nothing for him here and as he took his final breath, I could feel everything around me spin in circles.
We met for a reason. It wasn't luck, it was fate.
We need each other more than anything else and the more I cried, the more a light began to filter around us.
He was the love of my life, and I his, and no matter what, we would find our way back to each other.
Nothing could keep us apart.
Not even the past.
Justin's Point of View:
"She just moved,"
I could feel her fingers tighten slightly around my own and it was like a jolt of electricity shot through me.
"Get the nurse!"
Rushing to the door, my dad called out for one.
Pushing her hair back, I leaned over her frame while holding our hands up to my chest, "come on baby, and open your eyes."
Suddenly her heart beat began to pick up and the machines started to beep louder than usual.
Kissing her hand repeatedly, I kept glancing behind me, urging my dad to keep calling out for a doctor before turning back to her, "come on baby girl, you can do this. Just open your eyes for me, sweet heart."
"Sir, I'm going to need you to move back."
Releasing her hand reluctantly, I rubbed my hands on the fabric of my jeans, trying hard to keep in place while the doctors rushed in to check her vitals.
"What's going on?"
Turning, I watched as Kelsey's father took a step into the room, his eyes wide with confusion.
"Kelsey's monitors are acting which means she could be waking up," pulling the small light from his pocket, Dr. Spinelli pulled her eye lids up while trying to see if she was conscious or not.
Taking the seat next to her bed, James grabbed her hand, "Kelsey, honey, can you hear me?"
Writing a few things down in his chart, he moved back while checking the rate in which the monitor was moving.
Rubbing my hands together, I pulled at my fingers, concern etched across my face as I glanced over at my dad who nodded his head in encouragement while squeezing my shoulder.
"I know it's hard, but I'm going to need you to open your eyes for me honey. Can you hear me?"
A low moan escaped through her chapped lips as she took in a deep breath. "Yes," she whispered, her voice hoarse.
Biting the inside of my cheek at the sound of her voice, I swallowed hard.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked hesitantly, afraid that if he spoke any faster, she would fall back into the coma.
"Daddy," she spoke slowly, a small smile gracing her lips as she settled her tired gaze on him once she opened her eyes. "I hope you're not mad at me," she sighed and I could tell it hurt to talk too much.
"Mad?" he repeated in question out of disbelief. "I'm not mad at you. I'm relieved that you're okay," he smiled back, his hand squeezing hers.
Glancing up at me, I couldn't breathe as her eyes met mine for the first time in what felt like forever.
"We have a lot to talk about and we will but you need to rest, alright?" he continued to console her.
Not even paying attention to what he was saying, her eyes glossed over. "Justin..."
As if on cue, James took a look back at me before standing up from his spot as I walked over to her, taking his seat while grabbing her hand again and planning to never let it go.
"You came back..."
"To you," she fluttered her eyes at me, exhaustion clear but the light in her eyes burned my insides like an ongoing fire that never stopped. "You look tired," she noted sadly.
"I was just scared," I admitted out loud.
"It's okay," she smiled softly, breathing in through the pain. "I'm okay."
Shaking my head, I bowed my head as the tears threatened to resurface. Holding them back, I inhaled a shaky breath, "I love you so much," glancing up, I caressed her cheek out of habit, "you are..." kissing her knuckles, I held on tight as tears blurred my vision, "my whole world."
When she closed her eyes, I nearly panicked until she opened them again, her eyebrows knitting together, "mmm, relax," she cooed.
Scoffing a slightly laugh, I bit my lip, "how're you feeling?"
"Tired," she glanced over at me, "and I know that's weird to say considering I've been out for so long."
"Way too long," I confirmed while breathing in through my nose and settling our hands on the bed. "So much has happened."
"Tell me."
Swallowing hard, I couldn't look her in the eye knowing she was covered in bruises because of me. Standing, I thumbed behind me, "maybe the doctors should look at you first."
"Can you let him go get them?" she gestured towards her dad while holding onto me, "I don't want to let go of your hand."
"Kelsey—" he took a step forward.
"Please," she whispered and that's all it took for him to oblige to her request.
Watching as he walked out, I slowly sat back down again.
"You didn't have to do that, you know," I cleared my throat, "I would've came back in a minute tops."
"I know, but I've spent enough time away from you... I don't want to spend anymore."
And that's all it took for everything to come spinning down on top of me. Every emotion I've ever felt burning throughout my entire body causing every hair to stick on end. "I'm so sorry."
Her face fell. "For what?"
"For everything you have gone through because of me."
"I know how scary it is, Justin. I can remember just sitting with you when you were shot and watching you breathe but you wouldn't wake up. I would talk to you and I would tell the both of us that you were going to be okay." Pausing, she shifted slightly, "did you talk to me?"
"All the time."
"What did you say?"
Fighting the urge to kiss her, I kissed the back of her hand instead. "I said that I loved you and I'm sorry I let this happen. I would promise to keep you safe but I don't even know how anymore." Clenching my jaw, I focused my attention on the thin fabric covering her body, "it doesn’t matter though because no matter what I said, it doesn't change the fact that I almost got you killed."
"No, stop." She shook her head, "stop saying that." Reaching up, her small hand cupped the side of my cheek, "it wasn't your fault. If I had to choose between getting hurt and you being killed, I would choose this every single time."
"No!" I choked out, turning my head from her though she caught me by the chin, forcing me to look at her. Grabbing her hand, I pulled it away. "Never again." And I meant it.
"Mr. Bieber, I'm going to need you to step out while I run some tests."
Nodding, I let her fingers slip through my own as I stood and walked out. I felt like a prick and maybe I was one at the moment, but I didn't care at the moment. I couldn't let her talk like that because no matter what she said, I would rather die than have her suffer the pain she did.
"I think it's time you give her some space."
Turning around, I spotted James walking over to me with nothing but shame in his eyes.
"You can talk to her if you want."
"That's not what I meant." His voice was sharp, his piercing blue eyes nearly sending daggers through my own from the amount of loathing he had built up for me. It was no secret he hated me long before he found out Kelsey and I were a couple, but this was deep and a part of me knew where this was headed.
"You did enough damage to her. Both physically and mentally, and I think it's about time you take a step back and let her heal on her own." He paused, "without you."
"She needs me."
"No, what she really needs is her family."
Curling my fingers into fists, I dug my nails into the palms of my hands until I felt blood, "I'm her family."
"You're nothing but a killer and you've proved that on several occasions. Nothing you say or do will change the way I feel about you, but if you love my daughter as much as you say you do, you would do the noble thing and walk away from her."
"I can't do that."
His face contorted with anger, "you listen to me, and listen to me good." He jabbed his finger into my chest, "she has gone through enough. Do you understand me? More than she bargained for getting involved with you. She could have died and all for what? Because she was involved in your mess. Not because it was destined for her, not because she tried saving someone else, not because it was an accident. She could have died because of you."
"You don't even know the half of it," I countered sharply, feeling the anger building up inside of me. No one understands. No one but us.
"Then please explain it to me because what I'm getting from this is that you are nothing but a ruthless gangster who goes around throwing his gun, spitting threats for money. She's not going to be safe with you. She wasn't before and she isn't now. You are a threat to her. You always have been and now is the time that you act on it and stay away for good because if you don't, God only knows what could happen next."
Turning to look through the blinds covering the window, my stomach pulled in several directions. She was broken and bruised, beaten and left for dead and I was the one who put her there.
Looking up at me, she waved slightly, a small smile etching across her face as she spoke to the doctor who jotted things down. Forcing myself to return it, I then stuffed my hands into my pockets.
"Do the right thing for once," James pressed, knowing he was getting through to me and I hated every second of it.
But he was right.
I couldn't be selfish with her anymore.
Opening the door to her room. Dr. Spinelli walked out. "The test results are good." Clicking his pen shut, he stuffed it back into his pocket while looking over the notes he had taken, "Kelsey's reacting excellent, better than expected which means she should make a full recovery."
"Thank you," James shook his hand. "Can I go see her?"
"Yeah, you don't have to treat her with kid gloves anymore. She's going to be fine. The bruises and cuts will take time to heal so she has to say for a few more days until she's able to walk on her own, but other than that, you don't have to worry about a thing."
Walking away, James entered Kelsey's room, making sure to leave the door open.
Kelsey's Point of View:
Hearing the door open, I had hoped it would be Justin, but was almost disappointed to see it wasn't.
"Hey sweetheart," my dad smiled.
Returning it, I watched as he took the seat next to me. "Where's Justin?"
Something in his eyes told me he wasn't too pleased I had asked. "He's outside," he pushed my hair back from my face, careful not to touch any of the cuts.
It took a while before my entire body felt the aftermath of what had happened. Giving me pain medication knowing I would eventually ask for them, Dr. Spinelli made sure to tell me I was going to be just fine and that's all that mattered to me.
Justin worried enough as it was so to hear good news for once was something I cherished greatly.
"Oh, okay," I awkwardly coughed, my limbs feeling like jello as I tried to move upwards on the bed.
I haven't spoken to him in months and the last time I did, he told me I was dead to him. How does one go back from that?
"I guess this has all been pretty crazy for you, huh?" I tried to lighten the mood knowing how protective and overbearing my father could be.
"You have no idea," he responded, tight lipped, but it was genuine. He was trying and I couldn't ask for anything more.
"I might."
"Look, Kelsey—"
"It's okay," I whispered hoarsely, my voice too weak.
I knew where his was going and the last thing I needed was for him to spill his guts to me, telling me how sorry he was for the horrible way he treated me.
I needed him and he pushed me away because he didn't agree with my life decisions. Instead of supporting me, he neglected me, and I rather push past it then have to deal with it.
"No it's not," he argued gently, not wanting to startle me. "I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was just angry and I wasn't thinking straight. I guess I never am."
Looking at him, I rested my head back against the pillow, listening to what he had to say. If he wanted to make the effort, I wasn't going to stop him.
"I love you and all I want is for you to be happy."
"I am happy."
"Kelsey—"
"No, dad."
"No, listen to me." Licking his lips, he mentally prepared for what he was about to say which only made me grow nervous. "A lot has happened these past few years and I missed out on them because I was far too concerned with my own opinions that I didn't realize just how ridiculous I was being. You are my daughter and I should have protected you instead of letting this happen."
"This isn't your fault," I managed to say through the tightness in my throat. "Please, don't blame yourself. Nobody knew."
"I'm your father, I should have been there to keep you safe," he laid a hand to his chest, rubbing against it as if it would make the pain disappear. "Me."
"You're here now and that's all that matters," I reassured him, or at least tried to. "I'm alive and I'm breathing. It's going to take some time to recover, but I'm going to make it."
"I know you are," he leaned over to kiss my forehead, "because you're just like your mother. Strong and stubborn."
Giggling, I sighed in content that things were starting to fall into place again, "I love you daddy."
"I love you too, pumpkin."
Glancing up, my heart fluttered when I saw Justin standing at the entrance of the room. Something was off, but as I smiled and he did too, it vanished into the air.
Looking behind him, my dad nodded to himself as if he knew this was his cue to go before catching my gaze once more. "I'll let you talk to Justin while I go get a cup of coffee."
"Thank you."
Soon after he left, Justin stepped farther into the room.
"Hey," I whispered while perching my hands on either side of me on the bed, "do you think you could help me sit up?"
"Yeah," grabbing my arm, he tugged me lightly while I pushed myself the rest of the way. Freezing momentarily as if he were thinking about something, he finally leaned down and kissed me on the cheek.
Pressing my lips together, I looked up at him as he pulled away soon after and sat down where my father had.
"You need to get some rest."
"You need to stop worrying." I reassured him, "the doctor's said that I'm going to be fine."
"And that's all I wanted," he said, avoiding my eyes.
Catching them, I shook my head as if to clear my own thoughts, "what's wrong? Did something else happen?"
"No," he whispered.
"Justin, just tell me." I could tell something was wrong. The air was thick with undeniable tension and the look in his eyes told me otherwise. "Did they say something else?"
"No, no, it's nothing like that," he vigorously shook his head.
"Are you sure?" I pressed, knowing he would hold back if it meant not upsetting me.
"I promise," he looked me dead in the eye and that's when I knew he was telling the truth. "You're going to heal perfectly fine."
"Okay, good." I smiled, biting at the corner of my lip. If all was to go as planned then there was nothing holding me back from making it official. "I don't want to wait."
"What are you talking about?"
I had been thinking about it for quite some time. I was just too afraid to say it out loud. Being apart from him made me realize that I needed him like I needed air, at every second of the day. He was a part of me. "I don't want to wait to be your wife anymore."
Suddenly, his face paled as if he were going to be sick. "Kelsey..."
"It's about time that I became your wife, you know?" I glanced down at my ring, "I think we waited long enough—"
"Kelsey—" he began again but I was too stubborn to listen.
"With everything that happened, now is the perfect time. We can get everyone together. Even my dad's here and he apologized." I grinned, finally feeling at ease with everything going on in my life.
"Kelsey," he pushed and the way he said it made my heart stop.
"What?"
"I... can't marry you," he said slowly as if tasting the words in his mouth. "My life is too dangerous," he subdued, "I have to stay away from you."
It all happened in slow motion, like the movies; everything around you stopping as if all that existed was you and the other person. It was weird. Watching movies you don't think it’s possible that it could happen, but sitting here and actually feeling it, you start to believe that anything is possible.
"I never lied to you and I'm not going to start now."
"Okay," I squeaked out before clearing my throat to rid of it, "okay. Justin, look. I don't care what you say as long as you stay here."
"You almost died because of me," he constrained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"But I didn’t." I hissed through clenched teeth, trying to get through to him. I could see it in his eyes, he was getting lost with the idea that this was it for us but I knew otherwise. I just had to get through to him in time. "You promised you would be here and you said that we would be together. Justin, you put a ring on my finger. Remember?"
Looking around as if he were searching for something, Justin nodded, his eyes tinting red, "yes," he said breathlessly as if he had been running a mile.
"Yes," I repeated, "so why..." I reached over to grab his face when he moved away, "why are you saying this?"
"I took over the business," he swallowed the thickness forming in his throat, "which means I'm in charge now. That makes me a target."
"I don't care—"
"I'm not going to watch you go through something like this again!"
"No," I shook my head, refusing to give in, "I am not afraid."
"You almost had to have surgery because of me," he barked. "You were nearly beaten to death because you were mine. You want to live and build a future for yourself. You want to have children—"
"I want to have your children!" I cried out, "I want to live our, our lives together Justin."
"I can’t keep putting you at risk!" he snapped and though he didn't mean to, I flinched anyways.
"You love me..." I trailed off, "I know you do."
Silence overcame us as he stood penetrating his gaze through the tiled floors right next to my bed side. "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you," he whispered as his eyes found mine once more.
Biting my lip, I didn't even try to fight the tears that fell. "Please..." I thumbed his chin before he had the chance to pull away from me again, "you don’t have to do this."
"That’s why I have to."
"No!" I shouted, knowing this was the end and I didn't want it to be. Not like this. Not when I couldn't fight back. "Justin," grabbing his hand once he stood up, I made sure to have a good grip. "You don’t have to do this. Justin, please."
"Kelsey—" he tugged, wanting to free his hand but knowing he couldn't pull too hard in fear of hurting me, but nothing stood close to the pain I felt in my chest.
"Please don’t," I swallowed. "Don’t do this—don’t leave me."
Glancing down at our hands once more, he contemplated for a quick second before pulling his hand free and walking away from me like he had once before.
"Justin, please... I love you." Squeezing my eyes shut, I prayed for him to come back to me. But he didn't. Using all the energy I could, I called out to him, "Justin, don't go! Don't—"
As if on cue, my father ran into the room.
"Please dad, go get him," I frantically waved towards the door, hoping he could reach him on time. "Get him before he goes on the elevator please." Taking another deep breath, I prepared my lungs for the worst, "JUSTIN!"
"Kelsey!" he hushed, running his hands up and down my arms as his way of soothing me.
"No," I panted. It was like I was stuck underwater and I couldn't get up. I kept screaming, trying to let air in, but the harder I fought, the more I was drowning.
All I knew was him. He was my everything from the first day I met him. He became my rock, the one person I had in my life that I could depend on and without him, and I felt like nothing.
I had nothing.
I was nothing.
"Please don't let him leave, don’t let him leave me." I hiccupped, gasping for air as the hole in my throat began to close up.
I could feel my entire life slip between my fingers and no matter what I did, I couldn't grab a hold of it.
"Justin is doing what he believes is the right thing to do," he consoled me as best he could.
"No, Justin... he's just worried. He gets like this." I looked at him, "go tell him to come back and tell him that everything is going to be okay."
"He won’t listen to me, Kelsey."
"He loves me...” I sniffled, trying to breathe normally again.
"There is no question about that."
"And I love him too." Choking back sobs, nothing worked and I found myself falling into hysterics once more, my entire face swollen.
"Justin is my life, he's my family. I am nothing without him, do you understand that? I... am... nothing... without him," I choked between each word, my body shaking.
"That isn't true anymore," he said with tears in his eyes. "You have me now and I promise you, it will all be okay, Kelsey. You have to believe me. It will all be okay."
Justin's Point of View:
I knew what I had to do.
The more I stood there, twiddling my thumbs and running over my options, the more I realized the only thing left was to let her live the life she's always deserved—without me in it.
She was the light swallowed up by this darkness, the same one that has followed me for years and refused to let me go, and I wasn't going to let her be a victim of it again.
Not when she had so much to live for.
As soon as her eyes laid on mine, I knew this was it, this was going to be the end of me—us, but I couldn't let her catch on so I smiled back as soon as her lips lifted into one similar to mine.
She was filled with life, a miracle all on its own, and knowing I nearly took that away from her ate me up inside.
I could have several different people telling me the same thing that I had no control of the matter, but truth is, I did. I could have ended this nightmare a long time ago, but I held onto the thought that maybe, just maybe, I could be happy again.
However, fairytales were just that—tales, myths, stories to keep our hopes up with the idea that wishes do come true, but if that were true, we would have made it.
We would have gotten our happy ever after.
I avoided James' eyes all together as he stepped out of the room to give us our privacy.
I couldn't look him in the eyes to let him know he won. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he was right and I was wrong.
He was right about me all along.
I was nothing but a monster.
Stepping farther into the room, I helped her sit up at her own request and being so close to her, knowing this was the last time I ever would be, I took it as my chance to feel her warmth against my lips.
She could sense something was wrong, a trait I envied. She knew me better than I knew myself, a danger more powerful than anything else in the world.
"What's wrong? Did something else happen?"
I reassured her of the truth.
"I don't want to wait anymore," she said, a look of faith in her eyes. She was beaming, the nerves kicking in but she held her ground. "I don't want to wait to be your wife anymore."
And that was all it took for me to shut down.
Her eyes, the look on her face when I told her I couldn't marry her was something I had never experienced before and something I would regret for the rest of my life.
All I wanted in the world was to make officially make her mine on paper for all the world to see, but I couldn't if I wanted her to survive this cruel world we lived in.
Looking at her, seeing the determination and pain in her eyes was like a knife repeatedly stabbing my chest, twisting and tugging until it shattered and all that was left was numbness. The same numbness I've grown accustomed to all my life.
I should have known she would fight back. I should have known she would deny the truth and try to convince me otherwise.
I should have known she wouldn't just let me go.
No matter how much bad she saw, the good was what she aimed for and that was her biggest downfall yet because believing in me was like believing in miracles, and miracles didn't exist for me—they never did.
"You promised you would be here and you said that we would be together. Justin, you put a ring on my finger. Remember?"
I remembered and just like that, it all came caving in; the suffocation, the lack of air to breathe—the walls were closing in around me and everything blurred.
I had made so many promises—promises I couldn't keep, and it was because of those promises that I lost the power to keep holding on.
"You love me," she whispered, "I know you do."
Clenching my jaw, I burned my gaze through the floors of the room, trying so hard not to rip apart at the seams, "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you."
"Then why," she tried to grab at my face but I couldn't look her in the eye, "why are you doing this?"
"That's why I have to."
It's because I love her that I have to do this.
Standing, her hand on mine sent my head spinning into an endless pit of hope, and for a split second, I almost stayed and told her it was all a lie and that I would marry her on the spot.
But then I saw the wires and the machines, the discoloration on her skin a reminder of the pain she endured on my behalf, and I was brought back to reality.
This was the end.
"I love you..." she whispered behind me but all I could hear was her father's words in the distance.
...but if you love my daughter as much as you say you do, you would do the noble thing and walk away from her.