Before i start this i just want to apologize for everything, i hope you'll still love me at the end of this update....SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN AND I AINT READY FOR IT EITHER. might be some triggering but i mean , this entire book can be triggering...
Behold the tissues, you'll need them
It took Ashton no effort what soever to climb into his bedroom, he was used to slipping through his bedroom window , it happened way to often but he wasn't in any mood of complaining.
Ashton slipped through the window and landed swiftly on both of his feet inside of his bedroom and quickly undressed himself , throwing on a t-shirt and some sweats and ruffled his messy hair just to make it even messier , like he had just woken up.
Ashton decided that it was late enough to go down for breakfast, it was saturday after all so his parent's did not expect him downstairs in the early morning, Ashton walked down the stairs praying that they hadn't noticed that he had been gone almost the entire day and night.
In complete silence Ashton walked inside of the kitchen, his parents and siblings sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast, he mumbled a 'morning' that was barley noticeable as he made himself a bowl of cereal.
Ashton sat down at the table and ate quietly, well until his father decided to speak "so Ashton, had a good night rest?" his dad asked and Ashton's movements stopped for a moment before humming but before he could even get the spoon to his mouth his dad replied "then why was your bed empty" his dad stated and Ashton knew he was fucked.
Ashton stirred his cereal with his spoon as he swallowed hard "better question, where did you sleep?" his dad said and from the corner of his eyes he saw his mum take both of their siblings out of the room.
Ashton swallowed again 'i slept over at a friends house" he said , his voice was shaking but he didn't stutter maybe he could get himself out of this one "a friends house you say?" his dad said and there was something in his tone that was off, Ashton knew he knew "so do you happen to have sex with your 'friends?" his dad spat and Ashton's eyes widened.
His dad's gaze was locked on Ashton's collar bone and neck that was covered with fresh hickeys, Ashton stared at his bowl of cereal , he was caught red handed and he had no time to even explain as his dad shot up from his chair and slammed his hands furiously on the table "speak " his dad shouted and he was pretty sure the entire house had heard him.
Ashton kept his head down "i-i-i-i" Ashton tried to get the words out of his mouth, he really tried but the words just kept getting stuck in his throat. "you're a disgrace to this family" his dad shouted and Ashton could feel his throat swell up "you're a disgusting fag , you can't do anything right can you? "
Ashton was quiet while tears streamed down his face quickly, his dad stood up and pulled him from his chair "look at me" his dad screamed and Ashton's gaze slowly met his fathers. The look his father gave him was so cold and cruel he just wanted to crawl in a hole and never get out
"school called, you've been skipping and you're failing your classes care to explain? or were you to busy fucking your friends" his dad's hands grabbed his color, lifting him from the floor slightly "you probably have sex with them for drugs like the disgusting fag you are"
Ashton felt like he couldn't breath as his dad tightened his grip on his color , his vision was blurry "you shouldn't have been born , you're a disgrace to this family " his dad harshly shoved him away causing Ashton to stumble into a drawer, pain immediately shot through his body as he let out a yelp while his dad just stormed away.
Ashton was left clinging to the drawer he had just collided with, tears in his eyes and his throat swollen up making it hard for him to breath. The curly haired boy pushed himself up right and stumbled out of the kitchen, clutching his side in pain , it honestly felt like he had broken a rib it hurts like hell.
Ashton tried to control his breathing and hold back the sobs as he passed his mum, he couldn't even look her in the eyes, knowing she also thought that he was a disgrace , that he was worthless, that's what everyone thought.
After the young boy had dragged himself upstairs he stumbled into his room , after he had closed the door he let himself fall down against the wall. Ashton slid down the wall slowly, sobs escaping his lips as he broke down.
Tears rolled uncontrollably down his cheeks , his sobs got a bit louder as he did no attempt to even wipe the tears away. His dad was right he was a disgrace , why couldn't he be like a normal teenager, like girls, get good grades and be smart why couldn't he just be normal and make his parents proud.
Why couldn't Ashton be the perfect son, the perfect older brother that his siblings look up to, no he was just a disgrace, he only brought his family shame. He wishes he could just like girls like he did with boys, he wishes that he could feel the same around girls as he feels around boys.
Don't get him wrong because girls are pretty but he loved boys, their sharp jaws and rough lips that were so much bigger and fuller than girls's lips. He loved being held by someone and not holding someone he loved feeling protected in someone's arms and he just loved cöcks, there's nothing he could do about it.
At these moments Ashton just wises he had someone , someone that would hold him while he felt this way, someone that he could call whenever and wherever like you see in movies or read in books, but this wasn't a movie or a book, this was real life and his life sucked.
At this moment Ashton really wishes Luke was here, he was so good at calming him down and making him feel better , he would hold him and whisper that everything will be alright, he would shush him and press small kisses to his hair while he would rub his back or arm in comfort.
But Luke wasn't here because life sucks , there was somehow a way. Ashton slipped his phone out of his pocket and dialed Luke's number without a second thought. He tried to calm down his breathing and sobs as he listened to his phone.
The phone beeped for some time until he got Luke's dial tone, maybe he was just to late or did not hear his phone ringing , so Ashton typed in the number again with shaky fingers and pressed the call button again only to hear it go to dial tone immediately.
Ashton let out a loud sob , was Luke ignoring him? he quickly sent out a text saying
To Lukey: "please Luke, i really need you right now"
Ashton watched the small circle going round before turning into a 'sent' sign and within even a second it was read but Luke never answered and it hurt , fuck it hurts because he really needed him right now and did all those times that he needed him and Ashton would be at his doorstep minutes later not mean anything?
Ashton's head was spinning and jumping to conclusions as he felt himself getting a panic attack even with his medication all of this was to much for him to handle.
Ashton's hands started to shake and his body started to feel heavy and jelly like, his throat started to swell even more to the part that his breathing was becoming difficult, Ashton tried so hard to do what his psychologist had learned him , he really tried to control his breathing but he could feel himself loosing it.
"Ash" Ashton's head snapped up quickly , in front of him stood his younger brother , there were tears in his eyes to. "Harry" he croaked out as his younger brother stood there right in front of him, why was he standing in front of him he thought his brother hated him.
Harry shuffled from one foot to the other "a-are you okay Ashy?" his brother said in almost a whisper and Ashton had to stay strong so he nodded ,not trusting his voice "it's okay if you're not, i'm sad too" Harry said and Ashton's heart broke at the sight of his younger brother.
"Harry" Ashton croaked out , his parent's had all the right to upset him because he deserved it but his brother? "come here" Ashton croaked out and Harry immediately walked over to Ashton and sat down next to him "they're fighting again, they fight so much" his brother said and Ashton immediately threw his arms around his younger brother.
Harry moved into his lab and Ashton squeezed him tight "they fought yesterday evening when you weren't home, they screamed for hours" he said sniffing into Ashton shirt .It was not fair his brother was only ten , he didn't even understand what the hell was going on.
His bother did not deserve to be in this situation, he was a good kid , always lovely and bubbly the exact opposite of Ashton , he was almost never sad. Ashton let his younger brother cuddle up to him as he tried to shush him.
"I love you Ashy" his brother said and the older boy felt like crying because nobody loved him, nobody had told him he loved him in such a long time and it really made his heart swell because somebody did love him and it meant the world to him.
"Love you too bud" he said as he gave his younger brother a tight squeeze and pecked his forehead "i'm tired" his brother croaked out as he nuzzled his head into the older boys chest "wanna take a nap?" Ashton asked and his brother nodded his head against his chest.
So Ashton got up and walked them both over to the bed, laying his brother on it and getting on the bed too, they both ended up falling asleep cuddling and Ashton didn't feel so alone at home anymore.
Okay i'm so sorry for everything please love me!
I'm sorry if i made anyone cry,i cried...
So thoughts on this chapter? please comment i love it when you guys comment and feel free to vote (bitch vote for me hahah)