Gilbert was approaching with quick speed as he came down the hall. Every single footstep gave off a recognizable echo as the wood succumbed to the weight, which hardly helped his heart that was pounding with worry. He could see his expression looking less than pleased the closer he came.
He swallowed hard.
"What's up with that face" Gilbert said by the time he was a few meters away.
"M-My face?"
"Anyways." He stopped. "I haven't entered the room since he stumbled in... I just couldn't"
The faded yellow lights bounced off the tired off-white walls, adding to the uneasy atmosphere that was created between the two. Feliciano crossed his arms unimpressed, giving no response.
"I hid this because I thought it would help him. And in the process you" Gilbert explained, looking for an ounce of understanding from him. "I will admit it was mostly for my little brother"
"Really?" Feliciano questioned, biting his lip. Nothing in the appearance of the man in front of him showed signs of lying.
"I knew who you were from the first time we met, that baby face of yours hasn't changed at all. When we began talking I definitely thought you would recognize me. It was a huge surprise to me that you didn't, because I am quite the personality" Gilbert recalled with a dry tone.
Feliciano nodded, encouraging him to continue.
Gilbert was tired, evidently by the faded look in his eyes. "Ludwig was forever changed after that summer, despite it being more than a decade ago. We tried to make him open up and even gone so far as to seeing a therapist, but it just got worse"
His entire face dropped in disbelief. "You didn't ever think about telling me, I could help-"
"How?" His question was immediate.
Feliciano stopped.
"You're an emotional guy" Gilbert stated. "Don't act like you'd handle it any better"
"B-But" he stammered nervously. "You wouldn't kno-"
"Don't you think we have done our best? I've tried, and so has Roderich and Elizabeta. We hired various psychiatrists and nothing made it better." His voice threatened to break, but he continued. "Do you ever wonder why we're in this mansion and not the other one? It's just a miracle he didn't faint when you introduced yourself to him the first time. I don't know why you think you're so special, but tell me how you can save him unlike everyone else here"
He had a point, but that didn't mean he would give up that easily.
"Unlike you and the others, only me and Ludwig know what we had between us" Feliciano replied with gritted teeth. His fists trembled with anger, he was holding them so tight it hurt. But if that was how Gilbert wanted to act, so be it. "Why did he disappear one day, can you tell me that Gilbert?"
His eyes widened for a split second. His eyes refused to meet his own.
"Why would NOBODY tell me what happened to him either huh? Tell me Gilbert"
Feliciano stepped forward until he was invading Gilbert's personal space, effectively putting pressure on the older man.
Gilbert put up his hands defensively, making an invisible barrier between the two.
"There are circumstances you don't understand, things that made it turn out this way"
"Go on"
"You see, our grandfather was severely ill and on his deathbed. It was an urgent call that summer day and we had to go home abruptly, as the oldest of the two I dragged him with me"
Feliciano's heart sunk."Dragged...?"
"He.." Gilbert took a short pause, rubbing his eyes. "He didn't want to go, he was begging me, fighting me with everything he had in his little body. He pleaded over and over, telling me there was something important he wanted to do first.. but I didn't let him. He cried until his body had nothing more to give"
The hallway was dead silent.
"Our grandpa died and in anger to the situation I refused to become the heir. The heavy responsibility ended up on his shoulders. Despite everything, he never got mad at me for not wanting to inherit the role. In return his entire personality changed and he was left a broken man"
By the time he was done talking, Feliciano was already sobbing. The tears wouldn't stop clouding his vision, along with the anger that raged every inch of him.
"How..." Feliciano cried. "He was just a child. A CHILD"
Gilbert grimaced, looking at him with his ever so tired eyes. "I was only a teenager with a much too big ego. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn't grown enough to know"
He angrily wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop coming. Feliciano understood where he came from, he really did. But right now he couldn't waste more time. Now that he knew what really had happened all those years ago, he couldn't let Ludwig be alone for a single second more.
Gilbert moved out of the way without saying anything else, knowing there wasn't anything left to tell. What began as steps of disbelief, quickly became full on sprinting. Every step left the ever so distinctive creaks, but nothing could distract his eyes that was locked on the door in the deepest parts of the hall. No matter how fast he ran, the door just wasn't nearing quick enough.
During Ludwig's entire childhood, people couldn't come close and therefore left him alone. Because it was easier to assume he would figure it out than to understand his pain. It's easier to not do anything than to try and fail over and over again. However, that going to stop now. Feliciano wasn't going to let him suffer any longer on his own. He had promised that, and so far he was failing miserably at keeping the promise.
The door was within reach and he opened it, panting hard as he stood in the doorway.
"Ludwig.." he choked out, his eyes immediately gazing towards the ground.
All alone he had been laying in the fetal position, clutching his head and shaking. Ludwig was in no shape to be left on his own, evident by the total lack of ability to secure himself. Instead of laying on the bed, he was laying on the floor.
He spared no time running over and falling down to his knees, first attempting to gently shake Ludwig and assessing the situation. His face was damp, the same way he would be during a night terror. He was mumbling to himself, and despite his attempts on freeing Ludwig's hands, they were strong and wouldn't budge.
Thinking quickly he grabbed the slightly stiff, but large cover from the bed, laying it on the ground next to Ludwig.
"Please excuse me for dragging you in your expensive suit, but you can't lay on the cold ground" Feliciano apologized as he attempted to slide the much heavier man from the floor and on to the cover. It was hard to get a good grip, but after a lot of struggling he was fully on the cover. It wasn't much, but it was at least better than the musty old carpet and the cold floor.
Next he grabbed the warm-looking, fluffy duvet from the bed and brought it down to him. Despite the position Ludwig was laying in, he somehow managed to open the suit jacket and loosen up the shirt beneath. Afterward he grabbed the softest pillow from the bed and positioned it under his head, as best as he could.
"Ludwig?" Feliciano asked softly as he touched his head, gently moving around strands of hair. He managed to grab one of Ludwig's hands and took it in his own. If only a little, it seemed like his body relaxed slightly. His mumbling became louder and in a futile attempt Feliciano lowered down to his face, hoping to catch any of the words he said.
"Itali.."
Feliciano's heart skipped a beat. He waited a little, but Ludwig didn't say anything else.
"Did you say Italy?" Feliciano asked him.
No response. It couldn't be..?
"Italia to The Holy Rom-" Feliciano whispered to his ear.
The reaction was immediate as his body moved suddenly, almost scaring Feliciano.
"I-Italien?" Ludwig called out, confirming Feliciano's hunch. He looked very much asleep from his point of view, as if he never said anything seconds before.
He gave Ludwig's hand a light squeeze of the biggest relief in his life. "Ja, ich bin es Italien" he confirmed, trying his best to pronounce the words he hadn't said in years. "Are you awake?" he asked, studying his lack of facial expression.
"Huh!?"
His hand was being squeezed back, making him look away from their hands and down instantly. His deep, ocean blue eyes were looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. Without a chance to even comprehend what was happening, he was forcefully pulled down by his chest, held tightly in place with pure force. Ludwig was silent, but to say he was okay was far from the truth. With every few seconds a new wave of tremors would wreck through his entire body. Recognizing the motion, Feliciano came to realize he was most definitely crying, but being hugged so tightly made it difficult for him to get a proper look.
"Ludwig?"
"You're finally here" Ludwig whispered. "Please don't go"
With every word, his arms were shaking noticeably despite growing tired. Without telling him, Feliciano knew his body yearned to not be alone in the suffering, which he had experienced too much. Therefore Feliciano couldn't help but melt fully into his touch, because he wanted Ludwig to be safe, and feel safe.
"I won't leave until you're ready" he promised, nodding into his chest as proof. Feliciano managed to wiggle one arm free and accessing Ludwig's back, resting his hand in a comfortable place by the neck. With every body wrecking tremble, Feliciano tried to soothe the pain by stroking the base of his hair, and every so often making imaginary trails down parts of his back. His position allowed Feliciano to listen to his heartbeat. His chest was rapidly rising and falling, making the heartbeat loud and clear. The skin was slightly clammy, but that wasn't a problem for Feliciano at all.
After a while that was both too short and eternities long, Ludwig had sufficiently calmed down. Feliciano had at some point fallen asleep, but awoke to the pressure lessening around his body. The release made it possible for him to move away from the chest and take a good look at him, and before he knew it, his amber eyes were only inches away from the glazed ones.
"I never got to tell you" Ludwig mumbled. "I never meant to leave, I promise. I didn't want to leave, I really didn't want to go. I promise, please..." he begged with a weak voice. His eyes were wet from the crying earlier, also evident by the reddening.
Feliciano couldn't help but look lovingly at the man. "I know you didn't... are you awake?" he tried asking for a third time, hoping for a different result than last time. Instead his gaze was faded and empty, almost as if Ludwig wasn't there. No matter how much he spoke or touched him, he would mumble more inaudible things that were too vague to even remotely guess.
Feliciano scratched his head in frustration, because it couldn't be good to stay engulfed in a subconscious state too long.
"Are you there, Holy Roman Empire?" he repeated, remembering it made him respond earlier. His hands were stroking Ludwig's face to add some stimulation.
"Italien..?" was the next coherent word that came out of Ludwig's mouth. And at that point Feliciano knew.
He really had regressed to that summer.
That fateful summer, the reality awakening day his brain had replayed over and over again, with every painful twist and turn.
"Are you upset... I left?" Ludwig eventually said with slurred speech, really not understanding he was in the far present. He gave a melancholic look, and Feliciano looked back at him apologetically.
"I was very sad... I missed you so much, but you're here now" Feliciano answered honestly, almost choking on his own words. "You're right here with me"
Ludwig lifted a weak hand, softly touching a strand of hair that was hanging in front of Feliciano's face.
"Italien..." Ludwig said, trailing off. His eyes revealed an exhausted look, to which Feliciano understood.
The entire day he had been experiencing tremendous mental stress to the point of his brain being a jumbled mess. But it was fine Feliciano thought, he had been an emotional wreck himself. The two of them laying on the floor, speaking and resolving trauma was needed.
"Hey" Feliciano nudged, making sure he was still aware. Ludwig had closed his eyes from fatigue.
"Mhm? Ludwig hummed.
Feliciano was laying on his side, studying him in his rawest form. He was speaking to the subconscious mind of Ludwig after all.
"You never learned my real name" Feliciano said. "And I never learned your name either, we always talked in nicknames after all" His head was resting on a propped up arm, gauging for a reaction once again.
It took a moment before Ludwig responded.
He opened his eyes slowly. "That's... true" Ludwig admitted, looking a little flustered. "I... was too shy to ask"
Feliciano giggled. "That's very much like you though. I thought you hated me the first time we met, you really had an intense gaze" Feliciano jokingly recalled.
"No- No" Ludwig stuttered with a grimace. "I- ah"
Feliciano stretched out a reassuring hand to his shoulder. "We warmed up eventually"
Ludwig nodded slightly. His face was tinted pink in the most innocent way. "What.. is your real name?" Ludwig asked with precious innocence, genuinely curious. His fingers were messing with a button on the duvet.
In a heartbeat Feliciano removed the hand from his shoulder to find his hand and shook it.
"Nice to meet you Holy Roman Empire, my most beloved name is Italy, but the name I was born with was Feliciano. Feliciano Vargas." Feliciano said with the most sincere smile. His amber eyes closed as his cheeks got red. It was a bit embarrassing, but that's how he wished he got to introduce himself.
Ludwig's eyes widened. "Feliciano.. what a beautiful name" he repeated, as if his mouth was filled with the sweetest of honey. "You really were a boy, I wasn't sure" Ludwig said, visibly embarrassed from confessing that.
Feliciano's mouth fell open.
"You thought I was a girl!?" Feliciano laughed. "I knew I was cute, but a- a girl!?" He was really speechless. That did explain why he refused to bathe with him naked though..
After regaining composure Ludwig in turn shook his hand back, although it lacked a lot of confidence compared to Feliciano's introduction. "M-My nickname might be Holy Roman Empire, but my born name is Ludwig. Ludwig Beilschmidt"
Feliciano grinned. "So very nice to meet you Ludwig"
"Same to you, Feliciano" he agreed. He had a vague smile, but the fatigue had caught up to him.
Feliciano stood up before Ludwig had a chance to really pass out. "Ludwig, take my hands please. There is a very comfortable bed here, I think you should lay there"
Without saying anything else, Ludwig let himself be helped up and crawled into the much too large bed. Feliciano gave him the pillow, and once it was under his head it was as a light went out. He slumped into it and began breathing in slow, controlled breaths.
Before leaving the room, he removed Ludwig's shoes and hung up his dress jacket, that somehow had been peeled off while they still were on the floor. He put the duvet properly over him and brushed some hairs away from his face. Although he really resembled his younger days when his bangs fell forward, that wasn't Ludwig now. The man he had come to love would have it slicked back, so he tried his best to make those pesky hairs behave, mostly to no avail.
--
He closed the door carefully behind him. The odds of waking him up were slim, but it didn't hurt to be sure.
"So how did it go?" a much too loud voice said, startling Feliciano to the core.
"UWAH" Feliciano yelped loudly while covering his head, thinking there was a ghost or some kind of demon. But in front of the door was not only one person, but three.
He looked at Gilbert, Roderich and Elizabeta with big eyes and a much too fast heartbeat. "You guys tried to kill me just now" Feliciano breathed out, clutching a hand to his chest. "How long have you guys been here?" he said in a hushed voice, really not wanting to disturb Ludwig.
"You guys were in there for a few hours, that's all we know" Gilbert shrugged. "I need to know how my precious lil' bro is" He put a hand on his hip and acted ridiculous. Elizabeta punched him in the side, causing him to fall to his knees.
"Don't mind him- how is Ludwig?" She asked with furrowed brows and a concerned tone, not minding Gilbert at all.
Feliciano couldn't help but sigh, he was really tired and wanted to nap himself.
"We talked... I guess"
"So Ludwig's awake?" Roderich questioned.
"Well duh he was awake what do you think Roddy? What did you talk about?" Gilbert shot in, before Elizabeta stabbed him in his side again.
She cleared her throat. "Is he coherent?"
The barrage of questions made him even more tired.
"It's.. hard to explain"
--
"The child from my dreams... that always tried to tell me"
Feliciano cocked his head slightly. "The child?"
Ludwig gently shook his head. "To be honest, I never could remember the dream. Today is the first time I realize that the child I saw, the child I never could see the face of, was... you" Ludwig concluded, a pinkish hue was taking place in his face. "It's like the you from the past tried to tell me all along"
"You never forgot me, in the same way I had never forgotten you.. yet we didn't know we had found each other. How bittersweet" Feliciano murmured, stroking Ludwig's hand.
After explaining the situation to the gang outside, they all apologized to Feliciano and for the trouble it had caused. He forgave them, as long as they promised to not hide anything else of importance. And lastly, they also had to say sorry to Ludwig. More he couldn't demand.
Ludwig was still in bed, and Feliciano sat next to him keeping company.
"I hope your night terrors won't continue" Feliciano expressed with worry, wondering how it would be onward.
"I wonder..." Ludwig pondered. "I don't worry too much.. have you to help at least" he said, scratching his face with embarrassment.
He nodded fiercely. "Of course! I'm never letting you go, I love you so much" Feliciano beamed, patting his hand eagerly.
Ludwig couldn't hide his blushing, only to close his eyes and nod.
"So..."
"Hmm?"
"Am... I still your butler?" Feliciano questioned. "Butler boyfriend? Boyfriend butler?"
"You're my equal" Ludwig said. "I don't think it would be appropriate for that to continue"
"Eeh?" Feliciano said worryingly. "Are you firing me? Do I have to move home? Is this how you want to end things?"
"Wha-"
"I thought you loved me" Feliciano cried, already wiping it on Ludwig's duvet.
"No-" Ludwig stuttered. "You're not going anywhere?"
"Huh" he stopped. "You're.. not fed up with me?" Feliciano asked teary eyed.
Ludwig couldn't help but look dumbfounded at him.
"I want you to live with me... in the mansion" Ludwig repeated, looking carefully at the crying Italian in front of him. "As my partner... and not my underling"
Despite the tears and snot, Feliciano smiled again.
"Oh my, you still love me!" he said happily.
Ludwig resisted the urge to hide his face as it felt hot. "I-I love you very much"
In turn Feliciano blushed deeply. "I'm so happy you feel better" he finally said.
He nodded.
"Let's make lots of new and happy memories together, okay?"
"Yeah"
-------
Oh my god it has reached an end....... ÆÆ. I should have read through it one extra time... but I'm tired and I have a bachelor to write. So excuse the awkward writing at times-
I am so thankful for you reading this far, and despite me using over a YEAR to write this fic, I have learned a lot.
Although this is "an end" I might add extra stuff, I have at least two different things I want to write. This fic is my first proper baby, and I have never written anything like this before. I still recall several comments that I've read from AO3 and it warms my heart so much.
I will take my leave... until next time <3