Harper
I threw the empty wrappers into the trash can and wiped my sweaty hands, caused by nervousness, on my pants.
Holding my arm out to him, he declined it, proceeding to pull me close and wrap his arm around my shoulders. "Is this okay?" he asked.
I gave him an appreciative smile. Thankful that he asked, "Yeah."
"What's next?"
I smiled contentedly as we made our way back down the sidewalk. I looked down, wanting to avoid asking him the thing I wanted to ask. There was a store a block over and I wanted to check it out.
It was the cutest. Truly. They sold adorable, little cartoon cat plushies and other anime merchandise. The main theme was my favourite anime of all time, 'My neighbour Totoro'.
I wanted to take him there so I could hurt his ego even more. It made me happy. I leaned into his embrace and let the warmth fill the emptiness around us. "Well, there's this store," I started.
"Listening."
"I really want to go with you because they have these-"
"Lingerie." he finished. My cheeks pinked, "If you wanted me to take you shopping, you could've just told me."
His smirk wasn't helping my situation. He still had this effect on me and he knew it.
I wish I was like him. Capable of keeping a straight face. Always emotionless, grumpy and brooding.
He felt nothing yet he made me feel everything.
It was a dangerous game. In the end, it was up to fate to decide whether we got to win or not.
"You're so infuriating. If you keep this up, I'm walking away."
He pulled me closer, "What? I can't flirt with you?"
"No." I stammered, my words were the complete opposite of what I wanted. But I didn't want to add to his confidence.
"Scared?"
"What would I be scared of?" He knew that I already knew the answer.
His eyes collided with mine and I felt a jolt in the energy around us. However, I wasn't going to give him the answer he was expecting.
We both knew that it was lingering between us.
The love, the passion. It was all there. But there was something blocking us from letting ourselves fall completely, again. The past, the memories. The pain that I carried deep in my heart, still.
The difference between then and now was that before, I was the one that fell deeply and completely and he was the one who watched me fall apart.
And now, I was the one grounded and guarded and he, the one who was falling. He trusted me to catch him. Simultaneously, breaking down the walls around my heart in the process.
Wasn't it beautiful?
I thought so.
That was the beauty in it all, the thrill of just letting go and giving in.
He placed a kiss on the top of my head, "Whatever is going on in your mind, don't listen to it. You shouldn't be scared of me baby."
I gave him a look, "You're unbelievable. Do you know what happened to me when I let myself fall in love with you?"
He breathed out a light chuckle, "What's that thing you like to say? That was before and this is now."
"Stop using my words against me." I said.
"It's the truth."
"So? Three years and what's changed?
"Everything," he said.
"Or nothing."
"I've learnt my lesson, Harper."
"And what was that?"
"Stuff."
I laughed, "Stuff?"
"Yeah, I'll show you if you promise to stick around?"
I arched an eyebrow, "Why should I trust you?"
"Because I happen to know the best coffee houses in the city," he said.
Well, in that case... "I might just take you up on that."
"Promise me you'll stick around?"
"Promise you won't be stupid?"
He chuckled under his breath, "I promise."
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." It was a half joke. I felt bad for taking a jab at his heartless tendencies. But maybe underneath all that emotionless persona, there was a little bit of remorse and hopefully, his love for me.
"I'm better now," he said.
"Actions speak louder than words." I quoted.
"Then let me show you."
"Okay." I found myself saying. I think I could trust him. I was curious as to what coffee house he spoke of and if it was truly as good.
I found myself leaning into his embrace and it was strange to me. It hasn't even been a month and I was already comfortable.
And if there was anything he had shown me in the past is to not get too comfortable.
Things could change and everything could send me spiraling back to the past. Where I did not want to be.
In comfortable silence, we crossed the street and I could've sworn my heart was about to burst out of both nervousness and happiness.
Being around him had that effect. I was happy without him but happier when he was around.
The store was up ahead and I felt excitement fill my chest.
I pulled away from him, which earned a frown from his part but quickly placed my hand in his. He immediately relaxed. I dragged him inside and took in his reaction as he looked around. "What is this place?"
"Heaven." I replied, reaching for a cat plushie that was on display and held it up to him, "Isn't it cute?"
"No."
I laughed and put it back. Leading him further into the store, I let my eyes wander the oddly adorable selection of cat plushies.
Then I stopped as I felt like I was betraying Jelly. I went over to the 'Totoro' plushies and held up a medium sized one.
"I need this," I mumbled.
He took it out of my hands and looked at it. His expression was unreadable but I knew he thought it was cute.
"It's yours."
I grinned, "I'm paying and it's for you." Think of it like a welcome back into my life gift. He didn't look amused.
"Fine."
"You can admit it's the most adorable thing in the world, I won't tell anyone."
"You tell anyone, I'll kill you," he said coldly, going along with my joke smoothly.
"Your secrets are safe with me Morano."
He shook his head, "The things you do to me."
"Make you blush?" I offered.
"I don't fucking blush."
"I won't tell anyone that either."
His lips lifted into a smirk, wordlessly. I snickered and continued browsing the store, while he followed me.
By the end of my time in paradise, I gathered three things. One for me, one for him—I didn't tell him that, and one thing for Jelly.
Ace insisted on paying and I sneaked two twenty dollar bills in his pocket.
"For my girlfriend," he muttered. The guy behind the counter raised an eyebrow but quickly dropped the subject as Ace's broodiness silenced him.
I snorted and took the bag of items out of his hands then we exited the store together.
"Girlfriend? You never asked."
"Will you be my-"
"No."
"Oh." His eyes glistened with amusement which contradicted the disappointed impression. I smiled up at him.
"What?" he said.
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
I shook my head, "I think I'll keep my secrets."
"Thinking of me?"
"In your dreams." We continued walking back to my store in a good kind of silence. I let out a sigh, "I would ask you if you wanted to do something else after but I have to make dinner."
"I have work."
I nodded, "Alright then I guess we'll call it a night?"
"I'll see you around."
"Perhaps."
Rolling his eyes, he leaned down and placed a kiss on my jaw, "I'll see you around, Harper." he repeated. Smiling, I watched him go to his car. He caught my eyes once more, shooting me a wink and got in. His car disappeared amongst the many others driving down the busy streets.
I went to my car and got in. Reversing out of the parking spot, I turned on the radio and 'The Night We Met' by Lord Huron filled the car. I liked the longing feeling it gave me.
Later, I pulled into my driveway and parked the car. Stepping out, I walked up my front steps and unlocked the door.
Turning on the lights, I took off my shoes and went into the living room, greeted by Jelly who was curled up on the couch, watching tv.
She did this from time to time. It truly impressed me how she managed to get the remote. Shaking my head in amusement, I let her be and headed to the kitchen.
I washed my hands and stood in front of the fridge, looking through the contents while deciding what I wanted to make for dinner.
I thought about a salad but I was a little bored of salads. Pasta? Had that already, more than twice this week. Chicken? I don't have any.
That reminded me, I'll have to go grocery shopping some time later this week.
I settled on making simple and quick ramen. I grabbed a pack from the pantry, placing a pot on the stove to boil the water.
Once the water was ready, I placed the noodles in and waited a bit. Next, I added a pack of blended spices into the pot as well as two eggs. I used a pair of chopsticks and stirred. Turning off the stove as the noodles were done, I poured it into a bowl.
I went into the living room, grabbed my laptop from my bag and sat, my legs crossed on the couch.
Setting the bowl on the coffee table, I scrolled through my emails. Many online orders had been placed. I had a guy that did all the delivering. So in a way, I was like the company 'amazon'.
I wrote a few emails then shut my laptop. I leaned back against the backrest for a while, closing my eyes. I took a moment to relax then sat up straight, bringing my knee to my chest. I picked up my bowl and twirled the noodles with my chopsticks, bringing it up to my mouth. I chewed and let the peacefulness around entertain me.
I looked at the tv screen, listening to the broadcaster talk about the weather forecast. "... with a low of 70 degrees Fahrenheit tomorrow morning going up to a high of 79.."
I thought about all the things I could do tomorrow, after work. Maybe I could go on a nice walk? Perhaps a boardwalk? I could head to the swimming pool? Or go for bubble tea downtown. I didn't want to stay cooped up at home.
Summer was right around the corner. And I felt like things were about to get better than ever. Everything was changing. I wasn't sure if I was okay with that.
With him around, it might be the end of my peaceful life or the start of a new beginning to a journey filled with thrill and passion. Angst. Which could potentially lead to heartbreak. Again.
But I wouldn't dwell on it anymore.
I was happy he was around and I wanted to see what the universe had planned. I wanted to see what was written in the stars.
I finished up my food and got lost in thought. Simultaneously trying to figure out what was happening on the screen. A show played, and it was very... entertaining.
Suddenly, there was a commercial break.
Sighing, I got up and brought my bowl to the sink. After rinsing it, I placed it in the dishwasher then washed the chopsticks and pot. I caught sight of the time, nine forty five. Going up to my room, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, over and over again. Someone was calling me.
Without checking the contact, I picked up. A familiar voice spoke, "Hello?"
"Hi," I paused, "Phoebe?"
"Harper! Yes, it's me. I've been wanting to reach out but school's been eating my ass."
I laughed, "Either then that? How are you?"
She began telling me about her day. I liked her. She was fun to talk to. Phoebe went to school in Paris and informed me that she's back there now. She was visiting her parents here in New York.
"What about yours?"
"The usual. Work and stuff. I came home today and found my cat watching tv."
I could practically feel her gasp from the other end, "You have a cat?"
"Yeah. Her name's Jelly."
"That's so cute. I wish I had one but my roommate is allergic."
"That sucks." I said in a playful manner.
She sighed dramatically, "I know," a pause, "Can you send me a picture of Jelly, I love cats so much. They're so adorable."
I snorted, "Sure. But they're definitely... something. Jelly does this thing where she hisses at the camera whenever I try to take a picture." she laughed, "I only have a few good ones."
We spent the next hour talking about everything. Life, college, men, food, books, our favourite things in the whole world. Turns out, we had a lot in common.
I was smiling when we ended the call.
I plugged the charger into my phone and set it on my nightstand. I took a quick shower and did my night routine. All while he was on my mind.
He was always with me, constantly occupying my thoughts. It was almost unsettling.
In a way, I wasn't so scared anymore. My hesitance had been watered down because slowly, I've been getting comfortable with him. There we were again.
I felt all those feelings but not in that unhealthy and unstable way.
Time did change a lot between us but it never killed the love we had for each other. The flame was slowly re-igniting and this time, it was way stronger.
In the weirdest way, maybe time was in our favour.
I laid in bed, wrapped in my blankets, staring at the ceiling. I wondered what he was doing? But in a sense, I didn't feel as though I was longing to be in his presence, constantly.
I knew that we always had tomorrow. Until we don't. But I wasn't not going to dwell on my fears and sit with them while they taunted me.
Instead, I walked into the world of possibility and dreamed of what our future might be like?
It was funny how we still had some unfinished business with the past yet here I was, thinking about the future.
I hoped that we could at least spend the summer together.
I knew he was a busy person and wouldn't always be able to spend time with me. He would have to go back to his father at some point.
And strangely enough, the thought of being apart from him didn't seem so terrible, painful even.
It didn't make me feel anything.
Because I knew that we would never truly be apart.
He lingered in the air around me and vice versa. I didn't need to be around him all the time to feel content with my life.
And with the thought of him, I welcomed a deep slumber to overtake me.
~~
I strolled through the grocery store, pushing the cart. I was currently in the cereal aisle when my ringtone went off. I frowned as I wasn't expecting a call but picked up nonetheless. Checking the contact name, I smiled absentmindedly at his voice, "Hey."
It has been a week since I last saw him. I've been really busy with the store.
And he was right, he really did change—in a good way. He didn't need to see me everyday to be alright. Not like before.
Even when life went on, we'd always stayed on each other's mind. That was what was so beautiful about it all. I moved across the country but our souls continued to dance to a melody only we knew.
Our lives were so far from each other but found a way to intertwine every time.
It was all so distant but the memories lingered.
"Hi," I placed a box of cereal into my cart.
"You're shopping?"
"Yeah. What are you doing?"
"I'm at the gym," he said.
"Trying to impress me?" I teased.
He chuckled deeply, "Yes."
Heat creeped up my neck, "You're flirting."
"So?" before I could say anything, "Missed you." he mumbled.
"It's been a week."
"I missed you a little bit."
"Same here," I chose my next words carefully, "I wanted to ask, are you busy later?"
"No, why?" he said a little too quickly.
"Well, I thought you could take me to that coffee house you were telling me about."
"Yes, I'd like that."
I smiled, "Pick me up at twelve?"
It was ten in the morning and I liked going grocery shopping early in the day. There was less people.
"Wear something nice," he said.
"I always dress to impress."
"Wear that black dress."
"Telling me what to wear already? That's a turn off by the way."
He scoffed, "Please wear that dress."
"I have something else in mind but I'll think about it."
He dropped his whole 'asshole' persona, "Baby, I wasn't being serious."
I breathed out a laugh, "I know."
I realized I let him call me 'baby' and didn't give him a hard time about it. I could feel his smirk. "I'm wearing a dress but don't push your luck," I ended the call with a small smile playing on my lips. I was about to put away my phone when he texted me.
Ace: I'm wearing something nice for you.
My smile widened, butterflies fluttered in my chest.
Me: Is this a date?
Ace: yes.
Me: I don't think we established that
Ace: I don't remember caring.
He wasn't even around me and still had this affect on me. Unbelievable.
And I couldn't even find it in me to fight it. I wanted this, more than anything.
Three years apart was enough for me to realize that I was wrong about one thing.
Loving him wasn't a weakness. It wasn't my downfall.
We just didn't have enough time. That was before, and look at us now. Everything really did work out in the end.
And the future would always have surprises in store for us.
A new season always marked the end of a cycle and the beginning of another.
The book came to an end. But there was always room for an epilogue, a sequel. The performance always got an encore.
We'll get our second chance. It started now. It might always end. But this time, I think we were ready.
I continued pushing the cart down the aisle and soon, gathered everything I needed. Going over to the front to pay, the cashier scanned my items and I placed everything in my reusable grocery bags.
I brought everything back to my car and loaded the bags into the trunk. Getting in, I started the car and drove to my place.
I got there in no time and carried the groceries inside. I spent the next ten minutes or so storing the food away in the fridge, pantry or cupboards.
It was ten forty and I still haven't eaten any breakfast but decided against making something for myself because he'll be here in an hour. Besides, it was going to be a brunch "date." and I was too nervous to actually eat anything.
I went to my bedroom and looked through the potential outfit choices in my closet. Taking out the clothes I wanted to wear, I laid them out on my bed. I stood in front of multiple dresses, all different types. Body-con, slip dresses, mini dresses, skin tight, satin dresses and so on.
I had an obsession with dresses, if that wasn't obvious.
I settled on a sage green satin mini dress, it hugged my body perfectly in all the flattering places and reached down to my mid thigh.
Studying myself in the body mirror,I felt good in it. That was a sign that it was the right outfit for today.
Going into my bathroom, I did my makeup. The usual primer, foundation, eyeliner, mascara and not to forget my favourite thing ever, lip gloss. Next, I did my hair, leaving it down but curling it.
Perfect.
I knew nothing and no one was perfect but I made the exception for myself. Perfect was definitely boring but not for me. Insert obnoxious hair flip.
Exiting my bathroom, I grabbed my purse and a pair of black stilettos then finally headed downstairs. Checking the time on my phone, it was ten to twelve. In the back of my mind, all the intrusive and rational thoughts were having some sort of debate.
Choruses of What if he stood me up and Why would he do that went Back and forth.
I didn't think he was taking this seriously. I thought he was just messing around with me about the whole date thing but when he showed up in an expensively nice looking suit. And for once, wearing a tie that was done perfectly, all my worries disappeared.
He stood on my doorstep as handsome as ever, seeming just as nervous as I was. His eyes raked over my body, drinking in my appearance. This made me think back to our first date.
"I've been practicing." he said, noticing that I was concentrating on his tie.
I finally met his gaze, surprise evident in my eyes. The smile on my face told him everything. But before I could say anything, he beat me to the compliments. "You're fucking gorgeous baby."
This is the second time it happened. I didn't chastise him for calling me that. I was so done for.
"And you're fucking handsome." I mimicked his love for that word, simultaneously meaning that whole sentence.
His lips twitched upwards into a smirk as he held out his arm to me, "Shall we?" I grinned and stepped outside, locking the door behind me. I happily looped my arm in his and he guided me to his car.
As always, like the gentleman he was, he opened the door for me and as if absentmindedly, he placed his hand on the small of my back, helping me inside. I tensed up, not used to his intimate touch but thanked him nonetheless.
Getting in on his side, he reversed out of my driveway and we were off to wherever he planned to take me.
I fought back the urge to ask him what this so-called "best coffee house in the city" due to the knowledge that he wouldn't tell me even if I asked.
The ride there was rhode in silence. A peaceful kind.
We were just happy.
This could be the beginning of something and the end of another.
It was the start of us and the end of the past, the ghosts, the memories.
The end of everything and the beginning of something.
a/n
Phoebe is from solaraprya book! Winter in Paris.