**there's a LOT of dialogue in this chapter!!**
"well, are you guys ready to get going?" jonathan asks as he finishes loading the last of our supplies into his car.
there's muffled replies from everyone but me, i choose to just stay silent.
will told me he doesn't want me to tell them about the walkie-talkie, that it's only for me to use, and i have no idea how i'm going to be able to keep this to myself. so, i just won't say anything at all until we get to him or i can wait until inevitably one of us cracks and has to talk to the other one while i'm in the car, which will undoubtedly happen at some point.
"okay, kiddos. let's go!"
we all pile into the car, one after the other. the 4 of us all have to sit in the backseat, lucas is closest to the window on the left side, i'm next to him, then max and finally el on the right side. they put me max and i in the middle because i'm (unfortunately yet obviously) the narrowest out of the 4 of us and max just wanted el to be able to look out the window. luckily, it gives me quick access to the supplies we brought for the trip which are in the trunk, the trip that will thankfully be much easier (and quicker) in jonathan's car.
"does anyone actually know where we're heading?" nancy asks from the front seat as she turns the knob of the radio.
"toward the border, right guys?" max clarifies.
"random question, where is arizona from here?" i ask, trying to keep my voice nonchalant.
jonathan turns all the way around to look at me. i guess i wasn't nonchalant enough.
"arizona? jesus fucking christ." he says under his breath.
everyone's looking at me now.
"what? it was- it was just a question. it's not like...far, right?"
"about 26 hours from here, mike." nancy huffs in quiet annoyance, finally settling on just popping in one of jonathan's cassettes into the radio instead.
26 hours? by car?
"oh, okay."
i sit back and try to process the time i'm about to have to spend listening to my sister bicker in the car.
"hey mike?" will's voice over the walkie-talkie.
shit. fuck! well, this was inevitable.
there's silence. like me, everyone is staring at my backpack in disbelief, eyes wide and mouths open.
i slowly reach down to unzip it and pull out the device, like moving too fast might make it detonate.
"was that....was that will?" jonathan is the first to speak. he turns off the cassette and makes a full turn to look at me, again.
"it's a long story but short answer...yes?" i say honestly.
"mike?" will's voice again. i realize i haven't said anything to him yet and he can't hear this conversation because i'm not holding down the talk button.
"sorry, i'm here. did you get a name?" everyone's eyes are on me, confusion obvious on their faces, which is totally understandable. will has been missing for months and all of a sudden his voice is coming out of a walkie-talkie which i didn't even have when we left. i guess i probably should've told them before now.
"tucson, arizona. i had to go into the nearest town to find anyone. how far is that?"
"about 26 hours." i reveal.
"can i-can i talk to him?" jonathan asks before will can reply.
"okay, i can stay here until you get here."
i give a quick nod to jon before telling will, "hey will, so i'm in the car now with everybody. someone wants to talk to you."
i hand it over to jonathan.
"okay?"
"hey buddy." jonathan's voice is somewhere between a relieved giggle and a sob.
"jonathan?!"
"yeah, it's me. enjoying your trip?"
will laughs a little, "yeah, the weather's great."
jonathan nods a little, a small smile on his lips.
"hey buddy? how are you?"
it's a great question, one that none of us have really prepared to hear the answer to or had the balls to ask ourselves.
"i'm okay, jon. you'd be surprised what kind of survival skills i've acquired. and the people i've met along the way have been so nice, one lady even let me spend the night at her house with her cats and she gave me enough money to eat for an entire month! but, god, i can't wait to be home and sleep in my own bed and eat real food again and listen to cassettes and paint and-" will starts sobbing.
"you'll be home real soon, okay? we're on the way right now. just stay put, okay? i miss you, buddy." jonathan says handing me the walkie-talkie and beginning to drive.
"i miss you, too. all of you. i'd better put this thing away so i can save the batteries. mike, can you hear me?"
"yeah, i'm right here." i answer.
"i love you. i'll see you-" he sighs, "i'll see you soon."
"i love you, too. i can't wait to tell you that in person."
"me, too. over and out."
i smile and put the walkie-talkie in my bag.
"michael." nancy says from the front seat, looking at jonathan expectantly.
shit.
"are you and will-" nancy begins and is interrupted by jonathan.
"god, nance, it doesn't take an investigation team to figure that one out. you didn't...didn't you see the-" jon leans closer to her and whispers the end of the sentence in her ear.
"mike!" her eyes are bugged out and she turns around to look at me. she makes a really weird face i've never seen on her before.
"what?" i ask, suddenly feeling left out of whatever it is they were talking about.
"hickies?" she raises her eyebrows at me and i can feel my cheeks burn. i don't say anything.
"okay, troops, looks like we're heading to arizona." jon says, igniting the car, in a rather cinematic way.
"we should probably tell dustin and steve. they might be able to get there before us." lucas says, reaching to grab his own walkie-talkie.
as much as it hurts me to think that i may not be the first one to see will after all these months, that it might be dustin or steve, i can't help but feel like it would definitely be a good idea to let them know, just in case they can be there. the sooner he's found, the better.
is it even found anymore if we know where he is as much as it's just going to get him?
"that's great! we're right around there!" it's steve's voice through the walkie-talkie.
my heart beats hard, i bite my lip. everything's kind of hitting me right now. we're going to find him, we'll be there soon.
i feel a tear roll down my cheek before i feel someone place a hand on my arm.
i blink hard and try to see, but i can't see anything clearly right now.
i cry harder and fold my arms and try to make myself as small as possible.
i hear someone say something, but it kind of sounds like i'm underwater. it's not clear, it's muffled noise.
"mike?" it's will's voice this time, but not on the walkie-talkie, it seems to be echoing in my head.
great, now i'm fucking hearing things. i try deep breathing, try to name 5 things i can see and all that shit, but nothing's calming me down.
"mike!"
my eyes open and i turn to see max's hand on my shoulder, shaking me violently.
"jesus, man, are you okay?" she asks, a little out of breath. i feel the car come to an abrupt stop.
i look around, shit.
el's crying, lucas is yelling something over the walkie-talkie, nancy is turned around staring at me like i have 6 heads, and jon is just staring at the road, knuckles white on the steering wheel.
"what? what happened?" i ask, feeling as my shoulders relax and i finally let out a breath i didn't realize i had been holding.
"what in the world were you thinking about?" max goes through el's bag and pulls out a tissue. she hands it to me.
"did i-?" i wipe my nose and look at the tissue to reveal blood.
i didn't have time to think about this the first time, but what the hell is up with the nosebleeds?
"about will. just seeing him again." i answer honestly.
"well, you're not allowed to think about it again. at least until we're off the road." max gives me a stern yet somehow apologetic look.
"what happened?" i ask, still confused as to why everyone's reacting the way they are.
"you almost fucking made us get into a wreck!" jonathan yells, hitting his hands hard on the steering wheel.
nancy grabs his hands quickly and holds them in hers, "jon, that couldn't have been on purpose. mike wants to see will probably as much as all of us combined, he wouldn't do anything to sabotage that. you have to know that." her voice is calm and soothing, it reminds me a little bit of when mom would talk to me when i got hurt on the playground. this voice that makes you want to feel better.
"you made the car go really fast all of a sudden and jonathan couldn't stop it." max explains.
shit, really? i did that?
"well, why the hell is this happening now? i thought the first time that it was will. he sent me that message, he did it. he's the one with powers, right? like el? it's not me. sure as hell isn't me. sure, i got a nosebleed and that was pretty weird timing, but it can't be me. why would it?"
"we could ask the same thing about will. i mean, el, sure, her mom was in that lab and dr. brenner did experiments while she was pregnant, her powers make sense. but, will, he's been here all his life, right? joyce didn't do any sketchy shit while she was pregnant, how did will end up with powers? and why not jonathan? it really, none of it makes sense." lucas asks.
it's a good point, it's a really good point. where did will's powers come from?
"me. it was in the upside-down and i needed to save him, help him, so i did what i could, what i had to do." el says sheepishly from the corner where she has since calmed down.
"you? how did you-?"
"it's really hard to explain it, but he has a part of me and i have a part of him. he's a little more supernatural and i'm a little more human. he had something there before, i think everyone in hawkins does, but i had to ignite it, force it out. i think that's why-"
oh shit, everything makes sense now.
"that's why i could project my feelings for will onto you." my voice is barely a whisper.
el smiles sadly and reaches across max's lap to grab my hand, "that's why i let you."
"that doesn't make sense. am i missing something?" max asks looking between the two of us.
"mike saw the part of me that was like will, the part i took from will when i saved him. his heart saw will in me and his head liked the fact that i, well, that i wasn't a boy. i knew by then, from what i had seen from will, that's what happened when you kissed me. i knew even before i knew you. and mike, i owed it to you for taking me in so selflessly like you did. it was love in your heart, just not for the right person. you are so good and i am really happy you figured it out before i had to go on and tell you," el leans in a little to whisper to me, "that would have been a little weird."
"all this time, you knew?" i ask.
"-seems to be a reoccurring theme with you today. knowing shit." max interjects wrapping her arm around el.
el smiles, "friends don't lie, but secrets are okay sometimes."
"did you ever even like me? or were you just letting it happen?" i ask, some part of my heart hurting a little. that would be pretty shitty if el felt like she had to do what she did with me.
"i think i did like you, but i got confused about friend feelings and relationship feelings. it's similar to how you felt, i think. you went with me but wished i was will, maybe even without knowing it. and i went with you because i had feelings for you but i didn't know any better and thought those feelings were relationship feelings. i don't know if i'm making any sense, i'm kind of tired." el says, yawning.
i smile and say, "no, it makes sense. but, we can talk more about this later."
el nods, yawns again and moves to lay her head on max's shoulder, moving the red hair out of her way as to avoid accidentally pulling it. she closes her eyes.
***************************
el sleeps for almost 2 hours and none of us say anything to each other for the duration.
it's nice and quiet and we're all kind of leaning to look out the windows. there's some soft music playing on the radio. nancy is holding jonathan's hand in the front seat, using her other hand to trace our way along the map, a contented smile on both of their faces.
we haven't heard from steve and dustin since i accidentally almost crashed the car as soon as we pulled out of the byers' driveway.
"where are we now?" i ask quietly, leaning up to look at nancy's map.
her finger stops on Illinois.
"we're about to arrive in springfield. we might stop so jonathan can get gas." she explains.
"how much longer?"
"we're going to have to spend the night somewhere, oklahoma city is right in the middle. look." she points to just about the middle of the path she outlined with sharpie.
"how much longer until we get there?" my eyes are focused on our first stopping point.
"once we get to springfield, 8 and a half hours if we don't stop again."
i nod. but, holy shit that's a long time.